Never dumped another person before... How do I do this?!

[HeadFace]

And I'd never imagine myself doing this. I want to break up with my new girlfriend. To be honest, it was infatuation that caused this. And that didn't last too long. She's somewhat shy, cute, attractive, mature - Which is ironic because I've always thought that having a shy mate would make it a gazillion times better... But lately I've been questioning if I'm just trying to convince myself I have genuine feelings for her.
Now, when I like a person, I pour my heart out to them. I'm not a "speed dater" or some immature kids who hops from relationship to relationship (Though I feel like one, now). I've only been in one other real relationship, and I wasn't the person to dump the other.
So anyway, how do I go about doing this? We've been together for about 3 weeks, and I already feel like I only talk to her daily "because that's what a good boyfriend would do". I've been feeling like it's more of something that I should do rather than something I want to do.
I know I can't do anything to stop her negative reaction. I know I can't stop her from feeling upset about it. But I guess that's life, and she has awesome friends to comfort her.

 

[coyote]

be completely honest and tell her what you just told us

it's not wrong to not feel that connection or spark

it would be wrong to stay with someone just because it's easier than breaking up

that's how I ended up being married for 12 years the first time

 

[HeadFace]

be completely honest and tell her what you just told us

it's not wrong to not feel that connection or spark

it would be wrong to stay with someone just because it's easier than breaking up

that's how I ended up being married for 12 years the first time

Thanks. I was feeling rather bad about it, and did plan on breaking up at some point instead of letting this go on...
Though, I just wonder if this is what it felt like for the last two girl's who rejected me.

 

[Feathers]

Well, you could just try to spend some time apart first - like 'separating' each other a bit.

You DON'T have to talk to her every day if you don't want to (!) (okay, maybe if you go to the same school, the same class... but even then you can just do the 'minimum' and agree to only see each other infrequently - you need to study and stuff anyway too, no?)

It's actually better if people don't see each other too much at first... maybe 1x or 2x a week is okay.. It sounds like you guys maybe went too fast, too much closeness too quickly...?

So I want to ask yourself: is it just the 'pressure' of 'having to talk to her' and 'do stuff' and just a matter of too much 'closeness' or have you genuinely found things you do not like and you feel you guys are not compatible etc. Think about it.

Maybe you 'poured your heart' too quickly, next time try to get to know each other as persons first... and spend some time together to feel the 'vibe' of the other person... and talk to them so you find what they are like from inside out too.. 'shy' doesn't mean anything, there can be very different things and personalities underneath...

If you genuinely feel you guys are not compatible and not a good fit (even after a short break apart) then definitely do end it. (If you find you do miss her after a week or more with no contact, it's better to still be friendly than to do a whole drama 'no spark' thing and then want to get together again... just sayin')

If she really likes you (or thinks she does), she'll prefer less contact and you not being overwhelmed with what contact you have than to go from 'perfect' to 'no contact'. (Or if it'd really bother her she'd look for someone more comfortable with more everyday closeness)
There are stories online of people who say, 'It was perfect until s/he said it was over.' (They sounded pretty distressed too.) So maybe it's better to do it slowly and give some indication?

You do sound like you're more in the 'not sure' phase rather than in 'I really don't want this'-? Lots of people don't really know what they are looking for in a relationship, so you both are just learning through this.. Maybe you guys are both too young and still need to focus on school or other things... (Maybe that could be a handy excuse too? dunno - at least to spend less time together, especially if you have an exam coming up or such. And then you'll see?)

If you really don't want to continue it she'll (in the long term) appreciate the honesty and move on.

 

[Remus]

be completely honest and tell her what you just told us

it's not wrong to not feel that connection or spark

it would be wrong to stay with someone just because it's easier than breaking up

that's how I ended up being married for 12 years the first time

Yup this ^^^^

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

coyote and Feathers have given good suggestions, but here's another option: just start pulling away little by little until she's forced to break up with you. Don't be rude. Just always excuse out of seeing or talking to her: you've got a lot of work to do, you have to do something for the parents, you've got errands, etc.

I know it's a coward's way out, but it's sooooo much easier than breaking up with someone and possibly having to fabricate some lame excuse as to why you want to break up. Plus, trust me when I say you're doing them a favor in the long run. Getting dumped HURTS, but when you're the dumper, it's amazing how much faster you get over the breakup.

Don't do this, please don't do this.

Sure it may hurt her when you guys break up, but she will heal from it. I know that people can become close in a short period of time, but you have only been dating 3 weeks. So, she shouldn't be to devastated over anything. Just be up front and honest. Say that you care about her as a person but you just aren't feeling a relationship spark anymore. These things happen.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

coyote and Feathers have given good suggestions, but here's another option: just start pulling away little by little until she's forced to break up with you. Don't be rude. Just always excuse out of seeing or talking to her: you've got a lot of work to do, you have to do something for the parents, you've got errands, etc.

I'm sorry... but if you have any respect for the person you are dumping- this is the ****tiest way to go about things. It is much more hurtful than telling a person straight out that you are not interested in them.
Stringing a person along... confusing them and then just cutting the rope?
If that isn't rude and selfish- I don't know what is.

It's your decision though-- whatever you're going to do, no one can stop you. So do whatever you will. When this happens to you though... I guarantee you would regret having done the same thing before-- feeling how terrible it felt.

I'm sorry. Difference in opinion... I just can't approve.

 

[ilmatross]

why not bring up your concerns to her

if you are both mature people you can discuss it and maybe there's a solution. The only reason I say this is because after my 2nd girlfriend I felt she was an annoyance but once I dumped her I became EXTREMELY depressed. the worst I've ever been and it was a long while before I began dating again.

To find someone who truly understands your person is a rarity, don't pass it by just because you don't click perfectly. good luck

 

[dottie]

@ilmatross the op sounds like he knows what he wants and it isn't that girl. why string it out with someone you are only lukewarm about just because you don't want to be lonely? that's weak.

if you've ever been the dumpee you will know the dumper usually does withdraw before dumping you. just don't withdraw and leave them hanging. listen to coyote. and keep us posted how it goes. because i'm nosey.

 

[ilmatross]

@ilmatross the op sounds like he knows what he wants and it isn't that girl. why string it out with someone you are only lukewarm about just because you don't want to be lonely? that's weak.

if you've ever been the dumpee you will know the dumper usually does withdraw before dumping you. just don't withdraw and leave them hanging. listen to coyote. and keep us posted how it goes. because i'm nosey.

How can you really know a person after three weeks

Only offering a possibility

 

[joyce]

You can know a person in less then a week

 

[coyote]

another way to go...

let her catch you in bed with someone else

although then you have to worry about the whole, "woman scorned" thing

does she own a gun?

 

[joyce]

another way to go...

let her catch you in bed with someone else

although then you have to worry about the whole, "woman scorned" thing

does she own a gun?

not the way to go 0_o just tell her I can't go on with you I'm sorry and hopefully she will understand its better then totally destoring her heart

 

[miss_amy]

Best thing is to just tell her what you told us and end it.

Any of the other coward suggestions don't save anyones feelings, they just leave you looking like an ass, draw the situaion out and get you a reputation for not being very nice. Then that girl you really do like one day just might not be interested. Have respect for her and yourself and just be honest. After 3 weeks it really shouldn't be such a big deal. Even if she's initially upset she will get over it.

 

[maiato]

i confess that be catched with someone in bed is very original way to break up (special if it was planned)....

Altough....and there is always a "but"...it may end happening the opposite of what u desire, that is to finish the relation...and she might get into u more! (seems quite hard, but it wont be the first time)

So my advice is just to be honest, there is no easy way to break up, and there is no way she will feel better too....but one thing i can say to u, or u are honest with or sooner or later u might regret to be a ashole if u keep lying to her (and yourself)!

Think this way. It will be much easier to her now than if she find out u have been delaying for long. U are in 3 week relationship. I dont know if u can call this a "relationship" ( did u meet her father? ) yet...u are both in the beginning,get know each other...so u are still discovering your feellings toward her!

Thanks god u are not married, got her pregnant or betrayed her. That would be much worst!

 

[coyote]

YouTube - "How To Break Up" Tales Of Mere Existence