Personal Attraction/Attraction in general

lunarla

lunarla

Well-known member
I don't understand attraction. Likely because of my insecurity, but I always find ways to belittle myself to being undesirable, physically.

So, could someone explain it to me? What is attraction to you? I've been told that it has lots to do with personality, and I get that, but for some reason I don't think it applies to me because I'm so consumed with how I look physically. I could even be considered vain or something.

I just think that in reality some people are really physically appealing and others aren't as much. By no means do I extremely judge others in that way, it's more directed at myself. Even as I'm typing this I realize how ridiculous I actually am about this.

What makes someone find someone else attractive when there are tonnes of people far more attractive, physically? My perspective of this is so warped.

Sorry for rambled broken thoughts.
 
N

Nack

Banned
Its all scientifically explained somewhere. But, for me physical features attracts me first, before i want to get to know their personality. I don't know that's just how it works for me... But of course personality will determine my attractiveness to that person or not. It all comes down to that... Personality > Physical
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
The crazier the better. I get the primal urge to leap onto any female I sense as being a little 'loose in the shoes'. Ha Ha
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I personally don't care about looks. I like people for what they are and not for what they look like.
 
N

Nack

Banned
Hellhound said:
I personally don't care about looks. I like people for what they are and not for what they look like.
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o comon don't give me that... :\ We're all animals and we look for the "one" who we think subconciously are the best to mate with or w/e.,..
 
Dudley

Dudley

Well-known member
Looks help, but for me, talent is where it's at. If a girl is really good at something, whether it's playing an instrument or math, talent always attracts me.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Nack said:
o comon don't give me that... :\ We're all animals and we look for the "one" who we think subconciously are the best to mate with or w/e.,..
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I'm serious. The only thing that matters to me is if the other person loves, accepts, understands and values me for what i am and not for what i have. I value emotions and intelligence, and everything that is related to personality. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm too used to "see" others with the heart first and not with the eyes.
 
N

Nack

Banned
Hellhound said:
I'm serious. The only thing that matters to me is if the other person loves, accepts, understands and values me for what i am and not for what i have. I value emotions and intelligence, and everything that is related to personality. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm too used to "see" others with the heart first and not with the eyes.
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Well, i'm not going to argue with that. I'll just accept it. I guess i'm more of a balance between Physical and Personality.
 
Harleyq

Harleyq

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
I'm serious. The only thing that matters to me is if the other person loves, accepts, understands and values me for what i am and not for what i have. I value emotions and intelligence, and everything that is related to personality. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm too used to "see" others with the heart first and not with the eyes.
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I think when it comes right down to it, personality does trump looks.

However, you kind of HAVE to be physically attracted to the person you're with in some way. Even if it's just thinking they have beautiful eyes or a beautiful smile and not much else in the looks department. People are naturally wired to seek mates we find to be appealing to the eyes...unless we're blind. It's a subconscious signal that that attractive person has qualities we want to pass on to future generations and attractiveness also indicates a level of health that we subconsciously pay attention to. People judge others based on looks without even knowing it, and that goes for romantic interests, too. Even babies who haven't been brainwashed by the media's standards of beauty have been proven to stare longer and cry less in the company of a person they find more physically attractive.
 
Noca

Noca

Banned
If you dont know anything about attraction, know this: Attraction is NOT a choice! You cannot choose to be attracted to someone nor can you force yourself or anyone else to be attracted to yourself or others. Thats why people who are gay choose guys etc because thats who they are attracted to, they didnt choose to be attracted or gay, thats just who they are. Myself, I'm attracted to both sexes, this wasnt because I chose to be, its because I was either born that way or conditioned that way.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Harleyq said:
I think when it comes right down to it, personality does trump looks.

However, you kind of HAVE to be physically attracted to the person you're with in some way. Even if it's just thinking they have beautiful eyes or a beautiful smile and not much else in the looks department. People are naturally wired to seek mates we find to be appealing to the eyes...unless we're blind. It's a subconscious signal that that attractive person has qualities we want to pass on to future generations and attractiveness also indicates a level of health that we subconsciously pay attention to. People judge others based on looks without even knowing it, and that goes for romantic interests, too. Even babies who haven't been brainwashed by the media's standards of beauty have been proven to stare longer and cry less in the company of a person they find more physically attractive.
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I won't deny that in most cases it might be like that. But in my case it works the other way round. A person becomes attractive in my eyes (or not) once I get to know them and how/what they are. I'd feel odd if I tried to look at physical stuff before knowing them. I know it's a weird or unusual way of thinking, but that's how my mind works for some reason :D
 
Luke1993

Luke1993

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
I won't deny that in most cases it might be like that. But in my case it works the other way round. A person becomes attractive in my eyes (or not) once I get to know them and how/what they are. I'd feel odd if I tried to look at physical stuff before knowing them. I know it's a weird or unusual way of thinking, but that's how my mind works for some reason :D
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Well I guess that means you have such a strong mind that overrides your subconscious!
 
Nicholas

Nicholas

Well-known member
lunarla said:
I don't understand attraction. Likely because of my insecurity, but I always find ways to belittle myself to being undesirable, physically.
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What are you talking about? :eek: Are you saying you think you are not attractive? :eek: I might be mistaken, but I think I've seen a pic of yours in the thread with the pics, and... it's obvious to everyone you are very pretty.

Anyway, I think you can't define what's beautiful. If you like something, it's beautiful, and since everyone has different tastes, beauty varies. Some like Asian people, some like big boobs, some like red hair, etc.
What I know though is that more people seem to agree on what is "unattractive". Being too fat, acne, hyperhidrosis, hairy girls/boys, etc. But again, there are exceptions, and some people find those things attractive as well (although I have never heard anyone had a hyperhidrosis fetish, damn it).

As far as I know (I experienced this myself), if you are attractive by someone's personality, if you start to feel something more than just friendship, then'll suddenly realize you feel physically attracted to them, even if you didn't use to feel so at first! It sounds amazing, but it's true.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Serafina said:
That is not an ususual way of thinking. Looks alone would not make me want to chat up a guy. I've liked guys who I would have normally not looked twice at had I not gotten to know them. There are people who I find physically attractive at first sight and then there are those that become attractive both physically and otherwise once I get to know them and they have a great personality. When I think back to the guys I've been attracted to, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Often times, not being picky led me nowhere with men.
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Looks don't tell you how a person is, that's why. It's actually a good thing to be picky and get to know the person before judging for the looks. People in general remain neutral to me until I know more about them or see attitudes and things that make them interesting.
 
Tiercel

Tiercel

Well-known member
Physical attraction is easy to explain. When a physically attractive girl walks by, a guy's head will spin right around to keep looking at her. His brain likes what his eyes are looking at, and tries to keep looking at it.

The best way I can describe an attractive personality is one that makes people feel drawn to the person. Someone with an attractive personality makes you want to spend time with him/her. For whatever reason, you just feel better when you're around said person.

I'd go into more detail, but it's been years since I was really attracted to anyone.
 
brianwarming

brianwarming

Member
Jake123 said:
So basically people like me who have no redeeming qualities (inside or outside) are screwed.
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I just found your picture in the picture thread : (yes, I'm mean :) )

SocialPhobiaWorld.com - View Single Post - Post your picture thread

I'm not gay, but I have NO problem using words like cute, hot or even yummy :) about a guy. I'm now looking at the last picture from the above link, and if you can't get a boyfriend looking like that !!! the competition among gay guys in Miami(?) must be BRUTAL, meaning ALL the other gay guys look like fitness models.

Oh and real ugly people do not EVER post pictures of them self, because then don't have any ;)
 
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