Reasons, or.... ??

[lyricalliaisons]

I know that a lot of people with SA have problems with people thinking others don't like them. So I was wondering... Do you have reasons to think that people don't like you, or do you just feel that way because of SA/low self-esteem, etc.?

I have legitimate reasons to know people don't like me because people have told me straight to my face that they don't like me. Just last summer, my neighbor told me that I'm an unlikeable person. As a kid, I was told by at least three adults that they didn't like me. Plus, two therapists & my vocational specialist told me that they thought I was "gruff," "rude," "cold," "aloof" etc. for a long time until they got to know me better.

I come off as unlikeable because I'm so scared around people & never know what to do or say or how to interact. But I'm actually a very nice person & am just unable to show that.

 

[spider04]

My quietness...

 

[Pookah]

I think people might not like me because of the way I look, my clumsiness in action and interaction and my unconventional personality.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

My quietness...

Being quiet doesn't make a person unlikeable.

 

[Tangent]

People used to have their reservations about me because I used to frown a lot and talk very little because of my SA and severe depression. I've learned to counter that by smiling and acting genially towards these superficial people, even if I don't feel that way inside. Foolish humans, they actually fall for it!

Nowadays, I think people tend to feel threatened by me when they find my opinions differ markedly from their own and that I'm fiercely independent, but I can live with that.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

like you, I had a therapist tell me I was cold and rude. my family has also told me I'm that way too. when you are quiet people misinterpret the silence beyond belief. maybe we act the opposite of who we really are so people cant get to know us and judge us? who knows!

side note, i think in part, it has to do with culture too. in the u.s., the "warm bubbly' extroverted personality seems nearly mandatory. anybody else think culture plays a part?

 

[spider04]

Being quiet doesn't make a person unlikeable.

I think different

 

[RightSaidteddy]

I've been too I'm rude because I don't say hello to people in corridors. I think people may like your very much, but when you don't validate their own being with a common gesture of their want, they think your being an prick.

Let them think your being a prick, in fact I don't mind that people think that because I simply don't care what other people think, If they like me cool if they don't so what? I'm not going to waste time in my life procrastinating about why someone else doesn't like me. It's a pointless pursuit.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

two therapists & my vocational specialist told me that they thought I was "gruff," "rude," "cold," "aloof" etc. for a long time until they got to know me better.

I call this evidence of how little even professionals understand this s***.

:/

 

[Eam]

People dislike my relaxed face, because it seems to be either upset/a bit angry maybe. Ever since people pointed it out I've been self conscious and try to laugh wherever possible to pull my face into something that doesn't offend.

People also seem to dislike that I'm tall (6'2) and slim, which is why I find every opportunity to sit when in a social situation.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I think people might not like me because of the way I look, my clumsiness in action and interaction and my unconventional personality.

I think those are probably more reasons of your SA or low self-esteem making you think people don't like you than actually knowing people don't. I don't see a problem with the way you look & only very shallow people would, so if people don't like you because of that, just realize it's them & not you. As for being clumsy, etc. I know a lot of people might misinterpret that & not like someone because of it, but unless anyone's actually said they don't like you because of those things, I hope you realize it might just be you thinking they don't like you instead of them actually not liking you.

I think different

Do you dislike people just because they're quiet? I don't. Being quiet doesn't make a person unlikeable just because some people might think it does. Quiet people are often the nicest people.

 

[spider04]

Do you dislike people just because they're quiet? I don't. Being quiet doesn't make a person unlikeable just because some people might think it does. Quiet people are often the nicest people.

hmmm if i am quiet myself I wont dislike someone that is quiet, being quiet makes you boring, who wants to be around someone that's quiet?
But i've been working on this to be more talkative in person, I can only be around certain people.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

People used to have their reservations about me because I used to frown a lot and talk very little because of my SA and severe depression. I've learned to counter that by smiling and acting genially towards these superficial people, even if I don't feel that way inside. Foolish humans, they actually fall for it!

Nowadays, I think people tend to feel threatened by me when they find my opinions differ markedly from their own and that I'm fiercely independent, but I can live with that.

People think I frown all the time, too, when it's actually just my neutral face & think I'm sad or mad because of it, even when I'm in a good mood. But I'm not good at smiling, especially fake smiling when around people. I love the fact that you're able to tell your opinions to people like that. I'm too scared most of the time to give mine to people, because they differ from others' & I hate confrontation.

like you, I had a therapist tell me I was cold and rude. my family has also told me I'm that way too. when you are quiet people misinterpret the silence beyond belief. maybe we act the opposite of who we really are so people cant get to know us and judge us? who knows!

side note, i think in part, it has to do with culture too. in the u.s., the "warm bubbly' extroverted personality seems nearly mandatory. anybody else think culture plays a part?

I've had family do the same thing to me. I know I don't act the opposite of the way I am, my personality has just always been an internal thing rather than an external thing & I've never really been able to let it out (except through writing), though I don't do it on purpose. I know people would judge me less if I were able to show my personality properly.

But I think you're right about society expecting everyone (or at least wanting everyone) to be "warm & bubbly." I think that's especially true for females, though because males can get away with being plain out a**es at times & it's sometimes just accepted because of that.

I've been too I'm rude because I don't say hello to people in corridors. I think people may like your very much, but when you don't validate their own being with a common gesture of their want, they think your being an prick.

Let them think your being a prick, in fact I don't mind that people think that because I simply don't care what other people think, If they like me cool if they don't so what? I'm not going to waste time in my life procrastinating about why someone else doesn't like me. It's a pointless pursuit.

I agree with you, but I don't like people thinking I'm a mean person because I know I'm not.

I call this evidence of how little even professionals understand this s***.

:/

I agree. Luckily, most of them got to understand it the more I told them about my expreriences. I hope that it the future, when they're faced with others whose issues may be similar to mine, they won't rush to negative judgment because of it.

 

[black-wings]

People just didnt like me as a kid because i was different. I liked different foods, music. As a black male, i hate to bring race into it, i talked differently than my other black peers. I talked properly, i guess. And they didnt like me for it. Even today im a little self conscience of that, not as bad as a kid though.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Some people in the past have taken a sudden dislike to me for being so quiet and shy. Also people have given me looks of disgust when they see how chubby i am. (happend tonight as well) Lovely people.

I'm also overweight & used to have the same thing happen to me. I probably still do, but I don't notice it as much now. As you age, you'll hopefully notice those kinds of judgments less & less, or at least won't be bothered by them.

People dislike my relaxed face, because it seems to be either upset/a big angry maybe. Ever since people pointed it out I've been self conscious and try to laugh wherever possible to pull my face into something that doesn't offend.

People also seem to dislike that I'm tall (6'2) and slim, which is why I find every opportunity to sit when in a social situation.

My "relaxed face" comes off the same way to people, unfortunately, but I'm not good at making other facial expressions, at least not on purpose (I know that made no sense lol) so I always look negative to people apparently. But it's their problem if they want to dislike me because of a facial expression I can't even control.

I am not sure if they like me or not, they probably dont care one way or the other. Some will go out of there way to avoid me because I am not worth the bother or they see me as inferior.

If you think others see you as inferior, that's probably an SA or self esteem problem rather than actually knowing they see you that way.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

hmmm if i am quiet myself I wont dislike someone that is quiet, being quiet makes you boring, who wants to be around someone that's quiet?
But i've been working on this to be more talkative in person, I can only be around certain people.

I am boring lol, at least in the conventional sense, so I don't mind if people see me as boring, it's just when they plain dislike the person that I am that I have a problem with. Plus, I don't like being around people, so if not being boring would make them want to be around me more, that just gives me another reason to stay boring lol.

People just didnt like me as a kid because i was different. I liked different foods, music. As a black male, i hate to bring race into it, i talked differently than my other black peers. I talked properly, i guess. And they didnt like me for it. Even today im a little self conscience of that, not as bad as a kid though.

I know what it's like to be not liked just because you seem different than the others around you. It was like that for me as a kid as well. I used to get teased a lot as a kid for dressing & acting differently than others, etc. so I can understand to an extent. I know what you mean though, about people not liking you for talking differently, etc. than others of your race because I knew a guy in middle & high school who was ridiculed because he listened to different music & dressed differently, etc. than the other black people in the school.

 

[Eam]

My "relaxed face" comes off the same way to people, unfortunately, but I'm not good at making other facial expressions, at least not on purpose (I know that made no sense lol) so I always look negative to people apparently. But it's their problem if they want to dislike me because of a facial expression I can't even control.

No it makes sense. I find it difficult to force a smile or shift from my neutral face too. Sometimes I get a weird smile-tremble thing going on when trying to force a smile, . But I find laughing easier, even if it's just a little fake chuckle and I can hold the smile for a little bit afterwards before I go back to neutral.

 

[hangbi92]

Do you dislike people just because they're quiet? I don't. Being quiet doesn't make a person unlikeable just because some people might think it does. Quiet people are often the nicest people.

hmmm if i am quiet myself I wont dislike someone that is quiet, being quiet makes you boring, who wants to be around someone that's quiet?
But i've been working on this to be more talkative in person, I can only be around certain people.

I think that its not that people dislike quiet person, they just find it hard to approach them. People certainly like talkative, friendly, humorous person better because its easier to approach them.
And its not only quietness or not that makes people dislike us. I know there is a guy who is very cold and quiet but whenever he talks, he becomes very cool and everyone listen to him. Hes quite goodlooking and talented ( sports, music and arts) so people love him. And about me, Im quiet too but most people dont like me because im lack of social skill and im boring, depressed all the time. Many people tried to talk to me and after some seconds, they realized that I looked weird and awkward in front of them so after that they started ignoring me. I mean, there are different type of "quietness". Being quiet doesnt always mean someone has social anxiety.
And sometimes my social anixiety makes me imagine all this stuff that people dont like me but in fact they dont even care about me
And yeah, like spider04 said,, because i myself am quiet so I dont dislike quiet person because I know quiet people may have many good values.

 

[spider04]

And about me, Im quiet too but most people dont like me because im lack of social skill and im boring, depressed all the time. Many people tried to talk to me and after some seconds, they realized that I looked weird and awkward in front of them so after that they started ignoring me.

well I can say the same too

 

[Hellhound]

People have told me too they didn't like me. My family, my classmates, teachers, everyone. They would also make sure to show me how much they hated me by isolating and bullying me every day. So i'm pretty sure it's not all in my mind... People did hate me. Their reasons? There's a long list. Mainly because I was ugly, I was different, I was a bit overweight, I was quiet, etc. I've been told a lot of times by family and teachers that I was bad and deserved it. The bullying was my fault too because I was weak and stupid for not defending myself (these are words from my father and my old brother).
Now in the present I don't get this crap every day, but sometimes i get a comment about my looks or they ask me annoying questions about why I don't like what everyone else likes. Others just avoid me because I'm too weird for them. Yes, a lot of times I am just paranoid... but a lot of other times I'm not, sadly.