I'm so very sorry to hear that. Well done for your improvement. Please, please don't let this set you back. All your improvements must be for YOU, not to impress someone.
Hi mmmm,
I had the belief that any future with my wife I had to"sort myself out".
With Avoidance you look for approval from certain people so yes, originally it was to have a second chance.
I soon realized that any long term progress can only be accomplished on my own. (not to think she's having a bad day and get dragged down, etc all the typical avoidance traits)
I finally feel that I'm an adult with a future, just not with the one I love.
This is like winning truck loads of cash and having no one to spend it on.