tired of the d@mn "introvert advantage" hype

[R3K]

so i was at work cashiering and there was a lull in the flow of business (finally) and decided to see what new magazines were on the rack in front of the checkstands, and what's the first thing i see?

Time Magazine:
The Power of Shyness

with a shy looking little boy standing in a white-walled corner in his sunday fineries holding something. my first thought is oh great here goes another socio-scientific "study" about social phobics being paraded by the world's eyes... how are they going to misinterpret us now?

i struggled with my angst through the first few dismaying sentences of the article before i got to a part where it mentioned that shy people and introverts aren't exactly the same, but that there is some overlap. so i thought, ok this article's not too bad i guess. but i couldn't get over the boldness of the article title...

then i had customers run up to the register and i had to go back to work.

anyway, it got me thinking, and i've delved a little into articles online going over the same concept but, generally speaking i'm still quite disappointed in these so-called studies that continue using outdated and archaic terms and standards for the whole social-phobic/high-sensitivity-person/introvert genre.

i get it... there are advantages to being shy and introvertive but, ultimately, utilizing and bearing those advantages upon the world requires many measures that would fall into the extrovertive category. enough so that you actually become an extrovert in the delivery process. i wish ppl would stop writing books and having these elaborate ego-boosting seminars about their introvertive nature and how it supposedly helps them succeed in an extrovert world. to me it sounds like they're really just clever extroverts, with little to no introvertive nature to begin with...?

but then, who am i to draw the line between true hardcore introverts and extroverts?

i'm so confused... am i supposed to use silence and thoughtful, intuitive gestures to convice my manager to promote me over the "loudmouth" who's more communicably efficient than I?

/rant.

p.s. is "communicably" even a word or did i just make it up? also, this is like my 2nd or 3rd time starting a post so plz be gentle on me

 

[new account]

It never gave me an advantage. I tried to force myself to act like I wasn't shy, but I couldn't really do it.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

i get it... there are advantages to being shy and introvertive but, ultimately, utilizing and bearing those advantages upon the world requires many measures that would fall into the extrovertive category. enough so that you actually become an extrovert in the delivery process. i wish ppl would stop writing books and having these elaborate ego-boosting seminars about their introvertive nature and how it supposedly helps them succeed in an extrovert world. to me it sounds like they're really just clever extroverts, with little to no introvertive nature to begin with...?

but then, who am i to draw the line between true hardcore introverts and extroverts?

Most people won't perfectly fit into the categories of being either an introvert or an extrovert and those who do are fairly rare. Even someone who might be considered an extrovert still has some introversion as a part of their personality. So it is possible for people with more a introverted personality to have some extroverted qualities and vice versa. Introverts who make use of those qualities are the ones who are able to reap the so-called benefits of introversion. Or that's the way I see it.

And yes, "communicably" is in fact a word.

 

[this_portrait]

i get it... there are advantages to being shy and introvertive but, ultimately, utilizing and bearing those advantages upon the world requires many measures that would fall into the extrovertive category. enough so that you actually become an extrovert in the delivery process. i wish ppl would stop writing books and having these elaborate ego-boosting seminars about their introvertive nature and how it supposedly helps them succeed in an extrovert world. to me it sounds like they're really just clever extroverts, with little to no introvertive nature to begin with...?

I feel like this applies to me. For a while I considered myself an introvert (and maybe I kinda am), but it's like I had to become more extroverted in order to make it out in the real world. I question if I'm really an introvert, though, judging by how I act around a select few people versus most people. I'm starting to become convinced that I'm secretly an extrovert, but because of social anxiety, that extroverted nature doesn't get expressed adequately.

 

[Hoppy]

An extrovert is allowed to be an introvert occasionally.
An introvert is allowed to be an extrovert sometimes.
I sometimes wish I could be one of them. Please do not confuse social phobia with shyness.

 

[RoomBound]

Seems to me extroverts have a big advantage over introverts in attracting friends, relationships and getting good jobs. "Fortune favors the bold."

Like some have said, even in the rare instances when we introverts make gains, it's usually because we're forcing ourselves to act like extroverts.

 

[R3K]

Introverts who make use of those qualities are the ones who are able to reap the so-called benefits of introversion. Or that's the way I see it.

sounds like a 1 in a million occurance.

I'm starting to become convinced that I'm secretly an extrovert, but because of social anxiety, that extroverted nature doesn't get expressed adequately.

hmmm, so maybe you are an introvert since you're either incapable of extrovert-izing your thoughts or you're allowing yourself to believe you can't. or maybe it doesn't even matter. this is part of wat i'm talking about with the main post: society needs to label everyone, and "introvert" has become the main weapon they use against shy people just cause it sounds cool and scientific and they feel trendy saying it or writing articles about it.

