Och aye the noo

[defiance]

Ah think I'll just give up... Aye, why no? Might as well.

Nuthin' seems to work out for the best. :thumbdown:
Everythin' just goes to shit for me, no matter whit ah do. :kickingmyself:
I'm a f**kin' jinx. Bad luck. No good, f**k-up. :sad:

I know what you mean man I know what you mean.

 

[Graeme1988]

Right, it's official, my family are f**kin' mental! Naw, naw, this time I'm no sayin' that as an exaggeration. Ah genuinely mean that... and here's proof o' whit I'm talkin' about.

Ah got intae an heated argument with my mum yesterday evening over cereal. Kellogg's f**kin'... breakfast cereal. mg: :kickingmyself: She started it, not me. And she just wouldnae shut da f**k up! Prattlin' on... Insist ah give a better answer as to why ah don't like it that much. Or why ah dinnae pit fruit in ma breakfast cereal. Basically, she's saw that feckin' advert, y'know the bloody Special K yin where the wummin puts fruit in with it? And went:

"Oh! Huv'nae thought o' daein that! h:​

And the sad thing is, she just wouldnae accept the fact ah hud a different view and opinion of it. Whit da f**k's happened to us as a society? Whatever happened to respecting someone else's opinion. Agree to disagree n' aw that?

Nae wonder ah keep ma distance from the lotta them, and dinnae talk much. Which ye might think is quite sad, but, trust me, it's the only way to keep stupid shite like whit ah just described at a minimum.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ugh! Life would be so much easier were I able-bodied and didnae huv cerebral palsy. :sad:

Not to sound envious, but it would. In the sense that, at least, you don't get treated like yer dumb aw the time when yer able-bodied. Or maybe ye do, but with me it's hardly subtle. Plus, it's nae fun being talked down to, or feeling as though ya are.

It hard for me to accept my disability, because there's nowt special or unique or brave about living a life with it. At least, I don't look at it in those terms. Sorry to shit all over that rhetoric that gets spouted about disabled folk beng all those aforementioned things.

But for me, my disability has been more of a burden and an inconvenience in ma life rather than something that makes me unique.

 

[Graeme1988]

What's the point... why bother ? :sad: :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah hate how I'm always thinking ahead, worrying and wondering how things will turn out.

Like recently, I've been thinking about my next hospital appointment which will be another post-surgery check up and progress update. It's mainly the thought of being put on the spot and asked my opinion. My brain tends to freeze and I'm lost for words, anyone else get like that, or is it just me?

Hate the fact that I'm not as articulate or a particularly confident speaker in real life. Despite ma posts here probably giving yous are very different impression of what I like.

 

[Jungle]

Ah hate how I'm always thinking ahead, worrying and wondering how things will turn out.

Like recently, I've been thinking about my next hospital appointment which will be another post-surgery check up and progress update. It's mainly the thought of being put on the spot and asked my opinion. My brain tends to freeze and I'm lost for words, anyone else get like that, or is it just me?

Hate the fact that I'm not as articulate or a particularly confident speaker in real life. Despite ma posts here probably giving yous are very different impression of what I like.

Same here, whenever I have an exam or something out of the usual, I get worried to the point that I'd mess it up when the day will come.

I think this is paradoxal, but, it would more likely go without a hitch if you don't overthink it.

 

[Graeme1988]

Same here, whenever I have an exam or something out of the usual, I get worried to the point that I'd mess it up when the day will come.

I think this is paradoxal, but, it would more likely go without a hitch if you don't overthink it.

Aye, you're right...

It's just, ah kinda feel my post-surgery rehabilitation - which has been going since February - has been quite relentless. Even though I've a great deal o' progress in a short space o' time, and am proud o' masel' for that.

Ah feel that my mind n' focus has been too preoccupied with getting back to full fitness. Y'know, to the point of not really processing and reflecting much. Or really enjoying life that much.

Though, I'm glad that ah huv'nae missed out on much as far as concerts go. Because ah thought I'd be off ma feet for a good 3 months, at least.

 

[Graeme1988]

Just a few more weeks til I got the Edinburgh Fringe, slightly daunting it. Just the whole being social, not that I hate it. Just not one for it, really. I'm just not great at holding a conversation, find small talk tediously boring. And dinnae really like talking about myself.

Plus the fact I've got tickets for 10 shows, hope to squeeze in a few free ones. Quite a lot for some who's never booked shows for the duration of the festival. And some shows are on the same day. Then, there's how I'll pass the time beyond just wandering about the capital? The drone of bagpipes as my soundtrack. :bigsmile: Not that I'm complaining...

Hopefully the weather stays good, like it did last year.

 

[Graeme1988]

Sometimes ah wish ah wus like everyone else. My disability makes me feel like a burden at times. And being different isn't that great, either. Ah mean in terms o' personality and interests.

