Fear. Fear of not having a future, I worry about that. Just a year ago, I was doing nothing everyday at home, and no one cared, that was how I spent a few years of my life, and then, one fine day, I woke up and told myself if I'm going to make something of myself, I'm going to have to do it myself, because obviously no one is going to care or help me. So I took baby steps. I'm extremely exhausted and desperately need a break, probably a part time job, but I'm too afraid I would lapse back to the person I was - doing nothing all day. Granted, some things haven't changed much, I'm still unhappy and frustrated, but at least now, I'm doing something productive by working, trying to keep myself active keeps me going.
What Keeps You Going?
- Thread starter 206Raider
- Start date
DafT
Active member
The small things.
Ive faced suicide many times (never gone through with it, obviously), but each time its the small things that stop me. What I mean by that is, the moment I decide I'm going to do it, I get a sudden rush of memories reminding me of the small things I enjoy in life, and suddenly the balance just doesn't weigh in suicide's favour anymore, even if it means I simply "coast it", as someone put it earlier in this thread. Being able to eat a nice meal or find a new album that blows my mind away is always going to be better than being underground with nay a thought or feeling.
Music, reading, games, and all the other little things that can on days elevate my mood from utterly hatred to manageable contentedness are simply not worth throwing away, even if it means me having to live with my self-hatred and stress.
Ive faced suicide many times (never gone through with it, obviously), but each time its the small things that stop me. What I mean by that is, the moment I decide I'm going to do it, I get a sudden rush of memories reminding me of the small things I enjoy in life, and suddenly the balance just doesn't weigh in suicide's favour anymore, even if it means I simply "coast it", as someone put it earlier in this thread. Being able to eat a nice meal or find a new album that blows my mind away is always going to be better than being underground with nay a thought or feeling.
Music, reading, games, and all the other little things that can on days elevate my mood from utterly hatred to manageable contentedness are simply not worth throwing away, even if it means me having to live with my self-hatred and stress.
206Raider
Well-known member
So I had an event last night that tested my will but obviously I'm still here. I have no idea why I take so many hits in life and still have the ability to stand. It's like when something bad happens I go on auto-pilot and coast through everyday life. Today hasn't really felt any better or worse than any day this week. What keeps me going is the possibility that someday, sometime I will find exactly what I'm looking for. If I don't find it I don't know what I'm going to do. What's crazy to me is that ever since I was in elementary school I would tell my friends I would die when I'm 25. I don't know why but I still feel this way especially if I can't find happiness in anything. I've never been afraid of death and I'm not saying I'm suicidal but I've thought about it plenty of times in my life and like most of you the only thing that held me back was family and how they would react and I now it sounds selfish but I've been at a point where I could really careless, half my family doesn't like me, the other half never talks to me. My sister who was like my other half left after we got into an argument and we haven't really had a real conversation in a year, my brother never talks to me, my mom hardly reaches out and so does my dad. I feel nobody really gives a damn anyway but I'm still here partially to prove the naysayers wrong I think. I want to be on top of the world like "f*** everybody who said I couldn't make it"...I don't want to lose. I really have nothing holding me back from living or dying, I really have no idea what I'm doing here.
what keeps me going is purpose, and knowing there's more to life then all this B.S. This life is just a big test. Its not meant to be fun or happy all the time. We are meant to go through a lot of stuff in this life, we are hear to experience a full range of emotions and trials..its normal. More normal then being happy all the time and having it easy...
Even people who seem to have it easy don't have it easy.
I guess knowing this life is temporary anyway, might as well make the most of it, get up every morning go to work, come home see my dogs, hang out with my fiance' on the weekend, hang on to those little things and hope for better.
Even people who seem to have it easy don't have it easy.
