Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Though, 2 mair weeks and the middle sister and her wee 'uns f*ck off to temporary accommodation.

Which is kinda sad. Considering my niece - who's almost 3 years - seems to like me for some reason. :idontknow: But, to be fair, for all she's a demanding lassie who greets when she get told she not allowed summit, I'll take her over her psychotic, unreasonable mother anyday.

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh, and I think my mum might have just won that bet we made where one of us get put in a mental insitution. :thinking: Cuz, as soon as my sister is away, I might just say to my eldest sibling:

"Right you, ah want you to take me somewhere"
"Eh?! Where ure ye...?"
"It's a surprise. C'mon!"

And as soon as we're in her car, ah turn to her n' go:
"Hospital, Dumfries. NOW!! Yer no f*ckin' talkin' me oot uh this!" :veryangry:​

 

[Graeme1988]

It's quite extraordinary that, given how I was raised. Single-parent, majority female household. Hateful, bitter, man-hating minge-mafia philosophy spouting from the mouths of my mother and older sisters. Sorry, I meant to say, radical feminism. Ah! If only my Mum knew ah wus'nae huvin a laugh when I'd respond to her telling me that she didnae "...need men in her life" by asking: "Then whit da f×ck um ah here fur, then?!" :alone: :kickingmyself:

Yet, ah dinnae turn oot like ma sisters or muh Mum in terms of their egos n' the endless complaining and throwing tantrums whenever someone said summit ah didnae like. :thumbdown: Ah don't know... It just seems weird that I took after my Dad, despite him not really be a part of my life growing up. Cuz, aside from looking exactly like the him, I'm also a big, physical intimidating bloke as far the height and build. And, like him, I don't... How do I put this? Neither of us saw birthday as being worth the fuss, in terms of buying, writing and sending cards. Is that bad? :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Does the following quote below sound like the kinda thing that a thirty-something woman would say? A fully grown, f*ckin' adult! mg:

"Let me go! GET OFF ME!! LET ME GO!! I'M AN ADULT, MUM!! LET ME GO!!!"
"AH DON'T KNOW MUM!! JUST LET ME GO! AM NO WANTED HERE!!"​

The above is my middle sister quoted, verbatim. Doesn't read like something you'd hear from a person in their 30s, doesn't it? More like the kinda sh!t you'd yell at yer parent when yer a teenager.

But hey it's a laugh cuz it reminds me of those Kevin The Teenager comedy sketches by Harry Enfield. :bigsmile:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, this is f*ckin weird... Me, my eldest sister and our Mum are all in agreement that middle sister is being a volatile, whinging bitch! Weird, cuz that's exactly how ah've been describing her for the last, oh Christ... 6 years or more. :thumbdown: Saying ye cannae talk to her withoot her kicking off. And every-f*ckin'-time she comes to stay, she start an argument.

Oh, and ah found out today, while my sister took me out in for a wee car ride and tour of the rural back roads in the Border, why this occurred the other day:

Just overheard and witnessed another huge f*ck-off row between Queen Victoria - the middle sister and the Scottish Freddy Krueger drag act tribute that is the eldest sibling. Anyway, there shoutin' and my eldest comes up to ma room says: "Am away! See ya the morn", peck on the cheek and... No, she not gone!

I quietly make my way doonstair to use the toilet, and it's esculated. I just hear my eldest saying: "Yer always tae make assumptions..."

Ah stop before turn to go into the bathroom. Shaking my heid in disgust and despair. Thankfully, the only Mum saw me. And as I close the bathroom door, I just shrug my shoulder at my eldest sister, as if to say: Adult? Aye sure!

But he middle sister's still at it, gie it laldy wae the gob at full volume. Her 2 and half year old beside her. She standing in the doorway o' the kitchen. Mum clutching at her to holding her back, cuz she's hunched forward as if she's gonnae lunge forth n' deck the eldest sis upside the heid.

