Social Anxiety & Cats & Women...oh my (god no)

[Josette]

So...I have cats. My family had cats when I was a kid, and I've pretty much had at least one my entire life. Right now I have more than one. There's this huge prejudice against women with cats--at least in the USA, the whole "crazy cat lady" stereotype. I hate it. I don't have 30 cats and my apartment isn't overrun with cat sh**! I am, however, lonely and perhaps a bit desperate. (Ugh.)

Whatever. My point is--I'm already horribly anxious (and entirely avoidant) about dating already. I have to worry about this too? That I'll be rejected just because I have cats? And it's socially acceptable! I see it ALL THE TIME in the media. Just today (prompting this post), it was in Dear Abby! Some a**hole said he'd "passed" on 3 different women because they had cats.

I've discussed this with a few people in RL. They say 'who cares what some a**holes think?' and such. Riiiight. It's all well and good to be above what others think, but I have to live (and date) in the real world. Where women with cats and overweight women are pretty clearly told they're not wanted. So...cats, weight, SA...3 strikes, I'm out.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I just wanted to complain. I was really upset the last 2 weeks and just started feeling a bit more hopeful 2 days ago and then that stupid letter in the Dear Abby column sent me plummeting to depression world. I wish I could take confidence in a pill form. That'd solve all my problems.

 

[Jackass]

1. The reason why guy's don't like 'crazy cat ladies' is because they alway's seem to love there cat's more than they love people, this is a big turn off, if your on a date do not mention you have cat's and if the subject comes up do not talk about them as if they are babies ::

2. there's plenty of men out there who love overwieght woman, I myself love BBW's and I believe most men love them to they are just to afraid to admit it, that means it takes some confidence on the part of the woman, this I cannnot help you with.

 

[Josette]

1. The reason why guy's don't like 'crazy cat ladies' is because they alway's seem to love there cat's more than they love people, this is a big turn off, if your on a date do not mention you have cat's and if the subject comes up do not talk about them as if they are babies ::

2. there's plenty of men out there who love overwieght woman, I myself love BBW's and I believe most men love them to they are just to afraid to admit it, that means it takes some confidence on the part of the woman, this I cannnot help you with.

1. Thanks for the insight. To be honest, I thought men disliked women with cats because they reek of desperation.

2. I hear you. I've seen plenty of women much larger than me with BFs and it's clear to me the difference is they have confidence. I just gotta figure out how to get some of that.

 

[cosmosis]

When I think of the stereotypical image of women and cats, I think its more the image of a women who has given up on men and chooses to live alone with cats. Not so much desperation in my mind. But the thing about that is if you are out dating someone, that completely negates the image to make it completely a non-issue. Either way, I honestly don't think its an issue with the vast vast majority of men. And if it is an issue with some guy, then he is certainly not the right person for you and it will make your life that much easier

 

[coyote]

i like women

i like cats

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Interesting. Maybe this "cat lady" thing is a US thing, or maybe I'm just looking at it differently from the average guy, but to me a girl having or liking cats means that they are an animal lover and is something I'd see as a definite positive quality rather than a negative one.

 

[Hoppy]

There is this youtube video, The engineers guide to cats (I'm too lazy to look for it), but in there the man said:"If you got one cat thats OK, if you got two cats you have to cats, but when you have three cats you are that guy with the cats."

It probably won't help much, but do you really want someone who has got a problem with cats? (I've got one)

 

[Feathers]

My uncle has cats... It's normal to have many cats on a farm... They're supposed to catch mice etc.

Maybe it depends where you live somewhat, do you have enough room for them, etc.
Also know another older man (friend's dad) who has lots of cats (in flat and at the garden place they have)... so, huh? (Sometimes his flat does smell a bit tho, you might wanna be careful about hygiene..)

Otherwise, I think it's just a silly cliche... Maybe when you're 60 and have 20 cats it would be more to worry about (how many cats do you have? ) Though 60+ yo men (or younger!) who like cats might be happy of your company!!

Maybe it's a US thing, never heard of it being a problem where I live either... (except if things really go out of hand, like an 'unofficial' shelter or such..)

Have you actually had bad experience with potential dates about this?
Maybe it would be good to 'pre-screen' them or something? Like see if they're animal lovers first, what kind of animals they like ('cat vs dog person' is a myth imo too!! You can like - and have - both!! Or you can like them and not have them etc. Many different options..)

 

[Mokkat]

I love cats and a girl with cats would be even more desirable in my eyes - provided she doesn't nurture them like children when Im around xD

 

[Tiercel]

Any guy who doesn't give you a chance because you have cats isn't worth your time. Maybe he has an allergy, maybe he just doesn't like cats. Maybe he thinks any single lady with pet cats must be crazy. You don't have to hold it against him, just realize that the two of you aren't compatible and move on. I don't necessarily have a problem with women who dislike pale, chubby guys who like dogs, hawks, and heavy metal. I just look for those who don't, and we're all happier for it.

Cats, weight, SA: work on what you see as a problem, and embrace what you don't. And instead of striking out, realize that not everyone is good at baseball. So find what sport you are good at.

 

[userremoved]

Yeah I think he probably just didn't like cats for whatever reason. Unless those women had an unusual number of cats. At least you dont have pet spiders. Imagine how hard it is for them to get dates.

 

[Mickery]

Silly Pips, spiders don't date.

If somebody sounds crazy and they won't date you, it's best to remember what a narrow escape you had. I mean, you'd be worse off if they'd said yes. So there's no problem!

 

[Josette]

Thank you everyone for all the input. Much food for thought. Some good, some bad. I feel bad not replying to everyone (at least those who asked direct questions...still getting the hang of the etiquette of this site), but it's getting me really depressed so I'm going to step away from this topic for now.

 

[dottie]

do you think men who like cats are desperate?

 

[Tiercel]

do you think men who like cats are desperate?

That depends entirely on what type of cats you're talking about.

Seriously. If a guy has an overabundance of enthusiasm for the big cats, I'd think he's either into conserving wildlife or trying to compensate for something. If he likes house cats, I'd just think he likes cats.