People comment on your quietness

[zlench]

I get it sometimes certain people are ok with it and just accept it. But I got a comment a couple of years ago "Why are you so quiet?" and I just couldn't answer.

 

[philly2bits]

It seems to me some people see not talking as an oddity. They may want to know more because in their minds not talking may be as hard for them as talking is for us. I do think it's a bit rude to ask why someone does not talk. I'm sure the opposite "Why do you talk so much" would probably get an angry response.

 

[Harleyq]

It seems to me some people see not talking as an oddity. They may want to know more because in their minds not talking may be as hard for them as talking is for us. I do think it's a bit rude to ask why someone does not talk. I'm sure the opposite "Why do you talk so much" would probably get an angry response.

I've always wanted to say that to someone when they ask why I'm so quiet but I'm too chicken.

I wish I were more like "Silent Cal" Coolidge - he has my favorite personalities of all the US presidents. Not sure if the story is true or not but there's a famous incident where he was at a party and some actress told him "My friend made a bet with me that I couldn't get you to say 3 words tonight" He looks over at her, completely straight-faced, and goes "You lose."

Genius!!!!

 

[philly2bits]

I wish I were more like "Silent Cal" Coolidge - he has my favorite personalities of all the US presidents. Not sure if the story is true or not but there's a famous incident where he was at a party and some actress told him "My friend made a bet with me that I couldn't get you to say 3 words tonight" He looks over at her, completely straight-faced, and goes "You lose."

Genius!!!!

I never heard that before. Thats funny. I wish I could think of something witty to say on the spot like that. My usual response is "I don't know"

 

[philly2bits]

Some people feel that they have to comment on other people's behavior, looks...I tend to be quiet when I am around people who I do not know. There's always a dumb ass in the group who has to comment on this as though being quiet is an aberrant behavior. Something about being quiet seems to bring out the stupidity in others so maybe it's good to be quiet. This way we can find out who the idiots are. It is irritating how some people seem to treat quiet or shy people as though they are children.

I'd expect those kinds of comments from children. Little kids seem to ask silly questions that might embarrass all the adults in a room. Children lack the social knowledge that would stop such a question from being asked. I would think as adults people would grow out of it, but that doesn't seem to be the case with many. It just seems like common courtesy to not ask such questions or make such comments until you know the person is comfortable with them.

 

[hippiechild]

Re: Dry Wall

I miss the days when people cared enough to ask... oooohoooh nostalgia

Agreed, it's pretty much the only attention i get in life now... People asking why I'm so quiet, other than people saying "Jesus Christ he must be insane, look at that drawing!!"

I dislike school $.$

wait, what do you mean by "he must be insane, look at that drawing"
Do you draw like a madman, or are they just insanely good drawings? ::

either way, would you mind showing me a few of these? ;D

 

[philly2bits]

I personally don't care for people who joke a certain way with people whom they do not know. My mother and I once ran into one of her co-workers. I don't quite remember what this woman was commenting on, but I believe it must have been a bruise or cut on my child's face or forhead. Anyway, I had never met this woman before. She looks at my child and then says, "Did you do this to her!?" She gave me this really serious crazy, accusing look. Apparently, this way her way of joking, but I didnt know that she was joking. Even my mother was thrown aback by the woman's outburst. We were in a store too so that was somewhat embarrassing. A woman even passed by and looked at us.

Some people don't seem to realize that not everyone has the same comfort level when it comes to those kinds of "jokes." Just because they find it funny does not mean everyone will. What's worse is some people act like you should not get offended, just because it was a joke. Like it's your fault for not getting it, not theirs for saying it.

 

[Hellhound]

Do I go around making comments to people like, Why are you so loud and abnoxious?

Hahaha!... Next time they make any comment about why I don't talk, I'm gonna respond with that

 

[Scrabbl]

At least we can find consolation in the fact that in modern times being quiet and avoidant does not directly result in us being labeled as witches and sorcerers and blamed to be the cause for all the random misfortunes in our community.

 

[Shift]

That sort of thing happens to me almost every day... It's terrible how rude people can be sometimes.

I'm not allowed to go to my best friend's dorm anymore because his friends/roommates/whoever else happens to be there talk about how quiet I am and it makes him uncomfortable... I wonder how he thinks I feel?

 

[Richey]

I think that certain people, particularly arrogant and very self confident people socially speaking, they tend to combine sarcasm and wit and they'll use anything even if it means embarrassing others a little. i find this alot at work as well. i can tell that certain people, on the surface are having a go at me for being quiet and the fact that my job is the least appreciated in the company. its easy for others to target people in a weaker position of power. sometimes i give a little humour back but often its awkward because i dont think of a decent response straight away so it just ends up being very awkward.

To them though it could be normal, because amongst their friends they probably have a dig at each other in similar ways and that's normal for them. alot of people also tend to have tunnel vision about their opinions. they dont really care what you think about what they say, they'll say it anyway.

 

[PisceanWisdom]

Has any of you ever met anyone that was quieter than you? I think I once reflexively asked this question to someone. Then afterward, I realized what I'd done. I think people ask these things because they don't know what else to ask, so they just go after the big elephant in the room.

Of course, that doesn't excuse the connotation that quietness is abnormal. But, I think a good thing to do would be to treat the question "Why are you quiet?" as what it is, without social context.

 

[PisceanWisdom]

Well, it was a poorly executed joke. Imagine what that woman was thinking as she stood in front of you and your mother in the middle of that store, and nobody was laughing.

 

[lurknomore]

I'd expect those kinds of comments from children. Little kids seem to ask silly questions that might embarrass all the adults in a room. Children lack the social knowledge that would stop such a question from being asked. I would think as adults people would grow out of it, but that doesn't seem to be the case with many. It just seems like common courtesy to not ask such questions or make such comments until you know the person is comfortable with them.

I've been thinking about the allusions to children in this thread, and I've been thinking that maybe we (the quiet ones) are still kind of like children in some respects. This might not be the case with everyone, but I know I pretty much grew up hearing things like "children should be seen and not heard," and a child's lack of social knowledge about what's appropriate to say may make this a valid rule to follow.

But maybe some of us were never coaxed out of this mindset, and perhaps still lack the social knowledge about what's appropriate, or even if we do know, we're still afraid to speak our minds- another saying comes to mind, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," which could be taken to an extreme, as there are times when things need to be said that aren't necessarily "nice," or just the fact that different people have different sensibilities, and we may be afraid if we think that anyone might possibly take offense or disagree with what we have to say.

Then of course there are the adults who aren't afraid to speak their mind, but still apparently lack the social knowledge as to what's "appropriate" to say- or again, it could just be chalked up to differences in opinions about what's offensive and what isn't.

 

[Phil_i]

I hate how patronizing and condescending some people get, like they think you're an idiot because you aren't constantly talking. But then other people and extra warm and friendly towards you if you're shy. The second type are pretty rare though