What triggered the onset of your SA? Or have you always had it?
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Shyangel
Well-known member
I had pretty much the same experience, Twinkel. My family was always picking on me and made me feel stupid. I never spoke out of fear of being made fun of. I was also sexually miss treated by my third oldest brother's friends. One more then the others. I was used like a sexual object through most my child hood by men in general, in fact. But, that's a complicated story. I'm sorry you had to go through so much, I truly hope you you get better things in the future.
Mickery
Well-known member
Same here, I tried a little experiment of reversal and compared them to friend's parents... didn't go down well. That's what you'd expect really, but having it underlined as being their problem rather than mine - at least in part - helped a lot. Maybe it'll help you too.
DancingDann
Active member
I think it was my School years that made me how i am today. I had a big Phobia of School that developed in secondary School after i lost my Dad. But instead of getting help from the School all i ever got was threats. Made me a nervous wreck and has ruined any chances of having a life.
weberriver
Active member
Mine started when my mother died (I was almost 9 years old then, and me and my brother witnessed it). Most of her family used that opportunity to fall out of touch completely, so I haven’t seen my grandma, uncles, or cousins since the funeral. My dad also became very depressed, secluding himself to the basement most days, and for a long time didn’t really get involved in mine and my brother’s lives besides basic necessities. So I went from a well-groomed kid to being unkempt in appearance real fast. I just started spending more and more time by myself, not really knowing how to relate to others anymore, and always suspicious of them. It didn’t help that it was around this time when my friends’ parents decided that I was a bad influence on their daughters, due to me not sharing their same religion. One woman wouldn’t even let me in her house when she could help it. 
So that caused some bitterness and isolation too.
So that caused some bitterness and isolation too.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Same for me along with my anxious temperment.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Mine started when my mother died (I was almost 9 years old then, and me and my brother witnessed it). Most of her family used that opportunity to fall out of touch completely, so I haven’t seen my grandma, uncles, or cousins since the funeral. My dad also became very depressed, secluding himself to the basement most days, and for a long time didn’t really get involved in mine and my brother’s lives besides basic necessities. So I went from a well-groomed kid to being unkempt in appearance real fast. I just started spending more and more time by myself, not really knowing how to relate to others anymore, and always suspicious of them. It didn’t help that it was around this time when my friends’ parents decided that I was a bad influence on their daughters, due to me not sharing their same religion. One woman wouldn’t even let me in her house when she could help it.
I'm really sorry.
Starry
Well-known member
I've always had it to some degree... My mother tells me I would cling to her legs and try to hide behind her when anybody tried to talk with me... I wouldn't play with other children when I was young - in fact, if I was playing on the swings (my favourite! lol) and other children came over to them, I'd run back to my mother... When I was 3 I didn't want to go to the play-group my mother put me in and would frequently claim to have a "tummy ache" to get out of going. In primary school I wouldn't speak to anyone unless they spoke to me and even then it was the most basic of responses which they would receive. I made an effort to improve when I attended secondary school, but it didn't last long and I became worse...
hidwell
Well-known member
It didn’t help that it was around this time when my friends’ parents decided that I was a bad influence on their daughters, due to me not sharing their same religion. One woman wouldn’t even let me in her house when she could help it.
Its these people that give religion a bad name, using it as an excuse to keep you away. If she were a true Christian she would have done the opposite, but they (Christians) have always been pretty thin on the ground.
weberriver
Active member
Yeah, it was messed up. I also got it into my head, when I was younger, that this was the same reason why my mom's family took off. Because of religion. (My mother was the "wild child" of the family and left the church, which is cause enough for some people around here to cut off their relatives.) But since then I've discovered that they're all just a bunch of really flighty people, nobody talks to each other in that family at all. *shrugs*
Definatly a combination of sheltered upbringing, moving towns and schools in elementary school, and my dad struggling with disabilities. Also my parents non existent relationship, they where basicly just together because of me and their possessions, not cause they loved eachother.
Hi!
I definitely got it because of a girlfriend. When I was 19 or 20 at university I found the girl of my dreams and we went out for 2 years but it got pretty ugly. I kinda went nuts after that and although I was flying around the World doing stuff and still studying I was doing strange things like repeating phrases in my head over and over. I repeated phrases in my head for about 3 years, all while still functioning. I got worse towards the end of my degree and ended up dropping out of my masters. In fact I got up in the middle of an exam and walked out, went back to my room, got some stuff and drove to Amsterdam. I was out of my mind but I was still functioning.
Later on I was working in London and started getting panic attacks and stuff. I lost my job because of it and moved back home with my parents to rest. Once I moved home I had a hard time getting out again and there began my SA!
I definitely got it because of a girlfriend. When I was 19 or 20 at university I found the girl of my dreams and we went out for 2 years but it got pretty ugly. I kinda went nuts after that and although I was flying around the World doing stuff and still studying I was doing strange things like repeating phrases in my head over and over. I repeated phrases in my head for about 3 years, all while still functioning. I got worse towards the end of my degree and ended up dropping out of my masters. In fact I got up in the middle of an exam and walked out, went back to my room, got some stuff and drove to Amsterdam. I was out of my mind but I was still functioning.
Later on I was working in London and started getting panic attacks and stuff. I lost my job because of it and moved back home with my parents to rest. Once I moved home I had a hard time getting out again and there began my SA!
lonely_drummer
Well-known member
I've always been a shy kid. I absolutely hated school as a kid. From kindergarten to grade two my mom literally almost everyday had to drag me by my arms to school wild I'd be kicking and screaming(she constantly reminds me even today how horrible I was). Eventually I wouldn't even get out of bed and my mom made me lay in my bed useless I was getting up to go to school. The after not going for a while the cops were knocking on our door. Then it was back to the kicking and screaming. It also never helped that we moved a lot because of my dads job and I had been through 5 schools by the time I started highschool. I opened up more in highschool, it was actually not too bad. But then I started university and that's when it really kicked in. I had no need or want to socialize, I was there for one reason, to learn about the stars. Then once I transferred and more to the other side of the country to finish my degree, things became a lot worse. I rarely left my room, even for classes, it was so bad and a huge struggle. So yeah university was what triggered mine
Being different and not fitting in. I always knew I was different from the others. It didn't matter so much, until I hit depression and starting longing for someone.
Also, being judged all the time, by two faced rats. Sorry for sounding negative. I can't stand judgmental people, especially those who got everything I want, they have a perfect life compared to mine, and don't like anyone who dosen;t match them (looks, skills etc).
It makes me sick.
Also, being judged all the time, by two faced rats. Sorry for sounding negative. I can't stand judgmental people, especially those who got everything I want, they have a perfect life compared to mine, and don't like anyone who dosen;t match them (looks, skills etc).
It makes me sick.
mikebird
Banned
I think mine might well be the main reason. Sheltered is the reason. Mum was 50 when I was born, with a serious immune system problem, protected from the outside world; a lot of worry & paranoia. Leading to a central nervous system and spinal cord problem. Mum dead. A child with retired parents of grandparent age.
I tried to keep medical problems out of the picture, ignoring them
Nowadays a have a bad attitude towards everyone. I think I'm bent on finding someone with exactly the same freak
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I'm Not There
Well-known member
I've always been like this. In kindergarten I hated going to school when it was my birthday as I'd be the centre of attention, I was also the only kid in class who never dared to say anything to the teacher. All this kinda remained until I graduated. During those 15 years I had maybe 2 or 3 people I'd call friends (of which none in high school), but I've lost contact with them over time.
Apart from all this, I had the most carefree childhood you can imagine, so I guess it just has to be in my genes.
Apart from all this, I had the most carefree childhood you can imagine, so I guess it just has to be in my genes.
I live with a curse. I don't know what kind, I'm not that smart of curses. I don't even know why I have it. I never used to believe in them, until, a few years, I started piecing it together, how so many things are just a coincidence. Things just happen at the right (wrong) time.
It is pretty predictable, given any scenario, I can predict the outcome.
The curse, has a way of making me miserable, no matter what. If I try to become successful at something, it all ways goes wrong, whether I think it or not, whether I'm positive or not. If I get close to someone, something always happens, like they move away or something.
The curse isn't dangerous and only effects me. I try to maje a new friend, never works out, for some reason or another, they end up hating me, thinking I'm a freak or something. I'm left there thinking, what did I do wrong? Porbably explains why a lot of girls judge me on first look. THe curse sends them a message, they get the feeling, that I'm a creep or weirdo and not someone they want to hang out with. No matter what.
When the curse is up to something, I can usually sense it. I've gone through a lot of ambarresing moments, which I wish not to discuss.
Things just happen for no reason, and always at the right time too. Like I'll be typing something really important, and my Fox will crash. It never crashes any other time. Something that is important to me, it intervenes, nothing I can do about it.
There is so many coincidence, like my speech acting up when I try to explain something, every time. I only get 10% of the information out, and it ends up being vague. I try to explain something, Something happens, someone misunderstands what I say, they often laugh and reticule me. There is always something. I always notice, that when I'm in high spirits. Something ALWAYS happens soon enough. Something embarrassing or upsetting. I hate it when you're in a really good mood, then BAM! Something happens in a split second, your mood is the opposite.
Sometimes, things mysteriously happen without a reasonable explanation. It's hard to prove. Most curses are very good at what they do.
Here's a good one!
I get canker sores on my tongue, usually 1-2 times a year. Anyway. It took me a few years after high school to be ready for a job. As soon as I'm ready for a job. I get canker sores, like nothing. I get one days apart. These canker sores I get are extremely painful and miserable. I can't get a job because of them. I get a few a month, they last a bout a week or two, when it gets better, another comes in a couple of days later. It's been like that ever since December 2010, when I was finally ready for a job. I can't work, because I require so much time off. I could barely work. The pain is paralysing. It brings tears to my eyes.
I go to the doctor and a few specialists. They don't have an answer. Nothing I did differently to make the canker sores go so rapid.
Every time I try to communicate with someone, my speech acts up, where I don't make sense, sometime I make up my own words. I have a Brain Processing Disorder. Something I made up. It's when the brain signals get mixed and your speech and stuff don't work as good. It;s most noticeably when trying to explain something. When I try to make friends. They end up hating me, soon enough. I did nothing to upset them, but they just sense that I'm not someone they should talk to. I wonder where that came from? The curse. You know how you get a feeling out of no where, even though they have done nothing wrong. Yep, the curse. Every time too!
The only thing I've been successful is getting my drivers license, I have a car, and I'm usually good at fixing computers (as long as nothing mysteriously happens to them.
Another example. I bought an external HDD. After I copied all my data too it and the next time I turned it on. Guess what! The disk partition could not be found. Everything had been erased because the table is just gone. I never had that problem before. Lost a crap load of stuff.
It wasn't just the HDD, it ad to do with the external HDD enclosure. How do you explain that? I couldn't. Neither could a few specialists I've talked to, couldn't figure it out. The disk wouldn't even properly format. I had to put my Dad's HDD in the external HDD enclosure, which that one was all I had at the time. I put it in. Same thing happens to my Dad's computer. His business computer. Lost all his emails, documents and stuff. Now he makes sure to have a backup.
I can't have a girlfriend, even a friend because of the curse. I am just meant to be miserable. I've tried everything. No matter what, it ends up in failure.This has been years.
Just like this poor bloke:
Forever With Autism: Would You Date Or Have A Relationship With A Guy Like This?
It is so awful, the stuff I go through.
I hope some of this makes sense.
It is pretty predictable, given any scenario, I can predict the outcome.
The curse, has a way of making me miserable, no matter what. If I try to become successful at something, it all ways goes wrong, whether I think it or not, whether I'm positive or not. If I get close to someone, something always happens, like they move away or something.
The curse isn't dangerous and only effects me. I try to maje a new friend, never works out, for some reason or another, they end up hating me, thinking I'm a freak or something. I'm left there thinking, what did I do wrong? Porbably explains why a lot of girls judge me on first look. THe curse sends them a message, they get the feeling, that I'm a creep or weirdo and not someone they want to hang out with. No matter what.
When the curse is up to something, I can usually sense it. I've gone through a lot of ambarresing moments, which I wish not to discuss.
Things just happen for no reason, and always at the right time too. Like I'll be typing something really important, and my Fox will crash. It never crashes any other time. Something that is important to me, it intervenes, nothing I can do about it.
There is so many coincidence, like my speech acting up when I try to explain something, every time. I only get 10% of the information out, and it ends up being vague. I try to explain something, Something happens, someone misunderstands what I say, they often laugh and reticule me. There is always something. I always notice, that when I'm in high spirits. Something ALWAYS happens soon enough. Something embarrassing or upsetting. I hate it when you're in a really good mood, then BAM! Something happens in a split second, your mood is the opposite.
Sometimes, things mysteriously happen without a reasonable explanation. It's hard to prove. Most curses are very good at what they do.
Here's a good one!
I get canker sores on my tongue, usually 1-2 times a year. Anyway. It took me a few years after high school to be ready for a job. As soon as I'm ready for a job. I get canker sores, like nothing. I get one days apart. These canker sores I get are extremely painful and miserable. I can't get a job because of them. I get a few a month, they last a bout a week or two, when it gets better, another comes in a couple of days later. It's been like that ever since December 2010, when I was finally ready for a job. I can't work, because I require so much time off. I could barely work. The pain is paralysing. It brings tears to my eyes.
I go to the doctor and a few specialists. They don't have an answer. Nothing I did differently to make the canker sores go so rapid.
Every time I try to communicate with someone, my speech acts up, where I don't make sense, sometime I make up my own words. I have a Brain Processing Disorder. Something I made up. It's when the brain signals get mixed and your speech and stuff don't work as good. It;s most noticeably when trying to explain something. When I try to make friends. They end up hating me, soon enough. I did nothing to upset them, but they just sense that I'm not someone they should talk to. I wonder where that came from? The curse. You know how you get a feeling out of no where, even though they have done nothing wrong. Yep, the curse. Every time too!
The only thing I've been successful is getting my drivers license, I have a car, and I'm usually good at fixing computers (as long as nothing mysteriously happens to them.
Another example. I bought an external HDD. After I copied all my data too it and the next time I turned it on. Guess what! The disk partition could not be found. Everything had been erased because the table is just gone. I never had that problem before. Lost a crap load of stuff.
It wasn't just the HDD, it ad to do with the external HDD enclosure. How do you explain that? I couldn't. Neither could a few specialists I've talked to, couldn't figure it out. The disk wouldn't even properly format. I had to put my Dad's HDD in the external HDD enclosure, which that one was all I had at the time. I put it in. Same thing happens to my Dad's computer. His business computer. Lost all his emails, documents and stuff. Now he makes sure to have a backup.
I can't have a girlfriend, even a friend because of the curse. I am just meant to be miserable. I've tried everything. No matter what, it ends up in failure.This has been years.
Just like this poor bloke:
Forever With Autism: Would You Date Or Have A Relationship With A Guy Like This?
It is so awful, the stuff I go through.
I hope some of this makes sense.