Question about dating and first kiss ...

[userremoved]

I know - you gotta work real hard at it.

Agreed, and bounce back from setbacks because they will happen(some people are jerks). I learned that the hard way Friday while trying to be friendly with people in my class. But if I want to get anywhere I just gotta try again with a different group and different people. >.< College might be one of the best opportunities to practice social skills since there's so many different kinds of people in a casual setting.

 

[WriterChick3]

Thanks to everyone who answered this. I'm feeling a bit better about it ... I'm just so paranoid people will make fun of me for it and then gossip will spread, and maybe people will try to avoid me thinking something's wrong with me.
But thanks.

 

[coyote]

Agreed, and bounce back from setbacks because they will happen(some people are jerks). I learned that the hard way Friday while trying to be friendly with people in my class. But if I want to get anywhere I just gotta try again with a different group and different people. >.< College might be one of the best opportunities to practice social skills since there's so many different kinds of people in a casual setting.

reminds me of the following:

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

or better:

"Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose." - Bill Gates

 

[Whychosis]

It kinda saddens me how this generation believes your abnormal because you haven't hooked up yet. You're 18, you're not 40. If you haven't experienced at least one encounter by the time you're middle aged THEN evaluate. This is the time in your life to be building your future, not getting so hung up on companionship. I too didn't get a real girlfriend or any of that til I was 18. Guess where it led me? I reproduced at 21. I'll be missing out due to my new found responsibilities as a father and husband. You don't NEED love, you WANT it, which we all go through it's puberty. With all the advertisement and media targeted at your dick I can't blame you. You don't follow the crowd so they shun you for it. Some "leaders" they claim to be.

There's going to be plenty of time to connect with someone later, when life has sorted us all into where we put ourselves. Wait for the apples to be ripe, then take your pick. Patience is an important thing to practice. This is not to say I'm against teenage infatuation, but try making friends for a while. It's nice to get close enough to learn about another person without playing Russian roulette.

That's how I feel.

 

[WriterChick3]

I think that may be another reason why I worry about not dating is because of how it is practically shoved in everyones faces and people see that as 'that's how it's supposed to be, you're a loser if you don't.'
I mean ... I am not expecting to fall in love, I only want to date so I can know what it feels like and to have fun.
And I'm more focused on me and my future right now ... especially to get over my anxiety and move on from my stress.

 

[that_girl]

I'm 19 and i never had boyfriend and i've never been in love, my first kiss was at 17 with a friend.
The kiss was just because i was curious, i spent a day with him, was nothing serious.

It's sad but true, the society will always see the people that never had a boyfriend like losers, i'm tired of people always asking me why I never had a boyfriend.

 

[yumesa]

I'm 23 and never dated or kissed and frankly I don't care if that's weird. I know some people just want a partner so they won't feel lonely or just want to love someone, and I've met people who make it their ultimate goal to find someone. To me dating is something I don't really want to do since that would mean dressing up alittle and I'm too ashamed to do anything like wear a dress.

 

[spect01]

I'm 19 (almost 20 soon) and I never dated or had a girlfriend/relationship before. It's a dark secret that I hide from the world. I also have never had a simple female friend. A GIRL AS A REGULAR FRIEND. NEVER! I'm also a virgin which is horrible for guys my age. And I have no idea how to talk to girls that much, and I am super shy to them. Never does a day go by where I don't think about what it's like and when I can finally see that side of life. Sex is nothing to me. Both a first relationship and platonic female friend is what I'd love to have. Because I've had so much limited interaction, I am practically invisible to girls. And it's not by choice either. I don't want to be like this while my 20's pass by because if that happens I might commit suicide or something.

This is a bad situation for guys in particular to be in.

 

[vj288]

I'm also a virgin which is horrible for guys my age. .

No it's not.

 

[Whychosis]

I'm also a virgin which is horrible for guys my age.

Why is that horrible? It's actually where you should be by law, judging that you live in the states. What do you gain otherwise? I was a virgin until I was 18 which I'm very proud of. Keep going until marriage, if anyone has a problem with it that's exactly what they are, a problem.

Everyone can agree the world has issues, very few want to acknowledge their own. It's so much more fun to give in.

 

[Sial Axetder]

A GIRL AS A REGULAR FRIEND. NEVER!

Can't look in the eyes, feel they are high above, am unworthy, they - taken,
I - lost lots.

Some power forces tight grip around self being, will not engage. Would like to say to one 'all is needed is to interrupt solid ice.' Chains will break, Freedom. Until then, a cave will remain.

 

[IGotSeoul]

If you keep telling yourself that things won't change, they won't change.

If you tell yourself they will change, they will.

This is very important I think.

I remember reading a study on impoverished, crime ridden cities in the US. The people living in these cities were so fixated on this lifestyle that they found it unimaginable to live any other way. Of course they wanted to, but it just wasn't a realistic goal in their mind.

Also a bit more on topic, G. K. Chesterton said, "Men have to be reminded that things must be loved first and improved afterwards".

 

[spect01]

Can't look in the eyes, feel they are high above, am unworthy, they - taken,
I - lost lots.

Some power forces tight grip around self being, will not engage. Would like to say to one 'all is needed is to interrupt solid ice.' Chains will break, Freedom. Until then, a cave will remain.

huh? run that by me again!

 

[SingleAloneForever]

I'm 19 (almost 20 soon) and I never dated or had a girlfriend/relationship before. It's a dark secret that I hide from the world. I also have never had a simple female friend. A GIRL AS A REGULAR FRIEND. NEVER! I'm also a virgin which is horrible for guys my age. And I have no idea how to talk to girls that much, and I am super shy to them. Never does a day go by where I don't think about what it's like and when I can finally see that side of life. Sex is nothing to me. Both a first relationship and platonic female friend is what I'd love to have. Because I've had so much limited interaction, I am practically invisible to girls. And it's not by choice either. I don't want to be like this while my 20's pass by because if that happens I might commit suicide or something.

