Shutinshell
Member
I dont know why but I keep feeling really sad & hopeless. Maybe my shyness & social anxiety has something to do with it. I'm not sure. But once something goes wrong I go into a downward spiral of depression. Its like I cant handle ups and downs in lifes. Like I want constant ups. I dont know if youd call that being spoiled or immature but when things dont go to my liking I drown in sorrow, pity, and I purposely let the **** hit the fan and just let go.
I have been having trouble in college so once again the cycle begins. When things go right I'm happy. They went wrong now I feel sad, tired, and lazy. Now I know if I ask for help they will. I wont ask though. I know if I ask to join a group someone will say yes. But of course I wont. I know I have to but I wont do it. Its like I dont want to be happy or get better. I know taking a certain path will make things right and make me feel better. But I just wont do it.
I want to mess myself up. I want to be used and tossed around and trash up my life. At the same time the idea of that saddens me and I want success and to make my parents proud.
Anyone ever feel similar? Like you know this is the way to happiness but you purposely deny it and smack at the hands trying to help you? How do you get over this? Sorry if I make anyone who is depressed but doesnt know the way out feel bad or angry. I know the way out but I purposely deny it.
I have been having trouble in college so once again the cycle begins. When things go right I'm happy. They went wrong now I feel sad, tired, and lazy. Now I know if I ask for help they will. I wont ask though. I know if I ask to join a group someone will say yes. But of course I wont. I know I have to but I wont do it. Its like I dont want to be happy or get better. I know taking a certain path will make things right and make me feel better. But I just wont do it.
I want to mess myself up. I want to be used and tossed around and trash up my life. At the same time the idea of that saddens me and I want success and to make my parents proud.
Anyone ever feel similar? Like you know this is the way to happiness but you purposely deny it and smack at the hands trying to help you? How do you get over this? Sorry if I make anyone who is depressed but doesnt know the way out feel bad or angry. I know the way out but I purposely deny it.