To Be Offended - or Not

[Opaline]

I'm wondering if it makes sense to be offended by certain things, as opposed to letting them roll off your back. I'm sure it varies by situation, but in general, what is the best response when someone does something that annoys you (but isn't harming you)?

For example...This is going to make you laugh, but it's the most recent example I have, so I'm going to use it I had to use the bathroom, and my sister was in there curling her hair. I told her I really needed to get in there, and she became very annoyed and stormed out saying "Forget it!" with the longest face I have ever seen.

It annoyed me because... I couldn't help I had to use the bathroom really badly, we all know how that is It's not my fault my body decided to bug me while my sister was in the middle of curling her hair.

My question is... Is it worth getting mad at her for being so ridiculous (and selfish), and say something to her about it? Or should I just laugh at her silly behavior and go on as if unaffected?

I'm not asking for advice specifically about that situation, it's done with, I don't really care now. I'm saying, situations similar to that. Should you point out the other person's stupid behavior, or just shrug it off? Because I feel like if you don't say something, it's almost giving them permission to act that way, or okaying it somehow. But then again, you can't control how other people act.

Thoughts?

 

[Hellhound]

Not sure about others, but I'm not very tolerant of stupidity and I point it out most of the times. If someone annoys me, I make sure to let them know.

I've been told I'm intolerant, too sensitive, maybe even rude, but I don't care. I don't think I have to put up with certain things.

 

[xDreamseller]

I would say to just continue and laugh it off. Some people are easily pissed off by things like in the situation with your sister. Then again, maybe I'm just odd and just shrug off little annoyances like that.

If you let every little thing get to you that badly, you're going to be overwhelmed. (Your sister in this situation) I would avoid saying anything to the other person in this situation as they are already annoyed and you will only make it worse.

*Edit: Exact same reply times ftw*

 

[Opaline]

I understand how you feel, Hellhound - I get really annoyed by stupid/selfish things people do, it's hard to ignore it. But on the other hand, like xDreamseller said, you are inevitably going to run into these situations a lot in life, and it may be draining to constantly allow yourself to get worked up and feel the need to correct everyone.

I guess it really depends on how you view the situation. Some people take the approach of "Well, I shouldn't have to put up with such a rude and ridiculous attitude directed toward me, of course I'm going to say something!" while other prefer the "Why should I allow someone else's behavior/mood ruin my own? I'll carry on just fine, let that person be angry/obnoxious, etc."

I find myself struggling with both approaches to the situation - on the one hand I get offended, but on the other I don't want to let them affect me.

Confusing.

 

[xDreamseller]

I guess if they are abnormally rude about it or directly aim their aggression at you, then sure you should say something. If they are just being angry in general at the situation and not specifically you, then I would say just let it go.

 

[laure15]

You should definitely talk it out with your sister, tell her how you feel and why. Tell her that you can't control when your body decides to go. If you do that, maybe your sister can learn something from you.

 

[Opaline]

I guess if they are abnormally rude about it or directly aim their aggression at you, then sure you should say something. If they are just being angry in general at the situation and not specifically you, then I would say just let it go.

Probably the best choice. In the end I think it will mean less stress for you. It can be hard not to let everyone else's behavior get to you, but I'm trying to practice that and am getting better, I think. No point going through life letting everyone else dictate how you feel each day.

 

[Opaline]

You should definitely talk it out with your sister, tell her how you feel and why. Tell her that you can't control when your body decides to go. If you do that, maybe your sister can learn something from you.

I did and she said she wasn't mad at me. It didn't come across that way - she definitely seemed angry with me. But I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and just let it go.

 

[coyote]

she's a teenage girl - high drama is to be expected

i hope that doesn't offend anyone

 

[xDreamseller]

She was angry with the situation, not with you. Once you recognize the differences, you'll know when to shrug it off and when to speak up.

 

[MikeyC]

I think it depends on the person and the context and - most importantly - my current mood. I tend to be more offended by things if I'm feeling like garbage.

Generally, the more you shrug things off, the more at peace you will be, but there's always a few taboo subjects you'll always find offensive, even if others don't.

