Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

You should do this, you should do that... Piss off! :veryangry:

Why does everything in my life seem dictated by what my family thinks? I mean, they've not exactly been shining examples of leading by example. Ugh! :kickingmyself:

Grow yer moustache a certain way, grow yer beard this way... Blah-blah-blah!

As if that wus'nae bad enough, ma eldest sibling was trying to enstill confidence in me the other day, there. But it wus'nae just because I'm her wee brother, which she emphasised a few times during her wee speech. Naw, naw, of course that hud sweet eff to do with it. Aye sure... Reverse psychology, my arse.

"You'd be a lot mair confident if ye got over being so nervous" mg:​

Then she blethered on about how I'm interesting and funny and a guid storyteller. Aw statements ah refute, by the way. Mainly cuz it's all b*llocks!
I'm just shy, stuttering, dumb c*nt at the end o' the day. And one that barely functions. Since, y'know, I'm brain-damaged, got cerebral palsy and other shit that makes life difficult to manage. Most of the time ah think it's a fluke if I get or do something right...

 

[Graeme1988]

It's really put a strain on ye to be the one who always playing catch-up or trying to keep up with those around ye. Even though ah'll never truly fit in socially.

I always feel like I mustn't let those around me down. Which is trait of somone who's born under the Aries star-sign. Since it reflect back upon me, and ah end up feeling like shit. :sad: Though, this is even worse within ma family. What with me being look upon as the smart, sensible kid.

Ah mean, how is it f**kin' possible, huvin never grown up with a single father-figure or positive male influence... How is it that I'm smarter than both ma mum and sisters, speaking from a purely common sense perspective? :idontknow: Me, the spastic with the slight learning disabilty.

Guess the fact I've had figure stuff out for myself shows just how f**ked ma family are, eh? But they don't like being around me, so ye cannae exactly blame me for keeping to myself; being a man o' few words n' that.

Though, in fairness, it's quite difficult to communicate and connect with people, when ye just get ignored everytime you make an effort to engage yer own family in a conversation.

Still, it would've been nice tae huv some guidance in life. Mibbe ma life wouldnae huv turn out as badly if ah did. :thinking:

 

[theslowesthand]

Though, ah don't know if that same description of kid in an adult body applies to me, given how sheltered and restrictive ma childhood and adolescents were? Not really being taught anything, just expect to know it, instictively. :question: Having to teach myself about life, learn what not to do based on those around me. Since neither my mum or dad could really be arsed

Both my parents were/are the "hands-off" type of parenting, so i never ever got any useful advice on anything about life .. certainly never got the birds'n'bees talk (thankfully, as we all would just have gotten severely embarassed, or they would have told it to me in a very brief, over-simplified, joking style - which is how ALL talks involving personal matters were conducted, ie "hands-off").
I learnt a bit by following their example, but mainly i just had to learn about life the hard way (trial'and'error). I certainly was not prepared for the "real world" upon leaving home, but that was partly due to having SA/SP & never being able to learn proper people skills during my youth, and having emotional issues (eg over-sensitive).
I had some role models, but they mainly were fictional tv characters, & held only generally in life, eg Mr Bean.
But overall, since i was a totally person with totally unique set of issues, i had to be the "pioneer" & forge my own path, cut a new path, in this world. And judging on my current life to date, i didn't do a very good job of it, unfortunately :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Both my parents were/are the "hands-off" type of parenting, so i never ever got any useful advice on anything about life .. certainly never got the birds'n'bees talk (thankfully, as we all would just have gotten severely embarassed, or they would have told it to me in a very brief, over-simplified, joking style - which is how ALL talks involving personal matters were conducted, ie "hands-off").
I learnt a bit by following their example, but mainly i just had to learn about life the hard way (trial'and'error). I certainly was not prepared for the "real world" upon leaving home, but that was partly due to having SA/SP & never being able to learn proper people skills during my youth, and having emotional issues (eg over-sensitive).
I had some role models, but they mainly were fictional tv characters, & held only generally in life, eg Mr Bean.
But overall, since i was a totally person with totally unique set of issues, i had to be the "pioneer" & forge my own path, cut a new path, in this world. And judging on my current life to date, i didn't do a very good job of it, unfortunately :sad:

Aye, you and me both, pal. Though, I just got emotional f**k with on a regular basis growing up, so that's stayed with me.
As for learning by following their examples, I learnt what not to do.

My main role models were much the same as yours, slowhand. But also, comedians, actors and musicians who came across as either charasmatic n' cool or genuinely humble, nice folk in their TV interviews.

