Och aye the noo

[theslowesthand]

"They're no usually this nice. Only joking..."

Would you say that to her while family listens?
How does the line "only joking" work for you, when say you criticize one of them? Does it prevent them from gettin angry?? Maybe deadpan can only work so much, but after that "only joking" is needed, else they think you're bein serious? (as deadpan = poker face = serious face, not laughing). Maybe work on yer "delivery" a bit, if that's possible??

 

[Graeme1988]

Would you say that to her while family listens?

Depends if I'm feeling brave enough that hypothetical situation. Or if they take that line with good-humour. Since sarcasm isn't easy to git right.

How does the line "only joking" work for you, when say you criticize one of them? Does it prevent them from gettin angry?? Maybe deadpan can only work so much, but after that "only joking" is needed, else they think you're bein serious? (as deadpan = poker face = serious face, not laughing). Maybe work on yer "delivery" a bit, if that's possible??

Aye, yer actually right. Though, my mum hus a habit of being quite critical towards me or in my presence then back-tracking on said criticism with the line, "Only joking...". No apology or acknowledgement of any wrong doing. Which has left me questioning her honesty since my late teens.

And she did use that same line after telling me to kill myself, in my early 20s, when I opened up to her about my struggle with depression - handing me a bottle of pill, tae. There wus me thinking she huv some empathy. Considering she constantly told me she struggles with it too. But... nope! h:

 

[Graeme1988]

I think I'm done... Seriously just got verbally f*ckin' berated by the middle child for asking her to calm down because she wus arguing with the oldest sibling, shoutin' her f*ckin' heid off! :kickingmyself:

So much for trying to be the voice of reason, but hey it's feckin' rare if you cun ever resolved anything with a bat-shit crazy feminist. Naw, it's the "I'm a victim. Everybuddy's pickin' oan me! Wah!" :crying: Always tha f*ckin' same.

And I've just hud a heart to heart open discussion with my mother a moment ago. First time we've actually been able to talk with talking over each in years. Quite a lovely moment.

Apparently, I'm the only one of her kid who she now trusts enough to be able to say how she's feelin'. Her personally therapist, as she amusing put it. What a difference 15 years makes, huh? When we couldnae even talk that openly withoot: "Oh, eh, no changin' tha subject, but..." put an end to it.

And I was brave enough to say things she might not have wanting to hear but had to be said. Like how ah feel like I'm unfairly treated and taken advantage. And I forgave her for all these man-hating tangents she used flied into when the topic o' relationships came up. I finally get it! She wus'nae saying it as slight on all men. Since she wus also saying:

"We're aw mental, son! Do yersel' a favour, dinnae bother with relationships! You'll just make an arse o' it"​

 

[Graeme1988]

And after the day I've had, I am more desperate to become totally estranged from my immediate family for good. Cuz I genuinely don't want anything to do them anymore. :sad:

I'm done ! :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Hope I'm not being a sexist, misogynist for posting this video. Since it's about feminism, radical feminism to be exact.

Just re-watch some Erin Pizzey interviews, and this one where she deconstruct the "Make the Personal Political" slogan/idea is particularly relatable to the situation I find myself. Since the "All men are b@$@%rd" slogan rhetoric is something I'm all to familiar with, sadly. :crying: :sad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix5-jqQYU1M

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah, ye can always rely upon a SLAYER album to enduce a sense of mindfulness.​

SLAYER

 

[Graeme1988]

After yesterday, I don't see much point in anything anymore. :sad: It seems pointless clinging to any shred of hope. Why bother? Living for this fantasy future that might happen "one day" but is highly unlikely. Hoping that that person who keeps insist they love you might actually appreciate what you do for them and stop treating you like shit... Ha!

Hoping that one day things will get better and you'll happy. And, who knows, yer family might get along wth each other? Aye, right! That about as likely as Scotland voting "Yes" to independence at this point.

 

[theslowesthand]

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know it wise to keep listening to thrash n' death metal until my newly single - sorry, dirvorced - older sister n' her 2 bairns (kids) finally find a place other own? :question: Ah, f*ck it! Considering the dour-faced mood ah've been in since Sunday, I think I just continue with this onslaught of metal mayhem for the next month or so...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoIHOD5kn2o

 

[theslowesthand]

Don't know it wise to keep listening to thrash n' death metal until ...

Well i cannae see any harm in doing so, can you? I'd even go so far as to say it's a feckin good idea, considering the situation yer in at the moment. :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well i cannae see any harm in doing so, can you? I'd even go so far as to say it's a feckin good idea, considering the situation yer in at the moment. :question:

Aye, that's true. But I'm just slightly worried that it'll huv the opposite affect o' being a release - as it normally is? If ye ken whit ah mean? Plus, I'm quite aware that, at my size, if ah decked somebuddy with a punch, it'd likely kill 'em afore they hit the grun (ground). Which is the mood I'm very much in the now.

