Really struggling today.

[WishingICould]

Ok, long story short, this guy i like ended up taking my virginity, "forgot" to mention he didn't want a relationship because he was getting back with his ex, then proposed to her but still contacts me because he wants to sleep with me (i said no).

He and i had been "seeing each other" for about 6 months or so and i was really starting to like him. Having SA means i don't open up to people easily and i'd never slept with anyone else before him. Anyway, for the past few days i've been thinking about it all and it's getting me down. Just knowing that he's getting married this year is really hurting me and i can't help feeling like he didn't choose me because i wasn't good enough and that i'm never going to be good enough for anyone.

I sick of feeling lonely and the only thing guys seem to want from me is sex. I've been told i'm attractive, although i don't feel it, but i don't dress in revealing clothes or flirt with men so i don't know why they think it's ok to expect sex.

Since i got involved with that guy i haven't even looked at anyone else. When i was at my lowest i even considered sleeping with him even though he was with her. I just thought, what the hell, i've got nothing to lose. Thankfully i came to my senses and didn't do it.

Part of my knows that it's not all my fault. He has a bad reputation and has apparently screwed over all his ex's but at the same time i keep thinking it must be some flaw in me that made him treat me that way. I keep thinking his future wife must be perfect and i'm the complete opposite.

Don't really know why i'm posting this. I just feel really down and like i'm going to end up completely alone while he goes on his merry way.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I think a dating website would be good. List what you're looking for. That way you can sift out the jerks.
If I'm looking through online dating profiles, the first thing I search for is "faithful". If they do not write that in their add, I don't waste my time on them. Too many men and women these days cheat on their significant other.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Why do people even bother getting in relationships if they can't stay monogamous. I wish these people would leave us alone!

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I don't know if you noticed, but this guy would not have made you happy at all
I know it's very frustrating to sleep with someone and then realize they are no good, but at least you are not the one marrying him It's not you who's not good enough for him, it's him who's not good enough for you. And I know I don't know you, but seriously, it's just obvious.

 

[Kiwong]

That's a pretty horrible thing to happen, no wonder you feel down. Hope you can find someone better.

 

[WishingICould]

It's other things as well that are bothering me but this is the main one. My mum's just come in drunk after being out since 7pm. She does this often. I sometimes feel like if i had a decent family life i'd be so much happier.

My Dad's useless and i practically have to chase him for contact. He'll message me on Facebook and ask when i'm free but when i reply he doesn't respond. He has a busy job but he's not busy 24/7 and i think he should make time to see his eldest daughter. He messaged me on Facebook last week and i told him i was free all week. He didn't reply to my inbox message but he did have the time to update his status and say he had a great time with his wife and my two half sisters. They went to see a west end show.

I've realised that the guy i was seeing acted like my Dad. He'd make promises to see me then let me down and i was the one making all the effort. I don't want to be one of those people with "Daddy issues" but i think i am.

 

[Lamb]

Part of my knows that it's not all my fault. He has a bad reputation and has apparently screwed over all his ex's but at the same time i keep thinking it must be some flaw in me that made him treat me that way. I keep thinking his future wife must be perfect and i'm the complete opposite.

Don't really know why i'm posting this. I just feel really down and like i'm going to end up completely alone while he goes on his merry way.

Not if you expose to his soon to be wife what a low life he is. I know you probably shouldn't get involved, it's not your business, but that is seriously aggravating. If you think about it, he's going to end up hurting this girl in the same way he's hurt you.

I think you should go no contact, cut him off entirely.

 

[WishingICould]

Not if you expose to his soon to be wife what a low life he is. I know you probably shouldn't get involved, it's not your business, but that is seriously aggravating. If you think about it, he's going to end up hurting this girl in the same way he's hurt you.

I think you should go no contact, cut him off entirely.

The thought has crossed my mind but i don't know her. Never met her in my life. I'd rather just let him create his own mess and maybe one day she'll catch him out, maybe she won't.

I'm doing the no contact thing. He text me Christmas day (he didn't spend it with her which i thought was weird) and new years eve. I ignored both. We're not friends on Facebook either.

 

[this_portrait]

He doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry you went through that whole situation. It's always depressing when things like that happen.

It's actually quite common for a lot of women (especially younger ones) to initially look for a man who has similar characteristics as their fathers because that's the first male figure they've had in their lives. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but for many women, it's bad.

 

[Lamb]

The thought has crossed my mind but i don't know her. Never met her in my life. I'd rather just let him created his own mess and maybe one day she'll catch him out, maybe she won't.

I'm doing the no contact thing. He text me Christmas day (he didn't spend it with her which i thought was weird) and new years eve. I ignored both. We're not friends on Facebook either.

I understand. I like to think karma will come around. It's good you're following nc, and I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy. I think if you find a way to try and improve your SA, get yourself out there a little more, a potential mate will come along when you least expect it. You deserve alot better than that guy.

 

[jaim38]

This guy is a jerk. Just hearing about what he did to you makes me angry. It sucks that you have a dead beat dad, and this guy is acting like your dad. You definitely don't want guys like this to father your future children.

But, everyday's a new beginning. It's not too late to find someone who can treat you better. Being in a relationship is not all about having sex. Find someone who can value you for your personality, intelligence, and other traits that you have, not just your body.

 

[Xervello]

Don't really know why i'm posting this. I just feel really down and like i'm going to end up completely alone while he goes on his merry way.

