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- Thread starter Odo
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Odo
Banned
I read over some of my journal entries and I've found that they often don't seem to make sense or express what I was getting at... or they repeat themselves. I guess that happens when you write massive walls of text and are just working things out as you write. I still hate it, though.
Maybe if I wrote less I would make more sense.
Today I was thinking about how it is that I have managed to convince myself I am so normal, and can write these journal entries like I'm actually somewhat confident.
And even though the answer might seem like I should know it, it hasn't actually hit me with the degree of significance it probably should have by now.
It is because I don't go anywhere, and I am constantly in my safety zone. I always want to assign deep, idiosyncratic meaning to my issues so I don't feel so wretched-- but yeah, it's the safety zone thing. It's pretty boring and ordinary-- well, for people with anxiety issues.
But then, I would probably be a lot more negative and a lot more rattled if I was subjecting myself to more stressors. Maybe doing so is the best way to make a breakthrough, but there is always a chance that the breakthrough will never come... in which case, I am certainly better off staying in my safety zone. I mean, if you were living on Mars, you wouldn't be an idiot for staying inside of your greenhouse/living quarters-- it's just the smart thing to do. You don't take off your space helmet in space, you don't remove your oxygen tank 10 meters underwater, you don't jump off a cliff because if you're not a bird, you don't just assume that you can fly.
It is probably better to be relatively happy inside of a bubble than suffering without reward because you think bubble life is a copout. That's pretty much against the entire fabric of society, excellence and what most people want for themselves/believe in with the whole 'achieve achieve achieve' thing... but really, if you're not even willing to address the possibility that it's true, what does that make you? Why would you need to achieve things when everyone can be perfectly happy by scaling things down, or by living simpler, or by focusing more on their immediate realities than the whole of society/civilization?
Yes, that is my profound insight into living for today.
OH AND:
If anything, the biggest problem we have as human beings is that we're not alone enough. We don't allow ourselves to be alone, and we're constantly reaching out in unsatisfying ways. We invite faceless voices into our homes, communicate with them through electronic devices that are always on us.
It's like looking through a window at a beautiful day, and being so obsessed with the sight of it that we never think to go outside and actually feel it. It's all just sound and vision, a gutted form of connection. If we were alone, it would at least be the complete experience of being alone... not just the sight and sound of being alone.
It's sort of like what they're doing with the food industry-- stripping everything of its nutrients to get to the most addictive properties, and then amplifying them to extremes. This is what has happened to communication. It's all processed, monitored and amputated.
It's like being a ghost.
Maybe if I wrote less I would make more sense.
Today I was thinking about how it is that I have managed to convince myself I am so normal, and can write these journal entries like I'm actually somewhat confident.
And even though the answer might seem like I should know it, it hasn't actually hit me with the degree of significance it probably should have by now.
It is because I don't go anywhere, and I am constantly in my safety zone. I always want to assign deep, idiosyncratic meaning to my issues so I don't feel so wretched-- but yeah, it's the safety zone thing. It's pretty boring and ordinary-- well, for people with anxiety issues.
But then, I would probably be a lot more negative and a lot more rattled if I was subjecting myself to more stressors. Maybe doing so is the best way to make a breakthrough, but there is always a chance that the breakthrough will never come... in which case, I am certainly better off staying in my safety zone. I mean, if you were living on Mars, you wouldn't be an idiot for staying inside of your greenhouse/living quarters-- it's just the smart thing to do. You don't take off your space helmet in space, you don't remove your oxygen tank 10 meters underwater, you don't jump off a cliff because if you're not a bird, you don't just assume that you can fly.
It is probably better to be relatively happy inside of a bubble than suffering without reward because you think bubble life is a copout. That's pretty much against the entire fabric of society, excellence and what most people want for themselves/believe in with the whole 'achieve achieve achieve' thing... but really, if you're not even willing to address the possibility that it's true, what does that make you? Why would you need to achieve things when everyone can be perfectly happy by scaling things down, or by living simpler, or by focusing more on their immediate realities than the whole of society/civilization?