 

[Graeme1988]

And ah know it'd just cause trouble if I blasted Metallica's Fade to Black, full volume. Given the lyrics of that song. It'd just make me defensive and more pissed off. :veryangry:

And... I'm already getting the fake concern from my mum n' older sisters. Which - it's too late for now. Since my older sister already showed that I'm just going have to put with her shouty overreactions and arguing over semantics. h: mg:

 

[Graeme1988]

Some family, huh? Great innit? Though, I am thinking about collating all these dysfunctional family moments, and turning them into a comedy show for the Edinburgh Festival in 2019. :thinking: Why? cuz there's nuthin' funnier observing yer older, thirty-something sister ragin' n' yellin' her heid off like a bratty teenage girl cuz you've telt her tae calm doon. And you're staunin' there, half way up the stairs, witnessing this thinking:

Wow! F*ckin' hell - look it that! An angry feminist. Naw, wait! It just ma sister overreacting!​

Well, it's either that or I apply to get me, ma mum and older sisters on The Jeremy Kyle Show, which basically the British equivalent of The Jerry Springer Show with the nudity, physical confrontations or crowd chants:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btX4RXqRbm0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le_uNGdpa4c

 

[theslowesthand]

Could ye maybe play some less aggressive music then? (you know, sth along the lines of jethro tull - hard rock, not heavy metal).
And yes, i know what you mean - you're in an aggro-as-feck mood, and you don't want to get more "riled up" than you are already. That is a tricky mood, it is.

Also, ye would be advised, whilst in this violent mood, to try to think POSITIVE thoughts, to try to turn the negatives into positives - i know that'll be hard to do, and trying not to blame anybody else but realize that this mood comes from WITHIN you. That (thoughts) i believe is the key to ridding this violent mood you're in.

As I'm writing this, LOUD roadworks are going on outside my house. I KNOW that if i try to drown it out with any kind of aggro music, i'll start to get riled-up, which i don't want. Instead, i'm listening to classical orchestral music, and reusing to thinking irritable/annoyed type thoughts, as they will surely lead me into "trouble" if u know what i mean. And i am fine right now! (or as fine as i can be given the bloody bassy/vibrating house-shakin racket going on! )

 

[Graeme1988]

Could ye maybe play some less aggressive music then? (you know, sth along the lines of jethro tull - hard rock, not heavy metal).
And yes, i know what you mean - you're in an aggro-as-feck mood, and you don't want to get more "riled up" than you are already. That is a tricky mood, it is. As I'm writing this, LOUD roadworks are going on outside my house. I KNOW that if i try to drown it out with any kind of aggro music, i'll start to get riled-up, which i don't want. Instead, i'm listening to classical orchestral music, and reusing to thinking irritable/annoyed type thoughts, as they will surely lead me into "trouble" if u know what i mean. And i am fine right now! (or as fine as i can be given the bloody bassy/vibrating house-shakin racket going on! )

Tis that. Tull would certainly be more mellow. Or maybe ambient electronic music? :question:

Also, ye would be advised, whilst in this violent mood, to try to think POSITIVE thoughts, to try to turn the negatives into positives - i know that'll be hard to do, and trying not to blame anybody else but realize that this mood comes from WITHIN you. That (thoughts) i believe is the key to ridding this violent mood you're in.

While ah git where yer comin' in sayin' that. Both are going to difficult. Since positive isn't a word often hear in ma house. And my older sister fleeing off the hand is too blame for me being in this mood. Ah mean, f*ck sake, I've been woke fae ma sleep nearly every morning with her losing tha heid aboot summit.

Plus, ma oldest sibling and mother huv already been brought to tears cuz o' tge middle-child going full retard. Me, on the other hand - and ah know it wrang - want headbutt her n' break her nose. I've been the yin with nerve and appropriately the balls to actually talk to the middle child. Which she didnae like. Since it's probably the first time in life that a man who happened to be a relate ever talked back to her and wus'nae giving her validation. But hey, ma mother n' older sister used to react the same way when I'd dare to talk back.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know what tae do? :idontknow: Ah kinda feel that ma family would be better off withoot me. :sad: Cuz if they really care aboot me, they've got a f*ckin' weird way o' showin' it. Makin' me out to be the bad guy and saying I'm being difficult when I've done nuthin' wrang! See why ah constanty doubt n' second guess, masel'?

Ah think I'll start makin' plans to move oot n' livin' on ma ain. And ah'll be sayin' tae ma mum anaw. Dinnae care if she doesnae like it. After gittin' yelled at few days ago fur just trying to stop... Naw, that's me! I've hud enough, I'm gan tae pit up with huvin to tolerate being scapegoated for trying to be a good person. But then am no sure ah wus a good person to begin with? :sad: :idontknow: Cuz ah only ever hear, "Yer a guid person, Graeme" is whenever I get told to do something for ma family and actually do it. Minus ma mother n' sisters manipulate me to do it. Or if I've been told to look after mum while my older sister is away for a few days. And that's it...

The rest o' the time, it's yer an ungrateful so n' so... Selfish, inconsiderate, etc.

 

[theslowesthand]

And my older sister fleeing off the hand is too blame for me being in this mood. Ah mean, f*ck sake, I've been woke fae ma sleep nearly every morning with her losing tha heid aboot summit.

That be the tricky part - not "blaming" her (or judging her to be wrong) when she's responsible.

 

[theslowesthand]

Don't know what tae do? :idontknow: Ah kinda feel that ma family would be better off withoot me. :sad: Cuz if they really care aboot me, they've got a f*ckin' weird way o' showin' it. Makin' me out to be the bad guy and saying I'm being difficult when I've done nuthin' wrang! See why ah constanty doubt n' second guess, masel'?

Ah think I'll start makin' plans to move oot n' livin' on ma ain. And ah'll be sayin' tae ma mum anaw. Dinnae care if she doesnae like it. After gittin' yelled at few days ago fur just trying to stop... Naw, that's me! I've hud enough, I'm gan tae pit up with huvin to tolerate being scapegoated for trying to be a good person. But then am no sure ah wus a good person to begin with? :sad: :idontknow: Cuz ah only ever hear, "Yer a guid person, Graeme" is whenever I get told to do something for ma family and actually do it. Minus ma mother n' sisters manipulate me to do it. Or if I've been told to look after mum while my older sister is away for a few days. And that's it...

The rest o' the time, it's yer an ungrateful so n' so... Selfish, inconsiderate, etc.

I've said this before, that they say good things about you when they're in a good mood, and say bad things when they're in a bad mood (eg angry). Everyone's a mixture of good & bad, so to say you're a good person, or a bad person, either way it's irrational/untrue. But women in general talk with their feelings, not logical thoughts as men do (so u can't take things they say literally)

 

[Graeme1988]

I think I'm on the verge of another life-changing decision. Or it might be a nervous breakdown? :idontknow: :sad:

Though, I'm probably going to be considered a c*nt for doing it like. I mean, is it wrang tae tell yer bat-shit crazy family to collective get tha f*ck outta yer life? Like, does that make me a bad person? :sad: Cuz I know that's how they're gonnae spin it. Since that whay they're like - always passing the buck.

But hey, what d'ye expect...? I was raised by a bunch o' wimmin who openly express hatred and distain towards all men. Then hud tha nerve to look me in the eye and tell me: "Naw, you're the exception. We love you". Yet, you wouldn't know it by how they've treated me over the years. As I've had my chin split open by my older sister when I was wee; been stabbed in my late teens and, on multiple occasions, slapped. The latter incidents all perpetrated by my mum. As well as being told I'm just like my dad, whenever I spoke for myself, disagreed with or refused to something for my mother or older siblings.

 

[Graeme1988]

I've said this before, that they say good things about you when they're in a good mood, and say bad things when they're in a bad mood (eg angry). Everyone's a mixture of good & bad, so to say you're a good person, or a bad person, either way it's irrational/untrue. But women in general talk with their feelings, not logical thoughts as men do (so u can't take things they say literally)

Oh, I know that! Been around wimmin for nearly 30 years noo. Bat-shit crazy feminists, but wimmin nonetheless.

Anyway, with my mother, it's hard to gauge what mood she in, since she tend to give me the silent treatment and ignores me if I ever ask. So, I've just stop showing any concern for her. Not going to waste my time trying to help someone who refuses help themselves. Me, on the other hand, honest straight to the point. But my mum and eldest sibling just laugh it off n' tell me:

"You've got nae reason tae be depressed"​

So, ma disability? The fact someone in my family is always spoiling for an argument. F*ck! Me, mum n' oldest sister are always walking on eggshells with the middle child. Since she's easily triggered. You'd dare not saying anything to her. Or else it's...

"Ooh, whit ye dae that fur?! Whit d'ye mean by that?! Why did ye say like that fur, then?! Aw, f*ck off! F*ck the lotta ye!" Middle child storms off in a huff.​

Also, hard not to take what they say literally. I mean d'ye know what it like to being guilt-tripped by yer ain family every time you do summit for yerself? Or being treated as tbe scapegoat aw the time? I'm tried of being expected to put myself last all the time. Fed-up being blamed for shite that's no ma fault. Or being accused of bullying for simply pointin' oot that:

"Eh, ye ken that shoutin' isnae the best way tae resolve an argument?"
To which my older sister responded by yelling at me to: "Och, f*ck off, Graeme!". Thus proving my point.

But apparently, it's still me who's perceived as huvin a Jekyll and Hyde personality, due to being quiet, shy n' more introverted? :idontknow:​

Even though ah'll admit that should be true. Given tha shite ah huv tae tolerate fae The Three Stooges - sorry. Is that too cruel to be humourous? :question: Just asking, since ma sense o' humour is quite off-kilter due being raised in dysfunctional family. But I like to attribute my calm demeanour to my interest in Eastern philosophy, particularly Zen philosophy. As well as having my electric guitar and heavy metal music as an outlet for my aggression. Because, by f*ck, ye dinnae half come up wae the some of the most face meltingly fast metal riffs when yer in a shitty mood and tuned down to E-flat.

That, and fact my family huv been a great example of how NOT to handle conflict.

Anyway, whit would you advise, slowesthand? I'm thinkin' ah should just move oot n' live oan ma ain, after ah turn 30? Whether my mother approve or not. Cuz ah cannae just continue tae put up with the constant tense family atmosphere anymore. Plus I've had to endure it for the past 20 or so years now.