Reaffy
Member
Hi!
My photo to put a face to the words:
Discovered this forum late last night & thought it pretty fitting to my situation at present. I've never really thought of myself to have a problem or condition, but I'm starting to consider that perhaps I have? I'm not sure, I've got a few appointments coming up to see if there is something, but I believe it's very hard to actually diagnose? Well anyway, this is my situation.
About three or four years ago, I suddenly became very recluse. I was about 14/15 years old, used to go out quite a lot with friends. But, in around Year 9, I suddenly stopped going out, people would ask me to places as simple as the park, the cinema, their house even and a lot of the time I'd agree but then cancel plans last minute. It was just a few times to start with but then it became ALL the time. I didn't understand it and I mean, looking at the symptoms of social anxiety, I didn't feel like it was because I was scared or intimidated by people, by crowds. I'm actually training to be an actress, if there ever was a contradiction. But anyway, I stopped going out with all of my friends (eventually they stopped asking me out, because I never went) and when I'd see pictures the following day or so, of them all out, I'd feel really upset, but it was absolutely me who stopped myself from going. I'd give really stupid excuses as well, one time I even pretended my cat had broken it's leg. I mean, it sounds funny, but it's actually really worrying. I also started missing loads of school as well.
Last September I started college, I deliberately went to one that very few of my old school friends were going to, so I could start a fresh without any baggage. So anyway, was really excited for college, studying things that I genuinely had an interest and passion for (took A levels in english language, literature & theatre studies). I'd say I met about 5 people who I really considered good friends, particularly one person (we had a lot in common regarding acting and our approach to it) and it started off good. We'd all go out for the first few months, but then around January, the girl who I actually felt closest to introduced everyone to sort of their first 'night out', something I really uncomfortable with. I was never a big alcohol drinker and I just didn't like the culture of being underage, dressing all skimpy so as to get into clubs and stagering home at 4AM. So, I cancelled. Few weeks later they asked me again, agreed & cancelled. This repeated itself for a few months, during which the people who I was friends with but not GREAT friends with, were becoming closer to the girl I'd started off close with. I then stopped going to just basic places, like again cinema, houses etc.
I seem to push everyone away, but seemingly only friends though. I keep thinking that it's because I'm different from them, as in, and I don't mean this to sound pretentious but as if they're not 'my sort of people'. I'm hoping to go to drama school next year, in which I'd imagine they will ABSOLUTELY be my sort of people, but I'm scared incase I do the same thing and it's me, not them. I've always felt like I've really found my identity over the past 3/4 years, bit of a hippy/very arty/but also love fashion/quirky things & I feel like I don't belong where I am. I come from quite a rough area in Liverpool, low income family, bit of a messed up family sometimes. I don't have a Liverpool accent which set me aside straight away (been accused of talking posh by a lot of scousers, but I'm just well spoken). I just think that I want to believe I push these people away because I choose not to associate myself with them, but I'm actually starting to believe that it doesn't matter who it is, I'll always gradually seclude myself. Also, worth to mention, I've never had a boyfriend. Had two very complicated relationships, both of which put me straight off proper ones.
So, what do you guys make of this? Is this something any of you have experienced, does this sound like social anxiety?
Nice to meet you all anyhow!
My photo to put a face to the words:
Discovered this forum late last night & thought it pretty fitting to my situation at present. I've never really thought of myself to have a problem or condition, but I'm starting to consider that perhaps I have? I'm not sure, I've got a few appointments coming up to see if there is something, but I believe it's very hard to actually diagnose? Well anyway, this is my situation.
About three or four years ago, I suddenly became very recluse. I was about 14/15 years old, used to go out quite a lot with friends. But, in around Year 9, I suddenly stopped going out, people would ask me to places as simple as the park, the cinema, their house even and a lot of the time I'd agree but then cancel plans last minute. It was just a few times to start with but then it became ALL the time. I didn't understand it and I mean, looking at the symptoms of social anxiety, I didn't feel like it was because I was scared or intimidated by people, by crowds. I'm actually training to be an actress, if there ever was a contradiction. But anyway, I stopped going out with all of my friends (eventually they stopped asking me out, because I never went) and when I'd see pictures the following day or so, of them all out, I'd feel really upset, but it was absolutely me who stopped myself from going. I'd give really stupid excuses as well, one time I even pretended my cat had broken it's leg. I mean, it sounds funny, but it's actually really worrying. I also started missing loads of school as well.
Last September I started college, I deliberately went to one that very few of my old school friends were going to, so I could start a fresh without any baggage. So anyway, was really excited for college, studying things that I genuinely had an interest and passion for (took A levels in english language, literature & theatre studies). I'd say I met about 5 people who I really considered good friends, particularly one person (we had a lot in common regarding acting and our approach to it) and it started off good. We'd all go out for the first few months, but then around January, the girl who I actually felt closest to introduced everyone to sort of their first 'night out', something I really uncomfortable with. I was never a big alcohol drinker and I just didn't like the culture of being underage, dressing all skimpy so as to get into clubs and stagering home at 4AM. So, I cancelled. Few weeks later they asked me again, agreed & cancelled. This repeated itself for a few months, during which the people who I was friends with but not GREAT friends with, were becoming closer to the girl I'd started off close with. I then stopped going to just basic places, like again cinema, houses etc.
I seem to push everyone away, but seemingly only friends though. I keep thinking that it's because I'm different from them, as in, and I don't mean this to sound pretentious but as if they're not 'my sort of people'. I'm hoping to go to drama school next year, in which I'd imagine they will ABSOLUTELY be my sort of people, but I'm scared incase I do the same thing and it's me, not them. I've always felt like I've really found my identity over the past 3/4 years, bit of a hippy/very arty/but also love fashion/quirky things & I feel like I don't belong where I am. I come from quite a rough area in Liverpool, low income family, bit of a messed up family sometimes. I don't have a Liverpool accent which set me aside straight away (been accused of talking posh by a lot of scousers, but I'm just well spoken). I just think that I want to believe I push these people away because I choose not to associate myself with them, but I'm actually starting to believe that it doesn't matter who it is, I'll always gradually seclude myself. Also, worth to mention, I've never had a boyfriend. Had two very complicated relationships, both of which put me straight off proper ones.
So, what do you guys make of this? Is this something any of you have experienced, does this sound like social anxiety?
Nice to meet you all anyhow!
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