Should one strain to get better or strive for ease

[gustavofring]

You always hear advice of that we MUST HAVE COURAGE, we must GET OVER IT, basically the Western way of dealing with things. Basically making yourself into a hero who faces great adversities he or she must overcome.

But I've also heard opposite sounds, more in the spiritual corner (Buddhism) that we must accept suffering and be more peaceful in achieving our goals. It says there should be NO strain at all, because strain causes suffering.

I guess everyone has different ways of achieving their life goals. What do you think? Should there be straining/trying hard involved or will striving for peace and calmness help you achieve the goals better (because there's no negative emotions or ego involved).

 

[Lea]

I think somewhere in the middle, or according to situation. Also it depends on what personality you are, one of the best personality tests I find Myers Briggs.

 

[mikebird]

Umm

The clear reason why my life is crippled: my enormous health problems are over, but may reoccur, as ever.

As I see all the people with prestige possessions; homes, cars, children, holidays - a life full of pleasure

The main reason is my barricade of simple, mindless, IT recruiters, who are paid to reject candidates who deserve to work for their employer, using their subjective, meaningless opinions

I'm powerless. Any grandeur effort is wasted

 

[laure15]

But I've also heard opposite sounds, more in the spiritual corner (Buddhism) that we must accept suffering and be more peaceful in achieving our goals. It says there should be NO strain at all, because strain causes suffering.

I agree more with the Buddhist way of thinking probably because I have a peaceful, introverted personality. I used to suffer a lot and thought about suicide, but after I alleviated the suffering, I'm not suicidal anymore and my life is better. I don't worry about other people as much because worrying makes me suffer more.

 

[dottie]

make an effort, for chrissakes. it's not about changing who you are... but stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.

 

[surewhynot]

Happiness isn't something that you achieve from fighting the forces of nature, it is what you discover deep inside of you when you finally make peace with oneself and let go of your struggles. You'll find that it has been there all along, you were the only thing standing in your own way. It is the natural flow of all things, let it guide you past everything you have ever known, come out of your cave crawling on your hands, accept life and life will accept you, see past the pain and onto knowledge of self, love yourself and love everything that keeps us together, because you are me and I am you.

*hugs*

 

[MollyBeGood]

I have tried both making huge effort to change and fit in and all of that, making myself sick inside trying so hard to achieve and be better etc etc...
I have also tried the more accepting route which at this point appeals to me because it doesn't make me feel physically ill all of the time and more in-tuned with who I am. I am more honest with myself of my limitations and kinder to myself in general, well I try to be anyways.
You have to try of course, but don't kill yourself trying. Can't fit a round peg in a square hole-pretty simple. Accepting yourself is the key.

 

[gustavofring]

make an effort, for chrissakes. it's not about changing who you are... but stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.

Make an effort "for christ sakes"...

See that's what I mean with the first manner. The way you describe it sounds like straining. No lightness in what you do, but a lot of effort and resistance. A sort of "fighting" modus. Like "I don't like it but I'll drag myself to that job interview!" Inner resistance.

Whereas the other manner would be more "I'll go there and see how it goes. It's not the end of the world if I don't get the job. I accept that I need the job in order to make a living." Just trying to eliminate the inner resistance and be more accepting of situations.

Let me be clear, I'm not about taking action or not taking action but the manner/mindset in which we must take action. The "fighting" attitude vs "ease and acceptance" attitude.

 

[dottie]

Make an effort "for christ sakes"...

See that's what I mean with the first manner. The way you describe it sounds like straining. No lightness in what you do, but a lot of effort and resistance. A sort of "fighting" modus. Like "I don't like it but I'll drag myself to that job interview!" Inner resistance.

Whereas the other manner would be more "I'll go there and see how it goes. It's not the end of the world if I don't get the job. I accept that I need the job in order to make a living." Just trying to eliminate the inner resistance and be more accepting of situations.

Let me be clear, I'm not about taking action or not taking action but the manner/mindset in which we must take action. The "fighting" attitude vs "ease and acceptance" attitude.

so, you mean psyching yourself into doing things by not wording things so negatively. that is pretty much what cbt is all about.

regardless, life = survival = strain.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I do the personal bare minimal. I get a job and act all "westerny" for an interview and then I shut down socially because I just needed the job for the money and that’s it. I’m nice to people close to me but if I did that to everyone I wouldn’t survive because I’m introverted and have anxiety. So point is i strain only when needed...

 

[dottie]

I do the personal bare minimal. I get a job and act all "westerny" for an interview and then I shut down socially because I just needed the job for the money and that’s it. I’m nice to people close to me but if I did that to everyone I wouldn’t survive because I’m introverted and have anxiety. So point is i strain only when needed...

that's survival. beyond that should we change our creature comforts?

 

[gustavofring]

so, you mean psyching yourself into doing things by not wording things so negatively. that is pretty much what cbt is all about.

Not really.. It's not really about wording. My example wasn't entirely right.

I'm basically saying don't put unnecessary strain and effort (mental, physical) in what you do. Don't beat yourself up too much about things and don't make them into big deals. I'm reminded of my embarrassing self, when I had to face a deadline in college. I'd put on dramatic (heroic) music and tried to work all night, putting a lot of emotion and strain in it. Thinking "If I don't finish this, I'm a failure!" I think it would have been much better if I took it with ease instead of psyching myself out so much. Strain costs a lot of mental energy.

 

[gustavofring]

By that, I also mean, the result would have been much better if there wasn't so much mental straining.

 

[coyote]

i tend more toward a taoist approach

let go of all the mental grappling, positioning, posturing, and figuring out

that's what creates the anxiety in the first place

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we choose to accept or not accept

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we desire it to be or not desire it to be

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we think it is or don't think it is

so let go of thinking about how life should be, describing the universe with words, or shaping the world with your mind

and simply experience being as it is - without judgment, without opinion, without value, without attachment

 

[dottie]

i tend more toward a taoist approach

let go of all the mental grappling, positioning, posturing, and figuring out

that's what creates the anxiety in the first place

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we choose to accept or not accept

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we desire it to be or not desire it to be

everything is what it is and will be what it will be, regardless of what we think it is or don't think it is

so let go of thinking about how life should be, describing the universe with words, or shaping the world with your mind

and simply experience being as it is - without judgment, without opinion, without value, without attachment

i feel more relaxed already!

 

[twiggle]

Good question - I've been doing a lot of Buddhist reading myself recently and agree with the majority of it but also the wonder the same question which you've asked. I think you just need to do what's going to make you happy. You shouldn't give up on any of your dreams just because of a fear of failure, but then neither should you let your happiness depend solely on desire. There's a mixture of both involved.

 

[Chess]

The problem with quotes from ancient philosophies is that they were written during and for both a different time and a different culture, and that even today there is debate over the precise meaning of some of the content. When I was interested in Taoism, I noticed a lot of that. It seemed obvious at first what the pages were talking about, but there were a variety of translations and many experts familiar with the culture and history of China interpreted the actual meaning behind the words differently.

What exactly does Buddhism mean by "no strain," though? Does it refer to a social construct back when it was new that people shouldn't strain against (class, law, custom, etc)? Did it ever mean not to strain against one's own flaws or unpleasant situation, and did that ever extend to conditions that were medical, mental, or life-threatening?

To become a doctor certainly takes strain and causes strain. What of doctors? Is it a bad decision to strain to learn medical material and to strain to save lives? Or maybe the "strain" is less about trying to ease the suffering, and more about feeling obligated to and in desperate need of changing the way life works and blaming themselves if they can't.

As for the actual question, I think managed expectations are the ideal. Accepting what you can't change and changing what you can, while learning to enjoy the moments you have instead of only ever looking to something else.

A time - not now - when you can make friends. A time - not now - when you can accept who you are. A time - not now - when you can start taking goals seriously. A time - not now - when you can just live. When we become too focused on reaching that point of perfection or the culmination of our efforts, we let present opportunities and good times pass us by.

If you choose never to strain, you'll let the small problems grow into big ones and the big ones continue to harm you or worsen. "Prepare for the difficult while it is still easy. Deal with the big while it is still small." That's from an Eastern school of religion/philosophy, too.

tl;dr

 

[Roman Legion]

I do the personal bare minimal. I get a job and act all "westerny" for an interview and then I shut down socially because I just needed the job for the money and that’s it. I’m nice to people close to me but if I did that to everyone I wouldn’t survive because I’m introverted and have anxiety. So point is i strain only when needed...

Same here, but since nobody is hiring, it doesn't happen that often. I have tried to develop a 'F**k it attitude about social things, but it seems my rampant apathy just doesn't favour me there.

 

[Lowlight]

When I read your post it spurred me to thought. I heard on a video somewhere that, “Pain is the result of a neurological change. Suffering is a choice.”

I think that the “strain” you refer to is like experiencing an initial pain. It is beyond your control. This pain can come from a physical pain like slipping on the ice, a mental pain like having to memorize the periodic table, or a spiritual pain like sadness you feel after a loved one dies.

The only thing a person can control is how he or she responds to this pain. A person can have a more westernized view where the pain is caused by something that needs to be defeated. The strain, then, is the effort needed to complete the task.

An example is like an exam that must be passed. The teacher is testing, a form of battle, in which I must overcome and conquer the curriculum. If that attitude gets me the A, then that gets me the A. Ends justify the means. What is bothersome, though, is the amount of energy and pressure that I needed to stir up to conquer the task.

If I took the opinion to instead view this strain as a part of the nature of the test, and not something that needs to be vanquished, then I need less energy to overcome it. The strain of studying doesn’t seem so hard after you stop telling yourself that you are suffering through the studying. If you stopped looking at the clock, counting how many pages/chapters you have to go, or thinking about what you are going to do after you finish studying then you will feel far less stress. Such concentration doesn’t normally come easy to everyone, so it is a skill in mindfulness that must be practiced and cultivated. Telling yourself that "I must pass this in order to feel happy" is also putting undo strain into your life. Yes it is important to pass, but the path to that passing grade can be so much more relaxed and fulfilling if I only let it.

All this being said I believe it must come down to personal preference. Ask a person how they are working to achieve goals. If the person says one method, suggest that they try the other. If they come back and say, “That really helped. Thank you!” you have imparted wisdom. If they come back and say, “Yeah, that really wasn’t for me.” You have still imparted wisdom.

It is all about giving people the tools that they need to succeed.

 

[user deleted]

Some philosophers would say that it's far more accurate to view life as suffering, and indeed, to view life as anything other than suffering ultimately leads to more suffering..

‘…everyone believes he has the most legitimate claim to happiness and enjoyment. If, as usually happens, these do not fall to his lot he believes that he suffers an injustice, in fact that he misses the whole point of his existence; whereas it is far more correct to regard work, privation, misery and suffering, crowned by death, as the aim and object of our life.’