Though, ah don't know if ma lack of confidence with wimmin steams fae tha fact of, not only being the youngest of ma family, on my mum's side. But, the fact, ah wus raised around some pretty harsh, violatile, bossy, overly-aggressive feminists? :question:
Kinda hard to be at ease around 'em when they tend to react aggressively whenever I ask a simple question
I'd say growing up around extreme femenists would have hud a wee effect on ye there, to say the least.
The difficulty therein lies with bein able to convince yerself that not all women are man-hatin' feminists.
I'd say growing up around extreme feminists would have hud a wee effect on ye there, to say the least.
Well, I'm proof that it has an extremely negative affect. :sad:
Since I was subjected to the rhetoric quite heavily in ma teen years. Like to the point where ah swore at ma mum and told just cuz her life experience wus shit, doesnae mean ah deserve to repeat it, and follow the same path.
But it seems that message didnae get through, since she hus'nae really changed how she treats me. Still bosses me about, refuses to listen to me, etc.
The difficulty therein lies with bein able to convince yerself that not all women are man-hatin' feminists.
'Tis indeed. Probably the most difficult thing to do, for me at least. :🙁: Not impossible, like. But when ye grow being the scapegoat for the family, as well as screwed up perception of yersel' as a person, it's difficult not to let experience colour yer perception, y'know?
Being told I'm a nice guy and great person, but the moment I'm assertive or stand up for masel' - oh, I'm just like ma abusive, domineering dad. :oh: And that wouldnae be such a hurtful thing to say to me if ah didnae look exactly like ma dad. Cannae win, really.
I mean, d'they ever think the reason why I'm nice n' polite most o' the time is cuz I've suffered more than ma fair share of being people mean to me in life? :idontknow:
So, the day's finally here. Finally, after 4 years of failing to get tickets for previous gigs, I'm going to see Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls live in Carlisle tonight.
Feeling quite emotional since Frank's songs have gotten me through some tough, dark times in ma life. Also, someone from this forum actually bought me a personalised signed copy of this album...
...when she was on holiday in America 3 years ago, and Frank just happened to be touring over there at the time. As I had lyrics for one of Frank's song as my signature here for awhile until recently.
^ Listen to this song almost daily to get me through my post-surgery rehab this year. :bigsmile:
Though, when I first heard it, originally I wasn't in a good place, mentally speaking.
So, the day's finally here. Finally, after 4 years of failing to get tickets for previous gigs, I'm going to see Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls live in Carlisle tonight.
What an awesome gig last night in Carlisle. And as much as I tend to slag this place, f**k me, d'they know how to enjoy a music gig. Moshing, crowd-surfing, singing along. Carlisle gives Glasgow a run for their money for sure.
And I got 2 t-shirt and tour poster from the merch stand, worth £55 but only paid for £45 - due to the American lassie mistaking a £10 pound note for £20. 🤭Bargin!
The support bands were phenomenal last night as well. Esmé Patterson had some microphone issue, but put did a great 45 minutes. And she got heckled by some in the front row. But some yelled for her to ignore him. To which she responded: "Yeah, f**k em!" which got a huge cheer from the crowd. 🤭
Then, the second support act of the evening, Felix Hagan and The Family took the stage. And by all accounts nearly upstage both Frank Turner and Esmé Patterson, because they just had it, like. Charisma, musicianship, the energy.
I think what made them standout was the fact, Hagen and his band were very much a throwback to the 70s prog-rock and early 80s glam bands mixed with a bit of musicial theatre influence. In other words, very theatric and over the top fun as far their performance went. And the song were very catchy almost like stuff you'd hear in the Rocky Horror Picture show.
Wish ah hud mair going for me in life, y'know? Mibbe I'm constantly selling myself short, ah don't know.. :idontknow:
It's quite a struggle having a disability and struggling to overcome anxiety and depression.
Must every single bloody thing I do need some sorta justification for it.
F**in' hell! Cannae even do summit as simple as gettin' a shave withoot ma mum being total c*nt about it. :kickingmyself:
Always gotta do whit they say, aw tha time. No wonder I'm f**kin' miserable. :sad: :veryangry:
Not been doing so well, mentally speaking. :sad: Very depressed, burned out ye could say. Tired of everything, really.
