Why do so many people here seem not interested in trying to beat it?

Jim_Bergerac

Jim_Bergerac

1
I don't mean to cause offence to anyone with this post. I know most people here have had their fair share of crap thrown at them and treat badly at times and been really hurt but this forum just seems full of people wanting to dwell on things and feel sorry for themselves rather than people fighting and wanting to overcome it and I am frustrated by the defeatist attitude and huge negativity on this forum.
I feel like there is no point me writing positive pro-active posts on this forum any more because I know I will be lucky if I get more than 2 people replying.
If I write a negative post dwelling on how crap I feel I'll get 100 replies. I just don't understand it because almost all of us are struggling with SA, stuck in a rut doing so little with our lives and people just seem to want to dwell on it and are so negative, so few seem interested in discussing and working on trying to change it.

Dwelling on negatives will not change things, it just brainwashes you further into feeling so down and negative about yourselves, it is the worst thing you can do.

You owe it to yourselves to overcome this. You definitely have to be positive and try develop confidence and positive beliefs into yourself as well as no longer being hurt by the negative judgements that hurt you. So many people here have the potential to be stars and extremely well liked, confident people but the negativity that surrounds them means they aren't giving themselves a chance.

I realise this place isn't for me, I wish everyone all the best.
 
L

Liberty

Banned
Jim_Bergerac said:
I don't mean to cause offence to anyone with this post. I know most people here have had their fair share of crap thrown at them and treat badly at times and been really hurt but this forum just seems full of people wanting to dwell on things and feel sorry for themselves rather than people fighting and wanting to overcome it and I am frustrated by the defeatist attitude and huge negativity on this forum.
I feel like there is no point me writing positive pro-active posts on this forum any more because I know I will be lucky if I get more than 2 people replying.
If I write a negative post dwelling on how crap I feel I'll get 100 replies. I just don't understand it because almost all of us are struggling with SA, stuck in a rut doing so little with our lives and people just seem to want to dwell on it and are so negative, so few seem interested in discussing and working on trying to change it.

Dwelling on negatives will not change things, it just brainwashes you further into feeling so down and negative about yourselves, it is the worst thing you can do.

You owe it to yourselves to overcome this. You definitely have to be positive and try develop confidence and positive beliefs into yourself as well as no longer being hurt by the negative judgements that hurt you. So many people here have the potential to be stars and extremely well liked, confident people but the negativity that surrounds them means they aren't giving themselves a chance.

I realise this place isn't for me, I wish everyone all the best.
Click to expand...

I agree there is a lot of negativity but I don't think it means this whole place is bad. In general, this is likely a place for people with these problems to express themselves and to realize they aren't the only one feeling this way or living with these issues.

Seeking positive change is extremely difficult and discouraging. It's hard. But I think most here have that as their eventual aim. I know I do.
 
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J

jimjim

New member
I absolutely agree and I've noticed this for a long time. It almost seems like some people are actually content with living on the internet talking to people about how terrible their life is when really all they want is attention and they'll get it from the internet if they have to. Just know that you're far from curing this thing if you keep that up.
 
N

Nack

Banned
"If you think about it too much, things will get worst." From my experience here, people come here to ask questions, not to dwell on others problems. People need answers and sometimes if one is feeling upbeat and giddy, they'll take the time to help. Otherwise, they won't bother with the negativity cause all it does it makes them feel worst. Sorry that you felt that way, and that the forum didn't help you much. Hope things get better.
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
OP - yes exactly. I've done my share of complaining, especially when I was very down. But it doesn't make me better. There are people saying the "venting" helps them, but for me I would rather say the opposite. I know there is a lot of negativity and not seldom I think I'll leave because it's getting me down, but at the same time there are interesting things and I already know the people who post so it would be hard to leave. I try to filter out the negativity somehow and post rather posts that can be useful and help. I think people should also try to do the same, only complainig leads nowhere.
 
Kustamogen

Kustamogen

Banned
Some people use negativity as a boost as weird as it sounds. I know when I get down on myself at some points it brings me up later on....to try hard....to push myself. It ebbs and flows....I think some negativity is needed to get better!!!

so on a site with a lot of ppl it may seem like constant negativity. I havent really noticed it too much though.
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I'm sure I'm the type of person you were talking about who seems to dwell on the negativity & feel sorry for themselves. I definitely do that. But I, for one, wasn't the least bit offended by your post :). I even agree with a lot of it. In my case, though, I really don't try to "beat it" because I don't think there's much of a chance of doing it at all in my case. I'm doing things to try to better my life, though, even if I'm not actively trying to get rid of the SA. I've had it my entire life & it's gotten no better, despite what I've done to try to make it better. Every thing I've done has made it worse. I still have a slight bit of hope left that I'll get better enough to at least have some type of life, but I don't know if that will happen.

