Why was I even born?

[andy316]

I have bad SA,OCD and host of other disorders from parents and family,and I always ask myself:why was I born?What is my purpose in life?I am already at a disadvantage here,why was I brought here?

In college now,and people always see me as a weak person(and I still don't know why).They will pick/tease on me non stop,take the piss,whatever you wanna call it.They get amazed when I do/talk certain things,as I never knew them in life.Why is that?

My family are a bunch of low life hypocrites,religious nutcases.My uncle "prays" a lot but at the same time will tease/humiliate me on a lot of things infront of my mom and she won't say a ****ing thing.Great uncle picking on a person who never had a real father(or should I say,abusive all the time) in his life.

Sometimes I won't second guess if I had the chance to even end their miserable life,or ask them why they put me in such a mess.Parents are responsible for their kids 90%,what fault does the kid have if he turned out like that?You see people dumping babies in garbages,goes to show how disgusting human beings are.Seriously,I will not hesitate to end their lives(which would act as a revenge for me,as in "don't ever **** with me".)

 

[Ten]

Well the best thing you can do is get away from people you don't like, so if that's your family you should work on getting out of there. I wouldn't suggest killing them because jail is not a nice place to spend decades in. So unless that would make you the happiest person you can be, I'd suggest working with them or just leaving as soon as you can. When you're away from people you hate, you forget they ever existed.

 

[Hoppy]

It is in the nature of things that children grow up and move away from their families and nothing to be sad about.

The world is big, and maybe you're afraid, but being afraid is better than being angry.

 

[chris11]

I'm sorry. But there is no purpose to your life or to mine--not in the sense that you probally want, anyways. The best that you can hope for is an ephemeral effect on the world around you; that people (or knowledge or w/e) have had their lives (or data bases) enlarged, possibly by providing them with emotional benifit or intellectual stimulation (ambiguities all intenentional). Really, life sucks with an anxiety disorder, and you will have to rid yourself of it, or at least learn to cope with it, in order to acomplish anything.

So, start trying to deal with your anxiety in constructive ways by one or more of the following methods:
1. Buy a self help book (i'de suggest The feeling good handbook (lame I know, but it's effective)) and actually go through the reading and do the exercises. THe exercises are particularilly important, as are the logs, so you must perform them every day- or every 2nd day if need be.

2. Talk to a therapist. Obviously you're living with your family and arn't going to be able to afford to go see one on your own. So, you're going to have to tell your parents that you think you have an anxiety disorder and want to get treatment. My parents didn't want to believe me at first, but after I got checked out by a doctor who recomended me to to see a therapist and a psych, they were convinced, and paid for the sessions with a combination of insureance and their own money.
Keep in mind that you don't really have to tell your parents much more beyond this--I certainly didn't. Just that you're keeping up with what your therapist has requested of you.

3. This has significant overlap with number 2. If you go see a doctor, he will most likly suggest antidepressants, or the therapist will if you go this far. Take them. They work, but they are best used in conjunction to the therapy its self.

Anyways, good luck. Please don't become a murder. If you kill your family, you'll life will have no hope of being anything useful to society, or yourself- due to a fact that you'll be locked up in prision for 20-30years, which will ruin any chance you have of getting an education. Prision is also not a good place for someone with an anxiety disorder. Also, if you think that the 'dont **** with me [or i'll kick the **** out of you]' mentality is a good one, it's not; it's irrational and vain and childish and, most of all, dangerous to your saftey.

by now you're thinking " I don't need your lecture-you can go **** yourself." In case your not, then that's good. But just remember: people have different ways of coping with anxiety. Some become violent, others become pensive. Both are incredibly stressful, but the latter is the only one that exercises what you need to exercise to be rid of your anxiety.

Good luck.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

I have bad SA,OCD and host of other disorders from parents and family,and I always ask myself:why was I born?What is my purpose in life?I am already at a disadvantage here,why was I brought here?

