So women don't like nice guys big deal

[no1]

Women who go for nasty, cocky, ''bad boys'' are insecure. You always hear about women who are in abusive relationships and usually the guy involved is the ''bad boy'' she was attracted to. My sister is a prime example of this. My sister was married to this asshole for two years who mentally abused her and used her for her money....Anyway a little while after divorcing him it was in the newspaper that he got jailed for sexually abusing the kids of his new girlfriend! I just hope the bas#ard gets hell in prison!

I just makes me feel bitter that women choose guys who abuse them when there are plenty of decent single guys around. My sister dated a decent guy who was a manager in an electrical goods store but it only lasted less than a month because ''he was too boring, and didn't like pubs and clubs!''...Those were my sisters words. Even though my sister is 3 years older than me i feel protective of her and to be honest my sister is not very mature for her age.

This makes me lose all hope in women.

I like pubs and clubs, I just can't go there by myself. Since I've always been by myself, I've never been to a pub or club.

Come on, wtf. Why do poeple want to go to clubs or pubs anyways? Because it's a social event, and you want to meet new potential mates.

Going there by yourself is suicide unless you are really good with people socially and you are absolutely sure of yourself that you will meet new people and friends or potential mates. That takes 100 percent confidence and certainty.

 

[BeachGaBulldog]

Do I really care if a woman doesn't like me because I am a nice guy? Hell no! I have been that way my whole life, and will continue to be. I have always been in bad relationships and some were because of my being nice. So what? I wouldn't change a thing. Its everyone of their losses! Another thing, why do women enjoy arguing. Every woman I ever dated liked to run her mouth and b**** about something. Yeah, I agree women are very insecure! I retired from dating for good. I have found being single is better than being with a woman. What is so wild is that I wanted a woman so bad growing up. There is a lot to say for becoming wiser!

 

[no1]

the fact is .... many if not most women think that the way it should be is that they are to be lead solely by their subconscious. But this is a lie, nobody should listen ONLY to their subconscious and their feelings... Yea we should at times listen to our subconscious, but also have it balanced. There is a the new paradigm that tells us to listen to our hearts, and subconscious, but people can confuse this. If it's not balanced with logic, it can mislead you at times. Because the subconscious can carry lots of programming that just doesn't fit in with what is really right or wrong , and that also means giving in to false autonomy.

 

[no1]

well in this society... people can either give too much credit to the heart or enteric nervous system , or "gut", or too much to the "ego", mind, etc. Sometimes they get the two confused. the point is it needs to be balanced.

If a really cool girl showed interest in you, would you be able to allow yourself to accept it?

Hopefully.

 

[Rodox]

Its not good to "lump"(I dont know if I am using the right word)all girls together, that will only make you frustrated,trust me I know,you need to find a nice,decent girl, I am pretty sure there are some,you just need to find them,I dont think giving up on them is the answer either,you will be like a Lion who doesnt want to eat meat.

 

[no1]

no1,

You sound like me in reverse. Stop reading my mind.

what do you mean by this?

peace

 

[recluse]

If women want to end up being cheated on, beaten up, abused then that's their problem for not wanting to be with nice guys.

 

[Remus]

The key problem here is people seeing the opposite sex (or sex you are attracted to) as the enemy/alien. That will not get you anywhere.

I don't think for example that a "nice guy" lumps people together, tars them with the same brush and promptly passes judgement on them!

As for good guys vs bad guys arguement, There are good guys with a few bad traits and Bad guys with a couple of virtues, it's a broad spectrum, A guy I've known for years can be a bit of a twat, he likes to ridicule, take the micky, tease about things, can be very infantile, but if anything turns to crap for you, he will be the first to help out the best he can.

I had a bad accident last year, I was suprised that the people who did help/check how I was doing (which were not many), were not the people I expected to be caring in a crisis....and yeah, some people let me down and broke my expectations of them :/

 

[DaaaBulls]

This is an interesting topic because our society has made it out to look like women want "bad ass" un-emotional men.

This is a total myth.

