what do APD males have to offer opposite sex?

[bsammy]

seriously ive been thinking about this and if an APD male is dating a normal outgoing female, odds are it isnt going to last..i see no way an apd guy could keep up with normal dating and social demands.i see it as a losing battle, maybe thats why i really dont pursue relationships at all.i mean, what could an apd guy really offer a woman besides someone to talk to?maybe if the guy has a great job he can take care of her financially but thats it.

the reason i say males in the title because guys are often seen as they should lead the relationship, make the plans, be the confident/outgoing one etc etc.we all know apders are anything but.

 

[elek2ronik]

Question: what does APD stand for?

 

[Ms Cloud]

seriously ive been thinking about this and if an APD male is dating a normal outgoing female, odds are it isnt going to last..

Why does your woman have to be "normal" and "outgoing" if you're not?

 

[elek2ronik]

Yeah, regardless of your APD issue. I think you may be thinking too much into the situation. Every one is different, and you can certainly find someone who you are compatible with. Don't assume that ever girl out there is out going and "normal", and that you'll never be able to be in a relationship.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Question: what does APD stand for?

Avoidant Personality Disorder


And I think bsammy you shouldn't let APD define you, you're more than that, or more than your job. You are a unique person, and we should learn to show that to other people.

But to made a broad generalization, I'll say that we (just assuming here, haven't been professionally diagnosed) can guarantee absolute fidelity.

 

[elek2ronik]

Avoidant Personality Disorder


And I think bsammy you shouldn't let APD define you, you're more than that, or more than your job. You are a unique person, and we should learn to show that to other people.

But to made a broad generalization, I'll say that we (just assuming here, haven't been professionally diagnosed) can guarantee absolute fidelity.

Good advice here.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Yeah, regardless of your APD issue. I think you may be thinking too much into the situation. Every one is different, and you can certainly find someone who you are compatible with. Don't assume that ever girl out there is out going and "normal", and that you'll never be able to be in a relationship.

Such are the troubles with us who suffer from APD, AvPD, Avoidance. Over thinking. Think, think and think and think some more. You can put us into a situation and before it can begin we've probably sought out many ways the situation can happen. Mostly negative.

bsammy, comparing yourself to others will only lead down a familiar pathway, depression. Instead see how you can be better. Peruse your visions of betterment.

Also, try not thinking. What does that mean? Example: you are to meet someone new tomorrow and you've been made aware of it today. Don't think how you will be, how things will be. Just know it will happen and move on. Don't think or maybe you will not go through with it. Then you may miss something profound.

 

[Aletheia]

Why does your woman have to be "normal" and "outgoing" if you're not?

Seriously.

I can't be a good hostess and the life of the party. Finding someone who won't need me to be is always an enormous PLUS.

Then we can be shy together.

 

[bsammy]

^problem with 2 shy people being ok with each other is, where and how would they meet in the first place?? lol can you imagine a relationship between 2 avoidant people?wow, it would be interesting thats for sure..

well it doesnt take much to be more outgoing than me.every girl i have ever meet, 99% of guys are going to be more outgoing than me, its just that simple..this leads to me playing 'keep up' and i usually fall behind somewhat quickly..it usually begins to be too much of a chore to manage a relationship and full time job so relationship ends.its been my experience so far in this life.

trust me, if i could just shut down my brain and somehow step outside of my head, i would do it.i would have done it years ago but i cant.this is the reason we are all here..

sial axteder-it takes a person of a special nature to be around others and not come out comparing yourself to them..its very similar to when you are in junior high school running a race.in almost all races you are coming in last place.you will sit back and wonder what can be done to fix it, why you arent up to speed with others.this is what living with APD is like imo.the race is similar to life.i can barely work a full work week much less keep up with a relationship.i look around and pretty much everyone else is able to but i cant.this leads to isolation and feeling that arent so great.

 

[vj288]

Depends on the male with AvPD. In general, all the same things as a male without AvPD. I'm sure many people with AvPD do not feel that way, myself included, but objectively it's the truth. And if they do have less to offer, blaming the AvPD is taking the easy way out instead of looking at themselves.

