^ Sorry for makin' the true anecdote a multiple post affair, by the way.
Anyway, here where ah truly make a total arse o' masel' and succumb to foot in mouth disease, right?
So, up until this point, the show has been going well. Though, after a particularly funny, acute observation about the reality TV show
Big Brother, Janeane starts doing a routine about how she doesnae understand how a game of crickets is played. While that's summit most Scots can relate to, here where thing start to go wrong rather quickly. As cricket is only played by the really upper class posh toffs in Scotland. To the rest of Scotland it's a homosexual martial art. It's no summit that gets dicussed over a pint in the pub, if ye ken whit ah mean? Certainly no in the part of Scotland I'm from, mibbe in Highland? :idontknow: And ah know Americans, for the most part, cannae quite get the idea of Britain being 3 and a half seperate individual countries and just single oot England, being the biggest in term of population and media representation in the UK.
Going off oan a bit o' tangent there, sorry. As ah wus sayin', here where the shite hit the fan.
As, mid-sentence, Janeane is heckled by 2 English lad sitting at the end of the aisle we're in, closest to the door, trying their best to explain a game cricket to her. Who, by sound of their really posh accents were from Chelsea or some other really middle-class London area. She's wander over to them, and crutches down to be eye level. This is my mum, sister and I get involved, heckling back.
mg: Garofalo moving away from the 2 lads, now crutched to look the 3 of us in the eye. And, our exchange going as follows.
On
"Scottish people don't really play cricket", my sister says.
"Oh, okay... Any particular reason why?"
"We don't really understand it", my sister replies
"Okay..."
"It's kinda boring", my mum interjects
Okay, so you don't get it, it's boring..." Brace yersel', here's where I go too far. And deliver a line with a much subtlety as a pint glass in the face.
"... And it's not a "real" sport", I blurt out in a deadpan, sarcastic tone which shocks the whole room.
Loudly ooh-ing and gasping in disbelief, all staring me. I just laugh at their, as ah love that audience reaction when y'know a line has been crossed. Sadly, with only 2 bottles of cider in me, ah wus still too sober to blame this oan tha booze.
Janeane, trying not to laugh, herself, opts for feigned ironic outrage at my remark.
"Oh, young man, how dare you! I am truly shocked that you would say such a thing. Though, you three have just made the same exact observations I was going to make. So, I can't argue against you. And it is kinda boring... so you could be right"
^ She whispers this last bit to my mum, sister and I off mic. And we laugh, promoting the young English lads to leave. Noticing this, Garofalo try to persuade them to come back...
"Hey, where ya going? Are you leaving? I didn't... How was I supposed to know the 3 Scottish natives would be in my audience tonight?!", she yells as you jumps off stage and peck her head round the door
^ This last quip gets a huge laughs. She then turn back to me asks
"You were just kidding, right?" Leading this bit of banter.
"Aye... kind of"
"I'll take that as a "Yes", then?"
"Uh-huh!" Janeane then stick her head back and yell that I was just kidding, asking them to come back. And just as she's about to apologise on my behalf, ah interrupt, sayin'...
"Eh, would it not better if that came from me?"
"Sure, go ahead..." With that ah lean forward in ma wheelchair.
"I'm sorry lads! Ah didnae mean it, sorry ah offended ye. C'mon back!"
Silence
"Are they coming back? Are they still out there?, I ask. Nervous laughs as Janeane steps out the room this time.
"Nope! They're gone", Garofalo says, shrugging and sighing as she re-enters the room and walks back on stages. As she picks up the microphone, I quip that...
To be fair, they were closest to the door, so would've been first to leave anyway". This makes the audience howl with laughter, my sister and mum even applauding. Janeane laughing to herself, shaking her head. Then she says:
"Do you remember what I said about looking back on this night and laughing about it?" This call-back to what she said to me at the start of the show gets a laughs, cheers and appaluses from the rows behind and opposite me. :bigsmile:
And if wus'nae bad enough, she then asks me how she should proceed with the rest of her hour-long show. Calling me wheelchair guy. Not that Garofalo took her eyes off me all evening. Though, ah still cannae quite believe ah actually told her the cricket routine wus'nae going to get that many laugh and to drop it in favour of summit else. Telling her that:
"There's no point, unless those English lads wander back intae the room. Aye, let move on, it wus funny up until that cricket bit"
Me giving advice to a well-established American comic about their own show in the middle of it. That takes balls, like.
That said, she couldnae huv picked a more apt idea to discuss. Cause then she did this bit about how she'd loved to be a
"high functioning alcoholic". Just as she is now, except moderately to severely drunk most of the time. This promotes my mum and sister to join in the banter. My mum informing Janeane that
"Well, you could do worse than move here."
"That very kind of you, but I'd be a lightweight at best. Knowing Scottish people capacity for drinking. And Glasgow's pretty rough, though you'd probably get used to a night out ending with a punch in the face and street fight after awhile if you're a Glaswegian."
My sister then quips: "It's just Glasgow. That's how most Friday and Saturday nights out end in Scotland, especially if someone had too much to drink"
Since ah've made considerable improvement every week since February, despite no wearin' ma leg braces. Which I'm very happy aboot, cuz ah hate the fact my sessions are early, at half past 9 in the morning. So I'm coming in, just as the staff at Lochmaben community hospital are starting their days as well.
