Treebones..Journal
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TreeBones
Well-known member
No worries, good luck.
Thanks :]
TreeBones
Well-known member
Not that I'm putting myself in the christian religion category, but this is in my favorite christian band, it's a shame they broke up.
As Cities Burn - "Made Too Pretty" - YouTube
As Cities Burn - "Made Too Pretty" - YouTube
TreeBones
Well-known member
The Picture Of Dorian Gray (1945) - Trailer - YouTube
How could I have not known that there is a newer version of this movie? I must see it now.
How could I have not known that there is a newer version of this movie? I must see it now.
TreeBones
Well-known member
So it turns out I can't get my GED through a college till I'm 18, so I'm probably going to have to contract through a high school but I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how to go about doing it. I desperately need advice or.. Something.. but my mom doesn't like to really talk to me about it,..the future and all that. I don't know if it's just because she's lazy or if she wants company to her own misery. I don't understand how a mother can just not care... I mean I know my mom loves me, I know that only because I know if I died she would feel something but she doesn't act like it and as much as I would deny this to any other person I know, it hurts. She should be trying to make up for all the bad things that she's done, which in my opinion she should still be in jail for, but nothing ever changes for the better now matter how much wishful thinking or positive thinking I put into it. I've been bad talking my mom a lot lately and I feel bad but on the other hand I feel justified. .....It seems like I've been butthurt about this recently but .. I don't know. I suppose it's just been a bad couple of weeks.
I'm too ashamed to talk to my dad about me still not being in school and honestly I really don't want to talk to him until I'm either in school or have a job.. but being at my dad's house feels more healthy so maybe I should go there for a week.
I feel so behind in life. I'm behind in school, in friends, in having a job, in experiences. I've practically murdered my life. I don't know why I couldn't just go to a normal high school with my friends. I don't know why I couldn't just let my friends be my friends. I miss them terribly.. And the worst part is I don't think I know how to have friends anymore. I'm just a really sick and different person now.
Rancid - Fall Back Down [Indestructible] - YouTube
I'm too ashamed to talk to my dad about me still not being in school and honestly I really don't want to talk to him until I'm either in school or have a job.. but being at my dad's house feels more healthy so maybe I should go there for a week.
I feel so behind in life. I'm behind in school, in friends, in having a job, in experiences. I've practically murdered my life. I don't know why I couldn't just go to a normal high school with my friends. I don't know why I couldn't just let my friends be my friends. I miss them terribly.. And the worst part is I don't think I know how to have friends anymore. I'm just a really sick and different person now.
Rancid - Fall Back Down [Indestructible] - YouTube
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MikeyC
Well-known member
Sorry you're feeling so low. Feeling like you're behind in everything can be disconcerting, and can make you feel bleak. I'm sure lots of us on this forum have felt or do feel the same, so you're not alone and there are plenty of people you can chat to one-on-one if you feel the need to do so.
What you should try to remember is that you're not yet eighteen year old. While it's socially encouraged to have your life figured out and a future planned, how many people actually have that at eighteen? I know I didn't, and at the age of 28, it's still a mystery-of-sorts.
I'm sure you're overwhelmed at the amount of things you feel you have to do to get your life in order, as social norms put it. However, don't try to do everything at once. Start small. For example, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to cook a couple of meals that you've never attempted. Try that first and the feeling of accomplishment will be there. Or maybe you've always wanted to call your local K-Mart about a product for sale. I realise how stupid that may sound, but actually starting with small victories like these than attempting the big life-changers can be good stepping stones to reach them later.
You're not even eighteen, so you have loads of time.
What you should try to remember is that you're not yet eighteen year old. While it's socially encouraged to have your life figured out and a future planned, how many people actually have that at eighteen? I know I didn't, and at the age of 28, it's still a mystery-of-sorts.
I'm sure you're overwhelmed at the amount of things you feel you have to do to get your life in order, as social norms put it. However, don't try to do everything at once. Start small. For example, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to cook a couple of meals that you've never attempted. Try that first and the feeling of accomplishment will be there. Or maybe you've always wanted to call your local K-Mart about a product for sale. I realise how stupid that may sound, but actually starting with small victories like these than attempting the big life-changers can be good stepping stones to reach them later.