And she's screaming: "Let me go! GET OFF ME!! LET ME GO!! I'M AN ADULT, MUM!! LET ME GO!!!"
Then Mum starts crying: "Dinnae... Don't go! Where will ye gan?!"
"AH DON'T KNOW MUM!! JUST LET ME GO! AM NO WANTED HERE!!"​

Well, here's how it went doon from ma eldest sibling's perspective. Apparently, the middle sister got aw offended at the fact oor mother had confided in my eldest sister's boyfriend that she's been... crying herself to sleep these past few nights. And ah thought being telt that my eldest sibling's boyfriend taking my mum to the local supermarket to help with her shopping, as he does every week. Only to huv my mother sit in car and sob to herself was heartbreaking enough. Nevermind, that night when my sister and I came from Edinburgh and upon us, saying: "Awrite. How huv things been?" Our Mum just broke doon in tears, sobbing as she uttered the phrase: "Ah cannae take much o' this. Am f*ckin' seek (sick) o' this!" :sad:

And what pisses me off most, aside from being totally unwilling to see the strain we're all under and refusing to be reasoned with, my middle sister genuinely believes our Mum has done nuthin' to help her in the last 2 months now. The wummin's no been off her feet since ma sister moved back in with her bairns. And she's been venting to me on daily aboot how she knackered, pissed off, f*ckin fed-up...

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh, believe you me and it might be wrong say this, but see when ah confront my middle sister afore she buggers off to temporary accommodation, if that ends with me punching her in f*ckin' face... then that would be wholly justified. Sorry, ladies.

Not condoning or saying hitting a woman is okay here. But if supposed adult treats their ain family like sh!t when they took you in while yer going through a difficult time in yer life. And plays the f*ckin' victim to try and appear like they're the ones being treated badly. Then, whether yer a man or wummin, ya deserve kinda deserve it. :veryangry: Followed by lengthy lecture on how to treat people the way you wanna be treated.

And she's still has yet to apologise to either me, my eldest sister or our mother. :kickingmyself:

Funny how, if yer a woman and a feminist who sees herself as superior to men in every way, that means you're automatically immune from both criticism and taking responsibility for the way act and treat people, :idontknow:

Sorry, just venting. It's been stressful, frustratingly sh!te couple of months for me, my eldest sister and our poor Mum. She's does practically everything for us, and only 2 of her 3 kids show her any appreciation for her selflessness. And I might still have some deeply rooted emotional scars from how she's treated me over the years, but I've never treated her like middle sister does.

Have I called her stupid? Yes. But only in those moments where I've asked her to do summit for me, and ended up having to do it myself. But... I have NEVER looked her dead in the eye, and asked:

"Mum, are you stupid? Is there something, like, wrong with you? Seriously?!"​

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know how express my thoughts in words right now, so this Metallica song will have to do.

My life, the war that never ends :kickingmyself:​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZChXK2rdr9M

Edit: Just listened to a few more 'Tallica tunes that resonate with me at the moment.​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ckom3gf57Yw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoIHOD5kn2o

But I've just been blasting their lastest album into my lug-holes via my headphones.
Don't know, it's just seems like an aptly titled album to listen to at the moment.​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ALtsnQt6M

 

[Graeme1988]

Another car ride, yet more proof that I wasn't exaggering when ah said that things cannae stay like this much longer. :sad: Ah wus'nae kidding when I said my mother's at her wit's end. But my eldest sister thought it'd be fine cuz I'm there as well. Which would be awrite, if our Mum didnae insist upon doing everything and let me help out for once. :kickingmyself:

Though, on the plus side, if my middle sister doesnae take this next offer of temporary accomodation, she's fuct. Cuz, one of my old schoolmates just moved into the place that she wus originally offer with his girlfriend. So... F*ck knows what'll happen? :idontknow:

Ah hope things get back to "normal" soon, though. raying:

 

[Graeme1988]

Wish I wasn't such a boring person. Or mibbe I've got the wrong perspective on being introverted? Or mibbe, being treated badly throughout my life has made me never want to repeat that vicious cycle of abuse? :question:

Anyway, not been doing too well, lately. Sayin' I'm kinda in a bad place would be an understatement. :sad: The other day, my sister - the oldest one - pointed out that I haven't played my guitar or electric piano keyboard in nearly 2 months. Well, it's a bit hard to do that when everything chaotic around ye. :thumbdown:

Though, the dysfunction around me has triggered an urge to write poems, which I might turn into song lyrics. Not that I'm much into poetry. But, yesterday - and this might be due to listening to unhealthy amount of Metallica's songs more than I did when I first go introduced to their music. Anyway, using James Hetfield's singing style as inspiration, I came up with these 2 verses of the top of my head.
But I haven't wrote them down yet, as I don't know if they're any good? :idontknow:

Speaking of Metallica, this song pretty much sums the past 2 months for me.

You ask forgiveness, I give you sweet revenge​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpF8Wa2yQH0

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, that's me got my next 2 two tattoos inked onto muh body.

My Star Wars tattoo:

And a variation on this design:

Took a wee while, due to the session with the guy who does 'em for me be rescheduled - gan fae late August to early October. And he thought he'd done them, so chucked out the piece o' paper I gave 'em with the design on it.

Wus'nae a bother to search for them again, and getting them printed out before getting them done. And I got them for £60 quid, rather than £90. But that I wus probably a "mate's rate" discount? Since I did help the guy - who is a family friend - resolve an issue with the printer he'd recently bought, but was having issues with.

 

[Graeme1988]

My middle sister is still not doing herself any favours. Just found out today that she called her older sister an effin' c _ nt! All because my sister - the eldest - told her, the younger one, to lower her voice a bit, by jokingly going: "Awrite, turn the volume!" Which is understandable, since we've aw done that thing of talking too loudly without being aware we're doing it.

Well, this got an angry "Whit d'ye mean?" overreaction response from my middle sister. Then when the eldest said it wus just a joke, the middle one, according to the eldest angrily went: "Well, ah dinnae see ye laughin', then". mg: h: And they haven't spoke to each other since, but then one of them is refusing to say sorry to the other for calling their sister a c*nt. And it's not the oldest of the two.

Ah tell ye, ah could write a one-man comedy show based off either:

• My life living with a dysfunctional family
• What it's like for a son, and being the youngest of 3 kids, when yer raised by a feminist who "doesn't need a man in her life"
• Being raised with older sisters who are also staunch feminists.
• Or the random things that I seem to witness every time I step outside of the comfort of my hometown.

And believe you me, there's a sh!tload of laughs to be had when you're the yin who considered the so-called :numberone: "brains" in a dysfunctional family. Which is quite a burden to bear, in and of itself. But hey, the juxtaposition of a young, soft-spoken, sensible kid trying to reason with a parent or sibling who is inches from their face yelling at them. :sarcastic: High-f*ckin'-larious! Trust me on that yin, folk...

 

[Graeme1988]

How in the f*ck is "wrong" cut someone outta yer life? :idontknow: Just cuz they're family doesnae mean they deserve to be forgive every time they act like a c*nt! :thumbdown: Sorry, let's move on? Naw, how about learning the hard way that there's only some many times ye cun make excuses for yer actions afore someone just gives up caring about ya, altogether.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know if I'd be seeming like an inconsiderate c*nt, myself, if ah decided to cut my middle sister outta my life? :idontknow: I mean, she's more intimidating than me, and I'm the yin the family say they're scared of?

Am a big jessie (big softie) compared to that bitch. :thumbdown: Ye rare see me losing the plot o'er the smallest thing can wrong. Or if ah don't get things ma way. Ah know, my middle sister sounds like she wus spoiled, and that's true. Between me and my older sisters, our Mum prioritised the middle child over her other two. F*ck knows why? But the oldest and youngest seem to be more alike. With the youngest being the more sensible in terms thinking things through before doing or saying owt,

Ah mean, Christ, last week ah very nearly witness my middle sister lunge at our eldest sister. And she f*ckin' would've anaw, if our mother wus'nae holding her back.

 

[Graeme1988]

My eldest sibling says we will look back on these past few stressful months and be laughing... Well, I already am. And the sheer volume of arguments alone that are ripe for retelling as comedy routines, no exaggeration needed? F*ck, I've over 20 years worth o'er that sh!t. And the predictable of how they start and play out... I'm laughing now, just think about 'em. :bigsmile:

That's only joy of being in a dysfunctional family, if ye cun call watching someone fleein' off the handle joy?
The only downside is, ya develop a weird, offbeat, twisted sense o' humour.

 

[Graeme1988]

Here's the recent tattoos I got done, a few days ago. Ironically, the finger tats where supposed to be the most painful to get done. Like screamingly so. But, ironically of the two, the Star Wars tattoo was the more painful. Mainly due to the size of it. I've already got another one planned, well, my eldest sister suggested it. mg:
And me, being the big, agreeable c*nt said: "Aye, why no? If you gan halves with me on it?" h:
The addiction's started now... As if ah didnae look enough o' a junkie before with ma piercings.

 

[Graeme1988]

I think I'll get up to my wrist covered on my right side? :thinking: Since I've already got 3 and a half tattoos done on that arm, already.
Also, ah've got a big milestone birthday coming up next year, I'm think o' gettin' another tattoo done around that time? :question: :idontknow:
I'm not 100% sure, but I'm definitely considering it.

 

[theslowesthand]

Those tattoes look very tasteful, artsy & sophisticated. :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Those tattoes look very tasteful, artsy & sophisticated. :thumbup:

So glad you described them that way, cuz ah initially thought those music nots would look naff? mg: But thankfully they didnae.

:brindis: Cheers nonetheless, though! Your words are a great compliment to ol' Irish fella who been getting me inked since February. erfect:

 

[Graeme1988]

My oldest sister who has drove me to all my tattoo appointments thus far still cannae believe how ah cun sit there n' wait Tag workin' away on me. Like when he did ma first tat she came to collect and Tag suggested some last minute to which ah said, "Aye, go ahead". And there I am sat in this computer chair, forearm across a leather stool wrap in cling film, watching the tattoo needle scrap away. My sister looking at me, from the opposite side o' the room in stunned silence, shaking her head. mg:

"How cun ye sit there n' watch 'em daein' it?!"

"Whit, is that weird like?"

"Aye... Well, tae me it is"

"Och! Well, I'd never gave blood afore. And ah hud a syringe jammed into ma arm and hand tae get it oot o' me. Mind that? Afore me getting ma operation? So, a tattoo neddle... that's nowt! Nae different than somebuddy drawing on ye wae a gel-ink pen, really. Ah take it you looked away when getting that yin on yer wrist done?"

"Awww, Christ! Ah'd huv passed oot if ah watch it being done.
The needles gan, the blood! Ugh! Gies me the shivers just thinkin' aboot it" :bigsmile:​

 

[Graeme1988]

My older sisters have fallen out... again! Not talking to each other :kickingmyself: They just cannot get along, ataw. :thumbdown:

Then they'll fall out with me and our mother, cuz we refuse to take sides. Which will lead to us being accused of taking sides when we trying to see things from a netural, outsider perspective. "Oh, yer aw pickin' oan me!" Pathetic like. Cannae f*ckin' win! :idontknow:

Ah just how tae f*ck they aw - but ma Mum, in particular - see me different efter aw this? Aw them years past when ah got accused of being difficult, intimidatin' and violatile. But that's just par for the course when yer big, beardy bloke, innit? Oh, dinnae make 'em angry, he'll go mental!

Yet every time ah didnae get pissed off and raised ma voice wus usually justified. Since it's wus normally due to not being listened to. And ah kept ma arguments on f*ckin' point, and only every made 'em about me to trying and get a shred o' empathy n' understanding from my mother or sisters. Not this f*ckin' "Woe-is-me! Life's a struggle" self-pitying BS that my mother and middle sister resort to in order to deflect responsibility when they've done wrong onto the person they've wronged (which is me 99% o' the time. Aye, sadly, only my eldest sister has ever had the guts to apologise to my face when she's wronged me. Cuz like me, she actually feels bad for hurting those she cares about.

Though, ah don't know whit's mair irritating that which ah just described? Or how I'm the sensible, level-headed c*nt in the family who they keep disregarding, and tellin' tae shut up? Only tae tell me that ah wus right all along. But by then everything's went to sh!te. :veryangry:

Sorry for this sweary rant - it's just 2 months of living with a spoiled c*nt of a bitch sibling, a near 20 year back-log of internalised rage - and being the only person within the family with a lick of common sense and decency. Well, ye tend to express yer rage n' frustration in that manner shown above.