Post what you cannot say

[Eristelle]

My sister: Deep down, my hatred will never go away. It's been burning in my heart too long. It feels like a dormant volcano. No matter how much we get along... I just can't say I no longer hate you. You are cruel. You are abusive. I don't care how perfect you are. You abuse a man, a stupid man, who cares for you. You disregard his kind acts as something he chooses to do. I can't ever truly forgive you for all the things you said long ago. Encouraging me to kill myself. Dragging me around like a battered woman in public. Making me feel like a worthless drop out. Making me feel like I'm this horrible person who needs to die. I'm a selfish person. Everyone loves you. You're the favorite. The opposite sex adores you. I envy you for everything. All the kids liked you, but the same ones made fun of me. Every time you break down and cry, it's fine. When I do so, I'm yelled at. I hate you. I'm sorry. Mom said to love my siblings, and I care, but I could never stop hating you. That makes me feel bad. Then again, you make me feel worthless.

My deceased kitten: Im sorry Kenji... You didn't deserve this. I'm a terrible owner. Cursed with premonition. The last time you fell asleep in my lap, I cried. A thought flashed in my head. Your death. Then you die a month later. I was broken that night. I lost everything. I miss you everyday... You were my perfect angel. The only one who cared. Now I'm sitting here with your sweetheart big sister. Nevaeh and I have grown closer. I'm glad she's still here. She's my angel too... I'm sorry for hating Penelope, Kenji. I should have never gotten another cat... Ever. I'm horribly conflicted right now. Penelope shouldn't be here. I can't stand her. I knew before she got here that I wouldn't like her... I wish I trusted in my intuition more. I'm trying to do the right thing... Return her. I was an idiot for suddenly getting another cat. I just want Nevaeh... That's it. I'm sorry for being horrible. I know you're probably upset with me right now. What can an imperfect, stupid human do?

My father: Go rot you pathetic excuse of a human. How dare you abandon us last year. You've been a great provider all these years. The moment you're out of work for a back surgery and you go back months later, you screw up. I feel horrible for my mother's cursed premonition. She knew you'd do it again. You'd find another co worker. That whore. Then suddenly you want to separate and leave my mother who BARELY makes as much as you with me and my sister in a home that's FORECLOSING NEXT MONTH. you make me sick you FXCK! Then you get to move in a new house with her while our car gets taken away and we're sitting in a house that will get taken away too. I hate you. You still don't have the decency to get separated. You're still married, IDIOT. Just because you say you two are separated DOESN'T mean you're legally separated. My mother tried to kill herself twice, and has been to a behavioral hospital TWICE. Because of stress and your BULLSHXT. I know when your back screws up again, the family you've abandoned won't be there for you. I hope your whore can take care of you. I can't believe you. Your cold hearted ignorant mother had colon cancer cancer and my mother took care of her! The same woman who HATED her when you two got together took care of her. I don't know you anymore. You don't even visit me. You rarely call. I hope you drop dead alone and unloved. You have caused us pain and a disruptive atmosphere. Thank the higher powers that my mom is at least trying to get us back on our feet.

Oh, and by the way.... Her own close friend takes care of us more than you have. She should of married him instead. Why would anyone marry your heartless, ignorant ass is beyond me...

 

[Meggy0001]

I love you but I am not sure if I like you anymore...
You are not the same and I am too scared to accept it because once I do I will have to let you go and my life would suck without you.

 

[Anton45]

I don't always mix with ease socially, I have trouble accepting compliments from others, I have horrible intrusive thoughts each day, I act without thinking, I am often the weak link in my beautiful family. However I refuse to be ashamed of having metal disorders anymore and I am slowly learning not to put myself down so much,because lets face it what have I actually done to hurt others,thats an easy one to answer, sweet FA.

 

[takeheart]

So what if I'm quite boy, is at any of your business fool!? Shut up and get your heels clicking and get out of my face!! ha I would luv to say this, its rude I know but I don't care

 

[SilentBird]

 

[MikeyC]

I still like you, but you're another in a long list of people who seemingly can't be bothered to spend five seconds with me. Very disappointing.

