So, eh, apparently my older sister still believes our mother “runs after me aw the time whenever I ask something of her” Clearly she’s forgot how summer through to latter part of 2017 went... cuz I rarely ask my mother to do anything for me anymore, not since getting ma orthopaedic surgery done. Naw, ah keep to myself and only ask when ah need help wae something. Not that ah git more than an excuse... Thus, don’t bother.
So, it’s middle child who being run after aw the time... ah mean, oor mother is still cooking meals n’ just assuming my older sister and her kids are coming to visit.
But, for whatever reason, am the scapegoat as per usual. And, despite ma best effort, my mother would rather cry-wolf about her health... Munchausen proxying tha absolute shite oot o’ it, according to my oldest sister. Instead of doing something about it, like exercising and taking her medications.
Guess ah should just accept that the last few years is how ma life's gonna be...
To be fair, ah never really hud much o' a life, really. Just constant battle, yin efter the other, to merely survive. Raised by and around dysfunctional folk who ah dinnae particularly like in all honest. Constantly told how I must be, what's expected o' me. And, of course, made to feel like shite if ah refuse to play along. But hey, ah've hud the burden of responsibility thrust upon me ever since I was 12, so...
It's no really surprising that I've turned out like ah huv, really. Stuck in a co-dependent parent-child relationship, where doing the "right" thing is meet with sarcasm n' contempt. Oh, and downright laziness. But hey, I'm the one talkin' oot ma arse when ah say that ah feel like I've never been allowed to have a life. Can't go out, because my mother "cannae cope being on her own". Can't do what I want to because: "Naw, dinnae bother"
And if I utter even a word of discouragement or negativity I'm in the wrong, somehow.
Ah think ah might do masel' in n' off masel' afore this year's oot...
Fuckin' sick tae the back teeth huvin tae bloody tolerate ma dysfunctional clan. Fuckin' roar n' shoutin' cuz summit when wrang ! But aw naw cannae say how immature that is, how childish... cuz that would be consider speak oot o' turn. Cuz a wummin nearing 40 behaving n' acting like a spoiled teenagers, that's normal. Innit?
Yet, every time an argument ensues aw ah cun think aboot is that family holiday that we (my mother, me n' ma older sisters) when on. A holiday that end with the sisters arguing on the last day o' the holiday. Cuz nuthin' seems to huv changed since that holiday. Am just supposed to fake a smile n' pretend we aw git along... Fuck that !
Awww... thanks. Doubt ah could say the same fur certain members o’ ma family, aside from ma oldest sister.
Tired o’ having to just put up with the middle child being allowed to treat oor mum the way she does. Cuz it’s me who gets the complaints: “Oh, am fuckin’ fed-up wae how am treated”, is my mum’s usual. Apparently I’m the yin who only occasionally treats her badly. Aye, because ah pick ma fuckin’ battles.
And I’m actually grateful when she does summit for me, ah don’t go: “Huh, thanks” like my older sister does. But hey, she did it tae me this past Christmas when ah hud to buy the present she wus giving her oldest daughter. But that’s just her....
Ye would think she’d be a bit mair grateful, but naw.
Yet, my constant suggestion for my mum to treat my older sister’s how ah wus treated whenever ah argued or went against her wishes gets met with: “Awww... but ah could’nae dae that ! That’s no fair !” Funny how she plays the victim when my sister git oan it her. But if ah do the same, she gets irrated to the point where, if ah don’t drop the argument, she’d probably kill me. Because my older sister’s never seen oor mother when she really loses it. Me n’ ma oldest sister huv, although these were separate incidents decades apart.
Just wish ah did’nae huv tae tolerate the middle child loses the plot o’er summit nearly every time she visits.
Seriously ah like tae know what exactly is about me? Why d'they (my nieces) always bolt upstairs to see me? Today wus the worst, like ! They're no even in the hoose fur 5 minutes n' oldest pelts it upstairs, telling the youngest to hold her hand. Pretty much dragging her along by the sound of it. My oldest niece's response to being told: "No, downstairs! C'mon!" is...
"No !! We're going tae see Graeme !!" Followed by a single bang at my door, and it opens with my oldest saying: "Hello, Graeme..." and telling me the her younger sister was here to see as well. At which point she says: "Look, see?" Then laughs, which made me laugh as I said, "Hello" back to them..
And did the youngest o' the two want to go back downstairs: Did she fuck! Even when their mother came up and told her she had to, she just started to wail. No, the door had to remain opening because... "Graeme. Graeme... Graeme"
Then, downstairs in the kitchen, while the my oldest niece was away at some birthday party, I'm yapping away to my mum. And my youngest niece is standing by refrigerator, staring up at me. Then staring up at me, as I put the microwave on for my mum to defrost a ready meal I was going to have for ma tea. My niece is standing in between my mother and kitchen top at this. Though, my niece did, eventually, smiled at me as I sat at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for my mum to plate up my ready meal. Peeking out from behind my my mum's left leg.
Oh, but it did'nae stop there. My youngest niece had to come up and see if I'd ate my tea. And wus huvin none of it when she wus told, again to come back downstairs. So, I had to bring my empty plate and spoon downstairs, as my mother and niece walked in front of me. My niece looking back every step to make sure that ah wus actually following them down.