When i get a present

[Falkor]

Hi,

when i get a present , i feel like i dont deserve it.
I feel like why.. should people give me a present.. while i totally am different and anxious..
What do people see in me... Okay im really friendly to people and really caring.. but still.. i hate the way i present my self , i hate it.
Maybe its because i want to look perfect, everyone around me looks perfect presenting, but when i see myself ... i think like. wow .. thats not what i wanna be.
But when someone gives me a present, i feel like even not taking it, because im afraid everyone around me thinks i am a selfish person who wants to have more and more and more.. things for myself. while i dont even want to take the present.. and this week i went shopping with a friend, and he wanted to pay for me, i said no!!!! dont do that, dont spent money okay, i can pay that myself.
Whats wrong with me?

 

[fitftw]

nothing is wrong with you. You are independent and don't expect/want things from others. You want to do things yourself. It's okay, I have a hard time accepting gifts too. I simply say thank you with a smile and that's that.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Hi,

when i get a present , i feel like i dont deserve it.
I feel like why.. should people give me a present.. while i totally am different and anxious..
What do people see in me... Okay im really friendly to people and really caring.. but still.. i hate the way i present my self , i hate it.
Maybe its because i want to look perfect, everyone around me looks perfect presenting, but when i see myself ... i think like. wow .. thats not what i wanna be.
But when someone gives me a present, i feel like even not taking it, because im afraid everyone around me thinks i am a selfish person who wants to have more and more and more.. things for myself. while i dont even want to take the present.. and this week i went shopping with a friend, and he wanted to pay for me, i said no!!!! dont do that, dont spent money okay, i can pay that myself.
Whats wrong with me?

All the eyes, recieving gift, on you. Watching, thinking. No gift, no one paying attention solely to you. How to react, it is beyond me. Same troubles. I don't ask so don't give me anything.

What's wrong with you? I am asking. You seem just as different as the rest here. That would be normal.

 

[fitftw]

^ I love the way you write.

 

[Ignace]

That's EXACTLY how I feel with gifts Saskia ! Amazing ! You just read my mind.

 

[Silvox Black]

There is nothing "wrong" with you per say. You simply struggle with feelings of inadequacy and guilt. You feel as though you must earn the kindness given to you and since you constantly feel sub par, you are unable to meet that goal. A vicious cycle of sorts. This would appear to be a matter of self-esteem that you need to repair.

 

[Meisiemel]

Exactly how I feel about gifts. Even when I turned 9, I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out because my family was waiting to give me gifts, and I couldn't bear the embarrassment of it. For many years I refused to accept gifts, and sometimes people would just leave them for me to open later - but I never would . I eventually learned to be more graceful about receiving gifts, and I no longer make a fuss. I just thank the person and pretend to be pleased, although I can never hide my embarrassment.
I never enter competitions or buy lottery tickets because I would die of embarrassment if I won - it would feel like getting something I didn't earn.

 

[Feathers]

Oh gosh, I mostly hate gifts - people rarely 'get' my taste and I've gotten some awful things - and what to say then? 'YAY thanks'?!

Gladly my family don't buy me gifts anymore (mostly) I rebelled ha ha!!
We have a no-gift Christmas and most b-days too..

I don't mind if a friend pays for a drink, next time it's my treat, that's how it usually goes. (I didn't like it when some friends expected never to pay though.)
If a male friend pays for anything they might 'expect' things anyway, so it's good to have eyes open in such cases and know who you can let to pay for anything or not.. Perhaps your instincts may have 'warned' you...?
Or you just like being independent and that's a good thing too!

 

[Predacon]

I usually worry more about what I'm giving other people incase they don't like it.

 

[SilverFire]

I usually worry more about what I'm giving other people incase they don't like it.

Yeah, same here. When people give you gifts, it's out of love -- or it's out of some weird desire that's so deep and twisted that I'll never figure it out, so I just assume it's love. I appreciate that gesture in them, smile, and say thanks. Even if it's something I didn't like, it doesn't matter, because they cared.

 

[AnxietyDave]

Getting gifts shows you that others care about you, it has no impact on your independence or anything like that. I am just overjoyed when I get a gift as it lets me know there are people out there that care.

 

[lilymartens]

I'm always afraid, that I don't react the way I should. That I don't seem happy enough, or exited enough.

 

[Untamed88]

I am so awkward when I get gifts. I hate the attention and I don't know how to react. I hate that the camera always comes out at Christmas as well. I am so fat and ugly.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

This thread got me thinking.

I normally don't like to get presents from someone if I haven't been able to get them anything. I don't feel like I don't deserve it, but I feel that it's unfair.

Just earlier, I was wondering what people see in me, also. I can see the good in me, but I don't necessarily expect others to. I've been praised at work and I have a hard time understanding what is so great about my performance.

I think that your concern alone shows that you are not selfish. I'm sure that your loved ones would not give you presents if they didn't want to or if they didn't think you deserved them.