Yes, that is my profound insight into living for today.
OH AND:
If anything, the biggest problem we have as human beings is that we're not alone enough. We don't allow ourselves to be alone, and we're constantly reaching out in unsatisfying ways. We invite faceless voices into our homes, communicate with them through electronic devices that are always on us.
It's like looking through a window at a beautiful day, and being so obsessed with the sight of it that we never think to go outside and actually feel it. It's all just sound and vision, a gutted form of connection. If we were alone, it would at least be the complete experience of being alone... not just the sight and sound of being alone.
It's sort of like what they're doing with the food industry-- stripping everything of its nutrients to get to the most addictive properties, and then amplifying them to extremes. This is what has happened to communication. It's all processed, monitored and amputated.
It's like being a ghost.
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MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Tesla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for the win! Hi Odo, What are you doing for "Tesla Day" this July 10th? What an amazing man and a great quote I have never read it before. TY for sharing =)
Well, if they had their way we wouldn't even be able to communicate-Our language is being dumbed down on purpose LOL OMG WTF STFU etc.....Who reads anymore? The fact that books are becoming a thing of the past is so sad to me. I am guilty of not reading like I used to.
I have this damn iphone again in my possession and I am tuned into it or on my laptop so much I really feel like I am loosing control of myself. But I have to say I am aware at least that it is happening and I want it to stop. Most people are not aware and that is where the danger is.
I loved your last few paragraphs. Really well put. Very good points you made.
I also agree with you about the comfort zone bubble thing. I have put myself out there now enough to know if a "breakthrough" is going to happen or not. I think for me ultimately I don't want to be a part of it, society, so I am not going to suddenly one day go happily clubbing or to the mall with my girl friends, I will never have huge parties or suddenly want to reconnect with all my old child hood friends because I want to be away from it all. I don't want to be in the group. I think best like Tesla said, Alone. I am OK with that but yeah it wasn't always so easy to accept myself for who I was. I do think it's a wisdom with age issue. When your younger peer pressure and doing the norm is very much in the forefront of our minds. We are still in High School mode wanting to be popular and not different. Then 10 maybe 15 yrs later after lots of life experiences we are able to finally just be who we want to be because time has allowed us to experience the world and we discover that we don't need the approval of others like we thought we did. We start living for ourselves and what we want. That is when life gets good.
I always am reading these posts by the younger people here and I am so freaking glad to be past all of those things they are going through with trying to be accepted by others because it is still so important to them. Also remembering how damn vicious humans are to each other-no thanks. I will take my mountain top of peace and solitude any day!!
Well, if they had their way we wouldn't even be able to communicate-Our language is being dumbed down on purpose LOL OMG WTF STFU etc.....Who reads anymore? The fact that books are becoming a thing of the past is so sad to me. I am guilty of not reading like I used to.
I have this damn iphone again in my possession and I am tuned into it or on my laptop so much I really feel like I am loosing control of myself. But I have to say I am aware at least that it is happening and I want it to stop. Most people are not aware and that is where the danger is.
I loved your last few paragraphs. Really well put. Very good points you made.
I also agree with you about the comfort zone bubble thing. I have put myself out there now enough to know if a "breakthrough" is going to happen or not. I think for me ultimately I don't want to be a part of it, society, so I am not going to suddenly one day go happily clubbing or to the mall with my girl friends, I will never have huge parties or suddenly want to reconnect with all my old child hood friends because I want to be away from it all. I don't want to be in the group. I think best like Tesla said, Alone. I am OK with that but yeah it wasn't always so easy to accept myself for who I was. I do think it's a wisdom with age issue. When your younger peer pressure and doing the norm is very much in the forefront of our minds. We are still in High School mode wanting to be popular and not different. Then 10 maybe 15 yrs later after lots of life experiences we are able to finally just be who we want to be because time has allowed us to experience the world and we discover that we don't need the approval of others like we thought we did. We start living for ourselves and what we want. That is when life gets good.