 

[coyote]

i can offer them a good time

but not much more than that

 

[Aletheia]

^problem with 2 shy people being ok with each other is, where and how would they meet in the first place?

I've been with shy guys, so I'm here to tell you that it can be done. It's true they were unshy enough to ask me out.

But I've always met them in non-dating situations, where there's no pressure and we can slowly get to know each other before the big Ask.

I think introverts gravitate towards each other. Finding them may be less hard than you think.

this leads to me playing 'keep up' and i usually fall behind somewhat quickly

So don't try to keep up. Not everyone is looking for outgoing.

You might find I just think quiet people are sexier helpful. (And I should go read Are 'Shy Girls' attractive?)

it usually begins to be too much of a chore to manage a relationship and full time job so relationship ends

This is a separate issue, and one to which I wish I had the answers. The thing I most fret about is that I'm not social enough for my (shy!) boyfriend. Even if it's in my head, it grinds me down til I cut and run.

i can offer them a good time

The one thing I look for in a boyfriend (well, other than chemistry) is someone I enjoy spending time with. Everything else is just window dressing.

 

[Sial Axetder]

I've been with shy guys, so I'm here to tell you that it can be done. It's true they were unshy enough to ask me out.

But I've always met them in non-dating situations, where there's no pressure and we can slowly get to know each other before the big Ask.

I think introverts gravitate towards each other. Finding them may be less hard than you think.



So don't try to keep up. Not everyone is looking for outgoing.

You might find I just think quiet people are sexier helpful. (And I should go read Are 'Shy Girls' attractive?)



This is a separate issue, and one to which I had the answers. The thing I most fret about is that I'm not social enough for my (shy!) boyfriend. Even if it's in my head, it grinds me down til I cut and run.



The one thing I look for in a boyfriend (well, other than chemistry) is someone I enjoy spending time with. Everything else is just window dressing.

What's a window dressing?

 

[coyote]

What's a window dressing?

Definition of WINDOW DRESSING

1: the display of merchandise in a retail store window

2 a : the act or an instance of making something appear deceptively attractive or favorable
b : something used to create a deceptively favorable or attractive impression

.................................

 

[Sial Axetder]

.................................

Once again, sir, I be a-thankin ya.

 

[bsammy]

coyote-im basically the same way i can give them a good time but not even on a regular basis..maybe once a week if not less so its quite difficult to find a woman that would put up with my schedule or ways..they have always wanted more social time or intimacy than i can or am willing to give them..

shy girls are attractive but shy guys, ehh not really..not to most women i know..

 

[Kiwong]

Chocolate.............

 

[Darryl]

seriously ive been thinking about this and if an APD male is dating a normal outgoing female, odds are it isnt going to last..i see no way an apd guy could keep up with normal dating and social demands.i see it as a losing battle, maybe thats why i really dont pursue relationships at all.i mean, what could an apd guy really offer a woman besides someone to talk to?maybe if the guy has a great job he can take care of her financially but thats it.

the reason i say males in the title because guys are often seen as they should lead the relationship, make the plans, be the confident/outgoing one etc etc.we all know apders are anything but.

Bsammy,
Your still learning about you & Avoidance- so you have put all these senario's together to make sure you don't win.

Maybe you're at a stage where you would like a partner and now you have put a internal check list together in your head of how it's all going to work out...

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, doesn't work that way... and just like Sial said "stop overthinking".

Next time you start to over think the future- STOP- and see it as putting the brakes on Avoidance and the start of controlling by understanding.


Darryl

 

[bsammy]

daryl-no i havent set up everything knowing i will fail..these days i dont even pursue relationships because they just dont work.the past has taught me this..i havent given up completely on them but i no longer crave or desire them.

your advice to just 'stop thinking' simply doesnt work.i cant believe someone with APD would suggest this to someone else.thats like me going on a depression forum and telling everyone to just stop being depressed..if only it were that easy.

 

[Darryl]

odds are it isnt going to last

i see no way an apd guy could keep up with normal dating and social demands.

i see it as a losing battle,

maybe thats why i really dont pursue relationships at all.

i mean, what could an apd guy really offer a woman besides someone to talk to?

maybe if the guy has a great job he can take care of her financially but thats it.

Setting yourself up to fail...in your own words