Parents and Social Anxiety

[missmary]

I have a question concerning social anxiety and parents. Do you think your parents somehow contributed to your getting social anxiety? Was it the lifestyle you led as a child/adolescent, or did this anxiety appear out of the blue?

My parents were and still are extremely overprotective even though I am 22 yrs. old. Examples: I was once forced to go to an art museum for a class project. My parents drove me to the place and as I stood waiting outside the ticket booth, I spotted them standing a few feet away guarding me. My professor saw them, sarcastically grinned, and I was filled with embarrassment. They never left that spot until I had finish at the museum.

Example 2: We were at this restaurant, of course my parents and I, and I had to go to the bathroom. When done, I had opened the door and much to my surprise my mother was standing outside waiting for me; her excuse was that she had seen a man enter the men's bathroom and she was afraid of my getting raped

As a child (it's still the same today), I spent most of my time with them, overprotected and sheltered and spoiled rotten to the core. Maybe this is the reason why I am so phobic, anxious - ridden, angry and resentful for my parents, unable to cope with society and maybe even a bit crazy. I do believe this led to my developing social anxiety and I do believe that overprotective parents can cause more damage than good.

 

[anomicdeer]

Yes because we didnt go out much and i wasnt used to a lot of people. ive always been shy and I have gotten worst.

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[Richey]

As role models neither of them were particularly the chirpy or social types around me or my sister nor did they try to get me out of my shell all that much, they really played the authoritary leaders and both are very conservative and strict so as an influence on me i felt uptight myself growing up and lacked that loose comfortable in my own skin feeling that most people fall into at some point in their teens, so instead of having a friendship and a fun time it felt like they were more tied into the "headmasters" you were afraid of and would avoid opening up to because you knew they'd take it the wrong way or react like ogers so it made a close relationship almost impossible. This sort of conditioning has made me frightened of the world around me and i always second guess and overthink about everything ...however that is my choice to react and act this way and im not blaming them because of the way i reacted to their conditioning and influence. They have alot of positives to but neither were particularly inspiring or creative influences and listen i realise i may not be their perfect popular and overly succesful son either, so i'm sure it goes both ways

 

[Ashiene]

My parents are overprotective to both me and my sister, but my sister is an extrovert and i'm an introvert; my father is an introvert and my mother is an extrovert. wth?

 

[recluse]

My mother arguing with my dad calling him a loser, wimp...Well every name under the sun really! When you have lived in a negative enviroment all your life it effects the person. Because of the way my mother is i.e unpredictable i have always been unable to trust people, i'm afraid that people are going to hurt me in some way.

My mother also used to cry for no apparent reason, she's constantly accusing my dad of cheating on her with no hard evidence, and besides it's not as if my dad does anything social so it's unlikely he will have the chance. I think that perhaps is the reason i am love shy.

On one occasion my mother threatened to take an overdose in front of me and my sister when we were kids. My mother would lose her rag with us for the smallest reasons, one of them being accidently spilling a drink. Also my sister, me, and my dad laughing would make her paranoid that we were laughing at her. The worst thing was the beatings my sister got off my mother, i also was subject to being beaten up, one time being when i got drunk at a perfectly legal age of 18.

My mother calls me pathetic whenever i am depressed also.

So yeah i blame social anxiety on the upbringing.

 

[princess_haru]

My parents were never over-protective of me, but I think they contributed in a different way. They were both really shy and retiring and we never had guests over or visited other people, so I never got used to being around people at a young age, which is when kids pick a huge amount of things up about interacting with the world around them. They say there are windows for learning, and some things (languages for example) are much more easily learnt at a very young age; I think if I'd been exposed to social interaction before school I would've had an easier time of things. Apparently when I first went to school, the teachers thought I had an attitude problem as I was a bit aggressive towards the other kids. I don't remember being that way, but I obviously didn't know how to play with them and get along with them, so was probably teased and lashed out in hurt and confusion. Anyway, as a result of being teased by the kids and told off by the teachers, I became very withdrawn and socially insecure and have basically been that way ever since! I have a deep-rooted fear and distrust of people and their intentions, and I can remember feeling this way from my earliest years at school.

It's not all negative though, as my parents gave me my love of reading and learning, and my dad in particular taught me to question things and keep a sense of wonder about the world.

 

[this_portrait]

I'll agree my mother was very overprotective of me as a kid, mainly because when my sister was the same age, she ended up being molested. So I can see why my mother ended up being so protective of me.

But I don't think that's what caused my social anxiety. I'm positive that my social anxiety was caused from being rejected by my peers way back starting in pre-school. You'd think I'd be too young to remember it, but when kids look at you funny and question the things you do and pick on you for being an "odd one," it's amazing how much you remember.

 

[Ericisme]

I have a question concerning social anxiety and parents. Do you think your parents somehow contributed to your getting social anxiety? Was it the lifestyle you led as a child/adolescent, or did this anxiety appear out of the blue?

My parents were and still are extremely overprotective even though I am 22 yrs. old. Examples: I was once forced to go to an art museum for a class project. My parents drove me to the place and as I stood waiting outside the ticket booth, I spotted them standing a few feet away guarding me. My professor saw them, sarcastically grinned, and I was filled with embarrassment. They never left that spot until I had finish at the museum.

Example 2: We were at this restaurant, of course my parents and I, and I had to go to the bathroom. When done, I had opened the door and much to my surprise my mother was standing outside waiting for me; her excuse was that she had seen a man enter the men's bathroom and she was afraid of my getting raped

As a child (it's still the same today), I spent most of my time with them, overprotected and sheltered and spoiled rotten to the core. Maybe this is the reason why I am so phobic, anxious - ridden, angry and resentful for my parents, unable to cope with society and maybe even a bit crazy. I do believe this led to my developing social anxiety and I do believe that overprotective parents can cause more damage than good.

Children learn to interact with the world through their early interactions with their parents. If parents are warm and loving, children grow to see the world as a secure place for exploration and learning. When parents are cold to their children, they deprive the child of necessary ingredients for intellectual and social development. Children who are subjected to consistent coldness grow to see the world as a cold, uninviting place, and will likely have seriously impaired relationships in the future. They may also never feel confident to explore and learn.

Children need to feel safe and loved in order to explore the world around them and in order to learn to form healthy relationships. When children experience cruelty from their caretakers, the world ceases to "make sense" for them, and all areas of learning are affected - social, emotional, and intellectual development are hindered.


I love copy and paste.

 

[Ericisme]

Oh yea. Another thing I know about parents and social anxiety. teenagers + no girlfriend = gay

 

[missmary]

You know, now that I've thought about it more, I think our parents might have had a great influence on our social anxiety, but maybe its not the only thing to blame. I think our environment outside of our homes as children/adolescents could also be blamed. Maybe as children we were rejected by peers for being too odd, too aggressive or too quiet/shy; society can be very cruel to children, and anyone else for that matter, who are different.

If you put these two together: over-protectiveness and peer rejection, it might equal social anxiety. Even constant peer rejection in our lives can trigger negative emotions and responses and fears concerning social interaction. It's different for everybody.

 

[worrywort]

My mum would always defend me and my dad would always moan at me.

Whenever I had problems my mum, or elder siblings, would sort the problem out for me.
Now I'm older I still find myself waiting for someone to help me with my problems, but there's nobody there anymore.

I wish my parents had let me learn to defend myself.

 

[Socially_Retarded]

I think my upbringing did contribute to much of my SA. My parents were very strict and overprotective when I was young so much so that I was burdened with all these expectations that I felt I needed to fulfill if i was to gain their love and approval. If I did something wrong such as get a low grade in class then they would blow it completely out of proportion and use guilt as punishment. Comments such as "You will never amount to anything if you keep going the way you are" or "you'll end up a bum" used to frighten the hell out of me to the point that I was fearful of failing or doing something wrong. My younger sister found the courage to rebel against my parents in her teens and stand up to them, but I couldn't find it in myself to do that because all I yearned for was approval. Ive been shy all my life, and developed full blown SA about 4 years ago when I moved interstate (im 23 now), which has made me burrow into this hole. Its only recently ive been able to mine the depths of my own emotions, and am slowly starting to understand what I want in life, not what my parents want. I don't hold any animosity toward them but I shouldn't have been made to feel like a leper.

 

[Illusions]

I don't even know what led to my SA. My parents have never been overprotective of me.

All I know is that I had selective mutism as a child which turned into shyness and social phobia in later years (meh, I suppose it's progress)... which leads me to assume that it's probably hereditary. Both my parents are introverts and have never been the sort to mix around with people much and never invited people over to visit. In addition I suspect my brother has social phobia too. So yeap.

 

[princess_haru]

I don't even know what led to my SA. My parents have never been overprotective of me.

All I know is that I had selective mutism as a child which turned into shyness and social phobia in later years (meh, I suppose it's progress)... which leads me to assume that it's probably hereditary. Both my parents are introverts and have never been the sort to mix around with people much and never invited people over to visit. In addition I suspect my brother has social phobia too. So yeap.

That sounds so similar to my story! I'm not sure if it's hereditary or learned behaviour in my case, but instinct says it's a bit of both.

 

[fallingsorrow]

I hadn't really thought about my parents influence over my SA. My parents have always been very over protective. It took them so long to allow me to go to the park with my friends which was only 5 minutes away, even though my friends had been going alone for years. Their protectiveness prevented me from going to alot of things my friends went to. Even now some of my friends go to parties all the time and i never go. Their behavior has made me so dependent on them i can't handle social situations without either them or a close friend.

 

[extend]

You know, now that I've thought about it more, I think our parents might have had a great influence on our social anxiety, but maybe its not the only thing to blame. I think our environment outside of our homes as children/adolescents could also be blamed. Maybe as children we were rejected by peers for being too odd, too aggressive or too quiet/shy; society can be very cruel to children, and anyone else for that matter, who are different.

If you put these two together: over-protectiveness and peer rejection, it might equal social anxiety. Even constant peer rejection in our lives can trigger negative emotions and responses and fears concerning social interaction. It's different for everybody.

Wow, this exactly describes my situation to the T. My parents were very overprotective of me when I was a child. They were very loving and had my best interests at heart but were too overprotective. Then, around 6th grade, I was incessantly bullied by this jerk (and his gang) who were unfortunately in my class. I have a feeling that I got bullied in the first place because I didn't have the social skills necessary to deal with the situation (due to me being protected since I was younger). Ever since then, I have suffered severely from SA and have a very difficult time socializing with people and being relaxed around other people. It has gotten a bit better over the years, but by no means am I free of SA.

 

[Ashiene]

My father is introvert; I am introvert.
My mother is extrovert; my sister is extrovert.
Both my parents are very overprotective of the both of us.
But the results are different.