I guess knowing this life is temporary anyway, might as well make the most of it, get up every morning go to work, come home see my dogs, hang out with my fiance' on the weekend, hang on to those little things and hope for better.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
The only thing that keeps me going is my mum, if it wasn't for her i would have disappeared a long time ago. The thing is she's really ill now and has been given a 3-5 year outlook so i know as soon as mum goes theres nothing left to keep me here!
Ack. Don't freakin say that!
DarkSeeker
Well-known member
As ironic has it sounds, what keeps me going is the hope of dying.
Often, I feel anxious about the simple fact that I exist and that I am me. Why do I have to be me? Can't I woke tomorrow and be another person. Wouldn't it be best for myself if I just die and let my real self live his life without me to burden him?
Often, I feel anxious about the simple fact that I exist and that I am me. Why do I have to be me? Can't I woke tomorrow and be another person. Wouldn't it be best for myself if I just die and let my real self live his life without me to burden him?
Rxqueen
Well-known member
I feel exactly like this I always thought I'd die before the age of 25, I can't say I'm suicidal (though I have been in the past) but I've always been at least mildly depressed since elementary school. The only thing I can tell you is that you shouldn't base you're entire life on today or even tomorrow because you don't what's going to happen next week. In other words you don't know if you're gonna find the love of your life or your best friend sometime in the future. You also don't know that you won't make up with ur fam within that time. I've had tons of arguments and fights with my family but in the end I always know that they have my back no matter what and I would be nothing without them. Just hold on to something because life in and of itself is hell in my opinion...but there are moments in which I'm very happy to be alive. Though those moments might be small and insignificant to some it definitely makes a difference and pushes me forward....I'm not usually an optimist but today is a better day than yesterday and tomorrow might be better than today...the point is no one really knows.
AimeeSP
Well-known member
To be honest, the only thing that really keeps me going is my neice and nephew. If it wasn't for them i wouldn't be here anymore, and the fear of going to hell after commiting suicide lol, and also my passion to help others. I also have a little bit of hope that things will change in the future. If things do change and become better i'm sure i'd have alot more things to write here in what keeps me going. 
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206Raider
Well-known member
Thanks that was insightful. I agree you never know what tomorrow has in store and never will know if you don't try so I think that's the underlying thing that keeps us all going but somedays I just don't feel like trying becuase I don't see how it will get better. We've all be there and like Aimee said, the thing that has always held me back whenever I'd have suicidal thought is my families reaction and hell if there is one, but sometimes it's like hell can't be worse than the hell I'm in now but I realize there is always hope for tomorrow, so now I'm keeping my feet on the ground and head to the sky and continue to push forward until these wheels fall off.
Cigars keep me going, actually i go to work only to have the money to buy them cause where i live they aren't cheap at all! I organize for myself cigar degustation moments smoking the best cuban ones you can get, i even manage to get a "Hoyo de Monterrey Epicure Especial LE 2004" although it's 6 years now they were produced, it was definitely the best cigar i ever smoked.
Besides this joke, i don't know very much what keeps my going, i mean i don't have friends or a girlfriend, actually the thing is that i never had them and i probably ever ever won't, can't face people very well at work, it's a dead end situation, can't upgrade my position cause i'll never have the guts or the motivation to ask for more responsabilities, probably i'll never find another one not being able to face interviews, i can't face going to pubs, bars, clubs, even restaurants (can you imagine that?), never go on holiday, i think it doesn't really make sense, yes probably it's the lack of motivation, but let's face it, who on earth could have motivation living like this?
Besides this joke, i don't know very much what keeps my going, i mean i don't have friends or a girlfriend, actually the thing is that i never had them and i probably ever ever won't, can't face people very well at work, it's a dead end situation, can't upgrade my position cause i'll never have the guts or the motivation to ask for more responsabilities, probably i'll never find another one not being able to face interviews, i can't face going to pubs, bars, clubs, even restaurants (can you imagine that?), never go on holiday, i think it doesn't really make sense, yes probably it's the lack of motivation, but let's face it, who on earth could have motivation living like this?
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