Let me tell you what has helped me in life when I was at my worst:

Acknowledge your lot in life, accept it, and start trying to dig and unearth different revelations about yourself. If you can start to understand yourself better, then you can start the process of recovery, even if that process is a long one. In the end you will be grateful you did. Knowledge is power.

Start to "find" yourself. What are you good at? What creativity lies within you that you may not even be aware of? Cultivate and expand these things in your life. Search for all of the things in life that you like or enjoy, and focus on them like a laser beam. For one small example, I realized I loved to draw, so I focused heavily on this and started to see my creativity and talent grow. The growth of this creativity has now greatly enriched my life.

Anger and depression, while understandable, cannot be your only focus; otherwise you will reap the negative and very costly results of those things. It will only grow and continue to destroy you.

Life and the mind have often been compared to a garden; and rightfully so in my opinion. Everything you plant starts with a seed. And that seed will start to grow every day if you have the patience and the will to cultivate it. That goes for all things positive and negative. If your anger has grown from a seed to a larger tree in your life, then uproot it, stop focusing on it, and start planting new ones. Again, it will take a while but you will see results. Take a while and start to write down the things you would like to plant in life. Goals, creative talents, psychological victories, etc. and then start to focus greatly on the small steps you can do to cultivate these things and make progress to help them grow.

In college now,and people always see me as a weak person(and I still don't know why).They will pick/tease on me non stop,take the piss,whatever you wanna call it.They get amazed when I do/talk certain things,as I never knew them in life.Why is that?

Because people will use others as an opportunity to show their own power if they sense weakness in them. Make steps to grow your self-esteem and self-worth by reading books, writing your thoughts in a journal, etc. Start to realize that loving yourself will take time but it is absolutely critical. How you feel about yourself is projected to other people. If you love yourself, people will gravitate towards you. If you hate yourself, people will not gravitate towards you. And love is a verb, it is a conscious action to care for yourself, your well being, and to want to see the best from yourself.

My family are a bunch of low life hypocrites,religious nutcases.My uncle "prays" a lot but at the same time will tease/humiliate me on a lot of things infront of my mom and she won't say a ****ing thing.Great uncle picking on a person who never had a real father(or should I say,abusive all the time) in his life.

The hallmark of a Christian is love. Which includes humility and compassion. If your uncle is not showing these things to you, then he is not practicing Christianity. But I would say whoever is spreading negativity towards yourself, you need to cut them out of your life. Life is too short to have people keep you down.

Sometimes I won't second guess if I had the chance to even end their miserable life,or ask them why they put me in such a mess.Parents are responsible for their kids 90%,what fault does the kid have if he turned out like that?You see people dumping babies in garbages,goes to show how disgusting human beings are.Seriously,I will not hesitate to end their lives(which would act as a revenge for me,as in "don't ever **** with me".)

Killing someone out of revenge is the ultimate and final result of a life overflowing with anger. The Bible says that vengeance is the Lord's. I would say to just trust that life will take care of those who spread hurt and negativity, and simply start to work on yourself. I've heard it said many times that being angry at someone is just letting them live in your head rent-free. Don't let them continue to haunt you by letting it boil within you. Try to get away from them with no contact, and start your life over, so to speak. Start doing all the things which you never could have because of negative influences.

 

[R3K]

if people are bullying/making fun of you, you should try to learn how to stick up for yourself without using violence. part of bullying is getting a violent response out of the victim so the bulliers can laugh and enjoy the display even more. can't give them what they want.

do what you gotta do to become independent so you can start gravitating away from your abusive family.

 

[Azael]

I have bad SA,OCD and host of other disorders from parents and family,and I always ask myself:why was I born?What is my purpose in life?I am already at a disadvantage here,why was I brought here?

In college now,and people always see me as a weak person(and I still don't know why).They will pick/tease on me non stop,take the piss,whatever you wanna call it.They get amazed when I do/talk certain things,as I never knew them in life.Why is that?