With my family, I constantly feel like I'm the bad one; the disappointment, the failure. Like I can't do anything right, so why even bother? :idontknow:
I feel like I'm in the wrong every time I want to do something just for me.
Wish I had the money to get away from the shitty small town where I was raised. But more than that I wish ma life wasn't such a struggle from day to day.
Feelin' really down, lately. Like ah don't want to be here anymore. :sad:
It's just... too much. Huvin to care for and about people who haven't exactly treated you how ye deserve over the year. Constantly being expected to remember wee, trivial things or being expected to know what yer eccentric, "Everything's a laugh" mother is on about when she speaking so vaguely it's like her own language.
Life - well mine, at least - is shite. Happiness is such a fleeting, temporary feeling for me that never seems to last. In many ways, ah feel like I'm not meant to be happy, just meant to make other folk happy it would seem.
Ah wish ah felt otherwise, ah really do. But ah just feel constantly burdened. Burdened by ma disability, and by the unspoken, high expecations of ma family of having to be this overly polite, well-mannered, uptight c**t. Never saying a wrong word, or being critical or even speaking ma mind. Cuz ma mum, at least, see that as wrong. Naw, naw, be just like them. Nod, agree n' shut yer hole.
If only ah hud a more "normal" family, mibbe things would've worked out better for me. :idontknow:
Well, ah huv'nae been on here all week, with ma family visiting recently. I'll probably make a few posts over the coming days, as far as whit ah've been up to... 🙂
Ah tell ye summit, ya dinnae half see n' hear some daft, surreal things in Scotland. Just a few days ago, ma sister and I go for short car ride around town when we witness, and nearly get hit by this young lassie driving on the wrong side of the road. Indicators flashing on and off, we both get brief glance her in the seat, head near oot the windae. 🤭 If ma sister had opted to drive on the hard shoulder, there would've been some damage.
Turns out that she wus off her face, high on drugs. Though, the funniest sight was seeing the police car radio to our local police station a few yards away, folk in the street on their phones, telling family and friends about it.
Thankfully, police manage to stop and arrest her, since she wus still driving on the wrong side of the road when she wus well outta sight of us.
Oh, and someone whom my oldest sister support through her job as a mental health carer worker, Sheila. She said that if she ever wins big on the lottery that her, my oldest sibling, our mum and me would "move away from this shitehole town and go live in America"
Which wus nice to hear, y'know? Purely because it's rare to hear someone else who live in the same town as ya describe the place as a shitehole. Ah know, nae hometown pride. But, given where I'm from, ye cannae really blame me for feelin' that way.
Not so sure about moving to America, like. Not that ah hate the Yanks or anything like that - far from it. Well, y'know what the Yanks are like when comes to accents that different from their own? Plus, ah cun just see folk doing a double-take everytime ah speak. Not that that's outta the ordinary for me, like. :bigsmile:
Just had an argument over the expirary date of f**kin' yogurt with my mum. I shit you not - a yogurt! And, it wasn't even close to expiry date. I, eh... I'm done. Tired living like this. :kickingmyself:
Ah tell ye summit, ya dinnae half see n' hear some daft, surreal things in Scotland. Just a few days ago, ma sister and I go for short car ride around town when we witness, and nearly get hit by this young lassie driving on the wrong side of the road. Indicators flashing on and off, we both get brief glance her in the seat, head near oot the windae. 🤭 If ma sister had opted to drive on the hard shoulder, there would've been some damage.
Turns out that she wus off her face, high on drugs. Though, the funniest sight was seeing the police car radio to our local police station a few yards away, folk in the street on their phones, telling family and friends about it.
Thankfully, police manage to stop and arrest her, since she wus still driving on the wrong side of the road when she wus well outta sight of us
He he, i cun just imagine .. that wouldve been a funny sight to see! 🤭
Ah think I'll wait til next week to tell all about ma orthopaedic surgery. Since it'll be a year to the day since having it done. And ah huv'nae really reflect on it much. Which is kinda weird, as ah feel ah really should huv done that by now. :idontknow:
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