 

[Muka]

If it seems to be a one off then I will stay silent on the matter. If the same person is constantly doing things to annoy me then I will speak. If I don't, the person may not be aware the behaviour is annoying and will carry on. If I say saomethfing and the carry on doing it regardless, I will tell them again. If, after multiple tellings,they still act like a twat I will probably start to get angry. There are only do many times you can say something to someone only to be ignored beide you snap.

 

[gustavofring]

I'm quite a sensitive person, but it doesn't always come out.

A few months ago I had gotten terrible sunburn all over my body (day to the beach ended in disaster) and I was hurting like hell. I couldn't sleep because of the pain, felt seriously stressed out and some roommate's friend was whistling in the middle of the night. I couldn't contain myself and stormed out of the door to say "Could you stop that?". He then had this arrogant attitude towards me like "wtf dude, I only whistled for like 2 seconds". Then of course after I went back into my room they kept whistling and annoying me.

I kind of had a moment of disconnect then, because I never really do that sort of stuff, getting angry at people. I also for days after kept rationalizing my behavior, like what was I doing, was it right to get that angry over such a thing, do I take everything too seriously, etc. But I also kept feeling angry at that douchy behavior. I guess I was just at a boiling point.

I definately feel like depression has made me more sensitive where before I was able to shrug things off more easily, taking things less seriously.

 

[MNM322]

I never get mad about anything in the sense that I'd be so angry or throwing things etc... I mean get UPSET in the "heat of the moment" but I always let things go, always. I found early on it life, nothing is worth holding grudges on or getting super mad about. Its so much better feeling to just let it go and move on.

 

[chibiXphantom]

im not offended by much. life's to short to be offended by what people say or do, cause no matter what, people are going to say and do things that will make you mad.
i just usually think "eh whatever" and continue not caring.

i just worry i offend people sometimes

 

[Honda]

When I get offended, I do get offended.. The only reason I brush it off is to avoid escalating the situation otherwise I already felt offended. If I had a chance I will draw the line and display to that person or persons that they should shut the **** up; unless you enjoy having people cross the line with you.

Since she's your sister and based on what she said; its not worth getting offended & just ignore it.

Plus, you gotta train yourself not to get affected by everything people say; once you get emotionally charged by something you fail to think and take the wisest action possible at that situation.

 

[MikeyC]

If it seems to be a one off then I will stay silent on the matter. If the same person is constantly doing things to annoy me then I will speak. If I don't, the person may not be aware the behaviour is annoying and will carry on. If I say saomethfing and the carry on doing it regardless, I will tell them again. If, after multiple tellings,they still act like a twat I will probably start to get angry. There are only do many times you can say something to someone only to be ignored beide you snap.

I think this is important to remember, too. There's no need to fly off the deep end if someone says something offensive, but if it's happening multiple times and you can feel it affecting you negatively, then it's time to speak up in a calm way.

If it's ignored, or you're made fun of, that's obviously going to make you angry. How you handle that anger is another topic altogether.

A few months ago I had gotten terrible sunburn all over my body (day to the beach ended in disaster) and I was hurting like hell. I couldn't sleep because of the pain, felt seriously stressed out and some roommate's friend was whistling in the middle of the night. I couldn't contain myself and stormed out of the door to say "Could you stop that?". He then had this arrogant attitude towards me like "wtf dude, I only whistled for like 2 seconds". Then of course after I went back into my room they kept whistling and annoying me.

I kind of had a moment of disconnect then, because I never really do that sort of stuff, getting angry at people. I also for days after kept rationalizing my behavior, like what was I doing, was it right to get that angry over such a thing, do I take everything too seriously, etc. But I also kept feeling angry at that douchy behavior. I guess I was just at a boiling point.

I don't think he realised what the issue was. It doesn't sound like you told him that you're stressed out and his whistling was like a knife in your brain. He's probably wondering why you suddenly snapped.

i just worry i offend people sometimes

Oh, you get that, too? So do I. I'll replay conversations in my mind and wonder if something I said was taken out of context.