I was thinking the other day of how the Internet is probably always going to be a part of everyone's lives for the rest of my existence on this planet, and how I feel about that.
I remember reading an article about how the Internet manages to suck people in so effectively-- it does so in little 'nibbles' as opposed to giant gulps. No one sits down with the intention of spending 3 or more hours reading about things they'll just forget later, they sit down thinking they'll look at one thing and then that will be all. But then that one thing links to another, which links to another and another and another until finally it's 2 hours later and all you have to show for it is a blur.
But it's not just this that is concerning me, it's the fact that despite all the time I have spent online, I still have this odd sense of not having completely adjusted to it. It reminds me of the 'Future Shock' phenomenon, wherein technology advances too fast and people cannot properly adjust, so they experience this sort of ennui or disconnection from reality.
Future Shock - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I remember having the same basic feeling when I first arrived in Taiwan. The noise of the scooters around me was absolutely maddening, but there was this voice in my head that kept reassuring me that it would all go away and everything would return to 'normal' in time.
But the next few days and even the next few weeks seemed to consist of me hitting wall after wall after wall... socially, emotionally and psychologically.
I suppose it could be just a sign of me getting older and not a case of the human race being unsuited for this sort of living, but at the same time I have to admit that there are more than a few moments where I stop and realize I have no idea how I feel about anything.
And it's not depression or anxiety, it's just disconnection, like I'm watching myself. I suppose it could relate to the fact that I haven't had a real home for over 10 years now, that I don't have my own place, can't get settled. It could also be dissociation, some sort of byproduct of psychedelic drug use or more likely, the amounts of information that I consume on a daily basis.
I have noticed changes in my vision... visual snow and halos. It's constantly taking me out of every moment I experience. I think I can describe it as derealization as well:
Derealization - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I know that I had serious issues with this when I was young as I would obsess over embarrassing or guilty thoughts for months on end... I would confront them over and over, trying to examine them in some way that could make me feel alright about their existence, but always be brought back to the fact that they were permanent parts of my identity, could not be removed from existence, and could not be reconciled with a 'worthy' sense of self. Sometimes it was like there was a negative or damaging energy in the thoughts that would constantly tempt me back into suicidal thinking, or into destructive behavior, or into a general anger or hatred of myself.
Bringing this back to the subject of the Internet, and expanding on what I have said in the past (maybe not on this site)-- one aspect of communication that has been severely crippled by the Internet is that people no longer need to rely on each other as a source of general knowledge, and now can simply consult an online 'authority', to which they will quite likely defer. The accuracy of that authority isn't so much the issue as the deferral... perhaps it is 'superior' information in some cases, however I have to wonder as to whether or not this type of information-gathering is influencing the construction of our identities as well as how we receive others.
I wonder if you could ever get so much information that it could completely smother you? Or if it could gradually supplant your identity? Or steer your interests away from selfhood and towards some sort of collective identity that is more political, more rooted in statistics and authorities and sensationalism and outrage and disgust than any human could possibly have achieved on their own?
The Internet is undeniably mutating consciousness... I think we're entering a turbulent period, where it's gel or be drowned in gel.
