Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Been think quite a bit about death, lately. Not in a suicidal sense, just generally. Because ah kinda fear that my mind will be the death of me. As far as, me constantly having to be the 1 of only 2 smart people in my family, according to one of my cousins.

And both my parent being told lazy to impart knowledge to me.

It's just the stress and strain of having to remember stuff that gets to me, at times. I mean, like the everyday "normal" things, on top of coping with my cerebral palsy, y'know? I'm bit slow in the head when it comes retain stuff un my memory as a result, since everything that comes natural to able-bodied folk as far as walking goes, I had do repeatedly afore it stuck.

Not say that as a guilt-trip or for sympathy, I'm just trying illustrated what I have to deal with, in terms of the physical side of my disability. It feels like it weights me down more than it should. :sad:

Sorry, dinnae mean to get aw depressing, there.

 

[Graeme1988]

If yer at a loose end, ye could always recount the happenings of last years’ time in hospital with yer surgery 'n that :question:

Actually, looking back on it now, as opposed to at the time – particularly January through til July 2016 – ah feel quite emotional, like. Like actually near the point o’ greeting. :crying: :idontknow: Ah guess ah didnae really take in the magnitude o’ just how life changing yin wee, snap decision in the middle of August in 2015 would huv on ma life fae that point on…

 

[Graeme1988]

So, here's the story of what most of 2016 wus like for me. As well as how my eventual orthopaedic surgery came about. Brace yersel', this could be potentially borin', a wee bit sweary and might put ye off hospitals and hospital food. Right, that's the closest you'll get to a warning. And, eh, it’s partly inspired by a hysterically funny comedy show I saw in Edinburgh last year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apJXCAIiI1U

Even though Scott’s reason for being in hospital were more life-threatening than mine – he survived having an aneurysm removed from his brain and turned his experience into a comedy show; I was just having extensive leg surgery done. But we do share very similar experiences when it comes to staying in very different Scottish hospitals for a certain number of days, and dealing with grumpy nursing staff. Anyway, here we go…

February 2009

So, the suggestion of getting another surgery done, was actually mention me by my physiotherapist, Lynette, who I was seeing every few weeks at Annan Hospital, which has links with the hospital in Dumfries that I've been regularly attending since my mid-to-late teens.

But I decline, partly due to how extensive it would be, and the approximate time I'd be off my feet for afterwards. As well that previous surgery experience in my mid-teens which still f**kin’ haunts me. Oh, and the doctor who was giving me botox injections in my calf and hamstring muscles was always bemoan the cost of them, everytime I got 'em done. The c*nt...

And I wanted to live my life a bit. Get in a few "once in a lifetime" experiences, as clichéd and cringy it is to read that phrase. And, not being 100% certain about the surgery at that time, ah didnae want to get it and instantly regret it months later, y'know.

But my consultant surgeon, Amanda – this short, Jewish-looking woman with a bowl cut hairdo and Cockney English accent - reassured me it'd be different from ma past surgery experence, age 14. And the said the offer was still open when ah did decided it was time to get it done, and that she would oversee everything.

Plus, I’d just booked tickets to see Metallica in Glasgow, just days before my 21st birthday, the following month, and didnae want to risk missing it. Since Amanda was willing to make my surgery top priority and fast-track everything to get me into operating theatre as soon as. And I did end up missing a gig as a result of having my surgery last year, but wus'nae to know when I booked the tickets.

 

[Graeme1988]

Thursday, March 26th 2009

Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre (SECC), Glasgow

Probably the best gig I went to that year? Though, the funniest thing I saw during this gig, was when Machine Head were in the middle of their set, when a group of - shall we say, “veteran” Metallica fans? – almost got caught in a circle-pit . They were 2md on bill, above The Sword, who got a cold as f**k reaction fae the Glasgow crowd. As well as heckles being called “Sabbath rip-offs” and “shite c*nt” during their opening set. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

Thursday, August 6th 2009

That’s when the infamous but morable incident happened to me in Edinburgh during Janeane Garofalo’s first ever comedy gig in Scotland. in the Debating Hall of the Gilded Balloon venue. Which I’ve mentioned here previously.

★ See page 46 of this thread for the full story. mg:

 

[Graeme1988]

So, aside from Metallica and a short period in Edinburgh over the summer, the years between late 2009 until summer 2015, was just me going to as many concerts as my mum, oldest sister and disability living allowance money would financially allow. In which time, I saw so many, I can’t recall them all. But here’s the other ones I can remember….

2009 / 2010

 

[Graeme1988]

2011

Crowd singing Flower of Scotland During Iron Maiden's Glasgow show in 2011

^ This happened after a fan throw a Scottish Saltire flag on stage. :bigsmile:​

 

[Graeme1988]

2011

 

[Graeme1988]

2013

 

[Graeme1988]

2014

2015

Mogwai at the Barrowlands, Glasgow, Scotland (Sunday 21st June 2015)O1ryTA

As I said before, I've probably... in fact, I know that I've skipped over a few of the gigs I attend between 2009 - 2015. Ah know, I get to a lotta them.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah don't think I'm going to be around much longer. I feel like I've kinda over-stayed my welcome in this life. :sad: I'm always being told to supress how I genuinely feel aw the time, because who tha f**k want to hear about how I feel, eh? It's not like I matter much anyway.

My family hate me, but are too afraid to acknowledge this. But it's clear, given how they tend to treat me and look upon me with contempt, for doing what makes me happy. Since, as my mum pointed out, I'm supposed to look after everyone. Eveyone except myself, that is.

D'y'know how f**kin' stressful that is - to constantly feel like I have to make up for the fact my family tends to like to be lazy when it comes to doing things? While trying to take care of myself to the best of my ability. Not that I suceed in that, or anything for that matter, really.

Because I'm always feeling obligated to keep everyone around me at the expense of myself, my health n' happiness. And shamed whenever I refuse to something on the grounds of feeling to knackered. My memory going, depression and anxiety don't appear to easing anytime soon.

Then today, I get the usually back-handed compliments, or faint-praise depending upon how ye perceive my mum n' oldest sibling's remarks, of "Ah don't know. You know more than me" and "You better at doing that than me... I'm nae good". Which, to me, has always been patronising more than genuine. It's just more responsibility for me than I can handle. Just cuz they're too lazy n' idle to make the effort.

Plus, I'm never praised for those times when I try to be helpful. No, I'm always seen as threatening in moments like this - given the size of me. Which is why I've stopped offering to help, generally.

Ah dinnae even give masel' a moment to relax now, y'know? Nut! Not a single moment to just... chill. Cannae even let my mind just wonder

Don't know what all that ramblng I've just done here, says about me as a person. And, to be honest, ah couldnae give a f**k!

Sorry, I know this rant kinda detours ma previous post. Ah'll get back on track shortly.
Just need to vent outta frustration. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, not much happened today. But that's my life in general.
Kinda glad I didn't go out shopping today, as my mum got talking an old schoolmate of mine and my mum at the local Tesco store. And I'm awkward when it comes to these "reunions" of sorts.

I also got very telling answer when I ask my mum: "Why d'you always feel the need to contradict me in everything I say n' do, huh?"
Her response: Utter silence, and avoiding eye contact.

Then I had go on to justify my fondness for tonic wine, as I do everything else in my life. Is it not possible to like something for no good reason? Ye just like it, y'know? :idontknow:

Quite sad that that's now my only joy in life - drinking! When I get the chance, at least. Not knocking it, or folk who drink. It's just sad for me, since that used to be what music was for me. :sad: Sorry, don't mean to get all self-pitying. I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact, ah huv'nae got any control over my life, as far the decisions I make. :kickingmyself: :crying:

But then ma life wus'nae meant to be in the first place, why the f**k God opt to spare me death, but give me a life full of cruelty and struggle is beyond me. Or at least, this is what my mum would like me to believe.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm feeling quite knackered today. Didnae get a great deal of sleep last night, and woken up earlier than I'd liked.

Off with my mum, my oldest sister and her boyfriend to see the 2nd live stage show of Still Game.. We've got ticket for today, which is the first of 2 week run. With 2 performances today - afternoon and evening. We're attending the aftermoon show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALhfZK_npVo

Expectations are pretty high. Considering that 2014 live show had us howlin' with laughter. Should be a good laugh, noneless.

 

[Graeme1988]

^ Better than ah wus expecting, and vastly improved on the previous live stage show back in 2014. Huv'nae laughed so much, since Edinburgh last year. I'm talking doubled over, nearly oot ma wheelchair, tears of laughter, man.

And that wus just the first live performance of a nearly 2 week run.

There was a bit o' an altercation with a bus driver who yelled at my sister for parking in front of him. Despite the folk being bused in where gan tae the same show we were, like. :idontknow:

We seem tae always attract trouble or potential fights wherever we go? But in particular in Glasgow. Anyway, hud a great day the day.

 

[Graeme1988]

Keith Urban - Somebody Like You

The Shires - My Universe

Settle an argument for me, folks. Do these songs sound anything alike? As far as melody, song structure, chords etc. More so the intro riffs, cuz ma oldest sister is adamant they're almost identical. Keep in mind, she got nae knowledge o' music theory, nor played the guitar. mg:

If yer wonder why I'm asking. Well, the aforementioned Keith Urban song got played over the PA system as, me, my mum, eldest sister and her boyfriend sat waitin' for that Still Game - Live 2 show to start, then again during the show's interval.

Ah just hud to agree with her, cuz I'd never even heard that song by The Shires til I just search their name on YouTube. Surely tae f**k, I'm no the yin who's tone deaf here? :question: Cuz ah cannae even hear a single lick, melody that's identical in either song. :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Some folk on eBay dinnae half try and chance their luck sometimes, don't they? These c*nts really get on ma nerves, like, so they dae. Hud this wee exchange on Thursday, just past there.

D'ye think this bell-end didnae take the hint? Sorry, but ah dinnae huv fur folk intent upon wasting ma time. :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Must admit, I'm slightly worried that it's not just me who has an issue with remembering things my family. Just the implications o' that, like. It's a bit depressing. :sad: Anyway, sorry to get side-track, lately. Life tends to happen that quickly, ah barely huv time tae look back reflect upon it.

Ah'll get back tae ma story o' how ma orthopedic surgery went, which ah started a few post ago, pronto! :bigsmile:

 

[theslowesthand]

There seems a vague resemblence between those 2 songs. They're both equally as corny! (ugh)

 

[Graeme1988]

There seems a vague resemblence between those 2 songs.

Ah thought the same, but ma sister's convinced they sound identical.

They're both equally as corny! (ugh)

True, though, I quite like some of Keith Urban's songs. But I do like him more as guitarist than a singer, to be honest.
Kinda similar to Mark Knopfler, in terms of playing style.

 

[Hot_Tamale]

My 100th forum post Cheers to you Scottish lad. I don't always understand what you're talking about but I like following your posts because of your sense o' humor.