 

[Anton45]

I still like you, but you're another in a long list of people who seemingly can't be bothered to spend five seconds with me. Very disappointing.

I have definately felt like that before MickeyC , it's really not a nice feeling.

 

[SilentBird]

I would not object if you came over and talked to me. I would be happy that you'd take interest. Don't be put off if I am quiet and slow to respond, I am still interested. Please be patient with me and please don't judge me.

 

[BlackPuma]

This is the me I present to you in hopes you believe it. To make you believe I'm a strong, independent, person capable of many astounding things. Make you believe I'm kind and caring, considerate and warm. Talented and humble. That always understands and never cries. All in the hopes that someone believes the lie long enough to care. The delusion and imagination of a desperate person, translated into a lie that takes on a life. My life.

My life- The lie.

 

[knowledgeofself]

you confuse me, when I first started sending you personal messages I thought you were a nice quiet, intelligent, open minded gal. now ever since i've been contacting you you seem to have changed your personality completely. you told me you got into a fight and you appear to be arguing with just about anyone, you suddenly seem to be revealing this exhibitionist side out of nowhere. I don't get it, why do this now? I feel like i've been deceived by you. why do you have this desire to draw such negative attention to yourself?

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

It's been several weeks now since we were forced apart, you told me to forget about you but it's impossible, it's consuming me and I miss you every single day.

 

[montejocarlo]

is it really that hard for you to be wrong? every time we have a discussion, all i need is to hear you say "i understand." it doesn't have to be an argument. but it seems like proving yourself right is more important than listening to what i have to say. if you couldn't be interested in anyone but yourself, i wish you never made a family in the first place, because families don't exist to further expand one's over-inflated ego.

 

[Lea]

This is the me I present to you in hopes you believe it. To make you believe I'm a strong, independent, person capable of many astounding things. Make you believe I'm kind and caring, considerate and warm. Talented and humble. That always understands and never cries. All in the hopes that someone believes the lie long enough to care. The delusion and imagination of a desperate person, translated into a lie that takes on a life. My life.

My life- The lie.

So you´re not? Who is the real you?

 

[Srijita52]

I'm sorry for letting everyone down.

 

[BlackPuma]

So you´re not? Who is the real you?

Needy, restless, far less considerate then I'm given credit for, impatient, constantly angry, deeply neurotic, constantly looking for validation, highly emotional, paranoid at times, no actual talents to speak of, highly insecure about said below average talents.

You get the picture. All of these are strongly suppressed and hidden from public view, but they're there. It's even safe to say that these are my most dominant ones.

 

[SilentBird]

...no actual talents to speak of ...below average talents.

Which is it? Or have you got valuable talents but won't allow yourself to recognise them? I do recognise that you are articulate in your posts.

I appreciate that you don't want to advertise your insecurity, to put yourself in a vulnerable position with people who might not understand, that's perfectly natural.

 

[BlackPuma]

Which is it? Or have you got valuable talents but won't allow yourself to recognise them? I do recognise that you are articulate in your posts.

I appreciate that you don't want to advertise your insecurity, to put yourself in a vulnerable position with people who might not understand, that's perfectly natural.

Talents that edge on being no talents at all, more so. Things that are handy quirks at best, but aren't anything I could admit ''being good at''. While good is relative to opinion, general opinion seems to state just that; below average.

Could be that my standards are too high. I tend to aim quality more in actual story writing rather then posts, which are less then impressive, to name a particular example. Not to mention this type communication begins and ends on forums/internet.

 

[this_portrait]

I kinda would like to meet up with you.

 

[montejocarlo]

why do you people obsess in debating things you know nothing about? all you do is memorize lines and force your own painfully literal interpretation on others.

make it stop. i might go up in flames.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

I kind of stopped caring about you, there are so many great people I met recently that you fall to the background due to hurting me too many times