I am reading a book called "The new male sexualty", pretty interesting book. But basicly woman want someone who they can relate to emotionaly. Yeah some woman might be attracted to someone because of their looks or their confidence AT FIRST, but woman want more than that. Do you really think his confidence is going to make a lasting relationship? No. It is whether or not the male can connect on an emotional level with the woman, that is what will make the relationship last.

It is interesting because in the book it states how this new generation of men are starting to break out of the mold of being males who show no emotion. I can relate because growing up my father was not "there" emotionally and didn't show any kind of connection with me or my mother on an emotional level. Most likely he learned this from his father and his father from his father.

But to be honest, I think that we are the ones that are winning this battle between nice and not. If we could just muster up the guts to go out and talk to woman then we would be just fine because we HAVE emotions and feelings and can relate to woman. Having a relationship goes way beyond sex and good looks and confidence. Woman aren't as interested in sex as they are in finding someone they can have a bond with. And those guys who are getting with woman now, well they are in for a life of just getting with woman and never really finding that special person because they just don't know how to be there emotionally.

 

[no1]

The key problem here is people seeing the opposite sex (or sex you are attracted to) as the enemy/alien. That will not get you anywhere.

I don't think for example that a "nice guy" lumps people together, tars them with the same brush and promptly passes judgement on them!

As for good guys vs bad guys arguement, There are good guys with a few bad traits and Bad guys with a couple of virtues, it's a broad spectrum, A guy I've known for years can be a bit of a twat, he likes to ridicule, take the micky, tease about things, can be very infantile, but if anything turns to crap for you, he will be the first to help out the best he can.

I had a bad accident last year, I was suprised that the people who did help/check how I was doing (which were not many), were not the people I expected to be caring in a crisis....and yeah, some people let me down and broke my expectations of them :/

ok. what about the nice nice guys? u just seem to make the spectrum only include nice guys who have a bunch of undesirable traits that would make women go "eek" and the bad guys are just good guys who appear bad. Doesn't make too much sense. bad guys are simply BAD. people who confuse these put themselves in trouble. they grow up to like gangsters and criminals and vices.

if anyhting a good 'bad boy' should be one who is a bit of a revolutionary, when it's needed, and can stand up for himself when needed, which isn't so bad,it's just when society looks at him as if he's the bad guy, he's actually doing good they just don't know it. or the government or whoever just paints them with a "bad" brush.

 

[no1]

This is an interesting topic because our society has made it out to look like women want "bad ass" un-emotional men.

This is a total myth.

I am reading a book called "The new male sexualty", pretty interesting book. But basicly woman want someone who they can relate to emotionaly. Yeah some woman might be attracted to someone because of their looks or their confidence AT FIRST, but woman want more than that. Do you really think his confidence is going to make a lasting relationship? No. It is whether or not the male can connect on an emotional level with the woman, that is what will make the relationship last.

It is interesting because in the book it states how this new generation of men are starting to break out of the mold of being males who show no emotion. I can relate because growing up my father was not "there" emotionally and didn't show any kind of connection with me or my mother on an emotional level. Most likely he learned this from his father and his father from his father.

But to be honest, I think that we are the ones that are winning this battle between nice and not. If we could just muster up the guts to go out and talk to woman then we would be just fine because we HAVE emotions and feelings and can relate to woman. Having a relationship goes way beyond sex and good looks and confidence. Woman aren't as interested in sex as they are in finding someone they can have a bond with. And those guys who are getting with woman now, well they are in for a life of just getting with woman and never really finding that special person because they just don't know how to be there emotionally.

lol, whoever they can connect with on an emotional level is sometimes those who can manipulate emotions.

 

[no1]

the term "badboys" is like a meme or catch phrase I think created by those who want to deceive or are deceived by this "dynamic". the minute you start to use it unwittingly it will give you trouble because then you start to look for anything sinister looking and you could end up mixing up good men with bad men and vice versa.

in america.. and in many places in the world might have this problem in society. People being ego driven, and instead of becoming knowledgeable, educated they turn to vices, and more.. "physical" ways of "attaining success", because who cares if u know something as long as you can steal it, or attain it with brute force, thats survival of the fittest to them. You do it if you need to. If there is another way then why?

 

[Remus]

ok. what about the nice nice guys? u just seem to make the spectrum only include nice guys who have a bunch of undesirable traits that would make women go "eek" and the bad guys are just good guys who appear bad. Doesn't make too much sense. bad guys are simply BAD. people who confuse these put themselves in trouble. they grow up to like gangsters and criminals and vices.

What is nice? what is nasty? where do you call the line on that? how many bad points outwiegh the good? is a mental bully worse than a physical one? is unassertive better than assertive? Is introvert better than extrovert? etc.etc.

or is it just about generosity and kindness?

I'm kind and generous but I also have my flaws, I don't consider myself a "nice guy", I'm just me, take it or leave it.

I'm sure even a serial killer dose not see themselves as "all that bad", take Hitler, for all that evil people found him charming and charasmatic.

Instead of focusing on other people and how it's not fair and feeling all bitter, why not change the game? work on what you got that's good, people on here certainly have the intelligence for interesting and passionate debate, I think thats a great strong point of anyones personality

 

[no1]

This is EXACTLY why you can't be nice to women: because she thinks you are trying to hit on her, or lust for her, or "like" her. EVEN when it's genuine niceness.

 

[Remus]

If thats what you think then you are very wrong, or should I say "too heavy"

 

[no1]

why then does it happen to me all the time, that when I say something nice... even a helllo, or goodbye, or have a nice day.. it is never returned. ALWAYS unrequited love.

Why I ask? Because she must think that because I am a male, I only say it to her because I want something from her. No other way she thinks. So I have pretty much given up on talking to ANY woman.

pretty much ANY sort of interaction can be taken as an advance on her.

 

[I_Walk_Alone]

This is EXACTLY why you can't be nice to women: because she thinks you are trying to hit on her, or lust for her, or "like" her. EVEN when it's genuine niceness.

Guess what matey?

Its our job to be transparent. I know it may seem scary, but if a female cant see your intentions, then your not playing the game properly.

If you want her to be interested, thinking your a nice guy wont cut it.

And its not there fault, its not your fault, its just nature. You'll find your girl, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and turn that obsession with yourself into an obsession with girls!

 

[no1]

THATS ****ING BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What they want me to be a perv, and be blunt. Then they will ****ing scoff at me and tell me that I don't know how to treat a woman, this or that. They want me to hit on them as soon as I see them?

 

[Remus]

I think you have some other illness than SA if thats how you feel, maybe seek a professional and discuss this?

 

[I_Walk_Alone]

THATS ****ING BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What they want me to be a perv, and be blunt. Then they will ****ing scoff at me and tell me that I don't know how to treat a woman, this or that. They want me to hit on them as soon as I see them?

Relax mate.

Put your anger away. It dont help you. The crux of this issue is gettinh hold of your emotions. When you go up to talk to ANYBODY, just make sure your face is as soft and relaxed as it can be. Now the only thing you have to worry about is your damned eyebrows . The trick is to get your expression between blank and worry. Which is pretty much non-chalant.

Cos mate, the main thing thats going to give you away is your body language.
Thats all a girls needs for her insane confidence-senses ::

It doesn't matter if you come across nervous, thats so far from the problem, its actually quite funny when you think about it. If your not nervous then your either a) not interested or b) the coolest ladies man on the face of the planet.

And even if you think your doing a good job of seeming uniterested, she'll probably pick up on it anyway.

One time I remember going up tp the counter for KFC or whatever, and there was this average looking teenage girl serving me. I swear to god, i just did my normal thing and ordered, but when i handed over the money, my finger just touches her hand, and she whispers behind her breathe "Dont touch me", kind of looks up as if she seeminly self-consiously and looks down again.

I'm thinking, what.....the.......****......was that? Later on I almost starteed laughing at how rediculous it all was. Why would she say that? What did I do? I'm nothing but a sycophantic ladies boy, how did i deserve that!


Another thing, make sure your standards arnt rediculously high. I mean that really shoudn't be a problem if you've got SA, but obviously you'd be kidding yourself if you kept asking Elle McPherson out. Not even Brad Pitt himself can help you there..

And lighten up mate! How old are you?