Please Watch This Video.

[FriendlyShadow]

You might wanna turn your volume up too.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I'm kinda camera shy too and you may notice I make weird head movements from time to time but I think it's due to my anxiety and frustration.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I imagine you feel trapped, not being able to express yourself. I know that I often have a very hard time finding words in front of people and that's how I feel. A woman asked me today if I was sharing my order with my dog and it was all I could do to say "Yeah, one for me, one for him." She looked at me like I was choking. It's mortifying.

"Speak up! What? HUH?" I get that a lot from my family. I have an uncle, especially who gives me hard time. Strangers on the other hand tend to be nervous around me so they either act like they don't notice my reticence or just try to get me out of their lives as quickly as possible.

My problem is that I'm just so self-conscious that I can't even relax enough to talk.

I agree that minimizing people's problems by telling them to "suck it up" or "get over it" just makes things worse by inhibiting us even more. If I had a dollar for every time my family told me to "get over it" I'd have enough cash to see a psychiatrist and just fix the problem myself.

I'm relieved to see you posting again though, Shadow; even if it is under such aggravating circumstances.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

I think you did well in your presentation of your ideas. I can understand the feeling of not feeling like you can get your ideas out. When I talk, it feels like a million ideas are trying to rush out of my mouth at once and then crash together into some, usually, gobble-de-gook mess with some concrete idea inside it. And, even in writing, there are times when there's a certain idea or feeling that I'm trying to get through with my characters, but my mind isn't able to figure out the words. It's partially why I prefer to text or type my words out, rather than talk; it gives me time to think and coherently construct my ideas. Even while typing this paragraph up, there were multiple times when I had to stop and think on what I wanted to say or delete a phrase because I was having trouble expressing my thoughts.

But, what you read does bring up some interesting ideas. Are language problems born out of mental issues like autism or ADHD or is it the other way around? Is there some sort of relationship between language problems and mental illness? There may be something more to this. I know that one sign of autism is being unable to control the volume of your voice, so speaking really softly or really loudly. So, if our minds, which can be debilitated by mental illness, can affect our voice and even our health (hypochondria and the placebo/nocebo effect), it wouldn't be too crazy to believe that mental illness could affect our language and learning skills.

But, honestly, you did really well, Shadow. You got your thoughts across and, well, there's nothing wrong with moving your body as you talk. I don't think you should feel ashamed of yourself or anything. What you did, putting yourself and your thoughts out there like that, took a lot of guts. You've got the strength of heart to make it past your depression. So, please don't be ashamed of yourself. I am curious, however, on two things: I heard howling in the background. Based on your profile pic, I can guess that you like wolves. Do you like listening to them howl? and I'm curious about how you see yourself, based on the report you read about language problems. You talked about the oxygen thing, but wonder if your past treatment of your depression might've also affected your language.

The people that say things like "Just get over it." don't really understand it, yes. But, I don't think most are intentionally malicious about it. For some, "Just get over it." was exactly what they needed to hear to heal and move forward; for others, it might've been not knowing what to say. Or so I think anyway. It's why I try not to take it too seriously when I know they're not being mean. Some things, some people can't understand unless they go through it. It's not their fault. We're just all different. There's no "one-size-fits-all" cure for every single human.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I think you did well in your presentation of your ideas. I can understand the feeling of not feeling like you can get your ideas out. When I talk, it feels like a million ideas are trying to rush out of my mouth at once and then crash together into some, usually, gobble-de-gook mess with some concrete idea inside it. And, even in writing, there are times when there's a certain idea or feeling that I'm trying to get through with my characters, but my mind isn't able to figure out the words. It's partially why I prefer to text or type my words out, rather than talk; it gives me time to think and coherently construct my ideas. Even while typing this paragraph up, there were multiple times when I had to stop and think on what I wanted to say or delete a phrase because I was having trouble expressing my thoughts.

But, what you read does bring up some interesting ideas. Are language problems born out of mental issues like autism or ADHD or is it the other way around? Is there some sort of relationship between language problems and mental illness? There may be something more to this. I know that one sign of autism is being unable to control the volume of your voice, so speaking really softly or really loudly. So, if our minds, which can be debilitated by mental illness, can affect our voice and even our health (hypochondria and the placebo/nocebo effect), it wouldn't be too crazy to believe that mental illness could affect our language and learning skills.

But, honestly, you did really well, Shadow. You got your thoughts across and, well, there's nothing wrong with moving your body as you talk. I don't think you should feel ashamed of yourself or anything. What you did, putting yourself and your thoughts out there like that, took a lot of guts. You've got the strength of heart to make it past your depression. So, please don't be ashamed of yourself. I am curious, however, on two things: I heard howling in the background. Based on your profile pic, I can guess that you like wolves. Do you like listening to them howl? and I'm curious about how you see yourself, based on the report you read about language problems. You talked about the oxygen thing, but wonder if your past treatment of your depression might've also affected your language.

The people that say things like "Just get over it." don't really understand it, yes. But, I don't think most are intentionally malicious about it. For some, "Just get over it." was exactly what they needed to hear to heal and move forward; for others, it might've been not knowing what to say. Or so I think anyway. It's why I try not to take it too seriously when I know they're not being mean. Some things, some people can't understand unless they go through it. It's not their fault. We're just all different. There's no "one-size-fits-all" cure for every single human.

Hello, thank you for replying. I was very hesitant about making this video. It's hard for me to think up of an interesting subject to talking about on the internet, other than maybe food or my drawings. I think that my language disorder, in some ways, has prevented me from making friends and being productive unfortunately. I'd always used to think there was something wrong with me, that I deserved to be talked down to, that I deserved to be humiliated because of who I was. Some of the kids at school would "baby talk" to me, others were just downright cruel. I don't know what I find more damaging, the kids mistreating me or the fact that the teachers did nothing to help put a stop to it. There were teachers who were practically right there when it was all happening! And even they knew I had this disorder.

I was forced to go on for years accepting that was happening to me was normal, that I shouldn't have questioned it. It's such a shame that I now later I found out the truth and that I came down to conclusion that I'd been disrespected all those years. Emotionally abused. It's even a shame that people who are this situation feel like they deserve to be bullied. I think as the years went by, all that mistreatment and abuse really destroyed my cognitive thinking. You start to feel like you're going crazy. You start accepting that whatever had happened to you is your fault and that's pretty scary. It really is. Maybe being trapped in the house for so many years on top of dealing with depression can also affect how I express myself to others. I find myself becoming very frustrated when I pause in between sentences because I can't find that one word that helps tie in with the sentence. It's like my brain has to take a break while it tries to fill in the blank. Incredibly frustrating.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

The people that say things like "Just get over it." don't really understand it, yes. But, I don't think most are intentionally malicious about it. For some, "Just get over it." was exactly what they needed to hear to heal and move forward; for others, it might've been not knowing what to say. Or so I think anyway. It's why I try not to take it too seriously when I know they're not being mean. Some things, some people can't understand unless they go through it. It's not their fault. We're just all different. There's no "one-size-fits-all" cure for every single human.

I also respect your views, although I do still think that being told to "get over it" is inconsiderate regardless of the person's intentions. Disrespectful actually. I've poured my heart out to people plenty of times, not for the sake of throwing a pity party, but because I felt frustrated about certain things that were going on in my life(family probelms mostly).

When you're closed off from the world for years and years, coping with depression, and dealing with an extremely dysfunctional/toxic family it can be burdensome. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't constantly complain about my problems everyday when I'm around people I know, but every now and then I might open up to them and express my frustrations. Unfortunately, some of them were dismissive towards me.

I get that not everyone in this world goes through the same things that I've gone through, yet it kills me when I've spent so much time crying, explaining to people about what's going on in my life and all they can say to me is "Get used to it." I'm sorry, but that's not helpful in any way and I believe some of them say it just to get people to shut up. And to be honest, I don't think that's someone I'd want to have in my life. I'm sorry. That just won't fly with me. It just won't. I guess maybe there are some people who truly aren't aware of the things they say to someone. But again, I think saying get over it to someone who's actually going through a crisis situation probably won't go over too well. It's best not to add more fuel to the fire.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

But, honestly, you did really well, Shadow. You got your thoughts across and, well, there's nothing wrong with moving your body as you talk. I don't think you should feel ashamed of yourself or anything. What you did, putting yourself and your thoughts out there like that, took a lot of guts. You've got the strength of heart to make it past your depression. So, please don't be ashamed of yourself. I am curious, however, on two things: I heard howling in the background. Based on your profile pic, I can guess that you like wolves. Do you like listening to them howl? and I'm curious about how you see yourself, based on the report you read about language problems. You talked about the oxygen thing, but wonder if your past treatment of your depression might've also affected your language.

I do like wolves, I think they just look cool, and probably because my sister owned a husky too.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hello, thank you for replying. I was very hesitant about making this video. It's hard for me to think up of an interesting subject to talking about on the internet, other than maybe food or my drawings. I think that my language disorder, in some ways, has prevented me from making friends and being productive unfortunately. I'd always used to think there was something wrong with me, that I deserved to be talked down to, that I deserved to be humiliated because of who I was. Some of the kids at school would "baby talk" to me, others were just downright cruel. I don't know what I find more damaging, the kids mistreating me or the fact that the teachers did nothing to help put a stop to it. There were teachers who were practically right there when it was all happening! And even they knew I had this disorder.

I was forced to go on for years accepting that was happening to me was normal, that I shouldn't have questioned it. It's such a shame that I now later I found out the truth and that I came down to conclusion that I'd been disrespected all those years. Emotionally abused. It's even a shame that people who are this situation feel like they deserve to be bullied. I think as the years went by, all that mistreatment and abuse really destroyed my cognitive thinking. You start to feel like you're going crazy. You start accepting that whatever had happened to you is your fault and that's pretty scary. It really is. Maybe being trapped in the house for so many years on top of dealing with depression can also affect how I express myself to others. I find myself becoming very frustrated when I pause in between sentences because I can't find that one word that helps tie in with the sentence. It's like my brain has to take a break while it tries to fill in the blank. Incredibly frustrating.

Well, I can't say I've ever experienced things to that extent, but I have been bullied and insulted over how I talk. Apparently, I talk too softly or too slowly for some people and they've attacked me for it. It's now just a sensitive subject for me whenever people talk about me or mimic me. I know some people are doing it in jest and aren't really trying to insult me, but it's hard to accept it like that when their words and actions sound so similar to words that were used to insult me. But, and I'm glad you realized how wrong it is now, no one deserves to be mistreated. We're all humans on this planet, all equal to each other, and we should be doing what we can to connect with and support each other, not tear each other down. You've got friends here, Shadow, so you can hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.

I also respect your views, although I do still think that being told to "get over it" is inconsiderate regardless of the person's intentions. Disrespectful actually. I've poured my heart out to people plenty of times, not for the sake of throwing a pity party, but because I felt frustrated about certain things that were going on in my life(family probelms mostly).

When you're closed off from the world for years and years, coping with depression, and dealing with an extremely dysfunctional/toxic family it can be burdensome. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't constantly complain about my problems everyday when I'm around people I know, but every now and then I might open up to them and express my frustrations. Unfortunately, some of them were dismissive towards me.

I get that not everyone in this world goes through the same things that I've gone through, yet it kills me when I've spent so much time crying, explaining to people about what's going on in my life and all they can say to me is "Get used to it." I'm sorry, but that's not helpful in any way and I believe some of them say it just to get people to shut up. And to be honest, I don't think that's someone I'd want to have in my life. I'm sorry. That just won't fly with me. It just won't. I guess maybe there are some people who truly aren't aware of the things they say to someone. But again, I think saying get over it to someone who's actually going through a crisis situation probably won't go over too well. It's best not to add more fuel to the fire.

Oh, I wasn't trying to say that it's not wrong or it's not hurtful. It is. I've had people say that to me too and it really is annoying for me to hear. Were things only so simple as to be able to simply "Get over it," I'd be in a much better position that I currently am/was in. Even when I logically know the reasons as to why something may be wrong, it's hard to convince the heart of it when it hardly, if ever, runs on logic. I was just trying to help give an insight into why it might happen. It's not right for people to minimize others' issues, but I think I can understand why people say that.

 

[Kiwong]

You sound very eloquent to me Friendly Shadow. I find it hard to communicate when my thoughts are flooded by anxiety and fear. The best way is to practice with other people, I started with my therapist, and then with family and finally with my work colleagues. I think social isolation shuts down our communication ability. Communicating with other people switches on genetic coding we all have for social interaction.

My stroke didn't cause aphasia fortunately.

 

[Xervello]

You might wanna turn your volume up too.

Thank you for making this video. I didn't know this particular disorder existed. While I don't suffer from it personally, there are aspects of your experience that I can relate to; particularly the isolation and having to endure through those circumstances. That aspect of what you've lived through and the hell you've had to deal with is admirable. Admirable not just in living through it but not giving up.

I'm a writer. Not a good one, but it's what I love. Expressing myself is the most important thing to and about me. I'm sure you have profound, interesting thoughts, as a lot of us do, and so imagining not being able to express them in the manner in which you need to would not only be frustrating as you've said but I would think it would get disheartening at times. Again, so impressed by your courage.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I just want to say thanks for posting this. It takes a lot of courage, so I tip my hat to you

 

[Sacrament]

Much love to you. Feel free to chat whenever you need.

 

[Bronson99]

I'm going to say I think it would be uncommon to have a language processing disorder as you describe, within a vacuum. I think this comment may come across as blunt or insensitive, but it's not my intention, honestly.

From what I saw and read, your problem is not verbal decoding or writing in which case that could be Dyslexia or related issue. Dyslexia is actually not what you call a "language processing disorder" while still a language disorder, they don't usually have problems with real-time aspects of vocalizing (social situations) nor any problems with comprehension. Dyslexia is a reading problem--that's most of it right there. Dyslexics are prone to be gifted at socializing, as well.

From a black-and-white standpoint, if you don't mind. The mildest version of what you describe is something called "Semantic Pragmatic Disorder", also called "Social Communication Disorder" which is diagnosed when only the language-related/social quirks of autism are present, without other features. This is basically the "autism-lite" condition.

Another language-based disorder which is very similar to autism is called "NVLD" or Nonverbal Learning Disorder. About 50% of folks who have autism have NVLD built-in. One can have NVLD on its own, but it is uncommon.

I've said all of this from the very first day I came onto this forum. Social Anxiety without other developmental issues (autism or ADHD) is not typical. I still believe to this day, most folks with significant Social Anxiety have some kind of developmental disorder beneath it.

There's a growing body of research indicating that autism is strongly linked to a problem with mental coordination--all aspects of cognitive activity, but language is the most obvious casualty. This is what is behind this problem of knowing what to say, but saying utterly the wrong thing and embarrassing yourself--hence, social anxiety. I have the language processing aspect of autism terribly, as well, but first realized I had autism for another reason, that being the rituals/routines. If I'm allowed to provide my opinion, I think what I've said here is fair. I'm aware I can't diagnose but if I can point someone in the right direction--even though, folks don't want to listen--then I've done my part.

 

[Miserum]

I've said all of this from the very first day I came onto this forum. Social Anxiety without other developmental issues (autism or ADHD) is rare. I still believe to this day, almost everyone here has a developmental disorder.

Interesting take. I've sort of always believed I've had ADHD, but never connected it to my social anxiety until recently, when I was actually diagnosed with ADHD and started doing more research. Turns out it's common for people with ADHD to miss social cues. Not difficult to see how social anxiety can develop from this.

 

[vj288]

Thanks for making and posting the video. Aside from what you were talking about, I appreciated being able to watch someone talk in a genuine and relatable way. I think you did a great job articulating yourself and expressing what you wanted to say, and I also saw reflections of myself through your monotone, the occasional repeating yourself or not finding the right word, and a lack of smile. And I hope you don't take those as criticisms, it's just that is very much how I am like a lot of time and seeing someone else present themselves in a similar way I found helpful, especially when it is done well as you did.

As to the particular content of your video, I wish I had a lot to contribute but I don't feel I do. It sounded like from what you read and what you said that these are issues you are aware of and educating yourself about which I think are good and important things. Knowing what the issue is and caring about it are I think the most important things actually. I won't say I think that attitude will lead to a perfect situation where things are easy and ideal(although I hope it does), but I do think its the path most likely to lead you to the best situation. I might somewhat be projecting as I say that though as I feel like I started ignoring or just not caring about my issues, and from my experience its not better.

As far as other people's reactions, I think you touched upon it a little bit, but I think a lot of it does have to do with ignorance or not understanding. I think people who don't have first hand experience with an issue fall into one of three categories. Either they relate it to a similar experience of their own that isn't quite the same, turns it into something nonhuman that cannot be related to, or tries really hard to understand where the person is coming from while acknowledging that they really can't know what the person is feeling. Personally I think all three are flawed, and prefer people who can't empathize to not even try. My issue with "just get over it" type comments are the same as when someone without kids tries to give a mom parenting advice. When you know what they're going through, then you can offer advice and suggestions. Until then don't offer advice or solutions, if you want to be helpful offer support and kindness as they are things that don't require understanding.

 

[Bronson99]

Thanks for making and posting the video. Aside from what you were talking about, I appreciated being able to watch someone talk in a genuine and relatable way. I think you did a great job articulating yourself and expressing what you wanted to say, and I also saw reflections of myself through your monotone, the occasional repeating yourself or not finding the right word, and a lack of smile. And I hope you don't take those as criticisms, it's just that is very much how I am like a lot of time and seeing someone else present themselves in a similar way I found helpful, especially when it is done well as you did.

I have the same thing as ya'll describe, more or less. Now, this may be a tangent. But I think this is mostly a developmental or genetics-influenced thing. There's a lot of good evidence that points in that direction, holistically. More personally, I have relatives on both sides who have autism-like qualities and/or spoken-language quirks. I tend to see it through that lens.

I think there's too much speculation and uncertainty behind this whole "hard birth" theory of causation for things like speech-difficulties, ADHD, autism and so on. I can't speak for anyone else, but unless it was a clear-cut case, I think it's in one's best interest not to assume "it's from damage" or something like that. That ends up being a clear path for self-denigration. That's an easy way to demean oneself. I've struggled with this before, thinking I must be some kind of defect, I've speculated about "what could have done this" and all such things have done nothing but caused more negativity. In my case, I settle on the most likely possibility, that being heredity, which is not too placating either; but it's the less troublesome. I tend to think, there must be an upside to this type of neurology since I'm here after all, right?

Certainly there are cases where there's an established cause other than heredity, I'm not denying that, obviously. Far be it from me to tell anyone how they should think. But in terms of cases where there's more of a gray area--my advice is, never assume it's damage. In terms of the "hard birth" theory... to this day I don't know anyone personally who hasn't had some kind of "abnormality" related to their own origin.

 

[Jungle]

Hello FriendlyShadow,

First of all, I'd like to express my admiration for what you did by posting this video; I didn't think this condition would be as common as it apparently is, I didn't even know the name for it.

DeadmanWalking summed the thing up pretty well — there is a world of difference between writing your thoughts and mouthing them. The latter is becoming even harder because I need time to organize my ideas without sounding redundant or seeming clueless and hesitant. For the most part, I can't find an elaborate way to voice my thoughts, which results in frustration, because my words aren't living up to my intricate thoughts; my full potential isn't attained.

The way you stopped in the second part of the video when being unable to find that word is exactly what happens to me when I can't find mine, and I'd keep trying harder to find it, and wouldn't relinquish anything at the expense of long silences and overall unfluent conversations; I'd be too stubborn to let go, because it'd feel as if I wasn't exploiting my intelligence to its fullest.

Why am I surprised by how common this is? Simple — at first I thought this was linked to me speaking many languages, so I deemed it plausible that my brain would be so overwhelmed with words and ways to express them (Languages from different families have a different order of words, genders, different pronouns, and just an overall different way to make up your sentences) that I'd need more time to process what I was gonna say, to occasionally look for the appropriate word. I would even speak a language while literally translating another one I know to express my thoughts, especially with idioms. Surprisingly, I'd even face that challenge with my mother tongue.

Another part of me deemed that this was induced by a general lack of communication with people, and I'm not including mundane and everyday interactions (asking someone how he's doing, giving directions or repeating something I've been so used to say that it doesn't require any thinking anymore, for example: presenting a product, because this is rather objective) I'm referring to conversations where I need to give my opinion and am required to back it up with good arguments; I just can't do it spontaneously.

As a kid I used to be a heavy stutterer, I went to a speech therapist for that – who explained to me that this boiled down to simply breathing in with my stomach rather than chest and speak as I breathed out – and still wouldn't be able to overcome my stammer for the most time, because of stress. When I couldn't speak, some of my friends would just tell me to "get over it" as well, as if it was so simple to speak. In some situations, I'd even block and couldn't get my own name out. I wonder if this has any relation with Language Deficit Disorder, because on both occasions I feel that my brain is slow — I somehow know what I want to say, but I cannot.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

My language disorder frustrates me so much because I feel like I almost always have trouble finishing a sentence when I'm talking.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Must be some lethologica problem.

 

[Jungle]

After reading some articles about this condition being accentuated by a lack of reading, I was wondering if any of you people could relate to it. I think it has a lot of truth in it, I don't really read books that often (apart from technical ones and linguistic ones) and that's what makes me struggle even more to find my words.