Question about dating and first kiss ...

[WriterChick3]

Hey.
I've been struggling with this topic for a while and it really makes me feel like I've missed out on so much in life;

Is there anyone here who has not dated in their teens? I'm 18 and I've never dated nor have I ever been kissed.
I'm not too good at talking to people because I'm so self-concious and I don't go many places where there are teenagers -- mostly due to thinking I wouldn't fit in.
I think a lot of people ... teenagers ... would make fun of me for not dating or having my first kiss. Many months ago this happened to me; I was chatting with a girl around my age, and when she asked how many boyfriends I've had I told her none ... then she asked if I've ever been kissed, and of course I answered ... and then I felt really weird when she acted kinda shocked/surprised and said "You've never had a boyfriend?" then she went on to say when she had her first kiss ...

I feel like I'm missing out on so much by not dating and think it'll mess up my future; I'm the kinda person who thinks dating in your teens and early 20's is for fun and expierence ... but I feel so unnormal because I've never dated or been kissed.

So, has anyone ever not dated in their teens or been kissed in their teens, either? I recently read the topic of who hasn't been kissed -- but I was wondering if anyone hasn't dated, as well.
Also, is there anyone who's glad they haven't dated in their teens? Like, they'd rather study harder for school, concentrait on college and focus more on their future?

I feel pressure about this whole dating thing and I'm not even around teenagers that much! lol .....

 

[vj288]

18, guy, college, never had a girlfriend, never been kissed. I'm not happy about it, I would have loved to put myself out there and love someone. I can't open myself up to people though, afraid what's in there. Don't feel pressured to date or be kissed. That girl you were talking to remembers her first kiss and so will you, don't rush just to do it.

Side note - I did get straight A's my junior and senior years of HS, but I'm not sure I'd accredit it to not having a girlfriend.

 

[DanFC]

A month or two shy from 21, and I've never dated and I've never had a first kiss. *sigh*

I've always wanted to though. In middle/high school I don't think I ever did because I was shy and awkward, and I never felt like I fit in anywhere do to some other circumstances. Nowadays though, in college, I've kind of rejected myself and put myself through hell into thinking I'm not worth anyone's time. And the shyness is still there too, of course.

I don't see any benefit I've had for not having a girlfriend or hook-ups. I've forced my academic life to be consistent despite any other circumstances like major depression or joining a society.

 

[userremoved]

Don't feel too presured, but don't sit around and wait on magic to happen either or you'll end up like me turning 28 next month and never had my first kiss. Now I'm trying to play "catch up" on life experiences with people 7 years younger than me....Yeah I suck big time.

 

[Felgen]

Hey.
I've been struggling with this topic for a while and it really makes me feel like I've missed out on so much in life;

Is there anyone here who has not dated in their teens? I'm 18 and I've never dated nor have I ever been kissed.
I'm not too good at talking to people because I'm so self-concious and I don't go many places where there are teenagers -- mostly due to thinking I wouldn't fit in.
I think a lot of people ... teenagers ... would make fun of me for not dating or having my first kiss. Many months ago this happened to me; I was chatting with a girl around my age, and when she asked how many boyfriends I've had I told her none ... then she asked if I've ever been kissed, and of course I answered ... and then I felt really weird when she acted kinda shocked/surprised and said "You've never had a boyfriend?" then she went on to say when she had her first kiss ...

I feel like I'm missing out on so much by not dating and think it'll mess up my future; I'm the kinda person who thinks dating in your teens and early 20's is for fun and expierence ... but I feel so unnormal because I've never dated or been kissed.

So, has anyone ever not dated in their teens or been kissed in their teens, either? I recently read the topic of who hasn't been kissed -- but I was wondering if anyone hasn't dated, as well.
Also, is there anyone who's glad they haven't dated in their teens? Like, they'd rather study harder for school, concentrait on college and focus more on their future?

I feel pressure about this whole dating thing and I'm not even around teenagers that much! lol .....

Focus on getting your life back on tracks. I know a woman who had never ever had a boyfriend before the age of 23. Today, at the age of 37, she is married to the same boyfriend and they have two kids together.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Dated: Have not.
Dated in teen years: Never saw the point. Alright with that. Was not like others. They were all way out there. I was, am and will forever be laid back, easy going, no problem.

(minus the random spurs of confusion)

 

[IGotSeoul]

From a bit of experience; life seemingly never turns out the way we think it will. Those who were social butterflies in high school may not have the same success with their adult life. Where as more reserved individuals may grasp one of life's many opportunities at which point they feel more comfortable, or perhaps not even comfortable but still willingly embrace such.

