Why Do People Get Married?

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Silatuyok

Well-known member
I've been contemplating this a lot lately, and not just because of recent political events. The general consensus seems to be that people get married so they can have kids. But what about old people? Or people, like me and my partner, who don't want kids? People who can't have kids? Why is marriage important to them? Is it a social statement? Do people really need that kind of (false) emotional security in their relationships? Or are they just doing it because they really really really want an excuse to spend $24k on a party featuring themselves? If divorce is so prevalent, why is marriage still so freaking important to people?
Don't get me wrong, I think that all people should be able to get married if they want to, regardless of reasons. But I guess I'm just wondering what the motivation is behind it. Does it really all come down to money and property? Honestly, that's the only logical (non-religious) reason I can think of..
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
"Or are they just doing it because they really really really want an excuse to spend $24k on a party featuring themselves?"

*laughs*

I think it's any or all of the reasons you give, and perhaps impossible to generalize.

Most of my married friends married after the birth of their first child, probably as a contract to stick it out for the fifteen to twenty years it will take them to raise it.

But I also know people who did it to shout their love for each other 24k loud. And perhaps to say "our love is as valid and deep as anyone else's".
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
(As an aside which I hope won't derail your thread: what's behind your decision not to have kids? It's something that's come up in conversation for me a few times recently.)
 
bcsr

bcsr

Well-known member
On the practical side, you can receive benefits of being married in the form shared employer insurance, taxes, etc..

I'm not a religious person, but I do want to get married eventually. To me, it's a symbol of your commitment to another person, and of theirs to you. I definitely want kids, but I'm not having any until I'm married and settled down.

I do think people get married much too young, and much too early in a relationship. It's not something to rush. You also don't need to spend a lot of money on a wedding. :)
 
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Flanscho

Flanscho

Well-known member
Most people who get married to do because they think it's socially required. Others marry because of tax benefits. Others marry, because one person wants to rip off the other. Others marry, to allow one person to stay in the country the second one calls home. And so on. Many reasons.
 
thegunners21

thegunners21

Well-known member
I honestly have been thinking the same. Why can't two people just live together without getting married? Marriage is just a formality as far as I see it. To the people saying it's for commitment, divorces nowadays are relatively easy and frequent, so that argument goes out the window.

Also, why does one need to get married to have kids?
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
thegunners21 said:
I honestly have been thinking the same. Why can't two people just live together without getting married? Marriage is just a formality as far as I see it. To the people saying it's for commitment, divorces nowadays are relatively easy and frequent, so that argument goes out the window.

Also, why does one need to get married to have kids?
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I totally agree with you. At this point I'm thinking, wouldn't it be more meaningful to promise to stay with my partner without the legal contract binding us? :idontknow:
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
Aletheia said:
(As an aside which I hope won't derail your thread: what's behind your decision not to have kids? It's something that's come up in conversation for me a few times recently.)
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I don't relish children, and I can't find any reason to bring any into this world. To me it just sounds like a really big chore. If I change my mind someday then I will probably adopt.
 
thegunners21

thegunners21

Well-known member
I'm undecided about marriage so far though. Arranged marriage seems like the only way I'll ever get a partner in my life. Don't know how compatible that would be though. It's either that or life life alone.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
In my opinion, people get married because they think they must do so, or else it's not an actual couple. They feel like getting married equals making things "official" or something. Like... only marriage can bond them forever, ignoring the fact that they can still have a bond for life without having to sign a bunch of papers.

I like the idea of having a ring as a symbolic thing, but getting married, going to church, throwing a party... it's all too superficial to me.
 
mixedupgirl

mixedupgirl

Well-known member
A lot of people get married on a very small budget as well. And to me it's because they want to show a commitment to each other. I am engaged and I don't want a big fancy wedding, I want something small. We want to be together for the rest of our lives and getting married would be the next step. We've been together for 10 years, we now have a child together. I also don't want to keep introducing my other half as my boyfriend for the rest of my life, so I reckon I will also feel more like a proper grown up (as sad as that may sound).
Many people we know who have been in relationships for a lot less time have got married and it kind of feels to me that marriage is that final step that seals the deal and we have left it longer then most ya know, to make sure it feels right for us both. Marriage can also make you really work on things when your havin difficulties in the relationship, it feels to me like marriage strengthens what you already have and it shows other people that you have made this commitment for a reason. To me marriage is something that should be taken seriously and only done once in your life. It is like that final missing ingredient....

This is what marriage is to me any way....
 
hidwell

hidwell

Well-known member
I think marriage is still important for some people as it is a recognised institution, and a way of validating their relationship
 
LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
My partner and i want to marry partially because we view it as symbolizing the final commitment to each other.
Also because i want her to be the one to have the final say in what happens to me if i end up in a hospital or die, because as a lesbian couple she would get no say and i dont think that choice should be left up to my family because they would follow their own wishes and not mine.
 
J

jc972

1
I got married because I knew I found a great girl and I didn't want her to get away. I know people get divorced but it's a lot harder to do than just packing up and moving out. And for me it was really easy to cheat on just a girlfriend, nobody had a ring on their finger so I didn't care. A wife is a whole different set of rules in my mind. Just my opinion.
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
To me its more like a celebration,the celebration of being together,the celebration of loving one another.
Why do people celebrate things?
Like birthdays,going away party,promotion party,end of the year party,I dont know but I think its to cherish moments and feelings aswell as building your relationship with others,in other words bonding with others,getting married probably doesnt feel like only having a boyfriend/girlfriend,it probably feels that the bond is stronger and it probably is.

Also about divorces,people dont really go planning their wedding thinking that they will get divorced.
 
bcsr

bcsr

Well-known member
thegunners21 said:
The only logical reason I can think of is tax savings. I'd rather pay more taxes than be in a bad marriage though.
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Why would the marriage be bad if the "living together forever" relationship was good? That's silly.

Olhos Abertos said:
To me its more like a celebration,the celebration of being together,the celebration of loving one another.
Why do people celebrate things?
Like birthdays,going away party,promotion party,end of the year party,I dont know but I think its to cherish moments and feelings aswell as building your relationship with others,in other words bonding with others,getting married probably doesnt feel like only having a boyfriend/girlfriend,it probably feels that the bond is stronger and it probably is.

Also about divorces,people dont really go planning their wedding thinking that they will get divorced.
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That's pretty much my feelings. I'd say what's the reason *not* to get married? There really aren't any... if you're in love and committed to someone.
 
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razzle dazzle rose

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
Yeah, there aren't enough celebrations. I have mixed feelings about marriage. If I were to get married, I'd opt for a small ceremony; and I would like to wear the dress. For the pictures. I do feel marriage takes a relationship to the next level. It makes it more serious and grown up. Perhaps it is silly, I don't know; whatever the couple feels is best for them works.
 
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