Shy, perhaps lonely, guys seem to like me

Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
This situation has happened to me twice. I'll be in a lab for school (labs are where you work at group tables to conduct experiments for a grade) and the quiet guy who sits directly next to me will start liking me. This happened first in physics lab, then the following semester in o chem lab. Now I don't flirt (neither do they) and both times I barely even spoke to the guys. I know it's not because they are physically attracted to me. It seems they like me simply because...I'm there. :idontknow: And female too. It's not exactly flattering. Then again, maybe girls get into relationships this way, I wouldn't know. So um has this happened to anyone else? Guys do you ever like a girl just because she's there and you're lonely? Sorry if this is a touchy subject...And I do look at everything scientifically, which I know many people dislike.
 
Steiner

Steiner

Well-known member
Yes I like girls sometimes just because they are there. It feels better than when it's a total sausage fest which for some reason is all I ever seem to get. Though if the girl isn't attractive I hope they don't pay attention to me which a lot of the time they tend to do. So if they like you take it as a compliment Eeyore. You're probably attractive.

Is_Eeyore_Happy__by_talismentV3.jpg
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Livemylife said:
This situation has happened to me twice. I'll be in a lab for school (labs are where you work at group tables to conduct experiments for a grade) and the quiet guy who sits directly next to me will start liking me. This happened first in physics lab, then the following semester in o chem lab. Now I don't flirt (neither do they) and both times I barely even spoke to the guys. I know it's not because they are physically attracted to me. It seems they like me simply because...I'm there. :idontknow: And female too. It's not exactly flattering. Then again, maybe girls get into relationships this way, I wouldn't know. So um has this happened to anyone else? Guys do you ever like a girl just because she's there and you're lonely? Sorry if this is a touchy subject...And I do look at everything scientifically, which I know many people dislike.
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Just because you don't think you're attractive doesn't mean guys don't. They're just to shy to make a move.
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
I've dated someone just because they were there.

I think it was because I knew (or at least assumed) that they wouldn't say no, and it was easier to feel in control. There's a lot more pressure when you actually like someone... and sometimes you feel inadequate. Sometimes you think maybe you'll start to feel better about it if you just keep going... and if there's a physical component, it gets a lot easier to convince yourself you care.

This probably happens a lot more than you might think... and I don't think it's just guys who do it. People are pretty good at self-deception, especially when they're not entirely sure what they're doing. It's all a part of growing up.

On the other hand, it could be just because they see you every day and you're familiar to them. Maybe they think you're approachable, or that they won't have to compete with a huge lineup of guys to win your favor. Or as Steiner said, maybe you're more attractive than you think.
 
Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
Odo said:
I've dated someone just because they were there.

I think it was because I knew (or at least assumed) that they wouldn't say no, and it was easier to feel in control. There's a lot more pressure when you actually like someone... and sometimes you feel inadequate. Sometimes you think maybe you'll start to feel better about it if you just keep going... and if there's a physical component, it gets a lot easier to convince yourself you care.

This probably happens a lot more than you might think... and I don't think it's just guys who do it. People are pretty good at self-deception, especially when they're not entirely sure what they're doing. It's all a part of growing up.

On the other hand, it could be just because they see you every day and you're familiar to them. Maybe they think you're approachable, or that they won't have to compete with a huge lineup of guys to win your favor. Or as Steiner said, maybe you're more attractive than you think.
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I really appreciate the frankness and honesty. I've guessed some of this...that they just assume I'm an easy yes. Or perhaps they assume I'm lonely and need a guy to date. I can't help but wonder why they don't care to get to know me, they're just like everyone else making incorrect assumptions about me. Obviously, I never started dating either of those two guys, I actually started avoiding them (is that surprising that a social phobic would avoid someone?).

As for the attractiveness thing 1) I've been ridiculed for most of my life because of my appearance 2) I would not want to date a guy just because he thought I was hot. I know I'm weird. I know most people start dating after initial physical attraction.
 
mismeek

mismeek

Well-known member
maybe they dont find you intimidating like most girls. Maybe you come off as very easy to talk to.
 
Steiner

Steiner

Well-known member
I tend to find shy girls very attractive. Perhaps it's not your looks but the look you're giving off.