Ah didnae do much better forging my own path. Tae tell ye the truth, doing so has put a lotta strain upon ma mental health. :sad:

As for sensitivity, ah don't where I get that, I'm going to assume that comes fae huvin older parents. Since neither my mum and dad liked overly violent or horror movies, and those kinda movies ain't my cuppa tea, either. :thinking:

I mean, ah wouldnae say I'm overly sensitive. Sentimental, ye could say.

 

[Graeme1988]

Actually, these 2 different YouTube videos sum up what I was trying to say in my previous post far better than ah could articulate, myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi4JOlMSWjo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocYchf_4vn4

 

[Graeme1988]

I think ah might take a course in stand-up comedy. Only joking, but ah certainly feel like doing after today. Urgh! :kickingmyself:

Anyway, long story short, my oldest sister suggested going out for a short car ride aboot the toon. As I wus making my way downstairs, our mum wus repeatedly saying: "Mind n' zip-up yer jacket. Ye dinnae want tae git cold"

"Aye, ah know". Then she repeats herself, which leads ma sister chime in.​

"Aye, awrite Mum. Give it a rest, he heard ye"
"Ah know, ah know". I'm getting irritated by this point.
"Huv'nae even got ma shoes on"
"Exactly!", my sister emphatically agrees, as I get my shoes on. Then our mum starts again. Just as take my jacket from the coat hook in the lobby.
"Zip-up!"
"Mum, c'mon! There's nae need fur..."
"Och, give a rest wae the helicopter parenting, would ye?!", I snap.
And in unison my mum and oldest sibling both go: "Eh?! Whit did ye say, there?" So I repeat the phrase.
"Helicopter parenting"
"Whit d'ye mean?!", our mum says, still bewildered. My sister is laughing out loud, though.
"Helicopter parenting - that's a good 'un. Cuz mum's always..."
"Aye, hoovering aboot", I interrupted. Pointing my index finger down and gesturing to mimic a helicopter's rotor blades.
​

It's a shite existence when yer family still refuse to see you as an adult, and treat you as such. :sad:

 

[theslowesthand]

By over-sensitive, i mean i've always reacted severely to slights done by people towards me, eg criticism, jibbing, ridicule. I usually got very angry, felt bad about myself, amongst other things.

 

[theslowesthand]

I think ah might take a course in stand-up comedy. Only joking, but ah certainly feel like doing after today. Urgh! :kickingmyself:

Ah dinnae if yur mum & sisters wuld like that, cause no doubt they'd be the main source of yer material, and :. the butt of most yer jokes!

 

[theslowesthand]

Actually, these 2 different YouTube videos sum up what I was trying to say in my previous post far better than ah could articulate, myself

Thankfully i don't have that HSP, but i am sensitive to criticism, noise, over-stimulation, people (kind of like a lesser form of HSP, or maybe just "SP"?)

 

[Graeme1988]

By over-sensitive, i mean i've always reacted severely to slights done by people towards me, eg criticism, jibbing, ridicule. I usually got very angry, felt bad about myself, amongst other things.

Self-harm? Sorry if that's too personal. It just, if that what the "amongst other things" is referring to, then you're not alone in that.

Anyway, I used to be like this when I was younger. But as I've gotten older I've learnt to not overreact. Since how you react tends to feed into the person giving out the ridicule or criticism. And you don't do yersel' any favour by responding badly to either.

Thankfully i don't have that HSP, but i am sensitive to criticism, noise, over-stimulation, people (kind of like a lesser form of HSP, or maybe just "SP"?)

Probably? :idontknow: Though, I don't know for sure if I am HSP. Or if I turned the way I have due to coming from a less than stable family? Having older parents who were quite conservative, for lack of a better word.

But, much like yersel', I'm also sensitive to criticism - not overly, but still. As well as over-stimulation, and stress. My brain tends to shutdown in those situations.

And I'm wary of people more than anything else.

 

[theslowesthand]

Self-harm? Sorry if that's too personal. It just, if that what the "amongst other things" is referring to, then you're not alone in that

At times, just shy of self-harm (& others-harm too it sometimes felt). But mainly i'd get into a bad funk, a kind of self-hating depression. That would usually just last for a few hours, ie the rest of the day. Sometimes it would last for days.

 

[Graeme1988]

At times, just shy of self-harm (& others-harm too it sometimes felt). But mainly i'd get into a bad funk, a kind of self-hating depression. That would usually just last for a few hours, ie the rest of the day. Sometimes it would last for days.