Please do not confuse social phobia with shyness.

ya just like the word "introvert" is being thrown around so recklessly and overabused, "shyness" and "social phobia/anxiety" seems to be under the same guns. i heard a girl using the term social anxiety in a super chatty way like it was just another slang term to throw around with the homeys/homegirls. like using the R word in front of someone who's mentally retarded, or a family member of one.

Like some have said, even in the rare instances when we introverts make gains, it's usually because we're forcing ourselves to act like extroverts.

for real.. and in the process of doing this we expend way more energy than it's worth and become super stressed and have to unwind for hours from the tiny dose of exposure required to extrovert-ize our introvertive concepts and skills upon the world in a format they can digest. anxiety symptoms /incoming, yay fun.

 

[bsammy]

umm yes the only thing introversion has done fro me is allow mw to not get into trouble with the law and it has allowed me to be better with my money as im not reckless and going out all the time etc etc introversion has really damaged my ability to form and keep relationships though..introversion has kept me from advancing higher when it comes to my job..if i was an extrovert its likely id have a much more rewarding job right now.in this society u have to network and for an extreme introvert this is very hard especially when u factor in SA.

at work at the end of the day im exhausted just from the socializing where my extrovert co-workers are energized and ready to go out again as they get home and shower.

as can be imagined being very introverted was a curse for me in school.i didnt know what was wrong with me tbh, i didnt know what introverted meant until a few years ago.everyone else seemed so outgoing and energetic compared to me.i lived inside my head and never established as many friendships as others..

i have gotten much better results socially by acting extroverted but its exhausting.i cant sustain it but when i am my normally introverted self its hard to attract anyone.

yes, i consider introversion to be a curse.

 

[Invisibleman]

Agreed. I dont really see how you can use introvertedness to any advantage. I mean yeah maybe you dont rat out jimmy when you see him putting a body in his trunk and he becomes your friend but thats about it. As its been said
putting on your best extrovert act is really the only way forward,its how ive made and maintained the few guys I hang out with at school. When I get home the act depletes my energy like running a marathon.

But I mean its probably a garbage last minute article anyway

^The story behind this,shyness is more "marketable". When I hear it like that I feel like some sort of freakshow.

 

[R3K]

if i was an extrovert its likely id have a much more rewarding job right now.in this society u have to network and for an extreme introvert this is very hard especially when u factor in SA.

if we lived in a world that was more forgiving to the quiet type we'd thrive, but i imagine life would get somewhat boring and the minority loudmouth population would start rebeling and jumping to the forefront creating all kinds of craziness. maybe the way the world is now is the best. sucky as it is.

But I mean its probably a garbage last minute article anyway

^The story behind this,shyness is more "marketable". When I hear it like that I feel like some sort of freakshow.

yeah it's sickening... most ppl who're uneducated on the topic are going to see this mag cover and immediately start scrutinizing the shy ppl they know in their world and start assuming monumental power-moves out of them.

i can see it now, "introvert" is the new clichè term. i'm going to be at the restaraunt trying to eat and relax (most likely by myself) and every table's gonna have chatty young adults vocally touting their introvert advantage concepts in their loud Snookie/The Situation voices.

damm i thought i was done ranting i guess not lol

 

[Invisibleman]

i can see it now, "introvert" is the new clichè term. i'm going to be at the restaraunt trying to eat and relax (most likely by myself) and every table's gonna have chatty young adults vocally touting their introvert advantage concepts in their loud Snookie/The Situation voices.

damm i thought i was done ranting i guess not lol

Yeah I can see that too. " Like OMG stacey like I cant even like handle like all these guys hitting on me and like so many friends wanting to talk to me and stuff like UGH I wish I was like soooooooo introverted like, those people have it soooooooo easy I mean like puhhhleasse,they dont stay up all night accepting facebook requests and having so many texts and stuff UGH introvertedness,like sign me up totally" <what it will be like in a nutshell ::

 

[bsammy]

heres i know being extroverted is a much better and more rewarding life..i have taken certain drugs that basically turn me into an outgoing, social extrovert for 3-4 hours...the experience is worlds different from the introverted me, i am genuinely excited to meet and see people, talk to them, get to know them..the social experience feels so much more rewarding being an extrovert..i hate to say this but i have met 90% of my past buddies while under the influence.. if i would have stayed my introvert self i would hardly know anyone and thats the sad truth.

 

[da_illest101]

Yeah I can see that too. " Like OMG stacey like I cant even like handle like all these guys hitting on me and like so many friends wanting to talk to me and stuff like UGH I wish I was like soooooooo introverted like, those people have it soooooooo easy I mean like puhhhleasse,they dont stay up all night accepting facebook requests and having so many texts and stuff UGH introvertedness,like sign me up totally" <what it will be like in a nutshell ::

that was good

 

[OceanMist]

i wish ppl would stop writing books and having these elaborate ego-boosting seminars about their introvertive nature and how it supposedly helps them succeed in an extrovert world. to me it sounds like they're really just clever extroverts, with little to no introvertive nature to begin with?