#I think you just like any girl with a heartbeat Steiner

That's not true Thule... I like girls without heartbeats too.

#...Nice going Steiner. You're probably grossing everyone here out now.

Whoops. Sorry.

# Don't mind it. Hey. Wanna go to the morgue later to pick up some chicks and try out your PUA skills?

Can't do that. Even the dead chicks have standards.

# You have a point.
 
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J

jaim38

Well-known member
I've had this happen at least 2 times. I sat next to a guy, spoke to him, and he started liking me. In another instance, I was in a lab group with this guy and he asked me out but I had to turn him down. Both times I feel horrible for turning them down. Rejection isn't fun. I also wonder why these guys like me. I'm a total geek, used to dress in dark colors a lot, didn't put on makeup, etc. They could've gone after better looking girls in my school/class, not sure if they actually did because they interact a lot with me.

I suspect my nice, sorta doormatish personality might have something to do with this...
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Guys like nice girls. If he's a nice guy, why should he ask out the "hot" stuck up girl?...Why not ask someone nice like him?
 
Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
jaim38 said:
I've had this happen at least 2 times. I sat next to a guy, spoke to him, and he started liking me. In another instance, I was in a lab group with this guy and he asked me out but I had to turn him down. Both times I feel horrible for turning them down. Rejection isn't fun. I also wonder why these guys like me. I'm a total geek, used to dress in dark colors a lot, didn't put on makeup, etc. They could've gone after better looking girls in my school/class, not sure if they actually did because they interact a lot with me.

I suspect my nice, sorta doormatish personality might have something to do with this...
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Oh man that sounds so awkward. I try my hardest to avoid such social interactions. I don't wear dark colors but I tend to cover up from head to toe. If I had chatted with them, I'd probably just assume I accidentally was flirty or something. But I know that it was nothing I did except exist that made these guys "like" me. Well after reading Odo's response, I don't feel the least bit bad, and neither should you. The hardest part to accept is that it is out my hands:sad: Unless I wear an invisibility cloak or simply never leave my house.
 
M

mmconway

Member
so let me get this straight, two guys like you and you decide to question why they like you because your unattractive so they must be lonely?...smh
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
Livemylife said:
Well after reading Odo's response, I don't feel the least bit bad, and neither should you.
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I wasn't suggesting that everyone was like that.

If you're nervous/anxious about these people then that's one thing, but being jaded just makes everything worse. I'm not saying give them a chance but it's not a good idea to go around thinking that people only want to be friends with you because they hate themselves.
 
Niiña

Niiña

Well-known member
at least it seems that guys are attracted by you, in my case guys are not attracted by my in the same way, but ithink if a guy were into me i'm sure i would run away cause is a way to protect myself I'm always running away of guys and situations that stress me out, but if you do the same as i do (not suggested) you could lost a great oportunity, who knows that quiet guy could be great, you sould face little by little things that scared you it's a way to lost the fear. ;)
 
Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
Niiña said:
at least it seems that guys are attracted by you, in my case guys are not attracted by my in the same way, but ithink if a guy were into me i'm sure i would run away cause is a way to protect myself I'm always running away of guys and situations that stress me out, but if you do the same as i do (not suggested) you could lost a great oportunity, who knows that quiet guy could be great, you sould face little by little things that scared you it's a way to lost the fear. ;)
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Yeah it stresses me out too. I really try not to call attention to myself.

Odo said:
I wasn't suggesting that everyone was like that.

If you're nervous/anxious about these people then that's one thing, but being jaded just makes everything worse. I'm not saying give them a chance but it's not a good idea to go around thinking that people only want to be friends with you because they hate themselves.
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Not sure how you came to that conclusion. I didn't say they hate themselves, that's a bit extreme. I really would've liked if they wanted to be friends, actually. But that is obviously not what they wanted. I trust my logic enough to analyze the situation. My conclusion seemed a bit too strange: These guys were "interested" in "me" (read: the female homo sapien next to them) simply because I was there. This thread, including your post, confirmed it for me.
And, to reiterate, I know that some people develop "crushes" on complete strangers whose first name they don't even know, just because they think the person's hot. That's already weird to me. I had never heard of developing a crush on whoever is placed next to you.
 
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