I always am reading these posts by the younger people here and I am so freaking glad to be past all of those things they are going through with trying to be accepted by others because it is still so important to them. Also remembering how damn vicious humans are to each other-no thanks. I will take my mountain top of peace and solitude any day!!
Odo
Banned
Thanks for the response, Molly!
Part of the problem is that there is so much pressure to belong that it's hard to separate that pressure from a genuine desire on the part of the individual. I think that these pressures corrupt the desires/needs that we do have just as much as they create ones that we wouldn't have otherwise had. If I were big into conspiracies, I might even think that this is on purpose-- if it's too hard to get in touch with your own heart, then you're more likely to just follow any old suggestion that comes along... because everything, including your own 'true' self, is confusing and meaningless and we can never be truly sure why we want/do/think what we do.
On the me front, this state of not having a center or not being able to truly know myself in the face of oppressive waves of information is a major source of anxiety-- but it could be that I just haven't developed that sense of identity that other people have, either through my own actions/inactions, or because of factors beyond my control... which in turn makes it harder for me to deal with a lot of messages and information-- or maybe it's just that I try to give equal weight to things that do not deserve it or cannot possibly be compatible with each other-- so each shift becomes like this momentous transformation of my identity instead of filtering them according to whether or not they 'click' with my current sense of self.
But in many ways, it's impossible not to be worn down by it all... whether or not this was intentional doesn't matter as much as how we're all supposed to deal with it. It's a big part of why I want to escape, but then... I've also been made weak by it or allowed myself to become weak, so I am more likely to break if I escape it.
Part of the problem is that there is so much pressure to belong that it's hard to separate that pressure from a genuine desire on the part of the individual. I think that these pressures corrupt the desires/needs that we do have just as much as they create ones that we wouldn't have otherwise had. If I were big into conspiracies, I might even think that this is on purpose-- if it's too hard to get in touch with your own heart, then you're more likely to just follow any old suggestion that comes along... because everything, including your own 'true' self, is confusing and meaningless and we can never be truly sure why we want/do/think what we do.
On the me front, this state of not having a center or not being able to truly know myself in the face of oppressive waves of information is a major source of anxiety-- but it could be that I just haven't developed that sense of identity that other people have, either through my own actions/inactions, or because of factors beyond my control... which in turn makes it harder for me to deal with a lot of messages and information-- or maybe it's just that I try to give equal weight to things that do not deserve it or cannot possibly be compatible with each other-- so each shift becomes like this momentous transformation of my identity instead of filtering them according to whether or not they 'click' with my current sense of self.
But in many ways, it's impossible not to be worn down by it all... whether or not this was intentional doesn't matter as much as how we're all supposed to deal with it. It's a big part of why I want to escape, but then... I've also been made weak by it or allowed myself to become weak, so I am more likely to break if I escape it.
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Opaline
1
As I read this it kind of rang true to me. Sadly. Maybe that ever-elusive moment when your life changes for the better and you're at peace will never happen. Maybe you'll never be "happy", or not have social anxiety, or feel confident. Maybe it will just be a long, torturous struggle, as it has been for many people with social anxiety. And society doesn't understand. They don't care and they are ruthless. They're wired and socialized to be that way. You're pretty much f***ed.
There is, of course, the possibility that if you try CBT it will help and eventually lead to major positive changes if you stick with it... but it's hard to find a proper treatment group for it, or therapist, and it doesn't work for some people.
Sorry to come in to your thread and spew negativity. I'm feeling pretty shitty and happened to read this, haha - and strangely enough I found it both comforting and extremely depressing.
:idontknow:
Odo
Banned
I think that suppressing your negativity is probably worse than letting it out... besides, you seem to be pretty aware of it as a state of mind and not as a part of your being or something that will doom you to a life of loneliness and despair. Finding people who we can identify with and who can understand our struggles is what this site is all about!
I don't think SA is a death sentence or anything... there are definitely worse things in this world. And everyone is allowed to be negative every now and then.
It's when you start telling yourself it's all pointless and hopeless and futile and that you can never be happy that you become truly annoying.
Odo
Banned
Grey's Anatomy has to be the dumbest, most annoying show on TV right now.
Every time I end up having to watch it, there is a cathartic confrontation where people launch perfectly on-the-nose articulations of their emotions/issues with each other while some 80s or 90s hit plays in the background-- usually it's a cover version done by a faux-soulful solo artist with a pining, tender voice.. who prefers delicate, sweeping, stripped down arrangements.
Tonight they had 2 eighties covers-- the first was Sting's 'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic', slowed down and played on the piano. The second was Tears for Fears' 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World'... slowed down and played on the piano. I'm waiting for the slowed-down piano versions of Eddie Money's 'Two Tickets to Paradise', Van Halen's 'Jump' and Huey Lewis and The News' 'Power Of Love'.
Why do we need slowed down piano versions of 80s hits? The answer is: we don't, but record companies need money, and they need something repugnantly saccharine to score the bullshit moments we're all supposed to care about... and people are obviously falling for it. So why do I need to shit on everyone's shit sandwiches? People can enjoy banal, stupid things if they want. In a free society, people are allowed to be as stupid and as tasteless as they want to be.
I blame Tori Amos.
Also on the annoyance front-- my dad insists on watching 1 and a half hours of news every single night... and my room is next to the TV room. I'm starting to seriously despise the news. It's like this constant stream of anxiety and fear... it makes me sick. And to hear it reported on two different channels is just way too much... the same stories repeated over and over. It's actually kind of good, because it makes me realize just how ridiculous and manipulative most news is. I mean, I already knew that-- but it's interesting to feel the full effect of an hour and a half of exposure.
Every time I end up having to watch it, there is a cathartic confrontation where people launch perfectly on-the-nose articulations of their emotions/issues with each other while some 80s or 90s hit plays in the background-- usually it's a cover version done by a faux-soulful solo artist with a pining, tender voice.. who prefers delicate, sweeping, stripped down arrangements.
Tonight they had 2 eighties covers-- the first was Sting's 'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic', slowed down and played on the piano. The second was Tears for Fears' 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World'... slowed down and played on the piano. I'm waiting for the slowed-down piano versions of Eddie Money's 'Two Tickets to Paradise', Van Halen's 'Jump' and Huey Lewis and The News' 'Power Of Love'.
Why do we need slowed down piano versions of 80s hits? The answer is: we don't, but record companies need money, and they need something repugnantly saccharine to score the bullshit moments we're all supposed to care about... and people are obviously falling for it. So why do I need to shit on everyone's shit sandwiches? People can enjoy banal, stupid things if they want. In a free society, people are allowed to be as stupid and as tasteless as they want to be.
I blame Tori Amos.
Also on the annoyance front-- my dad insists on watching 1 and a half hours of news every single night... and my room is next to the TV room. I'm starting to seriously despise the news. It's like this constant stream of anxiety and fear... it makes me sick. And to hear it reported on two different channels is just way too much... the same stories repeated over and over. It's actually kind of good, because it makes me realize just how ridiculous and manipulative most news is. I mean, I already knew that-- but it's interesting to feel the full effect of an hour and a half of exposure.
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Odo
Banned
Sometimes I wonder exactly how much of a role fear plays in the average person's life, and how often that fear results in dishonesty that will always inevitably alienate them from pretty much everyone.
Being honest or forthcoming about your vulnerabilities can cause some people to pounce, but at the same time, I don't think that kind of pain compares to the pain that will happen when you're exposed as dishonest, or when everything you try to hide from someone becomes known to them. If you're pounced on by someone after sharing your vulnerabilities, you've lost a potential bad friend... but if you're dishonest with someone you care about, you've lost a hugely positive influence on your life.
You know you are in love when someone can see you at your weakest and still accept you... when they don't turn away in disgust, or demand more of you, or tell you that you're not living the way you should be. And not because they are weak themselves and don't think they can do any better, but because they see something of value in you.
If you're always trying to be at your strongest, always trying to convince people you're in control and you're always desirable and you're always worthwhile... eventually you forget how to be human and you get caught up in this need to present a false self to the world. At that point you begin to lose your strength because not only are you holding back your true self, you're also channelling your energy into your mask, and into supporting the weight of that mask. You can't keep that up forever.
I am lucky to have found someone who will accept my weaknesses, and love them because they are a part of me... just like I love every part of her.
Being honest or forthcoming about your vulnerabilities can cause some people to pounce, but at the same time, I don't think that kind of pain compares to the pain that will happen when you're exposed as dishonest, or when everything you try to hide from someone becomes known to them. If you're pounced on by someone after sharing your vulnerabilities, you've lost a potential bad friend... but if you're dishonest with someone you care about, you've lost a hugely positive influence on your life.
You know you are in love when someone can see you at your weakest and still accept you... when they don't turn away in disgust, or demand more of you, or tell you that you're not living the way you should be. And not because they are weak themselves and don't think they can do any better, but because they see something of value in you.
If you're always trying to be at your strongest, always trying to convince people you're in control and you're always desirable and you're always worthwhile... eventually you forget how to be human and you get caught up in this need to present a false self to the world. At that point you begin to lose your strength because not only are you holding back your true self, you're also channelling your energy into your mask, and into supporting the weight of that mask. You can't keep that up forever.
I am lucky to have found someone who will accept my weaknesses, and love them because they are a part of me... just like I love every part of her.
Odo
Banned
Opaline you deserve an award for reading and responding to so many of my posts! I give you 2 thumbs up:
:thumbup: :thumbup:
In other news, I was talking to my super amazing soul mate the other day about a certain type of atheist who absolutely insist that everything must be logical or physical or scientific and anything that isn't is ridiculous and foolish and should not be believed.
I think this type of personality is also connected to things like libertarianism and autism... it's like the right half of their brain has completely atrophied and they have no intuition whatsoever.
:thumbup: :thumbup:
In other news, I was talking to my super amazing soul mate the other day about a certain type of atheist who absolutely insist that everything must be logical or physical or scientific and anything that isn't is ridiculous and foolish and should not be believed.
I think this type of personality is also connected to things like libertarianism and autism... it's like the right half of their brain has completely atrophied and they have no intuition whatsoever.
Odo
Banned
Sorry, I typed the 9 upside down and instead of another 9 I typed a zero. I am so clumsy!
BlueDays
1
^ This % saga has made me lol so much!
:thinking: well... all right ...
(Takes a bank loan to afford making the record, sells 500.000 records, has to pay you royalty, has no money left, ends up on the street, dies... dies!!)
:crying:
:kickingmyself:
I tried to quote all of it from the beginning, but it all had too many smilies in, it would not let me.
Odo
Banned
:thinking: well... all right ...
(Takes a bank loan to afford making the record, sells 500.000 records, has to pay you royalty, has no money left, ends up on the street, dies... dies!!)
:crying:
:kickingmyself:
Oh come on I would never let you die. As long as my house needs cleaning, you will always be able to find extra work!
Odo
Banned
Thanks Joule!
I suppose most network TV shows follow a formula, but that one really irks me.
Nanita
Well-known member
^ This % saga has made me lol so much!
I tried to quote all of it from the beginning, but it all had too many smilies in, it would not let me.
:bigsmile::bigsmile:
Thank you my lord :militarysalute: I'm good at cleaning. I can also be a butler.
Odo
Banned
I would prefer to think of you as my house wench.
Odo
Banned
I'm not even sure I have anything to say at the moment... it's more like posting in this journal is part of a routine I have.
Well, maybe today I will talk about social pressures.
