one comment which has affected your confidence

[LonelyWonders]

I hate judgemental parents! It's like they don't see their child as a person, but as an extension of themselves to be moulded in their own image (what are they - gods?!) and exhibited to the world as proof of how successful they are. If the moulding doesn't work and (shock, horror) the child becomes a separate being with his own unique strengths and weaknesses, the controlling parent gets angry and takes it as a personal insult. **** them I say - haven't they heard of unconditional love?

Anyway, another comment I remember is from my teacher when I was around 10. We regularly had a reading hour where we'd all sit on the carpet by the teacher's chair and read our own choice of book. I loved it because I've always been a bookworm, so I'd really get lost in the stories. I had a habit of occasionally pulling faces while I read, which was my way of empathising with the characters. For instance if someone was really angry or frightened I'd try to pull that expression to see if I could feel the same way. Of course the teacher noticed and this must've looked pretty strange to her. Instead of asking me about it, she told me in front of the whole class to stop pulling faces, then asked the class to keep an eye on me and tell me when I was doing it as I obviously didn't realise that I was! I was absolutely mortified To add insult to injury, when I scowled at her as she was saying this (because I was only 10 and too scared to back-talk a teacher) she came out with "Look, you're doing it again now!"
Um no, it was intentional actually... :evil:

"Un"conditional love always comes with so many conditions. Only to meet those conditions does "un"conditional love come to you, and if you fail to meet those conditions again, it goes away again. And you should go back now, find that teacher and make a face at her That'd be a great thing to do.

 

[LonelyWonders]

My dad and other people used to comment on how fat i had become when i was around 10 years old. i became anorexic at the age of 15 and my weight dropped down to 7 stone, i didn't have the heart to tell my counsellor that it was from these people and not school bullies which hurt me so much. To this day i am still conscious about how i look, and the most hurtfull comment is when someone comments on how big my belly is getting.

Also when i was in college i got really depressed and i could not be bothered with my work there, i had started drinking quite often just to numb my pain and my mother called me a looser and a dropout, she also told me when i was depressed ''No wonder you haven't got a grilfriend!''

Yeah, comments from ''loved'' ones are much more damaging.

Parents themselves are pathetic. Not all of them, but from what i've read so far here. Most! I know mine are...

 

[LonelyWonders]

Your dad's dead! - a teenage boy followed me and my brother down the road after school chanting this when he found out our father had died. I pretty much gave up on speaking to people after that.

Thats a perfect example of why I don't talk to anybody in the first place, or let my news spread.

 

[LonelyWonders]

So many of these I can relate to, trying to think of one that wasn't already on here is hard.. To the point that i've read atleast. 59 pages is to much :c. Worst thing somebody's said to me, atleast worst to me would be.. my dad (the only source of love or trust i've ever had to go to..) saying "My god your worthless, why can't you just grow up and be.. anything. Anythings better than what you are now." He had no idea he said it the next day, he was drunk.. but thats often when your true feelings come out......

 

[Alice In Chains]

I have problems with my digestive system and find it hard to keep down food (this runs in the family, my brother is due to have surgery for the same complaint.) When I was at university, a girl in my hall of residence suddenly added me on Facebook. On her Wall was an exchange between her and a guy living in the same hall (on whom she knew I had a crush) in which they said I was stupid, disgusting, stank of vomit, and it ended with him saying that no one would ever find me attractive no matter how many times I made myself throw up. It's not the first time someone has thought I was bulimic but I was absolutely crushed. She had obviously added me just so that I could see that conversation.

There were so many incidents at school where people said cruel things that I can't remember them all. I think one of the worst was when I was in a French lesson. The teacher was very harsh and no-nonsense and one day she lost patience with me because I was reluctant to speak in class. She came up to my desk and shouted in my face "ALICE! What is WRONG with you!" It wasn't that insulting on the surface but it's a horrible memory

 

[Alphasocket]

It's not really a comment but for my 20th birthday my brother sent me a card stating: "I'm more intelligent than you...I'm more charasmatic than you...I'm better than you...Happy Birthday". That knocked my confidence down a peg or two. I actually cried.

 

[Alice In Chains]

It's not really a comment but for my 20th birthday my brother sent me a card stating: "I'm more intelligent than you...I'm more charasmatic than you...I'm better than you...Happy Birthday". That knocked my confidence down a peg or two. I actually cried.

My sister did something like that once, she sent me a card which said something to the effect of "Dear Big Sister: Why did our parents have another child? Because they couldn't get it right the first time!" I know such cards are supposed to be a joke but they don't make people feel good, greetings cards should say happy and positive things (unless they're for condolences of course.) Maybe one day I'll start my own line of cards

 

[Feathers]

It's not really a comment but for my 20th birthday my brother sent me a card stating: "I'm more intelligent than you...I'm more charasmatic than you...I'm better than you...Happy Birthday". That knocked my confidence down a peg or two. I actually cried.

hmm, chances are your brother is (or was) actually jealous of you!! (or resentful for something...) someone who *were* all those things and felt secure in who he is wouldn't send people around such cards!! think about it

 

[Feathers]

Alice - oh gosh, sorry to hear about it...

There can be a lot of 'bickering' and jealousies between siblings, there's a good book about that out there (haven't read it yet, but plan to, loved their other books!) 'Siblings without Rivalry' by Faber & Mazlish (basically it's for parents or educators, might be helpful for kids too) Interesting to just read about it and the excerpts too.. Some of what they say in the book here too: Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

I have a friend who had troubles with stomach too, she was on the border of eating disorder somewhat, partly it was physical and partly psychological.. (or a combination of both) and I sometimes had some stress-related 'episodes' so I know how difficult that can be..

There can be a lot of prejudice out there.. it's difficult for people to know whether it's bulimia or something else - you could've commented something like 'Hey, thanks for posting this, very helpful - I'll send it to my Dr.' (and make a screenshot) but who thinks of such things then?
(I think you could probably even report it to dorm/college/uni psychologist or supportive professor or something.. and she could get in trouble..) I mean really!!

It's different to express concern about someone in private, or with helpful intent - It makes me REALLY angry to see people discuss such things in public or even on FB??!! (that girl should be banned from FB! Hmm, can you report people so they get banned? Maybe with screenshots?)

 

[Alphasocket]

hmm, chances are your brother is (or was) actually jealous of you!! (or resentful for something...) someone who *were* all those things and felt secure in who he is wouldn't send people around such cards!! think about it

He wasn't/isn't jealous. He was just a big jerk towards me.

 

[Tuukka40]

I'm sorry but if a harmless birthday card meant to be a joke makes you feel bad..You are one of the many people on here searching for reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

 

[Alphasocket]

I'm sorry but if a harmless birthday card meant to be a joke makes you feel bad..You are one of the many people on here searching for reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

That card wasn't just harmless. It was venomous and it hurt. I'm going through a spell of clinical depression at the minute so feeling sorry myself is a fragment of that and I won't allow myself to feel bad for how I act as a result. I wouldn't expect anyone else to act any differently if they are feeling blue and neither should they feel bad for being a way which comes naturally to them during such a phase.

 

[Section_31]

When i was about 6 yrs old, my mom and dad were splitting up. She was leaving and i rushed out to the front yard to try to stop her, and i threw my arms around her waist and cried and said "dont leave mom". She coldly shoved me away from ehr and I fell on the grass, and she said "your the child of the devil. your not my son. Your dead to me". and got into her bf;'s car and left.

Now, mind you, my mom is very mentally unstable. but still, at 6 yrs old that left a pretty big scar on me. I have big abandonment issues that ive only noticed now. Luckily things arent as bad as they used to be though.

 

[Alphasocket]

When i was about 6 yrs old, my mom and dad were splitting up. She was leaving and i rushed out to the front yard to try to stop her, and i threw my arms around her waist and cried and said "dont leave mom". She coldly shoved me away from ehr and I fell on the grass, and she said "your the child of the devil. your not my son. Your dead to me". and got into her bf;'s car and left.

Now, mind you, my mom is very mentally unstable. but still, at 6 yrs old that left a pretty big scar on me. I have big abandonment issues that ive only noticed now. Luckily things arent as bad as they used to be though.

Jeez, man. That would have left a scar right enough

 

[Alice In Chains]

When i was about 6 yrs old, my mom and dad were splitting up. She was leaving and i rushed out to the front yard to try to stop her, and i threw my arms around her waist and cried and said "dont leave mom". She coldly shoved me away from ehr and I fell on the grass, and she said "your the child of the devil. your not my son. Your dead to me". and got into her bf;'s car and left.

Now, mind you, my mom is very mentally unstable. but still, at 6 yrs old that left a pretty big scar on me. I have big abandonment issues that ive only noticed now. Luckily things arent as bad as they used to be though.

That's awful ::

 

[mmmm]

I'm sorry but if a harmless birthday card meant to be a joke makes you feel bad..You are one of the many people on here searching for reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

Don't you have some Billy Goats Gruff to pester?

 

[LonelyWonders]

I'm sorry but if a harmless birthday card meant to be a joke makes you feel bad..You are one of the many people on here searching for reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

How can you be sure it was meant to be harmless in the first place. Just because they're commonly and meant to be used as jokes doesn't mean it's always the case, and even if it was meant to be a joke, if somebody already thinks down on themselves, any means of put down, joking or not, can hurt a lot. Be careful how you say thing, and don't think things so single-mindedly

 

[twiggle]

I have problems with my digestive system and find it hard to keep down food (this runs in the family, my brother is due to have surgery for the same complaint.) When I was at university, a girl in my hall of residence suddenly added me on Facebook. On her Wall was an exchange between her and a guy living in the same hall (on whom she knew I had a crush) in which they said I was stupid, disgusting, stank of vomit, and it ended with him saying that no one would ever find me attractive no matter how many times I made myself throw up. It's not the first time someone has thought I was bulimic but I was absolutely crushed. She had obviously added me just so that I could see that conversation.

That's absolutely horrible!

I'm very surprised that somebody who could be capable of saying something so nasty had the brains to get into University.

To be so nasty over Facebook as well is just pathetic. I don't understand some people, I really don't.

 

[Tuukka40]

How can you be sure it was meant to be harmless in the first place. Just because they're commonly and meant to be used as jokes doesn't mean it's always the case, and even if it was meant to be a joke, if somebody already thinks down on themselves, any means of put down, joking or not, can hurt a lot. Be careful how you say thing, and don't think things so single-mindedly

Because usually when I want to offend someone I buy them a birthday card?

To the part I put in bold...Take it at face value. If it was a joke, that person meant nothing by it.

It would be one thing if he wrote that in the card, but...IMO, it's a generic birthday card. A million other people got the same one. 999,996 probably laughed at it.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I have problems with my digestive system and find it hard to keep down food (this runs in the family, my brother is due to have surgery for the same complaint.) When I was at university, a girl in my hall of residence suddenly added me on Facebook. On her Wall was an exchange between her and a guy living in the same hall (on whom she knew I had a crush) in which they said I was stupid, disgusting, stank of vomit, and it ended with him saying that no one would ever find me attractive no matter how many times I made myself throw up. It's not the first time someone has thought I was bulimic but I was absolutely crushed. She had obviously added me just so that I could see that conversation.

That's just awful. :: It's bad enough to make knowingly hurtful comments about someone, but to actually add them on FB just so that they will be sure to see the nasty, spiteful things you're saying about them is unbelievable. Some people are just utterly worthless excuses for human beings.