Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Well, went tae ma follow-up podiatry appointment the other day, and ma big left toenails tae come off. And thank f*ck fur that - it's been pestering me since March this year. Flaring up, getting better, only to flare up again. Ah think it's probably due to me walking aboot more, and my posture being a lot better and straighter since getting that orthopaedic surgery last year.

And it's been lookin' minging, lately anaw. Blood n' pus comin' oot it.

 

[Graeme1988]

As for that it's usual, huvin to tolerate a bunch o' narcissistic psycho-fannies who care more about themselves than they do me. Constant stupid arguments, huvin tae witness grown f*ckin' adult resort tae childish tactics to get sympathy. Accusing me of being a bully... F*ck off! Sorry, but ah kinda prefer being honesty, rather pretend it's aw fine n' great, when it not

Then again, da f*ck do I know, eh? I'm just the guy who gets accused of lying when I catch my family, who are liars, by quote what they've said verbatim. They expect an apology from me aw the time, yet not once huv those c*nts said sorry whenever they misquote me. And that happens frequently. :kickingmyself:

Oh, and I'm sick o' this bossy "Do this, do that" attitude o' my Mum. Constantly telling and demanding ah do as she says. I'm nearly 30 but who cares? But apparently I'm treating her like sh!te for telling her to stop telling me what to do Despite the fact she rarely says "Please" or "Thank you" whenever I as I'm told but she'll berate me when I'm not well-manner toward her or the rest o' the family.

 

[Graeme1988]

Never actually got to delve deep intae this with that wummin therapist ah went to counselling for. Cuz the daft bitch gave ma mother a free-pass for aw the neglect which she (my Mum) recently acknowledged. But that's how wimmin get away with more, ah believe, cuz they're telt they're good n' can do no wrong.

Not huvin a go, I'm just saying based my own experience of being raised by a wummin who has openly admit to her only son that she hates men. Women like my mother seems to huv a warped, contradictory of empathy and fairness? Ah don't know how to describe it, really. :idontknow:

Basically, this video really hits close to home for me. :sad:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5A76PCX9yg

 

[Graeme1988]

Getting really fed-up with my middle sister constantly yelling at our Mum. Yet, I'm telt by oor mother just to ignore it. :kickingmyself: So, f*ckin' frustrating to listen to my ain Mum being treated like sh!t.

But if it were me yelling n' balling muh heid off, Mum would threaten to stab me!

 

[Graeme1988]

Can't wait til ah git peace n' quiet in the house again. Actually contemplating movin' oot, cuz tae be honest, ah've no really been happy since moving from up the scheme, really. Oh, the scheme - that's slang for yer dingy, rough as f*ck council estate. Ah mean in terms o' how I've been treated by family. But hey I'm the youngest, black sheep o' the family n' that.

Not that living up the scheme wus glamourous by any means. mg:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMtzJXyCWzY

Anyway, ah don't know why I'm even writing this post? :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Older siblings really show ye the kinda person ya don't want to be - don't they?

Ah mean my middle sister moving back in with me and our Mum has really shown me her true colour. And put me in a better standing as a result, not bragging like. But for the past 15 years I've been telling oor mother how to be a better parent and she'll no step. I'm always forced intae that role - the surrrogate husband. And it's kinda sh!te. Cuz you see yer ain for what they are when they treat you like you're beneath them. And my middle sister is smug, hypocritical bitch. A description which ah'll be apologising for attributed to my eldest sister. She currently going to counselling but has the nerve to say I'm be overly dramatic for saying ah feel like killing myself for having to endure the constant arguments that she incites. Cuz she's the yin nitpicking and questioning everything aw the time, but nae answer is every good enough. :kickingmyself:

She'll gan: "Huh! Whit d'ye mean by that?!" Whenever me, our eldest sister or our Mum express our opinion or try to reason with her in an argument. "Aye right! Whit did ye say it like that fur them!?" :crying: Then she tell us to "F*ck off" and "LEAVE HER ALONE!" Then she wonders why I specifically don't like being round her. The kicker being that she "appreciates" my honest, yet hates being called out when she has one of her shouty, volatile outburst. h: And fails to even consider how she comes across in these moment to those around her. :veryangry:

 

[Graeme1988]

But, according to family myth, I'm the one who's inconsiderate, uncaring, lacking in empathy, and only care about myself. Yet, my mother has telt me to killing myself if I'm feels so depressed. My middle sister thinks my anxiety is BS. And my eldest sis accused me of being ungrateful. Nevermind, if I'm always doing things for them, or asking if they're awright. Or asking what's wrong when my Mum comes into my bedroom and sighs heavily as if to communicate "I'm f*ckin' pissed off" then proceeds to vent to me. :thumbdown: Yet, not one o' them has even stopped, stepped back and considerate that mibbe, jist mibbe, they're volatile, shouty overactions towards constructive criticism from me is partly to blame for why I'm such a loner, and don't really like being around my family much as a collective.


On the plus side, my 2, well nearly 3 year old niece likes me. For reasons I can't even begin to understand. Going so far as to say this aloud to my Mum, her Granny. Mibbe it's the fact I'm not as loud when I speak, juxaposed with her mother. Who will shout at her a lot when she doesn't do as she told or when my niece does something wrong. Like recently, I came downstair to use to toilet, to found the bathroom door open and the light on. I couldn't see if there was anyone in, so I peaked my head in to look, and found my niece standing there. And calmly I say, "Awrite! Hey, ah need to use the toilet, could you just wait here for a moment?", pointing to the stair landing. "I'll let ye back in once I'm done, okay?" My niece, looks up at me, then to the toy she hold, and say: "Okay Gra-uhm" and exits the bathroom. And as I shut the bathroom door, she says "Gra-uhm's in there, Granny. He using the toilet!". :bigsmile:

Whereas my middle sister, her mother would've been like: "Right! Move. Out!". And she wonders why her daughter's favourite word to her in response are: "No!" :idontknow:

I know, I know... I'd wouldn't make a very good parent

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, a door just slammed, that cun only mean that our Mum just said yet another thing that my middle sister took umbrage. :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:

F*ckin' seek o' this - translation: I'M F*CKIN' SICK OF THIS!!

Ye cun tell which parent raised us, eh? Psyche-issues up the feckin' jacksie! Volatile tempers, neurotic as f*ck, irrational unreasonable. Thanks Mum! Sorry ah didnae turn oot tae be the son you'd hope fur!

Mibbe if she'd talked into being trans, ah could've hud the sex-change by now and changed ma first name to Gemma? Huv'nae fully research that in terms hormone replace therapy, but ye git muh point, hopefully? Even if I'm just joking when I say that. Oh, and jist tae clarify that aformentioned joke comes from being the only guy in a household of wimmin who f*ckin' despise me as a gender but not in terms of what they cun dae fur them. Aye, feminists.

Not bitter though, or as bitter as I should be. It's a great laugh watching wimmin lose the heid n' gan full NED - non-educated delinquent - gettin' in yer face cuz you telt them the truth. Then ye realise: "F*ck! I'm related to that... thing who's gieing laldy with the loud mooth!" mg:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, a door just slammed, that cun only mean that our Mum just said yet another thing that my middle sister took umbrage.

F*ckin' seek o' this - translation: I'M F*CKIN' SICK OF THIS!!

Ye cun tell which parent raised us, eh? Psyche-issues up the feckin' jacksie! Volatile tempers, neurotic as f*ck, irrational unreasonable. Thanks Mum! Sorry ah didnae turn oot tae be the son you'd hope fur!

Mibbe if she'd talked into being trans, ah could've hud the sex-change by now and changed ma first name to Gemma? Huv'nae fully research that in terms hormone replace therapy, but ye git muh point, hopefully? Even if I'm just joking when I say that. Oh, and jist tae clarify that aformentioned joke comes from being the only guy in a household of wimmin who f*ckin' despise me as a gender but not in terms of what they cun dae fur them. Aye, feminists.

Not bitter though, or as bitter as I should be. It's a great laugh watching wimmin lose the heid n' gan full NED - non-educated delinquent - gettin' in yer face cuz you telt them the truth. Then ye realise: "F*ck! I'm related to that... thing who's gieing laldy with the loud mooth!"[/I

Anyway, back to my original grievance - my middle sister. The proprietor of the Psycho-Fanny Circus.

So, ma main issue is just How... How in tha f*ck did a person who's only a few years older than, and related to me, turn oot tae be the least mature, emotionally, and most spoiled? Makes me wonder if all Beyonce fans are like that? :question: Also, would I be being a total arse for finally saying "Right, I'm movin' oot" not long after my middle sister and her kids get a place of their own?

 

[Graeme1988]

I don't feel i've EVER get out the rut i'm in with life. It's just not gonna happen, as i'm WAY too stuck in my ways & mindset. :kickingmyself: mg: :sad:

Ah know how ye feel... I'm much the same as far as being stuck in a rut. But ah don't know how to gan aboot changing things, since my family tend to guilt-trip me when ah try to do so. :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Apparently I'm a good ol' soul, or so ma Mum likes tae tell me lately. Whatever that means, eh? Ah wouldnae know since am mair used tae being yin who gets treated like sh!te most I've the time. Or, rather, ah hit disregard n' disrespected a lot. :thumbdown: She even admitted that she nags at me more than she really should. :idontknow: Ah think huvin my middle sister back living with us might've gave our Mum a new perspective and insight intae her parenting, or lack thereof in my case?

Personally ah'd dispute that claim of me being a good soul. Mainly cuz ah dinnae really see masel' as a good soul, really. Just a buddy who got tae where ah um by learning fae the mistakes o' other folk. See how ma family behave n' act and realising ah dinnae want tae be like them. Ah mean in the sense o' being that loud, that in yer face, that erratic, that miserable... Not that ah see myself as better than in any way. Just sensible, really.

Mind you, it does feel odd to be the yin who's more right than wrong, lately. Since me opening ma gob n' telling it as ah see it usually hus, either, ma mother or one of my older sister storming off in a huff, cuz ah've no validated their opinion n' agreed with 'em.

 

[Graeme1988]

Of course I'm upset about my Mum! Whit?! Uh ah supposed to pretend like this kinda sh!te normal like? These constant arguments... Huvin tae listen as my Mum repeatedly say sorry as my older sister continues an onslaught of verbal abuse! Cuz, apparently, it's never her fault. Like her mother, she does f**k all wrong. She's always blamin' somebuddy else. Always. Never even taking partial responsibilty when she is wrong! h: YAY!! We're aw yin big happy family!

But that's just how it is, eh? Muh older sister incapable o' accept an honest answer even she asks for it. Even then she continue tae shout n' yell... Urrrgh!! :kickingmyself:

Ah seriously regret not puttin' ma name doon fur a place o' muh ain... Older sister might no get a place now cuz she turned doon 2 offer fae the council. Stupid bitch! It's cuz she knows she'll no cope on her ain with 2 kids to raise. Funny how oor Mum managed nae bother n' she hud 3 kids tae look efter?! And my older sister's dad - the middle sibling. Her dad left our mother, dinnae gie her a penny in child support! Nowt, nuthin, zlich!

Anyway, y'see why ah prefer tae keep ma distance fae the trio of bitches I call my immediate family? :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

^ Oh, and speaking of dysfunctional... Do kids who get spoiled their whole life as far as huvin their parents at their beck n' call.
D'they huv a lower IQ? I merely asking cuz muh eldest sister explained summit to her younger sibling - the middle yin fae my perspective - and the younger o' the two reacted like this:

:alone: And went: "Eh?! Whit d'ye mean?" ​

Like even ah got the point ma eldest sister wus makin' as soon as she said it, and I'm f*ckin' brain damaged! mg:
Och! Mibbe ah grew oot o' aw that efter ah got to muh late teens? Ah dinnae ken...
Though, it's scary just how I'm much more level-headed, ah guess ye could say, than either o' my sisters.

Or I've been watching too much episode of this old BBC show? :bigsmile:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foo1EOQ9tc

 

[Graeme1988]

So ma ain mother openly states to me thqt she can't wait to die... Naw, that's not something ah should worry about. :crying: The decline in her health, the constant, repeative ramblings bemoaning how her life turned out. The sad, utterly pathetic pleads for me to stay with her, despite everything.

Let's just ignore the fact that my mother spends more time feeling sorry herself and being lazy than she does doing anything productive. Or how she's so set in her ways, she refused to change, help herself or accept any help from me. No matter how hard I try to be the one kid she had who actually turned out somewhat okay, despite how she raised me.

Ah, ah... Ah really don't know what to do anymore. :idontknow: Ah feel like I'm just going to remain miserable if ah don't started put some actual physical distance between me n' my family. But ah know I'm going get accused of being selfish for putting myself first. :thumbdown:

 

[theslowesthand]

Or I've been watching too much episode of this old BBC show? :bigsmile:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foo1EOQ9tc

I well enjoyed that! Might have to watch more episodes... :thumbup:
(Tho it made me feel more of a loser, even compared to them)

 

[Graeme1988]

I well enjoyed that! Might have to watch more episodes... :thumbup:
(Tho it made me feel more of a loser, even compared to them)

With regard to yer loser remark... Sorry to hear that. But I get where yer coming from, though. It's no easy to cope when yer overwhelmed by life. :sad:

Though, I guess ah watch that series from different perspective? In that, thankfully, I'm not that lazy and irresponsible when left to my own devices or shopping for food.

 

[Graeme1988]

Was going post a long rant about how I'm feeling lately. But this 80s song pretty much sums it up perfectly. Ah mean, lyrically.
And aye, ah know... Clare Grogan is feckin' gorgeous! :bigsmile:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfqPJp7Q7qE

 

[Graeme1988]

This year isn't going to end on a happy note for me... Hud so many hopes as well. :crying: Things were suppose to change for me this year, no remain the same. :kickingmyself: :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know what I'm going to do... :sad: If I disown my family, I'm being unreasonable. If ah stick oot on ma own, that's seen as selfishness. It seems tae me that, aside from having to make that wee bit extra effort tae get through life, I'm not allowed tae live on ma terms. :kickingmyself:

Yet, even when ah dae the right thing, somehow it's never enough. :crying: They say they appreciate my honesty, but hate when I'm honest. But they they're only ever nice tae me when it suits them. That's probably why I'm so feart o' wimmin, cuz the yins who ah grew up with were so unpredictable and violent? :question:

And even if ah do move out, eventually, am no worried about coping on ma ain. Muh biggest fear is that I'm be so overwhelmed by the peace n' quiet.

 

[theslowesthand]

And even if ah do move out, eventually, am no worried about coping on ma ain. Muh biggest fear is that I'm be so overwhelmed by the peace n' quiet.

Don't worry, we here at socialphobiaworld will help you through the transition!