You're not even eighteen, so you have loads of time.
TreeBones
Well-known member
Sorry you're feeling so low. Feeling like you're behind in everything can be disconcerting, and can make you feel bleak. I'm sure lots of us on this forum have felt or do feel the same, so you're not alone and there are plenty of people you can chat to one-on-one if you feel the need to do so.
What you should try to remember is that you're not yet eighteen year old. While it's socially encouraged to have your life figured out and a future planned, how many people actually have that at eighteen? I know I didn't, and at the age of 28, it's still a mystery-of-sorts.
I'm sure you're overwhelmed at the amount of things you feel you have to do to get your life in order, as social norms put it. However, don't try to do everything at once. Start small. For example, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to cook a couple of meals that you've never attempted. Try that first and the feeling of accomplishment will be there. Or maybe you've always wanted to call your local K-Mart about a product for sale. I realise how stupid that may sound, but actually starting with small victories like these than attempting the big life-changers can be good stepping stones to reach them later.
You're not even eighteen, so you have loads of time.
You're 28!? from what I remember by your picture, you look so much younger.
Thank you for putting things in perspective. It's just that I don't feel 17, I feel like an old, cynical, lady haha. I think you're right about not needing to have everything together right now, I just don't seem to have that mindset most of the time.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Why thank you.
I certainly feel my age, which is actually a step up from feeling like I was 50 not that long ago. You'll get there with it. You just need to do one thing at a time. I hate using myself as an example, but when I decided I needed to change, I didn't look for a new job or a girlfriend or a house. The first thing I did was change gyms. It was unnerving, but tackling a problem that's small in perspective, but still big to the individual, is a great way to start. You'll be fine. And feeling like a "cynical old lady" can have its advantages. Maturity and realism springs to mind immediately.
TreeBones
Well-known member
Why thank you.
You'll get there with it. You just need to do one thing at a time. I hate using myself as an example, but when I decided I needed to change, I didn't look for a new job or a girlfriend or a house. The first thing I did was change gyms. It was unnerving, but tackling a problem that's small in perspective, but still big to the individual, is a great way to start. You'll be fine. And feeling like a "cynical old lady" can have its advantages. Maturity and realism springs to mind immediately.
No that's ok, when someone uses themselves as an example it makes things more relatable pertaining to my situation. I'll try to put more effort in making those small changes. Thank you.
TreeBones
Well-known member
My "Friend" just came to pick up her baby London.. It's weird, we're not really friends anymore so I don't know what to call her, by now I'm sure she knows that I've been avoiding her on purpose. It's so awkward because we've been friends forever (And I mean forever, our moms served in the army together long before we were born) and now we're just not... I'm okay with that for the most part but it's still just so strange when she comes around...She drops London off regardless of me not talking to her because besides her mom I'm the only one she trusts to watch her. I can't believe she named her London though... she knew I liked that name!! ....for a boy though, and if I have a girl I would like to name her Grey. I'll probably never have kids but I like thinking of names and what they would look like.
This is her playing with my guitar, she loves music, or any kind of sounds really. I was trying to introduce her to my cat for the first time yesterday and it looked like she was trying to eat her... she's going through a stage where everything she touches has to go in her mouth hahaha. ahh I miss her already.
The boy who was staying with us went home today, so I'm glad about that... I hope that wasn't a mean thing to say. I actually had fun when he was here, he's pretty cool and very friendly. We (as in him, my older brother, little sister, and I ) played COD black ops 2 for most the time, and I find that when I'm doing something like playing a game, driving, or painting that I'm not that nervous around others, I think it's because I'm distracted and don't have to worry about eye contact as much.
..Recently I've realized that I'm mostly complaining.. this entire journal.. haha..so I'm going to try not to do that anymore.. although I must admit it feels really good to do so.
So with the rest of today I'm going to take a long bath, go for a walk, clean my room and continue my Harry Potter movie marathon!! J.K. Rowling also just released a new Harry Potter story that I haven't gotten to yet, so of course I'll be reading that later!!! (so excited!) It would be amazing if she started writing books like harry potter again, maybe continuing on with their kids or something.
....for a boy though, and if I have a girl I would like to name her Grey. I'll probably never have kids but I like thinking of names and what they would look like. This is her playing with my guitar, she loves music, or any kind of sounds really. I was trying to introduce her to my cat for the first time yesterday and it looked like she was trying to eat her... she's going through a stage where everything she touches has to go in her mouth hahaha. ahh I miss her already.
The boy who was staying with us went home today, so I'm glad about that... I hope that wasn't a mean thing to say. I actually had fun when he was here, he's pretty cool and very friendly. We (as in him, my older brother, little sister, and I ) played COD black ops 2 for most the time, and I find that when I'm doing something like playing a game, driving, or painting that I'm not that nervous around others, I think it's because I'm distracted and don't have to worry about eye contact as much.
..Recently I've realized that I'm mostly complaining.. this entire journal.. haha..so I'm going to try not to do that anymore.. although I must admit it feels really good to do so.
So with the rest of today I'm going to take a long bath, go for a walk, clean my room and continue my Harry Potter movie marathon!! J.K. Rowling also just released a new Harry Potter story that I haven't gotten to yet, so of course I'll be reading that later!!! (so excited!) It would be amazing if she started writing books like harry potter again, maybe continuing on with their kids or something.
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I like that guitar. I've always wanted one, even though I can't play for nothing! You seem like you're really good with kids and like kids like you. You should play your guitar on video and share it here! I'm glad you've found things to do that make you less nervous around people. May I suggest taking a long walk and then take your relaxing candle lit bath? Seems like it'd be better in that order to me ha ha
TreeBones
Well-known member
ahaha, Maybe some day soon I will make a video. That guitar's been sitting in my closet for a couple of years and I took it out for London. I honestly don't like it too much :ironicsmile: , my mom got it for me because she knew I wanted to learn electric guitar and I just told her I loved it. I can play simple coffee house stuff but it's not what I like to play (I don't even consider it "playing" really), I learned some sarah silverman songs to keep things fun but I would like to play like Synyster Gates (he has great melody) or John Petrucci from dream theater one day. If I ever got that good or even close I would get a custom Les Paul guitar of my own, but that probably won't happen aha.
ahaha and Thank you. It's just that talk late walks so by the time I get in I'm ready to lye down and get ready for bed (especially since I got myself on a regular sleeping schedule a couple of days ago.. yay!)
*edit* I do love kids but I don't know if kids like me.. at least anymore....I think they like me from a distance haha... London likes me though. One time an elementary school was getting out and I was walking to a driving lesson, this little girl looked up at me with this ... kind of look, I don't know how to explain it and she smiled and waved at me, it made me feel good. This kind of thing happens now and again and those really are the best kinds of moments for me. Especially because I don't think I look like most people.. like my face or the way I dress.. I don't exactly shop at aero or hollister and all that I mean. But for the most part young children have no judgement and they just look at you like with..wonderment or something. I love that about kids... I just love their innocence.
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TreeBones
Well-known member
Lots of drama today.
My mom's ex came over here at 3 in the morning pounding on the door, my mom let him come in, she told me he needed a place to crash because.. I don't know why exactly,.. last I knew he had an apartment. A few days earlier he was texting my mom all these creepy messages about me, like how he's going to marry me and how he could get me to want "the broginator" as he calls himself and that he's not going to stop. He asked my mom if she left the windows open earlier a few days ago and she still let him come in this morning!!! He woke me up and tried talking to me and complaining about how he's homeless (he's not homeless..he's just crazy)
I was angry and told him to get the hell out of my room and then my mom told him to get out. He told her that we dated while he was staying here and she was in Ohio, that of course is a big fat lie!! He took me and my brother to Noah when he was here but that was on no circumstances a "date" and he knows that. I yelled at him ..and he left.. he's still texting my mom though...she feels sorry for him. Ugh the whole thing just makes me feel angry.. and icky.
On a lighter note, the rest of the day was nice. Baked cookies and painted with my little sister.
My little sister painted a heart and cupcake and gave the heart to my mom. My mom will probably figure out a way to turn it into an ashtray though.
Since my Ipod is broken, my sister had full musical control while we were baking and painting and all.
vChenay - I Am The Unicorn (Original Song) - YouTube
This was me the first time I heard this ^ song - "ALIYAH, PLEASE TURN THIS OFF!!"
15 minutes later ....
"I AM THE UNICORN!!!"
My mom's ex came over here at 3 in the morning pounding on the door, my mom let him come in, she told me he needed a place to crash because.. I don't know why exactly,.. last I knew he had an apartment. A few days earlier he was texting my mom all these creepy messages about me, like how he's going to marry me and how he could get me to want "the broginator" as he calls himself and that he's not going to stop. He asked my mom if she left the windows open earlier a few days ago and she still let him come in this morning!!! He woke me up and tried talking to me and complaining about how he's homeless (he's not homeless..he's just crazy)
I was angry and told him to get the hell out of my room and then my mom told him to get out. He told her that we dated while he was staying here and she was in Ohio, that of course is a big fat lie!! He took me and my brother to Noah when he was here but that was on no circumstances a "date" and he knows that. I yelled at him ..and he left.. he's still texting my mom though...she feels sorry for him. Ugh the whole thing just makes me feel angry.. and icky.
On a lighter note, the rest of the day was nice. Baked cookies and painted with my little sister.
My little sister painted a heart and cupcake and gave the heart to my mom. My mom will probably figure out a way to turn it into an ashtray though.
Since my Ipod is broken, my sister had full musical control while we were baking and painting and all.
vChenay - I Am The Unicorn (Original Song) - YouTube
This was me the first time I heard this ^ song - "ALIYAH, PLEASE TURN THIS OFF!!"
15 minutes later ....
"I AM THE UNICORN!!!"
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MikeyC
Well-known member
Not only does this guy sound like an idiot, but he could also be dangerous. I'd be keeping one eye on him and don't be afraid to bludgeon him if you have to.
Lots of drama today.
My mom's ex came over here at 3 in the morning pounding on the door, my mom let him come in, she told me he needed a place to crash because.. I don't know why exactly,.. last I knew he had an apartment. A few days earlier he was texting my mom all these creepy messages about me, like how he's going to marry me and how he could get me to want "the broginator" as he calls himself and that he's not going to stop. He asked my mom if she left the windows open earlier a few days ago and she still let him come in this morning!!! He woke me up and tried talking to me and complaining about how he's homeless (he's not homeless..he's just crazy)
I was angry and told him to get the hell out of my room and then my mom told him to get out. He told her that we dated while he was staying here and she was in Ohio, that of course is a big fat lie!! He took me and my brother to Noah when he was here but that was on no circumstances a "date" and he knows that. I yelled at him ..and he left.. he's still texting my mom though...she feels sorry for him. Ugh the whole thing just makes me feel angry.. and icky.
On a lighter note, the rest of the day was nice. Baked cookies and painted with my little sister. View attachment 3602
My little sister painted a heart and cupcake and gave the heart to my mom. My mom will probably figure out a way to turn it into an ashtray though.
Since my Ipod is broken, my sister had full musical control while we were baking and painting and all.
vChenay - I Am The Unicorn (Original Song) - YouTube
This was me the first time I heard this ^ song - "ALIYAH, PLEASE TURN THIS OFF!!"
15 minutes later ....
"I AM THE UNICORN!!!"
Is this Mr. Tighty Whiteys? I got two little words for you: 'butcher' and 'knife'. Get one! Put it under your pillow and if he tries anything like... you know.... You carve his *** up like a Christmas ham!
TreeBones
Well-known member
mm potentially dangerous?, I don't think he'll actually do anything he says he's going to. .... definitely an idiot though haha.
TreeBones
Well-known member
Hahaha, yep that's him.
Butcher knife? pfff, I grew up with 4 older brothers, trust me, I don't need one.
He won't actually do anything, he just craves attention, although I don't know why he's trying to get it from me, I'm way below his age preference. I just hate the way he makes me feel uck, like I did something.