would like relationship advice please?

[LazyHermitCrab]

i've been dating this guy for almost a year. this has been my longest, meaningful relationship ever. this guy never cheated on me and i feel like he never would. we're compatible and i've never opened myself up to anyone before but i think religion is about to end it and i don't know how to deal with it. today we hung out and he talked about moving in together in a couple yrs and that was his life plan. all that changed when we watched a certain religious movie together. it pretty much sumed up how a marriage won't work without it. this changed his attitude completely. he told me that the only thing that would break us up is if i didn't convert. i'm not sure what to believe now and i thought he should love me either way. He said he would love me no matter what but what's the point if we're not together? i mean our beliefs don't seem that different how can anyone be exactly the same? I feel like he has been messing with my emotions all this time. After this i told him i would try but still i feel like it's being forced when he said that. ten minutes later he texts me saying he's playing video games while i just feel like crap on the couch. Has anyone been in this situation? maybe he doesn't love me as much as i thought. he's done all the "gentlementally" things but maybe he never meant it. I don't feel any secure feeling with i love you anymore. im so confused and not sure how much more i can take.... sorry this is long.... really. :/

 

[Remus]

Love should be unconditional.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

If you don't want to convert to a religion, then he should respect that. And a relationship doesn't need religion to survive. You could either seek relationship counseling to get some advice on how to get past this if you want to make this work or you can just walk out now and wait for a person who will respect you beliefs and wishes.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

True.... i was actually considering converting someday but when he said that i pretty much lost the point of the relationship.... like why he would even consider for a second of leaving it behind and continue saying i'm his soulmate >.> it feels like lies now and it hurts so much. i guess it just isn't meant to be but i wish it was just a usual 1 month relationship because i thought we could get married someday since it was long but it happens :/

 

[DeadmanWalking]

True.... i was actually considering converting someday but when he said that i pretty much lost the point of the relationship.... like why he would even consider for a second of leaving it behind and continue saying i'm his soulmate >.> it feels like lies now and it hurts so much. i guess it just isn't meant to be but i wish it was just a usual 1 month relationship because i thought we could get married someday since it was long but it happens :/

You'll get your wish someday, promise. You've just got to give it time. You'll meet "that guy" who will accept you (and your wishes) and love you unconditionally. While you wait for that time, why don't you indulge in some of your hobbies and interests? Work on yourself and create a life you're satisfied with.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

You'll get your wish someday, promise. You've just got to give it time. You'll meet "that guy" who will accept you (and your wishes) and love you unconditionally. While you wait for that time, why don't you indulge in some of your hobbies and interests? Work on yourself and create a life you're satisfied with.

Wake up call need more hobbies lol thank you

 

[Agent_Violet]

Love should be unconditional.

I agree. If something like religion can break the relationship then the love isn't really love. When you love someone,you will both bend together to make it work. It isn't about one person doing all the bending and changing to accomodate the other person's desires and lifestyle choices because that's all religion is, a lifestyle choice...he has a choice just like you do.

You both have to decide what to do with that choice and how to move forward together.

 

[hidwell]

Sounds like manipulation to me, just be careful he doesn't hurt you.

 

[Waybuloo]

Explain to him that a person can have faith without subscription to rigid set of socially conditioned criteria, ie, organised religion. You can be religious in your heart without calling yourself a Catholic. If he is so fussed about form over substance then he sounds a bit shallow or weird.

You can ask him what exactly about the concept of being religious that he thinks is important for the survival of a relationship. And maybe make him see that it can exist without the label.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I know athiest/mixed belief/gay couples who have been married longer than my christian friends who married eachother after meeting at church or on religious dating sites.
Marriage works when people are not blinded by their own beliefs and have an open mind about eachother and other people in general-- love eachother unconditionally.


I think you two should spend more time with other couples who are non-religious or mixed beliefs.
Seeing them together/obviously working may help him change his mind.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

It depends if you really believe in his particular faith. Did you study it? Is it really something that YOU want. If not, DON'T DO IT! If he can't accept that, then adios!