Being quiet, shy, reserved, bookish and uptight - not exactly the friendliest character traits. Doesnae exactly help being insecure and lacking in confidence.

 

[Graeme1988]

My sister will be back from her 2 week holiday today. Huv'nae really missed her that much, to be honest. Ah know that's a terrible thng to say, but ah guess ah don't feel that emotionally attachment to ma family these days. :idontknow: Does that make me a bad person? :thinking:

On a slightly more irritate note, one of the shows I booked for the Edinburgh Fringe forgot to added my name to the list of disabled access attendees for this year. So I've gotta get that sorted out this week. And there's just another week to got afore the festival starts. Could they no huv informed me any sooner? Ah mean I booked aw the shows I'm attending between April and May.
You'd think they'd huv copped their error before now?

 

[Graeme1988]

Okay, got that issue with the Edinburgh Fringe tickets resolved.
Ah juust hope nothin' like this recent incident occurs again this week. Just a week to go afore I'm off to the festival. And it'd be embarassing to show up at one o' the venues and I'm not on the list, despite huvin a ticket.

 

[theslowesthand]

It's kinda boring, actually. Being stuck in the hoose most o' the time, nae friends. Naebuddy to talk to, or any real genuine connection with. Y'know beyond liking the same thing as someone else. But that's about as far as it goes for me

I sometimes miss living with my parents, as at least i had people to talk ta every day, wheareas with living alone (& not working) means there's nobody to help cheer me up when i'm lonely or depressed. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

I sometimes miss living with my parents, as at least i had people to talk ta every day, wheareas with living alone (& not working) means there's nobody to help cheer me up when i'm lonely or depressed. :sad:

Ah cun relate. Despite still living with ma only remaining living parent, we don't talk to each other much. Sadly ah feel ma mum and I huv drift apart in the last 11 years. :sad: Not that ma relationship with either o' ma parents wus great. Ah've always felt like the yin that neither o' them really wanted to huv.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah kinda wish ah hud more to show for ma life than what ah do.
I don't feel I've achieved as much as I could've, y'know.
I've always felt ma disability holds me back in many ways.
Plus ah really wish someone would clarify whit da f**k they mean when they tell me that...

"You've got yer whole life ahead o' ye"​

Because I am struggle to find anythin' that's remotely worth lookin' forward to as ah edge towards age 30, feel as though ah huv'nae done any with ma life. Music concerts and live comedy shows are about the only thing I've gotta look forward to, because those are the only time ah get outta the house for longer than half an hour.

Then there's this pressure to be more social. When ah don't do well with people. Ah mean, being bullied from a young age has only taught me that people aren't that great when ye get right doon tae it. Unless ye find a rare group o' people who are willing to accept you for you.

 

[Graeme1988]

My life is right mess at the moment. :kickingmyself: :sad:

 

[theslowesthand]

My life is right mess at the moment. :kickingmyself: :sad:

Yeah, mine's a shambles :thumbdown:. Things just aren't goin right now. Hopefully its just a phase, and will pass soon, as all things do sooner or later.

 

[Graeme1988]

Yeah, mine's a shambles :thumbdown:. Things just aren't goin right now. Hopefully its just a phase, and will pass soon, as all things do sooner or later.

Yep! Same for me. Though, ah don't really huv an reason for feelin' the way ah do at the moment. Except the fact that ma family are reluctant to help me when ah need it or ask for it.

Ah think that might be yin reason why I feel so lonely, and distant with them. It's no easy huvin to do everythin' yerself when yer physically disabled. And I'm no sayin' that for sympathy, it's just how ah get treated.

Also, ah've got plenty to be excited about and to look forward to in the next few months. Yet, ah feel empty and depressed. Ah hope that changes in a few weeks, because ah dinnae want to spend aw my time in Edinburgh feelin' miserable.

On a more positive note, I'm gettin' ma new computer desk this week. And I'm 98% there as getting into playing ma electric guitar again. Ah finally unboxed those speakers and sound card ah mention, like a month ago? :thinking: Anyway, I'm 98% closer to getting this setup done. :bigsmile:

 

[Louco]

Yeah, mine's a shambles :thumbdown:. Things just aren't goin right now. Hopefully its just a phase, and will pass soon, as all things do sooner or later.

I feel like when things get better for me it's just a phase. They don't get better, look good or give hope for long.

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel like when things get better for me it's just a phase. They don't get better, look good or give hope for long.

Aye, ah cun relate there. Especially lately, everything seems to be back to how things were for me before ah got ma orthopedic surgery. Ignored and not taken seriously.

 

[Graeme1988]

The only thing that seem to be going well for me is fact that I'll actually get into playing ma guitar again before the end o' this month. Kinda sad that that's the only thing keepin' from offing myself, innit? :sad: