Please God,just kill me and be done with it

[andy316]

I am by no means a social juggernaut, but I try. I haven't had the best childhood, or should I say I was born in the worst broken family imaginable. They take loneliness and depression to the next level.

You see, I missed a lot of times where I wish I had it different. Now, not only can I not socialize properly, but it either turns into:

1. They talk behind my back
2. It falls off later on(meaning the friendship just does not survive)
3. They just have no interest on hanging out with me

I have lost a lot of my friends from school, since I was over protected and mentally tortured by my mom. My grades fell, and my dad's arguments with my mom wasn't helping. I know I am not the son that my dad wanted(like my brother is), but I try. I just can't bear to hear when he says I am completely useless or I am just not good enough and should have never been born. Feels like I am being kicked while I am defenseless.

As I am writing this, I am honest, I am actually crying. People love judging me, and they do it as much as possible. They can see though me and say I don't have any friends, or laugh as I am lonely here in college. There really is nothing for me, no hope, nothing. Everyone tends to eventually get their friends and their lives in order, but mine never starts or ends.

I just want a a chance, a chance to have a good life, a chance to have fun, to enjoy, and let me move on. Please, I am begging, if I have to go like this for the rest of my life, I don't want to exist anymore. Just like nobody cares about me, I want to leave this place.

 

[MikeyC]

I know I am not the son that my dad wanted(like my brother is), but I try. I just can't bear to hear when he says I am completely useless or I am just not good enough and should have never been born. Feels like I am being kicked while I am defenseless.

As difficult as it will be, you shouldn't be listening to your father. He's obviously being unrealistic and he's upset that you're not living his fantasy of what a quote-unquote "perfect" son is. What is that, anyway?

He is way out of line and his opinions are absurd.

 

[Hellhound]

I'm sorry your dad treats you like that, but Mikey is right. You shouldn't listen to him too much. He probably has ridiculous standards and, in that case, it's his problem, not yours. You did nothing bad.

 

[Bustn Justin]

Man I understand what you are facing. But do not consider taking your own life buddy.

There are people who appreciate who you are. I have issues of not being approved by my father, however, I have met people who will.

If you need to talk, hit me up.

 

[Kat]

You may not be in the best of places right now but you are not useless. You have made it to college and that is one great way you can build on yourself. Just keep focusing on yourself for now you don’t need anyone it’s nice to have people in your corner but building on those things will lead you to what you want eventually there’s definitely better than that for you!

 

[Facethefear]

I sent you a private message that was too personal for public viewing. Be strong, hang in there, others have been where you are emotionally and lived to talk about it, there is a way out. I am sending you a bearhug through time and space.

 

[Section_31]

*hugs*

One of the toughest things is not getting approval from your rents, especially when they rub it in. Im so sorry.

I think yuo need to et out of there as soon as you can, that soudns like a very toxic enviroment .

We care about you and support you. Your not alone friend.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Just from reading your post, I feel like you must be useful-- because you are a very good writer and express yourself well.

It's so easy to believe bad things that other people say about us; so much harder to build yourself up when 90% of what people tell you are insults.
You're not the only one, though.
I think about suicide alot, I do-- but for some reason I'm still here and so are you; so we just have to try and make the best of it.

Your home environment- to be frank; sounds terribly unsupportive.
I think you should speak with a therapist about it- talk it out- explore some options.
If you're in school; speak with a guidance counselor. That's what they're there for.

 

[OceanMist]

The best advice I can give you is to stop trying to please your dad. Once you release yourself from trying to please him you will feel much more free.

 

[Aadhil]

“Though we know death is certain, we have not prepared ourselves for it.

Though we know paradise is definite, we have not worked for it.

Though we know the hell fire is certain, we have not feared it.

So why are you delighted?

What are you waiting for?

Death is the first visitor from the Almighty bringing good or evil tidings… so get closer to your Lord!”

 

[Facethefear]

Aadhil
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to keep silence...