The idea that dating and receiving your first kiss at an early age is crucial (regarding happiness later on) is a bit of a misconception, unfortunately, overemphasized by our modern social norms and mostly extroverted counterparts. Conforming should not be a large concern, rather self-happiness and peace.

In short, do not set standards for happiness based off what others need, but through self-actualization, standards and goals that will make you, as an individual happy.

 

[lurknomore]

The only person I dated as a teenager was my now ex-husband- and I was 19. I didn't even enjoy kissing him. I split with him about four and a half years ago, and I've only dated 2 other people since then, and that was in the last year or so. I'm now 31, but still feel like I'm 14 as far as dating and relationships go... I have no clue how to get into dating- where/how to meet people, etc. The people I come into contact with at work (coworkers and regular customers) don't seem to show any interest. Of course, I've always been the type of person that won't show interest unless they show it first, so I'm pretty much stuck. I don't even have close friends to help introduce me to new people.

 

[Luke1993]

I'm 17 and have never been in a relationship, so you're not alone! trouble with me is I'm not too good academically either, I have no real "selling point" which makes me have low self esteem and SA doesn't do any favours either! I'm not too worried about having no relationships, at least not yet anyway lol

 

[chrisjurban]

18. Guy. Didn't date till 17 when a girl asked me out. We dated for 2 months and she broke up with me. That was also my first kiss. Now I have another girlfriend, and she initiated too, but I ended up asking her out cause, well, I knew she wanted me to and we'd been texting and hanging out (never talking on the phone, that causes too much anxiety). My problem now is that I can't talk to her because I can't think of anything to say. And we love each other, too. I should be able to, but I can't.

 

[petrified eyes]

Never dated, only kiss was a peck on the cheek.

 

[Sial Axetder]

18. Guy. Didn't date till 17 when a girl asked me out. We dated for 2 months and she broke up with me. That was also my first kiss. Now I have another girlfriend, and she initiated too, but I ended up asking her out cause, well, I knew she wanted me to and we'd been texting and hanging out (never talking on the phone, that causes too much anxiety). My problem now is that I can't talk to her because I can't think of anything to say. And we love each other, too. I should be able to, but I can't.

Know it. Not having anything to say. No thoughts, blank. Now what?

Try not to worry about not saying anything. That will be, at least, one less worry. It may free up some mental power for talk.

Other than that I cannot help. Never been in this situation, have no experience. Now go and make it happen.

 

[coyote]

For what it's worth:

I didn't have a "girlfriend" until my mid-twenties.

I never really "dated" much through school - just hooked up with girls at parties or school trips, etc.

I know it seems like the biggest deal in the world right now, but in 30 years, you probably won't remember half of it.

I know I don't.

 

[DanFC]

For what it's worth:

I didn't have a "girlfriend" until my mid-twenties.

I never really "dated" much through school - just hooked up with girls at parties or school trips, etc.

I know it seems like the biggest deal in the world right now, but in 30 years, you probably won't remember half of it.

I know I don't.

In 30 years, I think it'll be pretty easy to remember my 0 experience

 

[coyote]

In 30 years, I think it'll be pretty easy to remember my 0 experience

If you keep telling yourself that things won't change, they won't change.

If you tell yourself they will change, they will.

 

[DanFC]

If you keep telling yourself that things won't change, they won't change.

If you tell yourself they will change, they will.

Some things change and some things don't. There will always be something for a pessimist to complain about and for an optimist to be happy about. I don't assume what will or will not change, but from the current trend of things it doesn't seem that my social status will change. And by trend I don't mean my actions, because they fluctuate like the tides, but where my life has been whirling to despite what I do.

 

[userremoved]

I think Coyote was trying to say in a simplified way that our beliefs about ourselves tend to affect our actions. So if you honestly believe you're unworthy or destined to be in solitude you'll unconsciously take routes that will put you on that path whether you want to or not. Ex. Girl smiles at you and you ignore her and look away.

 

[Semaphore]

20 year old guy, junior in college, never dated or kissed. Outside of class projects or other structured things, don't even know how to meet people. Yet another thing to feel insecure about, compounding the problem.

 

[coyote]

Some things change and some things don't. There will always be something for a pessimist to complain about and for an optimist to be happy about. I don't assume what will or will not change, but from the current trend of things it doesn't seem that my social status will change. And by trend I don't mean my actions, because they fluctuate like the tides, but where my life has been whirling to despite what I do.

True enough.

Life sucks.

The wisest minds in human history have been saying that for thousands of years.

It's a given.

But what you make of your sucking lot in life is entirely up to YOU.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start living fully.

Don't waste the next thirty years hating and blaming and avoiding like I have. :]

 

[coyote]

Easier said then done.

I know - you gotta work real hard at it.