My family are a bunch of low life hypocrites,religious nutcases.My uncle "prays" a lot but at the same time will tease/humiliate me on a lot of things infront of my mom and she won't say a ****ing thing.Great uncle picking on a person who never had a real father(or should I say,abusive all the time) in his life.

Sometimes I won't second guess if I had the chance to even end their miserable life,or ask them why they put me in such a mess.Parents are responsible for their kids 90%,what fault does the kid have if he turned out like that?You see people dumping babies in garbages,goes to show how disgusting human beings are.Seriously,I will not hesitate to end their lives(which would act as a revenge for me,as in "don't ever **** with me".)

And you feel that adopting this negative stance is justifiable? It's the same mentality that produces a large number of things that you purportedly hate.

 

[SilentBird]

My parents chose to have children.

Would I choose to be born???

 

[Rainbow Brite]

"post removed"

 

[hangbi92]

Andy, I used to asked myself the same question too. I have all the problems that you mentions. But you're born for a reason. You are born to find the answer to that question. I am finding it too, maybe I'm a little bit ahead of you, but we'll reach the goal in the end.
I wish you the best of luck.

 

[OceanMist]

Personally, I totally disagree with the nurture blaming thing. I do sympathize that some people that were sexually abused as a child, but even that is something that must be accepted and then they need to move on with their life.

It doesn't help to say poor me, mommy didn't love me. My parents weren't very good parents but I place zero blame on them for the way I am. I made bad choices in my life and I take responsiblity for those choices. Genetics screwed me over way more than my parents did. All of that stuff is pointless to worry about though.

The only thing that matters is making the best of now, and blaming others won't get you anywhere.

 

[Rainbow Brite]

"post removed"

 

[Azael]

Genetics screwed you over more? Do you understand genetics? It does not and can NEVER define who you become. The genetics argument falls flat on it's face ten out of ten times. Nurture has the largest possible impact on your development. That is where virtually all of these issues stem from; bad parenting that impedes your emotional and psychological development. Genertics plays no role in that unfortunately. I challenge anyone to prove otherwise.

 

[Iluv]

I just asked myself that today! I said to myself "I didn't chose to be born, why do I have to be pushed to do things I don't want to do? Why can't I make my own decisions!" These are great questions to get your brain going
They really make you wonder. Nobody picks who they are born to, what year they are born in, what family members they get (which family loves to remind us about) and how our brains will cognitively function in society. That's why if we don't learn to adapt, we just flat out fall. We have to cope with things we don't like because sometimes we can't get away from them. Eventually yes we can when we get older we can drive as far away from them as we can but we will always be linked back if we don't deal with them now.

Oh yeah and BTW the whole 'Nurture vs. Nature' argument, don't even bother with it. Genetics don't create who you are, you create who you are.

 

[dottie]

you are college-age and living in a household of people who abuse you? time to move out. that would be the ultimate way to show them who is in charge and boost your own confidence.

 

[andy316]

Personally, I totally disagree with the nurture blaming thing. I do sympathize that some people that were sexually abused as a child, but even that is something that must be accepted and then they need to move on with their life.

It doesn't help to say poor me, mommy didn't love me. My parents weren't very good parents but I place zero blame on them for the way I am. I made bad choices in my life and I take responsiblity for those choices. Genetics screwed me over way more than my parents did. All of that stuff is pointless to worry about though.

The only thing that matters is making the best of now, and blaming others won't get you anywhere.

I find your stance interesting.

Genetics?I doubt genetics plays any role here.That is only taking the cheap excuse.

Nurturing is important,probably the most important in your development.I shouldn't blame them,Why?Are you telling me they are god's gift of people and whatever they do is ok and I will go along with it?My mom used to overprotect me to the point of my house being a prison,and used to be suicidal all the time.A narcissistic personality,and very mean and abusive sometimes.You are telling me that's everything that happened to me is my fault?

Everyone here has anxiety,and that ruins their lives a lot.Poor social skills,fear of the outside,no people to hang out with and alone most of time.Are you telling me thats their fault,or their parents that screwed them up at first?

