Worried.

[schist]

Right, so a few weeks ago, I was experiencing a particularly baneful episode of anxiety/paranoia and I ill-advisedly ended up taking most of my frustrations out on a close friend of mine. I apologized to her over SMS (I was going to do it in person earlier in the day, but she was always surrounded by people, and I don't want everyone knowing about our private business), but she never replied. So I had to confront her in person about it the next day - I basically told her that what I'd done was a dick move, and that I genuinely was sorry for how I acted. She said that she accepted my apology and that we were cool now, but she hadn't said a word to me for the next week or so, until I had to convince her again that I truly cared for her and that she really was important to me. From then, we made it a point to continue our association as it was before, and how it always should have been.

Now here's the tricky part. Things are back to normal, sure, but I can't help but feel like I have been pushed aside either way. She never really seems to talk to me unless she has to now, and I subsequently feel awkward about trying to put the required effort in to salvage our friendship. Now I know some of you will say "if you really care about her, you'll keep trying to make things better", but frankly it doesn't mean s**t if it's all one-sided. I hate to admit it, but I feel like what was once a glorious and prospering friendship has devolved into a mere friendship of convenience.

So what should I do? Should I kill the friendship, or still keep faith in it?

 

[Beatrice]

I would talk to her about it again and mention what you just told us - how you feel she's treating you. If she's really your friend, she'll apologize and set things straight. If not, well, why keep trying? She clearly is already done with you (sorry if that sounds harsh), so why keep pretending? I didn't mean that i in a rude way - I'm just saying, that is what would go through my own head if it were me. That this girl obviously doesn't care about me any more, and I'm the only one worrying about this "friendship" - so time to move on to others who do care (though, given the fact that this is a SA site, I know this task is not exactly easy...)

Hope I helped :/

 

[Remus]

I think it depends on how you took out your frustrations on her. What exactly did you do?

 

[schist]

Well we do still joke around and that, and she sent me a message a couple of weeks back saying it was "good to have you back " - but I'm honestly not so sure how much of any of this she really means.

As for what I did, it's a long story that really cannot be eloquently put into words. Suffice to say that it involved me feeling like she didn't really care for me anymore, and me deleting her number from my phone and her Facebook page from my friends list. She confronted me about it asking why, and I told her that she'd been acting strange and distant towards me. She told me that she had a million things on her plate at the time - I knew this, yet it doesn't quite explain everything.

 

[SPV]

Well we do still joke around and that, and she sent me a message a couple of weeks back saying it was "good to have you back " - but I'm honestly not so sure how much of any of this she really means.

As for what I did, it's a long story that really cannot be eloquently put into words. Suffice to say that it involved me feeling like she didn't really care for me anymore, and me deleting her number from my phone and her Facebook page from my friends list. She confronted me about it asking why, and I told her that she'd been acting strange and distant towards me. She told me that she had a million things on her plate at the time - I knew this, yet it doesn't quite explain everything.

That was a really bad move you did there. You should've at least talked to her about it before doing all these crazy things. Any way glad that everything worked out between you two. Seems like everything's looking up for now.

 

[twiggle]

Well we do still joke around and that, and she sent me a message a couple of weeks back saying it was "good to have you back " - but I'm honestly not so sure how much of any of this she really means.

As for what I did, it's a long story that really cannot be eloquently put into words. Suffice to say that it involved me feeling like she didn't really care for me anymore, and me deleting her number from my phone and her Facebook page from my friends list. She confronted me about it asking why, and I told her that she'd been acting strange and distant towards me. She told me that she had a million things on her plate at the time - I knew this, yet it doesn't quite explain everything.

You over-exaggerated with your reaction. Deleting somebody from your FB list is very offensive particularly if the person is meant to be one of your closest friends and has not done anything apparent that is wrong...
... but you know that So I won't drum that home anymore. But, whilst she has forgiven you, she's bound to still feel offended by what you did. She might worry that you'll do it again. She might feel like you'll try and give up on the friendship again (and hey presto what are you thinking of doing right now?!) and maybe that's why she's being more reserved with you at the moment. Perhaps she's already preparing herself for the idea that you won't be a friend for much longer.
She obviously doesn't want to lose your friendship, but the fact is that you upset her and so you can't just expect things to be perfect again all of a sudden. These things take time and you need to earn her trust back, that's all.
If you feel like giving up on the friendship already, then that's bad vibes I'm afraid. And she'll notice that.

 

[Hastings & Main]

^ Agree. Don't give up, but don't push too hard getting back in the groove - just keep giving friendship and signs that she can trust you, like volunteer doing something for her, help out with something.
And definitely, from now on, no blow-ups - just count ten (or twenty) and explain how you feel after calming down.
Remember, other people are going through things they don't let on about, and their moods may come off as hostility, anger, indifference etc. when that isn't what they mean at all.

 

[geekyloaner]

Then she did not understand and I had multiple relationships of friends and would tell them I am bi polar and I may blow up. Still it made no difference they acted that way to. It always ended up people knew my problems because of one blow up. A real friend who understands will listen to your blow up give you time and then when apologies-ed to will ask why or make just the same amount of effort back. I was treated poorly when this happened by the person and the friendship never lasted. It would eventually grow distant plus people who get blown up at are usually afraid of you after no matter what they say they are afraid and have lost trust. Same thing happened to my x wife once after a massive blow up I had she became afraid and we grew apart she finally admitted she was and had cheated on me many times. So I ended it pointless to keep trying, but the next friend tell them how you felt if they get freaked from it then yea they will not be friends. Many people talk hard but when a blow up happens they don't know how to handle it and run away. I take people blowing at up at me good. They can cuss scream try to hit me and I will wait and let them get calm and then talk to them after words. I am a friend and care for my friends which is one and he is my cousin. If I had a dollar for every time my cousin went off on me I would be rich and vice versa. Most people out of this type of group we are in usually do get it. Are willing to help you with this the reason we all have something in common. Most people don't see us a common people so avoid us but if I was there I wouldn't avoid you I would say hey lets go eat man. Thats just me though.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Just stay her friend if you like her, show her that you care if you feel like it, and let the water flows under the bridges, time fixes most things - or destroys it - either way it brings it back to what it's meant to be.

It seems to me that lots of people here expect too much perfection from friendship - maybe it's just me.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Just stay her friend if you like her, show her that you care if you feel like it, and let the water flows under the bridges, time fixes most things - or destroys it - either way it brings it back to what it's meant to be.

It seems to me that lots of people here expect too much perfection from friendship - maybe it's just me.

Maybe it is.

N'ah.

hmm, yep, good advice here I think. I think I don't know.

 

[schist]

Yes, but see here's the problem ... I want to take steps to get things back as they were before, without any cause for concern, but I can't. As I said before, I don't exactly feel at ease with putting all the effort in to get things back on track ... I don't like being a giver all the time.

EDIT: Hmmm ... come to think of it, I get the feeling she is done with me ...