thinking of killing yourself but too afraid to actually do it?

[LonelyBoy]

ive been thinking of killing myself since i was a kid, im still doing it today.
all the time i just wanted to die and ive always try to kill myself but i know in my head i really have no guts to actually do it.
ive been suffering depression since i was a kid.
ive always fantasize about killing myself but i know that its not really going to happen. i know it sounds weird but it has became a habit to me.

 

[Quiet Angel]

Yeah me too. Sorry to hear about your struggles, bud.
Hope you find the right path & hopefully things improve.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I get mental images of my own death. But I do not act upon them because I have not the means or complete and utter desire. I am also religious, so to me, there is with certainty that I will suffer after death for the irreparable sin of self-destruction.

 

[Noca]

I get mental images of my own death. But I do not act upon them because I have not the means or complete and utter desire. I am also religious, so to me, there is with certainty that I will suffer after death for the irreparable sin of self-destruction.

Apparently to Catholics, dying without repenting any sin has the same consequence as suicide does it not?

 

[mmmm]

I hear you, flowers. to me, It's not so much fear of afterlife punishment that makes me not want to commit suicide (or even die, for that matter), it's the thought that I might be screwing myself out of some wonderful things that might happen in the future.

 

[iamthenra]

ive been thinking of killing myself since i was a kid, im still doing it today.
all the time i just wanted to die and ive always try to kill myself but i know in my head i really have no guts to actually do it.
ive been suffering depression since i was a kid.
ive always fantasize about killing myself but i know that its not really going to happen. i know it sounds weird but it has became a habit to me.

I understand. I know your pain, I am 40 years old and I have lived it... There are things that you will miss out on if you actually go through with it. Some very simple things that can bring joy back to your world. Sometimes doing things for others will boost your self esteem. Become a mentor for a kid, or go to a nursing home and volunteer to help someone. If you like animals, go volunteer at an animal shelter. They always need people to help walk and exercise the animals. But above all, do something that makes you feel good.

 

[satstrn]

yeah, and realize that there are people who havent been given as fair a shot at life as you

 

[Chod77]

Christ, I can relate. I would like to do it but I'm too afraid of what the afterlife is like. I pretty much think about it all the time. I can't offer much advice but I do wish you all the best.

 

[FOR REAL]

im scared of the afterlife, but also curious
"where do we go now"
i would be to scared to jump off a bridge, hang myself etc
dont ever try an overdose which i have tried before on 4 or 5 occasions (it doesny work)

i know a really easy way to do it after loads of research, but im not telling anyone.

its a last resort!

i hope things get better for you mate and everyone else on here

 

[Lorraine Manca]

Procrastination and fear are a good thing. I'm sorry you're going through that. It takes a lot of energy to think those thoughts. Maybe come up with a different escape plan? How about thinking about changing your identity and moving to a foreign country? I think wanting an end is not such an unnatural thing. Our minds need an escape hatch. I felt very embarassed for thinking those thoughts. Its ok to think it every now and then, but dont you ever do it. For any attempt you can think of, there is an unpleasant way to survive it. An overdose could do a ton of damage without killing you. Even if you try for your head, you might end up taking your face off instead. You are smart to be afraid. Even if you dont think so, the world is a better place with you in it. We all want ya to live.

 

[Jannah]

All the time, I just don't know how to "go", if I had a gun I would probably already be dead by now. I'm scared of heights so jumping is out, I don't have anything strong enough to support my weight from my neck and don't have a place to hang myself from so that is out, maybe I'm lacking a little bit of creativity in the last option, but seriously the last thing I would want to happen is for me to screw it up, if I'm going to do it I have to be sure it'll work or else I'm not going to risk surviving the attempt.

 

[LonelyBoy]

i know its such a scary habit for me. but i guess i living in a depressing life triggers those habits.
the good thing is everytime im thinking of my death im thinking at the same time the wonderful things the world has in store for me in the future.

 

[mmmm]

^Exactly, Lonelyboy. You're going to die anyway, so why noy milk life as much as you can until then.

 

[mere phantom]

I thought i would do it when I turned 30, but i just couldnt, i've been too much a coward to do it.

It's really hard to just say "f it" and do away with your life for good. I just fear death too much. I struggle with my religion (I'm Catholic) and I still wonder a bit if there is anything after all this, and if there isn't I really am not ready for total nothingness

 

[Darker Than Black]

I'm not scared, if I had an instant relief method like a gun, I would use it on myself this moment, but every method I've tried involved a certain time of suffering, so it sucked, and of course it all failed too

 

[LostInLife]

Listen, I had it planned that I would be dead by 26. I was so positive that I went out and bought a used Lexus is300. I didn't care if I could barely afford it. I didn't care about my debt. I would be dead anyways. Then I got all tattooed up. Regretted one of the tattoos and started the lasering process. I didn't finish removing it. Looks awful now. I have to wear long sleeve shirts now.
But I thought long and hard. I could never come to do it because it would of destroyed my already fragile parents and brothers. I'm glad to still be alive now. I'm 31. I'm still suffering the consequences with the tattoos. I'm now focusing hard to reduce as much of my SA so I can go back and fix my badly inked arm. I'm trying so hard to be positive.

 

[PennyLane]

All the time, I just don't know how to "go", if I had a gun I would probably already be dead by now.

This is what i always think...if only i had a gun...

I think about it everyday, but just like the OP i know i probably wont ever do it...maybe I dont even really want to...but its still always at the back of my mind.

 

[deadinside]

I would have killed myself a very very very very long time ago but i care about my family (mostly my mum) way too much. My dad died about 6 years ago (cancer) and i know how much it ****ed up everyone in my immediate family and i would never want to cause that kind of pain on them again. I guess that is what is and always will stop me from ending my life.

 

[thor01]

mmm I've had the same thoughts. But A. would be too scared to do it, and B. feel like if I hang always hang on things might get really good at some point.

 

[VioletTears]

Every day. If it weren't for my family (especially my son) I think I would act on my thoughts. I'm a cutter anyways and I don't think that cutting my wrist would be that hard. I just don't want to make others suffer. I can't imagine making my little boy grow up without a mommy... especially knowing that his mommy killed herself. It's hard though. Sometimes I wonder if someday my thoughts will overwhelm me enough that I'll do it anyways, but I think it would be cruel. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm hoping that meds and therapy will eventually help me, but ultimately I feel that healing takes a lot of personal strength, and I'm not sure that I possess that.

Best of luck to everyone who is struggling with these thoughts. It's hard, especially when you see no light at the end of the tunnel.