When you don't enjoy talking to most people

OceanMist

Well-known member
What's the point of putting yourself through all of the social stuff? Where is the proof that socializing with others will make me happy and ok? Sure you can find surveys or studies that tell you socializing is more healthy, but who does those studies.....people that aren't me.

Just because talking to others helps someone, it doesn't mean it's going to help another person.

I'm given "simple" solutions like you need to talk more, which is laughable. If I enjoyed talking a lot and wasn't shy, don't you think I would talk more?

I'm at a point of mostly indifference. I saw this youtube video that tells me I should be happy with nothing, no friends, no g/f, even no family. Just sitting in my room with nothing. I thought that video says a lot....that we don't need people, and in fact, needing people is a problem.

I'm not telling you to isolate yourself, it's just something to think about. You don't need a relationship, you don't need sex.

I have found that depression is often a choice too. It would be easy for me to be depressed right now, but I'm not depressed. You know why? Because I know in my mind that things aren't too bad. I tell myself that. I have my own place right now and live alone, which is nice. I get to watch the NBA Finals on a nice tv alone without people interrupting the game with conversation.

I have all these options of great food. I don't have much money, but i do enough money to eat out and get good food. And yes, I'm optimistic enough to realize even Burger King is good food. Life is easy right now, and the weather isn't too bad. I don't have to work much at all in the summer, and then i get to watch movies and play a video game I like and get into that and even though I'm alone, I just enjoy the game for what it's worth, it is a good time.

What I'm saying is enjoy life the way you have it, or find a way to enjoy it. Just going on a walk with your dog can be an ok experience. A lot of people come on this site complaining and depressed, that's because you feel like you don't have enough. My advice: don't feel like that. Love what you have, look for reasons to be happy and try to enjoy yourself with what you have. That is something that will help your depression, as depression in my opinion can often be just a society trick on you, because society tends to "have more." But it's their version of more, it doesn't mean you should be sad. Think about it.
 

jimmy75

Well-known member
I don't enjoy talking to people in general and I'd gladly never talk to people again if it were possible. However, most of my socializing is caused by necessity, for example, I have to go and buy food at the shop or I'd starve to death. It's good to hear that you don't need other people to make you happy, OP, it always helps if you have that attitude.
 

Livemylife

Well-known member
I don't enjoy talking to people either. I find most people to be very annoying and unintelligent. It's ironic humans are obsessed with calling themselves "intelligent beings" and all that when we're really just animals. And some humans don't seem much smarter than the other animals:thinking: Despite this, I can tell that there are truly people who NEED to socialize. I have noticed these people can't be alone too long or they get sad. And then there are poeple who see others and naturally respond to them and feel the need to "connect" with them. I am not like that at all.
And they have to team up to increase their chance of survival. Or maybe just increase their chance of doing well in a class. So my point is that I believe many people--probably the large majority--must socialize frequently in order to enjoy their existence.

I think extroverts are at an advantage. We have to live among humans, so it would be better if we could get joy from being around them. It sucks for people like you and me who rather not socialize but are forced to. Socializing is actually what causes me to be depressed.


Depression isn't a choice. Perhaps staying depressed is a choice. It's up to the individual to make a change for the better in their life. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, it's not going to disappear with the snap of my fingers, but I am working on it.
 

DanielLewis

Well-known member
We can all look for reasons to be happy about life, but as long as we don't have meaningful relationships in our life, we won't be as happy as we can be. We were designed to be with other people, not alone. Of course, we don't have to have a lot of friends and close relationships, but we need at least a couple. I don't believe it's true if you say you can be happy without any close relationships with people. Lets just face it, what matters most in life is the affect we had on other people. If we die lonely, without any affect on other people, or close relationships, what did we live for?
 
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Diend

Well-known member
People will assume you sound nihilistic, but young people have a hard time with settling down. They think life only gets better and they're striving for the best life possible. But doing as you said takes the edge off of things. It gives the mind and body a sense of happiness.
 

Whoopdeedoo

Well-known member
Did it occur to anyone that youre socializing now about how you dont like socializing...
Lol
I mean I get it. I understand. I find people annoying and disappointing too.
But arent we really bonding on here cause we cant or are scared or feel somehow different out in the world...Its all about comfort zones and shared interests. Am I wrong?
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Eeeh... I don't know, man. I don't feel okay being on my own. I've got issues from long periods of isolation, actually.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Yeah I've made myself the same reflexion and I kinda agree with OceanMist at some degree.

I mean, I think the important is that you are happy with what you have (and not lying to yourself to avoid things that you would actually want to do but are too scared to try).

I do think "socializing" is over-rated. I think human beings talk WAY too much and make way too much noise. I know a lot of people need it because they don't know what to do when they are alone and that is ok as well, but I don't think it's necessary to go put yourself in the middle of a bunch of barking people just to confirm the theory that "man is a social animal".

However, when you are just a dependent and confused human being trying to reach the "self-sufficient and happy" level, most of the time you NEED people. I think this is where this is important to not isolate yourself. In fact I think this is important to put yourself out there and take risks with people and life in general in order to learn how to function in society (because that's where we live), discover what you want and where you want to go.
 

Meggy0001

Well-known member
We can all look for reasons to be happy about life, but as long as we don't have meaningful relationships in our life, we won't be as happy as we can be. We were designed to be with other people, not alone. Of course, we don't have to have a lot of friends and close relationships, but we need at least a couple. I don't believe it's true if you say you can be happy without any close relationships with people. Lets just face it, what matters most in life is the affect we had on other people. If we die lonely, without any affect on other people, or close relationships, what did we live for?

I 100% agree with this. I have tried to be content on my own but even as much as I hate talking to people and do anything to avoid it sometimes I crave some interaction with people, I think its just in us. I think there comes a time when you need other people around you.

It is better to love being on your own and being able to do it than to be so reliable on other people that if they live you are left a mess but a few relationships here and there I think are a necessity there will come a day when those people will be really important.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
Did it occur to anyone that youre socializing now about how you dont like socializing...
Lol
I mean I get it. I understand. I find people annoying and disappointing too.
But arent we really bonding on here cause we cant or are scared or feel somehow different out in the world...Its all about comfort zones and shared interests. Am I wrong?

very BIG difference between writing a few quick sentences on a message-board and then clicking 'close' as to talking to someone face to face for an extended amount of time...

having 'shared interests' is a huge must in any friendship...

the reasons i dont like talking to most people is i find them too self-absorbed...they tend to go overboard when it comes to talking about silly little things or drama in their life..many people think the world revolves around them..

i find most conversations revolve around mindless 'chit chat' which drains me and bores me very quickly...im an introvert so id rather not talk at all as opposed to trying to find little things to say...

a big factor these days is i dont have much to say to people..i can ask them questions or this and that but i really dont have much of importance to talk to people about...talking about work or politics is lame...

the only time i enjoy socializing is when me and someone else hit on a topic we both enjoy but in order to do that, you have to sift through a ton of filler talk usually..this is why the internet is so amazing.. u just click in and out of different forums..
 

bsammy

Well-known member
i think much of this comes down to how introverted and independent one is..i do believe that everyone, even the most introverted needs 1-2 friendships in their life..1-2 people they can talk and just be themselves to, depend on...people like this are very hard to find though..
 

ssinglet021

New member
Hi, I'm new on here . This topic kind of resonated with me. I'm an introvert with one friend living in the same city and some family. I work in customer service in a call center. I feel completely drained by the end of the day having to interact with people. I barely say more than hi or "good" in answer to "how are you doing?" Then I go home and interact with my children and mom. I text my one friend, my ex husband actually, once or twice throughout the week and see him once every couple of weeks or so. I hate talking to people most of the time and only talk when I have something to say. I get upset when people outside of family and friend talk to me, honestly. If I didn't have to interact with people I wouldn't. but I do feel the need to talk every now and then. So I think we do need interaction but it's not black or white. There's a spectrum with some people needing less than others. I do feel like I'm pretty self-absorbed but maybe that's a part of my illness.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I have to face my fear of talking to people to continue to earn a living.

Sometimes if I have a positive conversation with someone my whole mood will change.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
I have to face my fear of talking to people to continue to earn a living.

Sometimes if I have a positive conversation with someone my whole mood will change.

i do too, i have to interact sociall with 7-87 people throughout the work day every day to keep my job..problem is, talking about valves, pumps, and engines is NOT my iead of quality social time...thing is, this drains me every single day to where when i get home, i dont feel like even messaging on facebook tbh..i cant quit my job so unless i take amphetamines to give me more social spark, i dunno what to do...

i do believe in introverted personality disorder..people like this do NEED or want a minimal amount of quality social time but anymore than that and they feel drained or tired..thing is, most friends want much more than these people are willing or able to give so friendships usually fade away..
 

NeahkahniePeace

New member
I was so happy to read your post. I just found that this forum existed yesterday, when I was looking up, "Jobs where you don't have to talk."

Over the years I have become acutely aware of how much happier I am when I am alone, when I don't have to talk to anyone. I have actually designed my life so that I don't have to interact with people very much at all. I used to work for a library, and everyone has the impression that working for a library is a good job for those with social phobia, but there is actually a lot of public interaction that goes on in a library. Now I am a daycare provider, which is great because a) Kids are generally much nicer than adults and easier to be around b) I no longer have to leave my house and feel all the anxiety that went along with everything from getting a cup of coffee on my break to answering patrons' questions, to merging with traffic on the freeway to get home again and c) I feel comfortable and safe here and d) I barely talk to the parents. I'll tell them that their child had a great day, ate well, got along, and bye, have a nice night and that's it.

Socialization is overrated. Being alone is peaceful and I agree that you don't need much in order to be happy. Having a calm, stress-free world brings me happiness, and having people in my world stresses me out. They don't understand, they want so much more from you than you can give them, they have these expectations of conversation about stupid, meaningless things that I don't care about and don't feel like attempting to talk about.

