Picky in dating

[theslowesthand]

Maybe i'm just a complete sad case, but i can't even see WHY people "date" and have "relationships", apart from just another way to get-off without using your own hand or a device. Is it like another "drug" that people just ABSOLUTELY MUST have???

 

[Razzlecherry]

Maybe i'm just a complete sad case, but i can't even see WHY people "date" and have "relationships", apart from just another way to get-off without using your own hand or a device. Is it like another "drug" that people just ABSOLUTELY MUST have???

Basically, it's trying to find someone who is willing to care about you while also not being low-tier enough where you don't care if they care about you.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I agree with people who said it doesn't sound like a good idea to date someone you're not attracted to. If you feel like giving it a try, maybe just be friends if possible, and see if you become attracted to them as you get to know them, it happens. You don't have to necessarly DATE the guy if you want to spend time with him and get to know him. Well not in my book anyway.

Also, Hypothesis: Maybe you don't hang out in the good places to find people you would be interested into, relationship-wise.

 

[Megaten]

Maybe i'm just a complete sad case, but i can't even see WHY people "date" and have "relationships", apart from just another way to get-off without using your own hand or a device. Is it like another "drug" that people just ABSOLUTELY MUST have???

Because people want friends. If youve ever been really close friends with someone and then became physically attracted to them, then you'll know why. Even those that cant stand other human beings will still get cats and dogs as a companion.

Dating seems to be a social convention we invented to speed things along so youre not wasting your time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. But the last thing anyone wants is to spend like 6 years pining after a close friend, only to find out that that person will never feel the same level of attraction back at them. This happened to me with a childhood friend, once we became teenagers, my life turned into a crapstorm of emotions. And she wasnt ever going to feel that way about me. A quick date is a whole lot smoother than that fluster cluck.

 

[S_Spartan]

Basically, it's trying to find someone who is willing to care about you while also not being low-tier enough where you don't care if they care about you.

That's an excellent assessment! Kind of humorous in a way also.

What strikes me is how serious the whole thing has become. This shit used to be fun.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^isn't it still (fun) for the majority? Just not for us socially inept people

 

[MollyBeGood]

My ex who is very unattractive by most anyone's standards and not a very nice or giving person has "High Standards" and is lonely because no one meets his criteria since I left him. I think he has serious issues. He is stuck in some ridiculous idealism dream world about himself and the women he dates or wants to date. I think he is sad. For example he won't date a female who is heavier than himself. I suggested he lower his standards to women his age and not be focused so much on the physical. He refuses to see his actual value isn't that high so he has these standards that are not attainable considering he is not so great a catch. He has been lonely for yrs due to this. I absolutely believe people should be realistic when it comes to their dating standards unless they are OK being alone with cats or living with their parents.

 

[Odo]

Maybe i'm just a complete sad case, but i can't even see WHY people "date" and have "relationships", apart from just another way to get-off without using your own hand or a device. Is it like another "drug" that people just ABSOLUTELY MUST have???

Why do people "eat" or "sleep"?

People naturally want to love and be loved in return.

This is why you get people who still stay together when one of them is terminally ill, when they're sexually dysfunctional, etc... because they love each other and see each other as more than get-me-off-machines.

I guess I'm old fashioned in believing that some people out there are actually interested in more than their own selfish desires and see other people as an end in themselves?

But really, I have a hard time accepting that anyone could truly not understand this. Comments like yours always strike me as a transparent attempt to distance yourself from something that you desperately want, but believe you could never have... but you really shouldn't go down that road, because it will just make everything worse.

Life would be a lot easier if the majority stripped away all of the social pressures and desire for status symbol partners and just focused on that primal need to love and be loved, because that is where happiness lies.

 

[this_portrait]

Why would you turn down the super-fit athletic types? I mean, what more do you need?

Not my thing. Also, I've noticed that quite a few of them can be full of themselves, at least that's the impression I get online (not all, of course).

I tend to go for really really thin guys who have a certain look to them that's sorta difficult to describe. I'm not sure if you'd call it androgyny or just a combination of masculine and feminine features. I doubt they're really THAT rare, but either I live in the wrong place, or they're averse to the internet (probably a combination of both). I feel like I've found a unicorn every time I meet/see one.

 

[S_Spartan]

^isn't it still (fun) for the majority? Just not for us socially inept people

What I was getting at is that technology has made it frosty and bianary, people are applying consumer logic to romance, as well as made normal people less social out in public because they are lost in thier phones.

 

[this_portrait]

What I was getting at is that technology has made it frosty and bianary, people are applying consumer logic to romance, as well as made normal people less social out in public because they are lost in thier phones.

There are some people who will pay so-called professional matchmakers to set them up with someone. It's not cheap, either -- these *******s charge around $3k for the service. They go on about how it works better than online dating, but I don't buy it. Sounds like a well-disguised scam. Plus, the idea of someone else picking out a potential partner for me... No.

 

[theslowesthand]

Why do people "eat" or "sleep"?

For better quality of life, and to "survive".

People naturally want to love and be loved in return

So that is the question ... is having a "relationship" a need or a want :question:

But really, I have a hard time accepting that anyone could truly not understand this. Comments like yours always strike me as a transparent attempt to distance yourself from something that you desperately want, but believe you could never have... but you really shouldn't go down that road, because it will just make everything worse

You are, in part, correct.
Yes, i have distanced myself from all of that, and i kinda don't believe that i am deserving of such "stuff" (which i view as positive but not a need like oxygen), but i have moved way beyond any kind of "desperation" (in a good way).
Maybe at some deeper level i may know what's what (about love/relationships/etc), but at the surface i have seemingly "forgotten" or probably never even learnt it, due to never having experienced it first-hand. I did at some point i guess, say in my teens, have urges for that sort of stuff due to being around girls at school .. but such desires were frustrated 100% by various things. Over the years since then, i have formed the belief that "relationships" are most certainly not a "need", but simply just another "want" (like an optional pleasure or recreation), as i have survived "adequately" without any of such for all these years, and are quite alright with being alone now. I have nature, some animals, insects for company - i don't require people/woman (& i don't really like being around people for most of the time)

 

[Megaten]

I guess I'm old fashioned in believing that some people out there are actually interested in more than their own selfish desires and see other people as an end in themselves?

No youre not old fashioned. You just havent become cynical.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I would say, honestly, I am picky when it comes to dating and also I have certain deal breakers that need to be cleared out if I were to fully commit myself in being in a relationship with the person I'm with. I could NEVER go out with someone who is tall, Hollywood male model looking type with no personality. I can't see myself around these kind of people in a relationship because it just feels awkward. I don't want to be someone's rag doll whom they have control over. I certainly don't want to be dominated either, although I know that plenty of girls like guys who take control in a relationship. Now, I prefer a guy the same height as me and at least someone that I can be myself around, instead of being treated like a barbie princess who gets anything she wants.

Even when I look at other relationships like the one my sister currently has. She and her husband aren't the typical lovey dove couple, but they are able to joke around with each other like friends and talk to each other about anything that goes on in their life. That's the relationship I'd like to have, not just some soppy, fairy tale romance. I'd like to act as if I'm not trying to impress the guy all the time, but I'm able to feel comfortable telling him exactly anything on my mind, being able to dress whatever I feel comfortable wearing in, even doing hobbies together like playing video games, ect. Just someone who is similar to me in qualities/personality.

 

[S_Spartan]

There are some people who will pay so-called professional matchmakers to set them up with someone. It's not cheap, either -- these *******s charge around $3k for the service. They go on about how it works better than online dating, but I don't buy it. Sounds like a well-disguised scam. Plus, the idea of someone else picking out a potential partner for me... No.

Made me think of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er5CxMhb9kA

Then after Frasier pays her a shit ton of money he finds out that he is her one and only client...lol

 

[Bronson99]

I absolutely believe people should be realistic when it comes to their dating standards unless they are OK being alone with cats or living with their parents.

I agree. Here's a question for you.. would you say your own standards are semi-realistic? I don't mean to put you on the spot, though.

 

[Bronson99]

Not my thing. Also, I've noticed that quite a few of them can be full of themselves, at least that's the impression I get online (not all, of course).

I tend to go for really really thin guys who have a certain look to them that's sorta difficult to describe. I'm not sure if you'd call it androgyny or just a combination of masculine and feminine features. I doubt they're really THAT rare, but either I live in the wrong place, or they're averse to the internet (probably a combination of both). I feel like I've found a unicorn every time I meet/see one.

Oh, I see. The impression I had was that you were looking for a guy with everything, not just the athletic build, but they also had to be ambitious and well connected socially, etc etc.

Since you say you tend to like really thin guys, you must be quite uncommon. Certainly the picture I use for "online dating" stuff hasn't done me any favors. My forearms look like a little kid's (not THAT bad, I mean I've seen worse.. but it looks weak.) My thin build is unquestionably part of the very poor rate of reciprocation.

It really seems the vast majority of women online, at least, will skip right over a guy who looks too thin.

The androgyny-part I don't have, though, so I'm willing to bet I would not be that unicorn you're seeking.

 

[this_portrait]

Oh, I see. The impression I had was that you were looking for a guy with everything, not just the athletic build, but they also had to be ambitious and well connected socially, etc etc.

Yeah, no, haha. I'm a bit more lenient than that. Money doesn't concern me all that much, as long as he's not the type who's looking for a woman to support him financially (in which case, he's not looking for a girlfriend -- he's looking for a mother).

Since you say you tend to like really thin guys, you must be quite uncommon.

Unconventional preferences for a not-so-conventional person.

It really seems the vast majority of women online, at least, will skip right over a guy who looks too thin.

That's typically how it goes. I once went out with this guy who was both thin and short (a double negative for lots of women), and I remember him telling me that girls online would send him real snarky messages. Not sure if they were responses to him initiating (in which case if they're not interested they can just ignore), or what the contents of these messages were, or why they sent them (maybe him wearing eyeliner had something to do with it). I don't really know how other girls act on dating sites, though I've had quite a few guys tell me a lot of them are pretty terrible lol

 

[theslowesthand]

I tend to go for really really thin guys who have a certain look to them that's sorta difficult to describe. I'm not sure if you'd call it androgyny or just a combination of masculine and feminine features. I doubt they're really THAT rare, but either I live in the wrong place, or they're averse to the internet (probably a combination of both). I feel like I've found a unicorn every time I meet/see one

Ha ha, i've got that androgynous look "in spades", along with being too skinny/slim, and (un)usually pale. And i've always been at a loss for words to describe my "look". But that is the body i was given, so short of major surgery, that's what i'm stuck with. I kinda have the "bowie" look - the thin white duke. That or the praying-mantis look.

 

[kilojoule]

I rarely find attraction to be instant.

I dunno, for me its always been more about interaction, how you kinda bounce off each other in a conversation.