What makes someone popular, online?

[AtTheGates]

That's because a lot of message board users are socially inept guys who start drooling at the first sign of the possibility of getting a girl's attention (as in, they have the chance to be confident in ways they can't be in the real world). Everyone starts shoving everyone else away just to be able to get her to talk to them, smile at them, or feel any kind of connection toward them.

I used to know some guys like this in irl. its ****ing pathetic really....the way they would pander to a girl in some vain attempt at getting laid when really they're just putting themselves on the ground to be walked on like a cheap rug. Those type of guys do NOT make good friends because they'll stab you in the back over a girl ANY day.

 

[Sacrament]

True, because their insecurities will make them do whatever they have to do to get the girl's attention, even if it means stepping all over their friends/people who trusted them.

 

[BlackPuma]

The interactions you described are all perks obtained by being socially engaging.

Humour, life advice, posting fun or engaging content, relieve people through conversation and by showing others empathy. All of these actions help gain popularity and likeability and motivate people to take a personal interest. By not having interest in being socially engaging it results in not reaping the benefits of doing so.

I'm having the same problem - after a long day of frustrating interactions with people in my immediate environment I'll be spent psychologically and am rarely able to be empathetic to those who need it, and as a result I don't. In turn, naturally, I won't reap the benefits that I would've gotten. The question shouldn't be 'why don't I have?' the question should be 'why should they give?'

Why should they send me PMs of personal interest of status without any kind of connection, or any evidence that there's any interest in that at all?

Over time your actions and behaviour affect your local reputation, either for the worse or the better, and cause people to be more or less interest regardless of in-depth posts here and there. If there is a behavioural pattern, like there is with me, it'll replicate the same results regardless of where you are.

 

[AlienGeranium]

So if I were to define online popularity here, would having a lot of people like you, care about you, be interested in you, pay attention to you, and notice when you're not here be a decent definition? To get people to treat you this way, I think the clearest path would be to treat other people this way. One example you used is people sending you pm's when you leave for a while. Sending other people PM's when they disappear would make it more likely to do the same. If you want a million pm's to reply to, send a million pm's. Do things that make people feel good and important. Show that you're interested in their life and posts, and that you made an effort to pay attention to them.

I think there's other things of course too, if you're a **** odds are people are not going to be receptive. Being kind and warm, or wise, or funny, or having some sort of approach that makes people feel positive, or relatable, helps too. If you rustle people's feathers or share un-popular opinions, it may polarize people.

When it comes down to it, realizing what things other people do to make you like or respect or enjoy them, and then in turn doing the same to everyone else, would be the key.

 

[kilojoule]

Being interested in others, making an effort to interact with people, being and showing genuine interest in what others have to say, having a sense of empathy for others. I echo kiwongs post really, mikey C and Coyote good examples, neither was motivated by the prospect of popularity but both very popular because of how they reached out to others.

 

[IGotSeoul]

What makes someone popular online? Being female. Especially in forums. A chick can say the most retarded bullshit and you can guarantee someone will praise her for it.

Go to any forum and make 2 accounts, one male and one female. Post around the same amount with both accounts and post roughly the same shit. The male one will be largely ignored and the female one will have lots of people blowing sunshine up your ***.

So you have 3 options. Pretend to be or become female, spend a lot of time and effort each day on an internet forum, or stop caring

Read a study on this interestingly enough. Although it pertained to online game environments. The study suggests that women player-characters/avatars are more positively received by other (male & female) players. Even if the other party identifies them as "actually" male.

 

[S_Spartan]

^^^I've often suspected that this it the reason that female members of on online group usually choose user names and avatars that make it VERY apparent that they are female. Whereas male users seem more likely to pick more gender neutral names.

Even back in the days before forums when usenet was king I noticed this trend.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I've never cared and never tried to be popular, almost always have been true to myself. But my "natural" way is not garnering positive attention, it's not inspiring anyone to send an unsolicited message (I was talking to one guy in another forum who said he always has "a million PMs to reply to"), it's not inspiring a single person to ask where I was for 6 months, or anything.

Obviously if this is not working online.. it's not going to work offline. So you tell me what to do...

I dont need to tell you what to do.
I think the answer is quite obvious. :kiss:

 

[MollyBeGood]

What scares me is that the boss will assess my choice, as not being a team player, not wanting to socially engage. To be a lemming and go along with the crowd is seen as OK, to be independent is seen as being dangerous and subversive.

Oh yeah... being a free thinker in an environment that stresses conformity would put ones neck on the chopping block for sure. I tried that for a bit, working for others and the whole team player mentality-it was so impossible for me to be even slightly happy. I usually only can handle that for short bursts before I loose it. I can only stand those sort of situations if the money is ridiculously good or I am doing something that is in-line with my dreams.

I was reading about Amazon.com today. They obviously have some tactics that are ment to really mess with peoples heads and make everyone into robots.
Amazon's culture is 'purposeful Darwinism,' investigation finds - Aug. 15, 2015

Back to the thread, I agree with everyone's advice that has been posted. Being popular is a lot of work Imo. You have a full-time job on your hands trying to keep up some sort of status and if you don't really care, then why bother?

 

[S_Spartan]

Being popular is a lot of work Imo. You have a full-time job on your hands trying to keep up some sort of status

And in the case of online forums, there are no tangible rewards.

SPW refuses to put me on the payroll for posting here :bigsmile:

 

[Deco]

I agree that people who post the most constructive advice, have a good sense of humor and positive experiences are the most popular ones.
I've seen this in many forums I like, from politics to pop culture.

I've realized that some people tend to show me some subtle cues that I'm not welcome on their threads, even if I quote them in a friendly way and share the same interests. I can't force anyone to like me anyway. That's their loss, not mine.

And I'm pretty good at avoiding useless arguments and despite coming of as grumpy sometimes or doing some weird stuff like changing my avatar 3 times in the same day or deleting a few posts (because of my ocd, lol), I focus on bringing motivation, useful advice, constructive criticism and some sense of humor (although I have to admit my sarcasm used to be better).

When it comes to real life frienships, I think that quality is more important than quantity. So I don't pressure myself to become popular in any forum. I started great friendships in gaming and pop culture forums, without being among the most popular members. So as long as I can have a good talk or a few laughs and there are enough interesting threads, that's enough for me.

 

[Bronson99]

What makes someone popular online? Being female. Especially in forums. A chick can say the most retarded bullshit and you can guarantee someone will praise her for it.

Go to any forum and make 2 accounts, one male and one female. Post around the same amount with both accounts and post roughly the same shit. The male one will be largely ignored and the female one will have lots of people blowing sunshine up your ***.

So you have 3 options. Pretend to be or become female, spend a lot of time and effort each day on an internet forum, or stop caring

This is a true thing.

But I would like to add a 4th option.. which goes something like, "figure out some other ways to communicate which may inspire more positive attention, but still fit within my natural range"

 

[Bronson99]

The interactions you described are all perks obtained by being socially engaging.

Humour, life advice, posting fun or engaging content, relieve people through conversation and by showing others empathy. All of these actions help gain popularity and likeability and motivate people to take a personal interest. By not having interest in being socially engaging it results in not reaping the benefits of doing so.

I think you really hit the nail on the head. Let me be honest, then, without being slapped for it. I am lacking in empathy.. it's not that I do not care about the plight of others.. and it's not that I think I'm better than others.. it's just that this inclination to share and help and all of this is somehow missing. You know what, I think there's a more accurate name for what i'm missing: reciprocity.

In addition, having some mild Aspergian traits, I have naturally poor comprehension of the mechanics of socializing and most crucially, I lack "theory of mind." That is basically a key to empathy: it allows one to project the basic understanding of the way you like to be treated, onto others. Try to stretch you mind for a bit and imagine what it's like to have no access to that mechanism: It requires one's method of communication to be split into 2 separate branches which is extremely mentally exhausting: first I have my own natural inclination of what to say in a social setting; then I have to take the time to play that back in my head to figure out "if someone said the same to me, would it come across as normal?" The best I can do most of the time is only go with my natural inclinations (learned from past interactions), and hope it comes across well: obviously, too often, it doesn't. Granted, I have more time to think of a response online in forums, but the results still show I'm getting a lot of things wrong.

About those "just doing things for nothing, and expecting nothing back; and then getting a lot back" I'm sorry to show skepticism to you. But that's not usually what humans do. Common sense shows that altruism is not real, *we all have desire* for popularity and a hundred other things and will do what it takes to acquire those things, even if it's just in an online forum. Spartan mentioned this idea that popular users are more acutely aware than most of "basic social politics" so it is a little unsettling to me, then, that in forums for people with social problems, these behaviors show up anyway, and a handful of users tend to get the lion's share of attention. I've seen this in forums for people with Asperger's (!?), ADD (another socially delayed group; unless you're "just hyperactive"), and more than one social anxiety forum.

Am I going on some kind of witch-hunt or something? No, so please don't accuse me of such. I'm just frustrated, and trying to figure out some way to fight against the clear deficiency I have in this area.. in other words to improve general likability online a little bit, which might even translate into better results in real life.

 

[Bronson99]

I dont need to tell you what to do.
I think the answer is quite obvious. :kiss:

*no witty answer found, after searching*

... and to be honest, it really isn't obvious. I must be dense. Please illuminate me, then.

 

[Steiner]

There is famous and then there is infamous.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

We're social creatures - we come here for support AND social interaction we do not receive "out there". Just because we're awkward in person and socially impoverished doesn't negate even here on a forum for Social Phobia's or Asperger's or whatever from there being "popular" members and/or cliques. It's NATURAL. It's gonna happen ANYWHERE there's any allowance for socialization or interaction. How that clique or "popular members" interact or are PERCEIVED to is another.

It almost makes more sense for places like this. We YERN to be heard and felt. Accepted. Online is a place we can more thrive there.

I used to be a "popular member" on these forums. I always tried to be myself, a self I couldn't be in-person. I never tried to be popular. I always attempted to be open and inviting and affable towards anyone and tried to help ppl. I probably was too open it became overwhelming. But there's natural developments with certain members (female AND male) you gravitate towards or gravitate towards you, thus the clique may form intentionally or unintentional. IT'S NATURAL for social GROUPS to form groups. No one should feel bad or ashamed to be in one or see one.

It's both imposed by how you act and interact and how anyone else perceives anything. If you are biased towards such things in RL you will be online and seeing someone "popular" seems like a negative thing and you may be bitter or feel worse. People who become friends here or anywhere great - just realize this is a place all should feel welcome and "cliques" should be open - also, if perceived as popular, maybe you represent these places wanted or not people will look up or down on you.

I won't lie it felt good, but also I left when I realized it was becoming unhealthy for me, it switched from just me being myself and wanting to help and be friendly to making it like work and competition, I often felt If I'd be forgotten and etc. if I didn't post, or be whatever. THAT - is not what should happen in a place like this

There are ppl who can take that "popularity" and be *******s. I've found most ppl on these forums aren't that.

My point is - it's both in the eye of the beholder AND yes, how they carry themselves/interact etc. Idk I rant.

 

[theoutsider]

I don't know if there's one winning formula. My guess is that if a person is helpful, interesting, posts often and seems genuinely approachable then that person makes an impact on a forum. Most importantly, I think it helps if a person is being themselves. Sometimes people are temporarily popular because they tell fantastical stories that are interesting/entertaining in the beginning but you can usually tell who the fakes are after they've been posting for a while. Lastly, it probably helps if you're not concerned about your popularity. It keeps you from trying too hard.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I used to know some guys like this in irl. its ****ing pathetic really....the way they would pander to a girl in some vain attempt at getting laid when really they're just putting themselves on the ground to be walked on like a cheap rug. Those type of guys do NOT make good friends because they'll stab you in the back over a girl ANY day.

Ah, man. I've known guys who do that too. Notably, a former friend of mine. When confronted afterwards he would act like he had no idea what I was talking about.

Being interested in others, making an effort to interact with people, being and showing genuine interest in what others have to say, having a sense of empathy for others. I echo kiwongs post really, mikey C and Coyote good examples, neither was motivated by the prospect of popularity but both very popular because of how they reached out to others.

Coyote took some serious crap simply for being popular. Some people just despise anyone who is popular for that reason alone. He was also a target due to his attempts to be helpful--some people react very badly to that. I really don't blame him for leaving after all the toxic nastiness that went on. He's doing well, if anyone is curious. My new dog is cuter than his new dog though.

 

[AtTheGates]

Ah, man. I've known guys who do that too. Notably, a former friend of mine. When confronted afterwards he would act like he had no idea what I was talking about.

I can't stand that. I hate having to call a guy out on some shit. I knew a guy that crossed the line like that multiple times and EVERY single time he would give me the some bullshit excuse. I hate when I have to draw the line. its so awkward...im generally laid back and try to avoid that kind of thing.

 

[kilojoule]

Coyote took some serious crap simply for being popular. Some people just despise anyone who is popular for that reason alone. He was also a target due to his attempts to be helpful--some people react very badly to that. I really don't blame him for leaving after all the toxic nastiness that went on. He's doing well, if anyone is curious. My new dog is cuter than his new dog though.

:sad: this makes me sad, come back coyote :crying: