Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Well, who da thunk it, eh? My thoughts aren't my own. Ah cannae even change ma mind aboot summit ah said 3 effin' days ago. Nut, nae chance! Ah've always got to stick ma words, nae huvin a wee think or considering ma options. No, ye dae this, that it, end o' story. :kickingmyself:

"But you said the other day..."

My family on the other hand, oh they cun change their minds about things whenever they feel like it. If they can't be arsed doing something, then they can't be arsed. Ah dae it, and it's me who's being c*nt; lazy and so on... :veryangry:

 

[Graeme1988]

It's Tough Being a Man

 

[theslowesthand]

Yeah, i can see how they all mess with ye head & decisions - they are quite a "handful" aren't they indeed!

All i can suggest is to grab a sheet o paper (or do on pc if so wish), and write both sides of the argument, the pros & cons, under the headings "PROS" and "CONS". And write down every darn thing ye can think of, concerning yer tattoos there. The decision shuld come easier thay way, as its all down in black'n'white.

 

[Graeme1988]

Yeah, i can see how they all mess with ye head & decisions - they are quite a "handful" aren't they indeed!

They can be a bloody nightmare at times. :kickingmyself: It's like I'm not allowed to be treat like an adult, really frustrating.

All i can suggest is to grab a sheet o paper (or do on pc if so wish), and write both sides of the argument, the pros & cons, under the headings "PROS" and "CONS". And write down every darn thing ye can think of, concerning yer tattoos there. The decision shuld come easier thay way, as its all down in black'n'white.

That's true. Though, I've got another month or so to decide, because I really want to get a tattoo for my birthday. It's just trying to keep those constant negative judgements and what everyone else will think at bay. Since this is something I'm doing for me, at the end of the day, not anyone else.

 

[Graeme1988]

I've been feeling really tired, lately. Knackered, ye could say. Just huv'nae got the energy to really do anything. Even exercising seems like too much effort. Me even saying that, makes me seems like more of a lazy f**ker than I usually am. mg:

:idontknow: It's probably more to do with the list of things I really need to get done, as well as the things ah want to do. Christ, I'm even planning ma trip to Edinburgh for the summer as early as now, since last year the hotel my sister and I book rejected her credit card for some reason.

Kinda wonder if we might be planning the trip too early, but then it's better book a few months in advance then, at least, the hotel reservation is a safe bet.

And on top of the trip, I'm just desperate trying to get my home "recording studio" setup proper. Since I really need an outlet besides the written word. Cannae just sit aboot watching the telly, either. Though, ah wish ah hud enough focus to read a book fae start tae finish. Huv'nae done that in awhile.

I'm also wondering how long d'ye pit up with a family member's increasingly eccentric behaviour afore ye tell 'em tae cut it oot? :thinking: It's just my mum's tendency to make jokes regardless of where appropriate to the situation, it's becoming really awkward. h:

 

[theslowesthand]

Just been thinkin about self-righteous c*nts in general, and i recall the truth about the "morals" they have & apply. It's this: if somebody makes them feel bad in the slightest, then that person is in the wrong; if THEY make somebody else feel bad in the slightest, then they are STILL in the RIGHT. I found that out the hard way, over many years of trying analyse the rights/wrongs of me b*startd neighbours; its only when i realized they have (simply) SELF-SERVING "morals", that it all began to make sense .. why they always managed to make me feel "in the wrong", and why (although they often angered me) they always came out of it "smelling of roses", etc. I hope that makes any sesne to ya??
Also, to add to it, "normalcy" seems a large factor in being morally right/wrong (which means they can use the fact that's we're "not normal" to "prove" that they're "in the right").
Yep, morals are illogical at best, they're like a whole separate "system" unto themselves...

 

[Graeme1988]

I hate ma life. :kickingmyself: Being reliant upon folk who do eff all when I asked em' nicely, unless they can get something out of it. Taking credit for something ah asked ye to, or summit ah happened tae suggest... Just f**k right off! :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Just been thinkin about self-righteous c*nts in general, and i recall the truth about the "morals" they have & apply. It's this: if somebody makes them feel bad in the slightest, then that person is in the wrong; if THEY make somebody else feel bad in the slightest, then they are STILL in the RIGHT. I found that out the hard way, over many years of trying analyse the rights/wrongs of me b*startd neighbours; its only when i realized they have (simply) SELF-SERVING "morals", that it all began to make sense .. why they always managed to make me feel "in the wrong", and why (although they often angered me) they always came out of it "smelling of roses", etc. I hope that makes any sesne to ya??

F**kin' right it makes sense! Ye just described how my mum and oldest sister reacted when ah got wronged by 'em.
Two particular incidents come to mind, actually. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Does everything huv tae be a joke? Every-f**kin'-time I ask a genuinely inquisitive question, ma mum feels the need tae turn it intae a joke. :kickingmyself:

Mair o' this c*nty, self-riciousness, as to how she's right. All because ah question why she wus insisting upon me using the low-fat butter on ma cream cracker. h: F**kin' sick, fed-up o' this nonsense. So many arguments over trival things, starting to understand why all the men in my mum's life treated her like shite. :veryangry: The sad part is naebuddy in my family seem to see the connection between how I tend to be treated and why I tend spend more than is normal being on my own.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah dinnae ken, I guess I should just give up? :thinking: Since everything I do seems to be wrong, according to my family. :sad: And on the rare occassion when I do something right, the praise always feels insincere, like they're patronisng me.

Plus, nowt ever changes. I'm still having to repeat myself afore my mum or oldest sister will actually do or help me with something.
Which... It's a bit difficult to motivate someone who can't be arsed doing anything.

I can actually say now, after yrs of being alive and alone (either in a relationship or just alone) I really dislike humans and find interactions with them painful and boring, I can say now though- I do like and enjoy my own company and mean it.

Ah think Molly might huv the right idea here?

 

[theslowesthand]

The sad part is naebuddy in my family seem to see the connection between how I tend to be treated and why I tend spend more than is normal being on my own

The reason is they don't responsibility for anything going wrong, so you being by yeself often (to them) is caused by yeself not them. So once again, they be blaming ye, as they can "never" take the blame themselves.

 

[theslowesthand]

As with family in general, if ye got "lemons", they can't be replaced by oranges ... but all ye can do is make bitter lemonade. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

The reason is they don't responsibility for anything going wrong, so you being by yeself often (to them) is caused by yeself not them. So once again, they be blaming ye, as they can "never" take the blame themselves.

So, ah shouldnae felt guilty about preferring the solitude of my room? :question: :idontknow: Sorry if it's daft to ask such a question, but I'm always made to feel bad that ah don't spend much time with my family. :sad:

As with family in general, if ye got "lemons", they can't be replaced by oranges ... but all ye can do is make bitter lemonade. :sad:

A depressingly apt metaphor, there.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah take it that this is your answer tae ma recent question about solitude, no? :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Not been at my best, lately. :sad: I've bee feeling really fatigued, knackered. Nae energy. Ah couldnae even tell ye if ah feel depressed. :idontknow:

I've been procrastinating quite a bit. Huv'nae stuck to my diet and keeping in shape like ah wus doing up until the end of August last year. So, I'm outta shape, no exercised much since then, either.

 

[Graeme1988]

Plus, trying to spark creative ideas has proved slightly difficult. Or frustrating, more to the point. Ah mean, I've got song titles 'n' some potential band names, but nae music ideas. Also, I got decided whether I should join...

Or stick with...

As far as possibly sharing my music at some point. :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Wish ma family would just stop with the effin' back-handed compliments. Got yin the other day, there. My mum's goes:

"See, you know whit ah meant, better than me. Whit wae you being far more cultured than me"

This remark came after ah pronounced "Teriyaki" correctly. And she said it in such a patronising tone anaw. Like, when the f**k did not being blissly ignorant of a another culture suddenly make ye highly f**kin' educated? :idontknow:

Ah mean, I'm no sayin' it doesnae in someway. But I'm just some poorly-educated bam fae the Scottish Borders, but somehow ma eccentric family thinks just cuz ah know how to pronounce certain words and know the meaning of words they don't, I'm suddenly this weirdly sophisticated posh c*nt.

Sorry, didnae mean tae rant. Ah just hate this recurring idea that's used to big me up and put me down in that ma family seem to think I'm somehow better than them for knowing stuff that they don't.

 

[Graeme1988]

Been waking up feeling really fatigued for the last few weeks. Feeling really tired during the days, anaw.

Just once, ah'd like to do something that's just to my benefit. Instead constantly being discourage from doing something that might help my well-being. F**kin' hate that my mum feels the need to continuiously dictate how ma life should be. :kickingmyself: Same goes for the rest of my family. :thumbdown:

Not in the best of health, as far as mind, body and spirit goes. :sad: But ah cannae exactly make any steps to changes there, without being considered "obsessive" by my mum, at least. Since everything that normal to me is abnormal to her. She even bought into ma oldest sister's daft diet of counting every calorie, and everything's got to be low-fat. Factor in my mum's lack of motivation to exercise and you've got a great weight-loss plan, there. :idontknow:

But, as per, it's me who's always gan wee bit too far - with weights, pedal exerciser. And cutting back on the temptation to stuff ma face and drink shitloads of caffeine.

 

[Graeme1988]

It feels weird to actually be saying this, but I'm kinda nervous about a few of the comedy shows I've got tickets to see. Particular one I'm going to my sister with, about a week prior to my birthday. As well as Edinburgh in the summer. It's just being recognised, it kinda makes me feel awkward, y'know? Since it's happened 2 years in Edinburgh. And of course twice last year while at the Fringe, as I mentioned here. And it happened again, just a couple months ago, there, when I went to Glasgow. Don't know, it just feels weird, as a fan, to get recognised. :shyness:

 

[Graeme1988]

Why do I constantly get blamed for or accused of stuff I didn't do? :kickingmyself: Hate my family, sometimes. :veryangry:
They're always doing this to me. Probably why I'm always defensive aw the time? :question: