Stigmatization issues for singles?

ShyChild

ShyChild

Active member
So I went out to lunch earlier to challenge myself/SA. Ate on the patio & picked out a nice spot to get some sun light. A couple with 2 kids comes by looking for a spot then leave for restaurant across the street. They come back & make the comment (sarcastically) 'Oh look at the nice little table.' This table was out of light & in a tight corner.

I was there less than 30 minutes. Having worked as a waitress, I made sure to tip over 20%. I can understand about a sever not getting all that excited about serving 1 person, but she was nice to me anyhow. So what's it to these people whether I got that table or a family like them does? Either way they would have been stuck at the crappy table. As I was paying my bill I heard them saying 'especially if you're here alone.' They weren't subtle.

Anyone else have similar experiences? This seems to happen to me a lot & it doesn't help my SA any. I've even been treated rudely at church for being there alone. Is it because I single or is it because I'm a single woman?
 
Lanciao37

Lanciao37

Active member
Wow,These people have problems, Seriously. You have as much right to be there as anyone else. Its not like they own the frickin table.
 
ShyChild

ShyChild

Active member
Not taking it to heart is hard for me. It was hard just pushing myself to go out to eat. I'll never understand why people go out of their way to make others feel bad.
 
fitftw

fitftw

Well-known member
society tends to gang up on the meek, harmless, lonesome types of people. If we were like other certain animals, all of us with SA would have been eaten by now.
 
Josette

Josette

Well-known member
If that happened to me, I would have been upset for quite awhile after. Those were some exceptionally rude people though. I almost think it's easier to dismiss comments from people like that who are so obviously evil ***holes. It's the "kind" comments, almost pitying, that I can't stand.

My favorite restaurant is quite busy on Friday nights, but I went there last night for dinner anyway. I felt like there was a spotlight on me sitting alone at my table amongst the fifty or so tables full of groups of families and friends. Very disheartening. I honestly do think though that most people aren't noticing or thinking anything about the singles they see around them. You unfortunately encountered some real jerks.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Stigma involving mental health is more of a problem for me. I get comments about my anxiety. I don't acknowledge marital status categories, I leave this blank on the census form.
 
ShyChild

ShyChild

Active member
fitftw said:
society tends to gang up on the meek, harmless, lonesome types of people. If we were like other certain animals, all of us with SA would have been eaten by now.
Click to expand...

Maybe you're right. They could have just sniffed me out.
 
Hastings & Main

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
Ignore!
Some people are really flatulent and it comes out the wrong end, usually in the form of sarcasm, just to release the pressure of them being a d**k.

Next time, smile and throw something stainable their way. Or insist on an even bigger table :).

But seriously, over-thinking this should end right now. The problem lies with them.
 
U

userremoved

Guest
It could be where you are too. I heard some cities are reputed to have larger numbers of rude people. But yeah screw them, they're just mad because they're stuck with each other lol.
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
fitftw said:
society tends to gang up on the meek, harmless, lonesome types of people. If we were like other certain animals, all of us with SA would have been eaten by now.
Click to expand...

I agree,a lot of times people joined to bash me,gossip,men gossiping :rolleyes:,worse is that people dont see anything wrong and their "cheerleaders" cheering along the way,all because I wanted to be alone,didnt find the right girl yet,it seems like they cant get inside their heads that some people just want to be alone,need to say, it made me really bitter and a liar for some time,if it were other times I would be beat up/killed.
 
we_r_eternal

we_r_eternal

Well-known member
some people are just rude and inconsiderate. some people make rude and ignorant comments when trying to get their way.. people already tend to treat strangers in a way that wouldnt treat people that they know.. we as a people(human race) need to be more considerate of eachother, whether were strangers or acquainted.. just think about how you treat a homeless person(the last acceptable people in america to outright discriminate against). do you always look them in the eye and hear them out? or do you assume they want money or they're crazy and go about your business? would you help them if they asked you for your help? do you assume they're homeless based on the way they present themselves (clothes, appearance, grooming, cleanliness, etc) and treat them accordingly? most people do.. but they are humans with feelings and problems that far exceed that of the rest of us and they are worthy and in need of your compassion, not your judgement.....
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I've noticed there is quite a bit of stigma that goes along with being single.
Before I got my first and last boyfriend, everyone would constantly mention the fact that I "need a boyfriend"
What do I need one for? > to 'marry', make babies and be 'normal'? Yes. I think so. That's the way we're supposed to be. We're supposed to live to reproduce, I guess... so as long as you are single, people who aren't single will always tell you who you have to be.

As for table issues-- or seats on public transit or parking spaces or anything else in life, really... it's first come, first served. Just because you don't have a bunch of hungry, screaming children with you doesn't mean you don't deserve a table or a seat or a parking space just as much as a person who does would.

It may be a 'common courtesy' to give over your spot in line to someone who has a family but there's no rule of the universe that says you should go out of your way to do so.
And people will always make a big deal out of it because they can. That's just how people are.


I have yet to experience any of this stigma as an adult, since I've been a hermit since the split... but I'll have to face the music someday and I don't plan on dating anyone in the foreseeable future. I already get alot of flack for saying that to my family members who are always trying to force me out on dates.
 
drganon

drganon

Well-known member
I would've been a lot meaner about it, like call the wife or their kids ugly or something.Also really rub it in about the amount of space I have, like putting my feet up on the other chair and widely stretching my arms in front of them. I hate children anyway. Annoying little b***ards. I probably wouldn't have tipped either and left a mess for the waitress. The trick to getting back at jerks is being an even bigger jerk.:cool:
 
ShyChild

ShyChild

Active member
I've been ought alone since, but the whole thing has had me self-conscious about dining alone. I really need to make a friend. It doesn't even necessarily have to be a mate. My goal this next year is to make at least 1 friend.

drganon-

I always replay things out in my head & a few mean scenarios have crossed my mind, but I'm too chicken to get nasty in real life.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top