I'm fairly certain you won't be alone forever. But you may be alone for awhile. The guy you were with was a jerk - one of those intuitive exploiters who are good at recognizing girls with "issues" - and exploited your needs. It sounds like you're just now beginning to realize your patterns. Seeking unavailable men like your father, being one. I think maybe some alone time really thinking about this can be more helpful than trying to find the next guy. That said, it's lonely as hell. There might not be any pleasant answers right now, WIC, and that sucks for you. But at least you've stopped being this a-hole's doormat. It's completely normal to think about him. You shared so much of yourself with him, even if he didn't value it. It's natural. And it'll take awhile to get over. Hopefully talking it out here helps, and maybe your friends (either offline or here) can assist in making your alone time a little less sucky. Perhaps this is your bottom. I wish you well.

 

[WishingICould]

Right now i just wish i wasn't here anymore. I highly doubt anyone would miss me. I'm sick of this life.

 

[Xervello]

Right now i just wish i wasn't here anymore. I highly doubt anyone would miss me. I'm sick of this life.

Me too, WIC. But this is the only one we have. If this is our worst, it's not entirely an awful thing, right? Just try to find SOMEthing or things that get you through the day. You're a thoughtful, articulate mind. That's more unique than people give it credit for. THAT would be missed. By me, and by others, I'm sure. What about your family, friends, I'm sure they'd miss you. Even if they don't realize it now. Hang in there. There are good days ahead. I'm certain of it.

 

[WishingICould]

Me too, WIC. But this is the only one we have. If this is our worst, it's not entirely an awful thing, right? I mean, we're not oppressed, being assaulted or trapped in a life as a prostitute (like someone I know). Just try to find SOMEthing or things that get you through the day. You're a thoughtful, articulate mind. That's more unique than people give it credit for. THAT would be missed. By me, and by others, I'm sure. What about your family, friends, I'm sure they'd miss you. Even if they don't realize it now. Hang in there. There are good days ahead. I'm certain of it.

Thanks. I don't really have many friends and, well, you know about my family from this thread. I pretty much have no-one. At least, that's how it feels. People say "i'm here if you ever need me" or whatever and then when i do need them they're no-where to be found.

I can't even talk to my mum because she has her own issues (which she takes out on me or alcohol). I honestly don't see my life getting any better and nothing makes me happy anymore.

 

[Opaline]

Oh you're not alone (not that it will make you feel much better). I've made similar mistakes. I know how bad it hurts but I promise you it won't last forever. Take care of yourself. When something that painful happens it's more important than ever to eat well, get enough sleep, even treat yourself. Watch funny videos. And if you need anyone to talk to, I'm around the same age as you and I've had some similar experiences, so feel free to send me a message

 

[cowboyup]

Ok, long story short, this guy i like ended up taking my virginity, "forgot" to mention he didn't want a relationship because he was getting back with his ex, then proposed to her but still contacts me because he wants to sleep with me (i said no).

He and i had been "seeing each other" for about 6 months or so and i was really starting to like him. Having SA means i don't open up to people easily and i'd never slept with anyone else before him. Anyway, for the past few days i've been thinking about it all and it's getting me down. Just knowing that he's getting married this year is really hurting me and i can't help feeling like he didn't choose me because i wasn't good enough and that i'm never going to be good enough for anyone.

I sick of feeling lonely and the only thing guys seem to want from me is sex. I've been told i'm attractive, although i don't feel it, but i don't dress in revealing clothes or flirt with men so i don't know why they think it's ok to expect sex.

Since i got involved with that guy i haven't even looked at anyone else. When i was at my lowest i even considered sleeping with him even though he was with her. I just thought, what the hell, i've got nothing to lose. Thankfully i came to my senses and didn't do it.

Part of my knows that it's not all my fault. He has a bad reputation and has apparently screwed over all his ex's but at the same time i keep thinking it must be some flaw in me that made him treat me that way. I keep thinking his future wife must be perfect and i'm the complete opposite.

Don't really know why i'm posting this. I just feel really down and like i'm going to end up completely alone while he goes on his merry way.

I'm sorry to hear this. This is very sad. I can understand why you are having a difficult time. Even though I've never had an official bf, I've been the one who's been in similar situation. Trust me, I've beaten myself up way too much thinking I was not good enough. In fact, it is the opposite. You are TOO GOOD for this guy. You don't deserve to be treated that way and never, ever should you think otherwise! Think of him as a leftover and the other woman who gets stuck with him is the one who is getting the 'junk'

You deserve better, remember that!

 

[WishingICould]

Thank you all for being so nice

 

[WishingICould]

So, i broke my "i'm not using Facebook" resolution. I had a quick look on my newsfeed, not sure why, and i saw that a friend on there had gotten married. There's pictures on there and i just keep thinking that he's going to be marrying her soon and i'm never going to find anyone. I've logged off and i'm determined not to go back on there for a long time. Why do i do this to myself? :kickingmyself:

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

So, i broke my "i'm not using Facebook" resolution. I had a quick look on my newsfeed, not sure why, and i saw that a friend on there had gotten married. There's pictures on there and i just keep thinking that he's going to be marrying her soon and i'm never going to find anyone. I've logged off and i'm determined not to go back on there for a long time. Why do i do this to myself? :kickingmyself:

Screw Facebook! So pointless. The most pathetic way to waste ones time in my opinion.