If I had that freedom,and parents who were not screwed up to begin with,I guarantee I would have been a completely different person by now.Genetics don't do **** here.

You sound like you made most of your own decisions in life and had parents who were "normal".If that's the case and your here,then thats your fault.You failed to take advantage of that situation early on,and now you are paying the price.No,you shouldn't blame your parents since they were alright to begin with.

 

[Lexington]

Because people will use others as an opportunity to show their own power if they sense weakness in them.
Life is too short to have people keep you down.

I've heard it said many times that being angry at someone is just letting them live in your head rent-free. Don't let them continue to haunt you by letting it boil within you. .

I think I need to follow this advice too!

 

[OceanMist]

QUOTEandy316;578400I find your stance interesting.

Genetics?I doubt genetics plays any role here.That is only taking the cheap excuse.

I think genetics play a role for almost everyone on this site. Most people who have bad SA often have a parent or two with an anxiety problem.

Like I said, though, that's something that should be forgotten and we need to make the best of our lives. Saying poor me, bad genetics....that's a waste of time.

Nurturing is important,probably the most important in your development.I shouldn't blame them,Why?Are you telling me they are god's gift of people and whatever they do is ok and I will go along with it?My mom used to overprotect me to the point of my house being a prison,and used to be suicidal all the time.A narcissistic personality,and very mean and abusive sometimes.You are telling me that's everything that happened to me is my fault?

You misunderstood my post. I wasn't saying everything is anyone's fault.

I was saying that blaming other people for your problems won't get you anywhere. Having overprotective, abusive parents is definitely something that can be overcome. My parents were the same way. I don't blame them a lick for the way I am.

Everyone here has anxiety,and that ruins their lives a lot.Poor social skills,fear of the outside,no people to hang out with and alone most of time.Are you telling me thats their fault,or their parents that screwed them up at first?

Once again, it's not their fault. Their parents may have had some to do with it, but I still don't buy into the nurture thing.

The blaming thing is the problem. Once we start being a victim, we lose the ability to forge ahead. It's easy to point the finger and then stand idle. The problem is that isn't living. If we are suffering, instead of complaining, we need to do something about it.

If I had that freedom,and parents who were not screwed up to begin with,I guarantee I would have been a completely different person by now.Genetics don't do **** here.

I'm sorry but I disagree with you. I don't think you are the way you are because of your parents' actions.

You sound like you made most of your own decisions in life and had parents who were "normal".If that's the case and your here,then thats your fault.You failed to take advantage of that situation early on,and now you are paying the price.No,you shouldn't blame your parents since they were alright to begin with.

My parents are far from normal. My mom is a severe narcissist and both of them were overprotective nazis. They sent me to military school just to give you an idea of how hardcore they are.

What the heck are you talking about? I just said I don't blame my parents. Why did you conclude your post with me blaming my parents?

The whole point I was making was to not blame people. The point is to move on with our lives and try to enjoy our lives the best we can instead of blaming people.

Like I said, you misunderstood my first post. What price am I paying exactly? I am steadily improving and for the first time in 4 years I'm trying to revisit my old friends. This site isn't a death trap where failures go. It's a place to get better. You make it seem like this site is for people who failed.

 

[twiggle]

I'll tell you why I was born the day before I die. If I even know that I'm about to die, which I probably won't. So I guess, I'll never know why I was born either. All I do know is that I want to enjoy and make the most of it.

 

[andy316]

Oceanmist,

sorry I misunderstood you there.I was not in the right mood.My apologies.

I understand where you are coming from,and you are right,there is no point blaming them for it.But I do wish someday they get every little pain they gave me when I was young.Some people can handle it and improve,others just can't.It becomes too much for them,or their abuse keeps on going well beyond their adulthood.

We all know we need to improve on our own,but I hate it that it has to be started from negative points.There wasn't even a fair chance at first,and when I see others not having issues like I am,it seriously makes me mad and hate my family even more.