I guess most people like to think of themselves as individuals, but people are far more influenced by each other, the media, etc. than they think. Either because they want to conform, or because they want to rebel. Defining yourself against something is practically the same thing as defining yourself according to something... it's just as easy to manipulate the knee-**** rebel as it is to manipulate the die-hard conformist looking for acceptance. There are also half-hearted rebels who are mostly just lousy conformists who don't want to face up to it.
Really, the only way to know yourself is to consciously separate/isolate yourself, and accept that that is how you are. Not in an angry, desperate way... and not in a way where you are actually still actually wanting to belong. But I guess in the end it doesn't matter why you do it... because you can always lose the anger or the bitterness or the longing to belong.
But yes, I have lived away from western society long enough to recognize things that others might just take as given, and at the same time has given me this sense of not exactly belonging anywhere. I think that a lot of people who haven't stayed in one place can probably relate.
But yes, I also know that the source of my frustrations has never been isolation, or not working, or not looking my best, or not having more friends... it has always been this sense of not being good enough, successful enough, having enough money, which of course is driven by social pressures more than any internal need to assert myself or to get things for myself.
I have never been ambitious, or assertive... and have never wished to be. I suppose at one point I did want to be well-liked, but then... I am not going to live my adult life according to the goals I had as a teenager, even if I never actually met them. I suppose it was sort of naive of me to think that I could have ever been a wealthy, successful person because of some naive belief in 'talent' or 'worthiness'. I wouldn't exactly say I'm lazy... and I am not lying when I say I can focus on something when I feel it might be worthwhile. But I look at society, I look at where it's going, I look at the fact that there is an overwhelming consensus that capitalism is out of control and society is heading for collapse possibly within my lifetime... and I can't say I find any valid reason to participate, but plenty of reasons to withdraw... not the least of which is my own survival and the survival of my children. I mean, the least anyone could do is stop participating in this lifestyle that most people hate and that is growing increasingly less rewarding, taking more and more and giving back less and less... and it's not going to get better. I'm actually glad I'm older because I might not see the worst of it.
But yes-- it's not going to get better and people are not going to drop out of it, and a very large part of that is social pressure. Even now-- or perhaps even moreso now that I'm out of my 'doesn't count' 20s, it seems like I keep running into people who are all about 'what would people think???' or 'what are other people my age doing?' and not about 'i want that' or 'this is how i want to live'. I seriously think I am more upset by the look on my brother in law's face when he realizes my work ethic is kinda shit than the fact that I don't have a job, or for that matter, the fact that the planet is warming... not because I feel terrible about myself, but because I can't live knowing that I am being disapproved of by the kind of people that everyone has been trained to respect-- ie: the rich, the famous, the confident, the socially connected, etc.
When he isn't here, there is no issue. Some people might think it's because I am ashamed of myself for not having more, being more, etc... and that I am a failure for not putting more effort into getting what my brother in law wants for himself or how he defines himself as a successful, worthwhile person-- but that's not true. It really is as simple as not wanting to have people who disapprove of the way I am in my life... it's not about me facing universal, concrete realities, it's about not wanting negative energies and superficial social pressures in my life... because they threaten my soul.
I think a lot of this is the influence of conservatism and its glorification of wealth, the media and its marketing of youth and extroversion, anti-intellectualism in practically every facet of the culture, the fact that society is growing too complex for anyone to ever really understand how these things work-- so we're forced to trust others' accounts of what is happening, how something works, etc. There are so many crucial issues that will have lasting impacts on everyone's lives and it's impossible to ever know enough about them to know if we're being lied to. And it's impossible to trust people because it's impossible to explain these things to people but at the same time they need support, so they give people simplified, and probably somewhat untrue explanations to manipulate them into supporting something that nobody understands.
Society is getting so complicated and so specialized that it's impossible to find people who can fulfill its roles... another symptom that society is about to collapse. And yet, people still have time to be concerned about meaningless bullshit.
It's insane.
Well, maybe today I will talk about social pressures.
I guess most people like to think of themselves as individuals, but people are far more influenced by each other, the media, etc. than they think. Either because they want to conform, or because they want to rebel. Defining yourself against something is practically the same thing as defining yourself according to something... it's just as easy to manipulate the knee-**** rebel as it is to manipulate the die-hard conformist looking for acceptance. There are also half-hearted rebels who are mostly just lousy conformists who don't want to face up to it.
Really, the only way to know yourself is to consciously separate/isolate yourself, and accept that that is how you are. Not in an angry, desperate way... and not in a way where you are actually still actually wanting to belong. But I guess in the end it doesn't matter why you do it... because you can always lose the anger or the bitterness or the longing to belong.
But yes, I have lived away from western society long enough to recognize things that others might just take as given, and at the same time has given me this sense of not exactly belonging anywhere. I think that a lot of people who haven't stayed in one place can probably relate.
But yes, I also know that the source of my frustrations has never been isolation, or not working, or not looking my best, or not having more friends... it has always been this sense of not being good enough, successful enough, having enough money, which of course is driven by social pressures more than any internal need to assert myself or to get things for myself.
I have never been ambitious, or assertive... and have never wished to be. I suppose at one point I did want to be well-liked, but then... I am not going to live my adult life according to the goals I had as a teenager, even if I never actually met them. I suppose it was sort of naive of me to think that I could have ever been a wealthy, successful person because of some naive belief in 'talent' or 'worthiness'. I wouldn't exactly say I'm lazy... and I am not lying when I say I can focus on something when I feel it might be worthwhile. But I look at society, I look at where it's going, I look at the fact that there is an overwhelming consensus that capitalism is out of control and society is heading for collapse possibly within my lifetime... and I can't say I find any valid reason to participate, but plenty of reasons to withdraw... not the least of which is my own survival and the survival of my children. I mean, the least anyone could do is stop participating in this lifestyle that most people hate and that is growing increasingly less rewarding, taking more and more and giving back less and less... and it's not going to get better. I'm actually glad I'm older because I might not see the worst of it.
But yes-- it's not going to get better and people are not going to drop out of it, and a very large part of that is social pressure. Even now-- or perhaps even moreso now that I'm out of my 'doesn't count' 20s, it seems like I keep running into people who are all about 'what would people think???' or 'what are other people my age doing?' and not about 'i want that' or 'this is how i want to live'. I seriously think I am more upset by the look on my brother in law's face when he realizes my work ethic is kinda shit than the fact that I don't have a job, or for that matter, the fact that the planet is warming... not because I feel terrible about myself, but because I can't live knowing that I am being disapproved of by the kind of people that everyone has been trained to respect-- ie: the rich, the famous, the confident, the socially connected, etc.
When he isn't here, there is no issue. Some people might think it's because I am ashamed of myself for not having more, being more, etc... and that I am a failure for not putting more effort into getting what my brother in law wants for himself or how he defines himself as a successful, worthwhile person-- but that's not true. It really is as simple as not wanting to have people who disapprove of the way I am in my life... it's not about me facing universal, concrete realities, it's about not wanting negative energies and superficial social pressures in my life... because they threaten my soul.
I think a lot of this is the influence of conservatism and its glorification of wealth, the media and its marketing of youth and extroversion, anti-intellectualism in practically every facet of the culture, the fact that society is growing too complex for anyone to ever really understand how these things work-- so we're forced to trust others' accounts of what is happening, how something works, etc. There are so many crucial issues that will have lasting impacts on everyone's lives and it's impossible to ever know enough about them to know if we're being lied to. And it's impossible to trust people because it's impossible to explain these things to people but at the same time they need support, so they give people simplified, and probably somewhat untrue explanations to manipulate them into supporting something that nobody understands.
Society is getting so complicated and so specialized that it's impossible to find people who can fulfill its roles... another symptom that society is about to collapse. And yet, people still have time to be concerned about meaningless bullshit.
It's insane.
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