Why do People Cheat?! Would you forgive infidelity?

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Vanialo28 said:
People who cheat are, in my opinion, cowards, they're sleazy and should never be trusted again. I would never forgive infidelity and would want nothing else to do with that person.. would you?

Yup for me thats basically it in a nutshell

you are right about sitting down and chatting about things, I think in a relationship it should be a true partnership and if things are going wrong for both to sit down and find out wht to do next, running off with the first person available makes me think the person someone is with wasn't worth it anywho.

A long time ago in my youth I learnt the hard way
 
A cheater must want to stay with their partner, since they're not leaving. This suggests several possibilities to me: (a) co-dependency... they hate their partner, but are afraid to leave them anyway (b) a partially-fulfilled sense of duty, maybe sticking with the partner for the sake of their kids but trying to sneak what they really want on the side (c) they may like their partner but aren't getting the sex they crave (d) they're polyamorous but are afraid to be open about that (e) their partner has money/power they want to keep their hands on.

None of those causes justifies the cheating, but I do have sympathy for most of them. Rebuilding trust would be difficult, but to just categorically rule out forgiveness without considering the specific situation seems a bit narrow-minded. If the reasons were fully addressed and the lies hadn't dragged on too long or gotten too complex, the relationship might be able to continue. Even if it's time to part ways, one can forgive without forgetting and without making the mistake of trusting them again. Of course I wouldn't forgive myself if I betrayed trust like that, but we should hold ourselves to higher standards and try to give other people more of a break.

(Disclaimer: cheating has never been an issue that affected anyone in my life, so I lack the emotional familiarity and am just presenting an analytical view. My view, however, is that the analytical view should ideally trump the gut instinct even though it rarely will.)
 

bleach

Banned
Why people cheat is a bit of a complex question, but I can think of two reasons that probably require no explanation: hormones and alcohol.

Would I forgive infidelity? Yes. But there is a difference between forgiveness and approval. We might remain friends, but I would definitely would not remain in a relationship with someone that betrayed my trust.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
bleach said:
Why people cheat is a bit of a complex question, but I can think of two reasons that probably require no explanation: hormones and alcohol.

Hah! dont fall for that old chestnut, thats a "get out of gail free card" lol
 

dottie

Well-known member
i would not forgive and their ass would be GONE. i could not forgive someone who is potentially exposing me to AIDS, let alone the psychological turmoil.
 

chris87

Well-known member
I think cheating on a spouse is terrible. I would never do it. I would be really hurt if someone cheated on me, and it would be difficult for me to forgive them.
 
sometimes, even if you're very happy with your relationship, you might just get caught up in the moment..Or maybe one night you're really really drunk and someone takes advantage of you.

I would never cheat on anyone and if a girl cheated on me I'd have a hard time forgiving her. I'd be so broken-hearted I might wanna go drive off a bridge or something...But knowing the kind of guy I am I'm sure if she persisted with her apologies for like 3 weeks straight I wouldn't be able to stay mad..
 

RedRibbons

Well-known member
I wouldn't forgive it. I would end the relationship. I wouldn't be able to trust him again for a very very very very long time. And to be in a relationship without trust/openness.. Not a good thing.
 

bleach

Banned
Have none of you considered that you can forgive someone without trusting them again and letting them walk all over you? What does it benefit you to remain embittered towards an ex-lover? That spite and bitterness will harm yourself far more than it does anyone else.
 

recluse

Well-known member
I've never had a girlfriend so i've never experienced anything like this, but i know that if it did happen to me i'd be utterly heart broken. A friend of mine's girfriend of 9 years left him a few months ago, and she denied that it was because there was another man.....Untill he saw this guy's car that he knows parked outside her house! I just can't imagine how heartbroken he is, he's been prescribed anti-depressants because of this.

People who cheat are cowards, if the relationship is not going well then atleast talk about it to the partner for gods sake!
 

Argamemnon

Well-known member
I would end the relationship at once. It's a despicable and unforgivable act. Especially since I'm religious.
 

dpr

Well-known member
Vanialo28 said:
I don't get it... Why do people cheat? If someone's not happy in a relationship, why not sit down with the other person, tell them that things aren't working out and then search for someone else? Infidelity completely destroys trust which is impossible to mend once it is broken.

People who cheat are, in my opinion, cowards, they're sleazy and should never be trusted again. I would never forgive infidelity and would want nothing else to do with that person.. would you?

I say this exact thing all the time. Cheating is so high school. It's so immature and like you said, sleazy. I did cheat on people in the past though, back when I was young and stupid. I regret it more than anything and would never do it again.
 
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