Oh right... :sad: Ah won't ask ye to elborate further as I wouldnae want to make ye upset by discussing it too much. I'll just resist the urge to harm yerself, it might seem like a release but ye just end up regretting it

But I relate to the self-loathing depression myself, though. I've actually been feeling depressed these past few days. :sad: And more recent setback has really got to me. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah dinnae if yur mum & sisters wuld like that, cause no doubt they'd be the main source of yer material, and :. the butt of most yer jokes!

Ah cannae help it if my mum or oldest sister say or do summit daft that I end up remembering it. And my mum's tends to speak before thinking, which is a f**kin' hoot for me. Because my mum doesnae even realise what she's said til after the fact, by which I'm usually in tears laughing, asking if she just said what she just said.

Or, a better example. My mum, whenever she describing something, has a habit of pointing out a particular detail twice, which already obvious. Kinda like explaining a joke.

Also I'm not even exaggering when in my recollection when I post these stories. Like that recent one with jacket. Or the other day when my oldest sister came by during her break from work, there wus a bit of dispute over whether our mum intentionally declines my sister's offer to drive her to the local supermarket which I got caught in the middle of as I came downstairs.

"Aye, ye dae so! Och, c'mon - dinnae lie!"
"No, ah don't? You're the yin who's lyin'!"​

As I'm about halfway down the stairs, just a few from the bottom landing. My sister spots me goes:

"Hi Graeme, is true or false that our mum refuses my offer tae drive her tae Tesco?"​

Afore I've even spoken a word, oor mum timidly goes:

"Ah do not - do I?"​

I look at our mum, then my sister and back again to mum. Smiling, I respond with:

"Aye, ye do"​

To which, our mum responds with defensiveness and denial. Sticking with her claim that she's not the one lying.

"There ye go. See, see?!"
"Oh, ah do not.."​

Upon my mum saying this, I begin to mimic her voice and what she says over the phone to my sister:

"Oh, it's awrite. It's nae bother. Ah'll jist walk, it'll do me good"​

To which my sister, points at me, laughing as says:

"That's it! Exactly, word for word. Ha!" :bigsmile:​

When asked how I know this to be true, I inform our mum that she tends to talk very loudly while speaking on the phone.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't if ah should try and get over my sensitivity? :question: Since I'm constantly be told ah should be like everyone else, might as well make an effort to be the same. Or maybe I'm just to f**ked in the head to ever be normal, like those around me? :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Got some many things to contend with, as far as things that need to be done. And things I'm hoping to do. Feels quite overwhelming.

• Need to get my eyes test, as I need glasses
• I wanting to get out walking more, as I'd best take advantage of my improvement abilty to walk
• I want to get a tattoo. Possibly for my birthday.
• I want to get back into playing music again

Short list, but hey, at least it's better than not having any goals, right?

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel like my depression and anxiety have robbed me of my emotional attachment to the world around me to some extent. Though, coping with both has definitely dulled my sense of humour and wittyness compared to how I used to be.

Also, I kinda wish my family would just stop throwing ideas and suggestions at me as far what I should do, creatively. One of the more absurd ideas was my sister pitching me this music video idea which she clearly had put much thought into. h:


I don't know... it's difficult enough trying to cope with me damage brain as it as is. Feeling incapable of relating to or connecting with the world around ye when you got cerebral palsy. I don't need more things to dwell upon.

It doesnae exactly help that I lack the experience, nevermind confidence, to following through on what they're suggesting. Since my family logic was to just put me in these social situations unprepared, thinking I'll just naturally become more extroverted. Despite being an introvert.

 

[theslowesthand]

Don't if ah should try and get over my sensitivity? :question: Since I'm constantly be told ah should be like everyone else, might as well make an effort to be the same. Or maybe I'm just to f**ked in the head to ever be normal, like those around me? :idontknow:

Being over-sensitive is a pain-in-the-***. It means ye overreact to the slightest of things, ie are a grumpy irritable b*stard!. I wish i could be less sensitive...

 

[theslowesthand]

Since my family logic was to just put me in these social situations unprepared, thinking I'll just naturally become more extroverted. Despite being an introvert.

Nae, it don't work like that!

 

[Graeme1988]

 

[Graeme1988]

Being over-sensitive is a pain-in-the-***. It means ye overreact to the slightest of things, ie are a grumpy irritable b*stard!. I wish i could be less sensitive...

'Tis indeed. Though, ah've got to deal with being called anti-social as well as grumpy. :thumbdown:

Nae, it don't work like that!

Naw, sadly it doesnae. Would be buckin' great if it were that easy, like. :sad: