Treebones..Journal

TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
*deleted* yeah...

This is me being... Ridiculous

I've watched this what seems like a thousand times, contemplating whether or not to share it due to the fact I seem so dumb but I kind of feel like I need someone to see me just being dumb me.... If that makes sense. Even though I'm not like this all the time.. I swear. I was a big nerve ball when I was doing this.

My apologies if you can't understand a thing I'm sayin, if this ends up depressing you, the length, and for my fat and ugly self,.. I wondered if I really looked like that in real life,...ugh ok.. I want to go for a run now.

But I'm going to try and get some sleep first, I haven't slept more than 6 hours in the past 3 days soooo,

NIghty night.
 
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SoScared

SoScared

Well-known member
Captivating. I do hope you find your niche in life.

In the meantime I would recommend.
On the Road - Jack Kerouac
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
TreeBones said:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XHcrjTwfaig

This is me being... Ridiculous

I've watched this what seems like a thousand times, contemplating whether or not to share it due to the fact I seem so dumb but I kind of feel like I need someone to see me just being dumb me.... If that makes sense. Even though I'm not like this all the time.. I swear. I was a big nerve ball when I was doing this.

My apologies if you can't understand a thing I'm sayin, if this ends up depressing you, the length, and for my fat and ugly self,.. I wondered if I really looked like that in real life,...ugh ok.. I want to go for a run now.

But I'm going to try and get some sleep first, I haven't slept more than 6 hours in the past 3 days soooo,

NIghty night.
Click to expand...
That was fantastic!

You're not pathetic or fat, like you mentioned in the video. You seem like a well-rounded individual who's just going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. We all get like that.

Like you, I enjoy car rides, too, and going to the movies alone is not weird at all. I've done it many times and it's a lot of fun. You get to eat all the candy you purchase, and you can see whatever movie you want to see. You can sit to the side or at the front or wherever you like without complaints.

Thanks for sharing this side of you. It's not often people post themselves doing mundane things. You seem like a fascinating woman.

I want Cheeto's for some reason now. I wonder why that might be...? ;)

EDIT: Becoming of you...haha. ::p:
 
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TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
Thank you everyone for making me feel better and less.. .stupid, I guess.. I'd like to think I feel less alone now ..... :)


@SoScared- thank you for your recommendation, I'll take a trip to the library sometime soon and check it out.

@SteinerOfThule- you make videos ? aha

@MikeyC- you're really kind, I don't quite know about "fascinating" but I'm glald I could.. make you crave junk food. :)
Oh yeah, and ignore my gross sense of humor, aha..


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So, I fell asleep right after I made that embarassing video and continued to sleep for a whole day and a half. When I woke up this morning, for a second I had to ask myself if I wasn't just dreaming the other day, but nope, sure enough I wasn't.. go figure.
My mom was drinking and crying upstairs that night, which she hasn't done in a long time, and I was feeling really alone so I guess that's how I coped with it...I've been having this very unusual bubbling up feeling lately.
I had to drive my mom to court this morning and as I was sitting in the courtroom, contemplating life, everyone in the room just became blobs to me and I started to tune out their voices... I just remember thinking what a circus life is...
I've been really depressed lately, I try to lie to myself and fill my mind with positive thoughts, but I always come to find out eventually, I'm just fooling myself.
I don't like sharing my "feelings" usually because I feel like It makes me weak and like I don't desreve any respect from the people I share them with, but I decided I'm going to at least be honest with myself about these things so I can start to deal with it. It's been getting to the point where I see a murder scene on tv and just fantasize about it happening to me. I'll be fine though, I always am.

ahhhh yeah, so, I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I need to keep myself occupied with something. My mom's thinking of shipping me off somewhere to some harley motorcycle mechanical school, I hate harley's, but she says it makes good money and I've been thinking about not finishing high-school afterall anyway so we'll see.

ah, ok, I think I'm done rambling on.

till,..next time, I guess.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
SteinerOfThule said:
Yea I have made some videos in the past~ though I made them all private/hidden away at this point.

I also feel the same after posting videos. Sort of embarrassed and thinking if I was dreaming. It's a weird feeling. Sort of spaced out feeling I guess? *shrug*

Is your mom upset about going to court? I hate court. I don't think anyone likes it though.

I would think finishing high school is a good idea but I guess it isn't as big of deal like most would think- if you finish some technical school thingy. I sort of wish I went to something like that. Not exactly motorcycles since I never got into them but something. Instead of becoming a shut-in...meh. Maybe I will go back. Someday.
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I think it's because we feel so silly doing something we wouldn't usually do and putting ourselves "out there", so to speak. I personally love seeing other people with sa talk, it's interesting to me.
My mom wasn't upset about court, she's just an alcoholic. Some things have been going on here lately, so that's how she deals with things...It's also become how I've started to deal with things, but I try to stray from that as much as possible.
I think if you went back to school that would be real awesome but I don't want to be hypocritical, I haven't been able to get myself to school in a long time.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
TreeBones said:
My mom was drinking and crying upstairs that night, which she hasn't done in a long time
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Perhaps she was a little worried about the court case? Why does she have to go to court? Sorry if I've missed it.

TreeBones said:
I've been really depressed lately, I try to lie to myself and fill my mind with positive thoughts, but I always come to find out eventually, I'm just fooling myself.
I don't like sharing my "feelings" usually because I feel like It makes me weak and like I don't desreve any respect from the people I share them with, but I decided I'm going to at least be honest with myself about these things so I can start to deal with it. It's been getting to the point where I see a murder scene on tv and just fantasize about it happening to me. I'll be fine though, I always am.
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I'm sorry to hear you're depressed but please don't hide your feelings. Revealing them doesn't make you "weak" at all. It makes you human. Everyone goes through low moods and troughs in their lives, and talking about it doesn't make you incapable of dealing with them. There's too much stigma surrounding this issue that needs confronting, I reckon.

You do deserve respect! That's a fact. :)

TreeBones said:
ahhhh yeah, so, I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I need to keep myself occupied with something. My mom's thinking of shipping me off somewhere to some harley motorcycle mechanical school, I hate harley's, but she says it makes good money and I've been thinking about not finishing high-school afterall anyway so we'll see.
Click to expand...
Sounds interesting. If you don't like Harley's, why do it? You'll be doing something you know you'll dislike. How much longer do you have of high school? Maybe you can just stick it out to the end if it's not too distant.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
Perhaps she was a little worried about the court case? Why does she have to go to court? Sorry if I've missed it.


I'm sorry to hear you're depressed but please don't hide your feelings. Revealing them doesn't make you "weak" at all. It makes you human. Everyone goes through low moods and troughs in their lives, and talking about it doesn't make you incapable of dealing with them. There's too much stigma surrounding this issue that needs confronting, I reckon.

You do deserve respect! That's a fact. :)


Sounds interesting. If you don't like Harley's, why do it? You'll be doing something you know you'll dislike. How much longer do you have of high school? Maybe you can just stick it out to the end if it's not too distant.
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Thank you.. for being so nice.. Yea, I don't really know how to respond to positive feedback :shyness:

I think it was more so because of my brother. A lot of unnecessary drama lately, which is funny because things have been very quiet around here for a long while.
She's a bit better now today. She was really grumpy this morning but then we got to the courthouse and security stopped me and had to do a full body check...she thought it was really funny and it set a different tone for the rest of the day. (She's still laughing about it) I was angry but I didn't say anything. I completely forgot I was wearing steel toe boots... She on the other hand, didn't. Lol...

I like cars so I thought I'd have an open mind. I just thought the body would be less fun to work with. Plus I keep thinking of that harley south park episode Lol.
I'm pretty behind.. so I was going to test out while I still have some memory of my schooling but now, I just don't see the point.
 
J

jc972

1
TreeBones said:
So, I fell asleep right after I made that embarassing video and continued to sleep for a whole day and a half. When I woke up this morning, for a second I had to ask myself if I wasn't just dreaming the other day, but nope, sure enough I wasn't.. go figure.
My mom was drinking and crying upstairs that night, which she hasn't done in a long time, and I was feeling really alone so I guess that's how I coped with it...I've been having this very unusual bubbling up feeling lately.
I had to drive my mom to court this morning and as I was sitting in the courtroom, contemplating life, everyone in the room just became blobs to me and I started to tune out their voices... I just remember thinking what a circus life is...
I've been really depressed lately, I try to lie to myself and fill my mind with positive thoughts, but I always come to find out eventually, I'm just fooling myself.
I don't like sharing my "feelings" usually because I feel like It makes me weak and like I don't desreve any respect from the people I share them with, but I decided I'm going to at least be honest with myself about these things so I can start to deal with it. It's been getting to the point where I see a murder scene on tv and just fantasize about it happening to me. I'll be fine though, I always am.

ahhhh yeah, so, I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I need to keep myself occupied with something. My mom's thinking of shipping me off somewhere to some harley motorcycle mechanical school, I hate harley's, but she says it makes good money and I've been thinking about not finishing high-school afterall anyway so we'll see.

ah, ok, I think I'm done rambling on.

till,..next time, I guess.
Click to expand...

Shouldn't YOU be the one choosing what kind of career to study for? I understand her wanting to help but if you ain't interested in something then it ain't a good choice, ya know? Plus, I liked your video you did. I don't think you're fat or ugly, actually the opposite, you're very attractive. People don't often think of themselves the way others do I reckon.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
jc972 said:
Shouldn't YOU be the one choosing what kind of career to study for? I understand her wanting to help but if you ain't interested in something then it ain't a good choice, ya know? Plus, I liked your video you did. I don't think you're fat or ugly, actually the opposite, you're very attractive. People don't often think of themselves the way others do I reckon.
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I hear what you're saying, sometimes I care what I will do and sometimes I don't. My mom spews things all the time but nothing's ever certain...and thank you :)... ahh jeeze.. compliments are hard.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
Okay so I had to take a few days break from spw, I found that I was distracting myself by posting and reading all the time, when I should really be thinking about my life and what I need to do to better it. I kind of needed to "reset" myself so to speak.
So in the past couple of days I've..
stayed off all electronics ,babysat, started reading the book that was recommended to me earlier ( it's pretty good so far! I'm glad I could finally use my library card , I've also recently realized I've never read a book that wasn't fantasy before, except The Outsiders and I was in a something of a cell with nothing else to do.. and it was for school), threw out my junk food :giggle: , did some paintings, did some lawn work, and helped work on a '74 Maverick, which was nice. (why anyone would keep that beautiful car an ugly mustard color I'll never know)...
It's not a lot but it's much more than I usually do. I feel much much better now but I still haven't accomplished anything. I've been taking a lot of baths lately, I personally believe it's the best place to think :) (espcially if you're like me and say you'll "deal with it later" but actually never do) because once you're in the bath you can't really leave.... well, technically you could but that would be a big waste of water, so I'm kind of just forced to be left there with my thoughts... which didn't really amount to much... I just knew I needed to tell my mom I wanted to enroll in school as soon as possible, which I did, but she kept saying "tomorrow" ...and it's been a couple of days, ugh... So I talked to her about it again today and she said we will for sure go today after court or tomorrow when we pick up my sisters. I just feel like I need to get something going because nothing has been happening for a long time....I'm kind of stuck here in this mad house right now.... with my mom.. *shivers*
Luckily my sisters will be here soon, I miss them...
ahh anyway...I wish I had some cake right now...yeah... cake sounds nice.. :)
 
J

jc972

1
A girl who likes messing with cars: you have my attention. 74 maverick? A buddy of mine had a '75 when we were around your age and i liked it. Little bitty car with a big engine and it was fun.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
haha, yeah I'm suprised I liked the car because I don't usually like the 70's, 80's models. 1967 is one of the best years imo for the older cars. My dad said he won't buy a sports car unless it has a v8 engine with atleast 500 horsepower lol. It makes me laugh because he could never afford it :giggle: but gotta let the guy dream.
 
J

jc972

1
TreeBones said:
haha, yeah I'm suprised I liked the car because I don't usually like the 70's, 80's models. 1967 is one of the best years imo for the older cars. My dad said he won't buy a sports car unless it has a v8 engine with atleast 500 horsepower lol. It makes me laugh because he could never afford it :giggle: but gotta let the guy dream.
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Hmm. True. I have a '68 Chevelle I'm thinking about trading for a '66 Harley but I'm still kinda undecided.
 
J

jc972

1
TreeBones said:
Nooooo don't do it!
what condition is it in?
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Uh... the chevelle is in rough shape. It was a drag car and now i drive it to work. Its running open headers and no a/c, it needs painted. It still has numbers painted on the doors (old race car) and i wear ear plugs to drive it most of the time. But it's that second kind of cool and its bored and stroked and can outrun a police car (don't ask) but its in rough shape. 454 V8 with a 4 speed out of a corvette. It runs like a raped ape on the highway and it has a supercharger so i have to run high octane gas in the thing. Its a death trap but its sexy. The harley is a '66 electra glide with the shovelhead engine. Immaculate condition, kinda blue-green. There is a pic in my thread of the bike.
 
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