This is a bad situation for guys in particular to be in.

Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think. It'll happen, you're still very young. I know several people who are older than you, who had never dated and were virgins, until they found their first girlfriend.

Unfortunately I'm not one of those. I'll be 30 soon enough, and haven't experienced a damn thing. It's pretty much too late for somebody my age, but there's a 10 year difference between where you're at, and where I'm at, there's still plenty of time.

No time left for me, unfortunately. Apparently certain people find it creepy and weird, that a person my age has never once had a girlfriend.


Have a little hope. I'm sure you'll find somebody perfect before too long.

 

[Sial Axetder]

huh? run that by me again!

Sorry about that.

Let's leave it simple. I was agreeing with you... I think.


At times rage, stress, memories of past erupt into a chaos. I call this confusion.
It will trigger randomly or after reading what someone has posted. Figure it might do me good to get that out. Not sure.

 

[coyote]

I'm 19 (almost 20 soon) and I never dated or had a girlfriend/relationship before. It's a dark secret that I hide from the world. I also have never had a simple female friend. A GIRL AS A REGULAR FRIEND. NEVER! I'm also a virgin which is horrible for guys my age. And I have no idea how to talk to girls that much, and I am super shy to them. Never does a day go by where I don't think about what it's like and when I can finally see that side of life. Sex is nothing to me. Both a first relationship and platonic female friend is what I'd love to have. Because I've had so much limited interaction, I am practically invisible to girls. And it's not by choice either. I don't want to be like this while my 20's pass by because if that happens I might commit suicide or something.

This is a bad situation for guys in particular to be in.

All this stuff is what YOU are telling YOURSELF.

Where is this coming from?

Stop and examine it and see if any of this is truly rational or valid.

Just because you tell yourself these things doesn't make them true.

Think about it, ok?

 

[J.Christine.89]

You know what? Don't worry about it. I'm serious. Seoul is right. You need to do what makes you happy in the time being. Do things that you really enjoy doing or that you're good at doing. This may involve joining a club of some sort or organization. I fully realize that this can be difficult to pull off with SA, but TRUST me. It is well-worth your time. When you are happy, you don't even think about things like, "Oh, gee. I really wish I had a girlfriend/boyfriend. It looks so great."

Here's another thing: Relationships are usually not all they're cracked up to be. People from the outside looking in tend to see the couple through "rosy glasses." It looks as though everything is just rainbows and butterflies. The truth is, it is like that... but not all the time. Not by a long shot. Now, I'm not saying "don't waste your time" on being in a relationship. They truly are good things as they help us to grow stronger and discover what it is we really want in life. But please, don't go around thinking that you should be in a relationship just for the sake of it.

I'm 21 years old and I've had one boyfriend. For about two months. I was 19 years old. I thought he was extremely attractive and I was amazed that he would ever ask me out, considering how shy I was. It turned out that he was really immature and that just plainly annoyed me. I broke up with him. Sure it was nice to have someone to cuddle and kiss, but that grows old after a while. I don't miss that relationship at all!

Honestly, I can't see myself being in a relationship right now. I feel that I'm just not ready and that I have too much else going on in my life. When you're with another person, you've got to find time for that person and consider them in certain decisions you'll make. But you know what? That's just fine by me. I am 21 years old. I am positive that I will find someone. It does not matter what age you are. All that matters is that you are happy with who you are because if you are not, relationships usually don't work out so well.

My advice: Work on things you want to improve with yourself so that you'll be happy with the person you are. Then move on to the world of relationships when you feel you are ready

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

Personally, from my experiences in dating, I would consider you to be lucky to never have dated, especially at your age. After being cheated on twice, I really wish I had never dated in the first place because all that came out of it was pain. It was bad on my part though because I was too impulsive and thought I could make it through a relationship, even if I was very inexperienced at the time. That, I can assure you, is the biggest mistake anyone can make in dating.

I'm currently in my Senior year in high school and I've seen a lot of couples lately. Before I ever even had a boyfriend, I would get depressed seeing couples at school, making out and just looking happy in general but after those two experiences I actually feel very happy to be single. That's something I never imagined I would say since I'm a hopeless romantic, but I honestly think I'm better off being single for a while.

My advice to you is that you're better off being single until you are absolutely sure that you are ready to put yourself at risk of getting heartbroken so that if that were to happen to you, you would be able to recover a lot better than I did. My problem was that I was so desperate to have a boyfriend that I really didn't think of the consequences of being inexperienced in dating and that really came back to haunt me.

I'm not saying there's no hope for you, I'm just telling you not to make the same mistake I did by trusting people so easily and putting myself out there when I wasn't ready.

 

[vichyssoise]

I had my first kiss and boyfriend at 17, and before that, I had lots of those awkward moments just like you when I had to admit that I never dated or kissed anyone. It's really worth the wait though. I'm still in the same relationship and surely it doesn't have to last forever, but lots of my friends are about 20 now and they still have only had meaningless flings. I know I have something so much better. Whatever you do, don't date just for the sake of dating. Yes, dating different people gives you more experience, but you know what, I felt more mature than my peers to start with. I think you might also be like that.

 

[punklove]

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I think it's beautiful that you haven't dated or had your first kiss yet. I understand why your not happy about it but whatever guy is lucky enough to date you/kiss you is going to feel so incredibly special. Sometimes wondering what something is like could be better then the actual experience. I hope you find someone soon