I think it is wise to examine all the messages we are given by society before putting our trust in them. Most of what society tells us doesn't seem true or accurate. I do not need a million friends to be happy, I do not need to go "out", I do not need to be invited places. I never want to leave my house again and that's just the way it is. We are given a bunch of messages about what we are "supposed" to be, and believing in those messages leads to depression. Just know yourself, know your limitations, and try to design a life that feels good and comfortable to you, that's what I think.

Be at peace with the way things are--The Buddha
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
quoted from a study on male friendships

"That's because nearly all research into healthy aging has found that the key to a long, happy life is not diet or exercise but strong social connections-that is, friendships."

i do believe in this somewhat but again, in my experience it is very difficult to find the right people to be friends with, that are actually fun to be around, ie NOT draining..
 

MotherWolff

Banned
What's the point of putting yourself through all of the social stuff? Where is the proof that socializing with others will make me happy and ok? Sure you can find surveys or studies that tell you socializing is more healthy, but who does those studies.....people that aren't me.

Just because talking to others helps someone, it doesn't mean it's going to help another person.

I'm given "simple" solutions like you need to talk more, which is laughable. If I enjoyed talking a lot and wasn't shy, don't you think I would talk more?

I'm at a point of mostly indifference. I saw this youtube video that tells me I should be happy with nothing, no friends, no g/f, even no family. Just sitting in my room with nothing. I thought that video says a lot....that we don't need people, and in fact, needing people is a problem.

I'm not telling you to isolate yourself, it's just something to think about. You don't need a relationship, you don't need sex.

I have found that depression is often a choice too. It would be easy for me to be depressed right now, but I'm not depressed. You know why? Because I know in my mind that things aren't too bad. I tell myself that. I have my own place right now and live alone, which is nice. I get to watch the NBA Finals on a nice tv alone without people interrupting the game with conversation.

I have all these options of great food. I don't have much money, but i do enough money to eat out and get good food. And yes, I'm optimistic enough to realize even Burger King is good food. Life is easy right now, and the weather isn't too bad. I don't have to work much at all in the summer, and then i get to watch movies and play a video game I like and get into that and even though I'm alone, I just enjoy the game for what it's worth, it is a good time.

What I'm saying is enjoy life the way you have it, or find a way to enjoy it. Just going on a walk with your dog can be an ok experience. A lot of people come on this site complaining and depressed, that's because you feel like you don't have enough. My advice: don't feel like that. Love what you have, look for reasons to be happy and try to enjoy yourself with what you have. That is something that will help your depression, as depression in my opinion can often be just a society trick on you, because society tends to "have more." But it's their version of more, it doesn't mean you should be sad. Think about it.

I really love your post, Ocean Mist. I truly wish I didn't mind being alone for a long time. I stay at home most of the time while my daddy works. Thankfully my dad has a dog who keeps me great company. :)

But for me, she can never take the place of human companionship. I don't think there is anything wrong with people like us wanting to be around other people. But its sorta a sign of weakness when someone like myself is afraid to be lonely and feel better being around people most of the time. I'm glad you're happy, Ocean Mist. Keep your happiness, always.:applause:
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I just want to go over some things that explain my view.

I see someone says we need personal relationships to be the healthiest we can be. That statement may be true for most people because about 78% of people are outgoing. No doubt, those people are going to the need the stimulation of conversation to live in a very healthy manner because they desire that companionship.

As for the 22% or so of introverts though, I'm not so sure if being around people is even that healthy in many cases. From my own personal experience, most of my conversations with people either I get nothing out of or the conversation doesn't really go well. A small % of conversations may be stimulating for me, but those conversations only happen with a very small % of people, such as my brother or when i had a best friend him. The way I am, I don't even want to talk to those people every day anyway because as BSammy said it will start to drain me.

Hanging out with people we don't connect can be unhealthy imo. Unfortunately almost everyone is someone i don't connect with. I've had many bad experiences with friend's friends and on dates with girls where there wasn't a connection.

I'm at a phase where I'm just saying, question what you've heard from mainstream society. Mainstream society says to have a decent amount of friends, get enough money so you can start a family, find a wife/husband, that kind of stuff. Question what is "cool."

Look I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything, do whatever you want. I am saying to take a step back, though, and decide is this what I want? Or is this what society wants? What my friends or family want? I encourage thinking for yourself. You will find a sense of freedom when you do this. You will start to feel more in control of your life.

Don't do something just because it's "normal." Do it because you want to do it.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I don't enjoy talking to people who judge others, or think they know how others think in general terms. Take this thread for instance. Perfect example.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I'm at a phase where I'm just saying, question what you've heard from mainstream society. Mainstream society says to have a decent amount of friends, get enough money so you can start a family, find a wife/husband, that kind of stuff. Question what is "cool."

Look I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything, do whatever you want. I am saying to take a step back, though, and decide is this what I want? Or is this what society wants? What my friends or family want? I encourage thinking for yourself. You will find a sense of freedom when you do this. You will start to feel more in control of your life.

Don't do something just because it's "normal." Do it because you want to do it.

Totally agree with you :)
 
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