Also, in my case, I don't have the whole "fear of embarrassment or judgment" thing that, according to the definition of social anxiety, is the only problem people with it have. My problem is that I have no idea how to interact with people. I have no idea how to talk to people or what to say, or when to say it & people get mad at me all the time when I do try to talk to them because they misunderstand me or just don't like my personality. I'm hoping I can someday learn how to interact with people & understand them better, but I don't know when or if that will ever happen.

I didn't come on this site to get better. I don't expect a website to help me get better. It's not a therapist, or a psychiatrist, but a website. All I was hoping for when I started posting here was that I would see that I'm not alone. I still feel like an outsider on this website, & all others, because of my lack of experience compared to almost every other member, in almost all areas of life, but it has done that. I do feel less alone & I know that I'm not the only person dealing with this. I think the reason you're not seeing a whole lot of positive posts about people trying to get rid of their SA is because a lot of people realize that a website isn't going to do that. & a lot of people are here to get things off their minds when they're feeling bad. A lot of others very well may have given up the hope of ever getting better. I'm very close to that myself, although I try to hold onto the tiny thread of it that is left.
 
C

chained

1
I think just like u.. and i would reply to some of ur threads.. but im kinda lost.. and i posted a thread asking how many ppl have rly tried to beat their SA.. actually a poll, got like 10 answers, guess that is smthg, guess what the other answers were? :/ i think this site makes people feel as if they can and should keep living life the recluse way they do, it's a comfort zone, yes it helps sometimes, but if u rly look at it, ppl on here can't help u, they can only try to comfort u and u can identify with them, but ur the only person that can help is yourself...if u ever want to talk pm me :)
 
Justas

Justas

1
Filter the stuff you read. Too much positiveness is bad too. I think there has to be balance between negativism and positivism. And for some people nothing will help, it's just their part of them. So maybe venting is the best choice for them.
 
illuminationSP

illuminationSP

1
Yeah, I once posted some inspirational documentaries - absolutely zero replies. If I ask about suicide, nearly 100 replies. But, I'm no one to tell anyone how to cope.
 
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WearyChild

WearyChild

Well-known member
I think its just the simple fact that after so long people just give up. Negativity overflows and a person doesn't know how to be anything but bitter and sarcastic anymore. Why doesn't it seem like anyone is trying to beat it? Most likely they have tried so many times only to end up worse off so they are scared of trying to live again.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Kustamogen said:
Some people use negativity as a boost as weird as it sounds. I know when I get down on myself at some points it brings me up later on....to try hard....to push myself. It ebbs and flows....I think some negativity is needed to get better!!!

so on a site with a lot of ppl it may seem like constant negativity. I havent really noticed it too much though.
Click to expand...

Amen.

Feeling sorry for yourself can actually work for you if you can use it as a motivational lever.

Often times I find that the most productive and rehabilitative moments in my life were directly after heavy bouts with self-pity.

You can really use it to jettison yourself into a more proactive state of mind once you've gotten sick of it.
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
i kind of agree.. i really do understand how the negativity affects me, so i do try to stay positive, and i'm certainly working to overcome this.. but i do see a lot of people on here who just want to complain, and they say "oh i've tried already..." and i just want to say "okay... so you gave up? well good for you, then! i sure hope you like where you're at!" ...negativity and giving up is obviously going to get you nowhere!!

anyway, i see it all going on around here, but i can't just shove my attitude down people's thraots... their recovery has nothing to do with mine, so i just let them be and do my own thing, because i will be better one day.
 
daniel_monster

daniel_monster

Active member
True, but also talking about bad experiences can be very helpful for some people, but with the bad you need to express some good with it. so if you had a bad day instead of dwelling on how horrible it was and leave it at that. perhaps talking about how you got through it to overcome it that bad day no matter how insignifigant you think it is could be very helpful for someone else. This may be easier said than done though.
 
Luke1993

Luke1993

Well-known member
I'm sorry but I can't help feeling sad and negative. I've tried to beat my problems but I just can't. I will try again but if the same thing happens all the time you think you already know what the result will be. It's just too difficult for me, I'm a very weak person.

And yes sometimes I do think I post on here for attention. I don't know why, I shouldn't but I guess I'm just an attention seeker, I really don't want to be but nobody ever listens to me or takes me seriously in real life.

It is difficult to be positive when you don't have much in your life. I will not give up though.
 
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