Exactly. Ah, it was so refreshing to see someone else agree with me here.

I'm tired of all these extroverts that write about how being an introvert has these advantages. Then they go on to talk about all their friends and how many girlfriends they've had, and then it's like wait a second.....you are an extrovert, man.

 

[R3K]

Exactly. Ah, it was so refreshing to see someone else agree with me here.

I'm tired of all these extroverts that write about how being an introvert has these advantages. Then they go on to talk about all their friends and how many girlfriends they've had, and then it's like wait a second.....you are an extrovert, man.

haha... i'ma go get jacked up on seratonin boosters and crash one of these authors' book bragging seminars and be like "this dude is a phony, he has little to no intervrotive perspective and skill. he learned a few things by observing his younger brother who's a closet-bound everything-phobe and now he's exploiting him to write a book that reads well but really he just wants your money."

 

[awkwardamanda]

I am an introvert and that's fine by me. I do not wish to be sociable. But the reality is that shy people and introverts are often at a huge disadvantage in life. It would be nice if society was more accepting of the fact that there really are people in this world that don't like to spend a lot of time socializing, don't like being in large crowds, don't like being the centre of attention, and generally prefer to be alone. Instead, most people are puzzled by this.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting a busy social life. But it can be difficult to have much of a social life at all sometimes. The more friends you have, the easier it is to make more. You meet people through others. Not that introverts want to have a lot of friends, but it can be hard to even find a few. Even if you do have a few decent friends, it can still be hard to get dates. Sociable people will always have more dating opportunities because they're constantly around people. They have more chances to meet and get to know new people.

The other problem, is that finding career success is much more challenging for an introvert. Yes, there are jobs more suited to introverts. I would probably be pretty happy if I could find a job that involves minimal contact with other people. I'd be glad to sit in a cubicle all day and just do my job by myself, or maybe work closely with only a few other people. I'd love to have a job that doesn't require me to be on the phone too often. But it's getting promoted, or finding a job in the first place that can be difficult. So many companies seem to be looking for friendly and outgoing staff. It's not even worth applying as soon as I see that. When you're shy, introverted, and socially anxious, it's pretty tough to come off as confident in an interview. I doubt too many hiring managers are introverts. They probably didn't get to where they are by being socially withdrawn. They're more likely to choose someone they can relate to than someone who appears nervous and out of place. And once you do land a job, who's more likely to get promoted? The vocal, outgoing person who gets along with everyone. Not the quiet one that doesn't talk much, skips out on work related social functions, and comes off as a snob. Networking is next to impossible when you don't enjoy socializing with colleagues, resulting in fewer chances to move up, or find a better position elsewhere.

One thing I do see as an advantage is that it's much easier to save money when you don't have a social life. I don't drink and I rarely go out with friends, so my entertainment costs are minimal. I intend to live alone when I move out of my parents' house and there's a good chance of me spending my whole life that way. Whatever money I save by not having an active social life will make it much easier to live independently.

For the most part, however, the world does not work in favor of introverts. Extraverts are not very understanding or accommodating of us, so life continues to be difficult. It's okay not to follow the crowd, but it isn't easy.

 

[bsammy]

^well you are talking about just the average introvert..there are some many highly successful introverts out there..google and u will find them...some of them i have a hard time believing are introverted but oh well.im leaning more towards the more extreme introverted people like myself..then when you factor in anxiety issues and depression, you have an absolute mess on your hands..introversion alone is a big hurdle but with these added problems, it almost becomes impossible to live a normal life..

 

[awkwardamanda]

^well you are talking about just the average introvert..there are some many highly successful introverts out there..google and u will find them...some of them i have a hard time believing are introverted but oh well.im leaning more towards the more extreme introverted people like myself..then when you factor in anxiety issues and depression, you have an absolute mess on your hands..introversion alone is a big hurdle but with these added problems, it almost becomes impossible to live a normal life..

There are probably plenty of people who are a little introverted, but still reasonably confident and capable of socializing when they need to. Those are the ones who still manage to be successful. But yes, for those of us who are very introverted, and especially those with mental health issues, life can be hell.

 

[A86]

Just an observation from being employed in the 'work force' for the last 15 years of my life. Success in a work environment is
~10% of what you know
and
~90% of who you know and get along with

There always seems to be only a few people driving progression forward, who unfortuantly have to carry a bunch of others who only come to work to waste time till they can go home.

I apologise, probbaly way off topic.

 

[OceanMist]

^well you are talking about just the average introvert..there are some many highly successful introverts out there..google and u will find them...some of them i have a hard time believing are introverted but oh well.im leaning more towards the more extreme introverted people like myself..then when you factor in anxiety issues and depression, you have an absolute mess on your hands..introversion alone is a big hurdle but with these added problems, it almost becomes impossible to live a normal life..

Great post. You just described me to a T. Once you add the anxiety and depression issues, it's sooooo difficult to just get up every day, let alone try to live a comfortable life.